"Do you think they've missed us yet?"

Kevin smiled from where his head was resting on Nick's chest, "Probably."

Nick's fingers navigated their way through Kevin's thick hair, "Are we going to catch hell for this?"

Kevin chuckled and raised the hem of Nick's shirt enough to reveal his belly button, then kissed softly around it, "Probably."

Nick smiled into the darkness, "We're not really caring are we?"

Kevin dipped his tongue in the indent of Nick's navel, feeling Nick's breath catch in his throat. "Can't say as I am. You?"

A mock evil cackle was his only answer.

The flickering of the lantern threw shadows over the angles and corners of the cave and blurred all the writing on the walls. Outside of the cave the moonlight splashed off the calm ocean and the faint sound of the tide advancing and retreating from the beach echoed inside. But more than anything were the stars. Thousands of them filled the slice of sky outside the opening of the cave.

Kevin looked at it in wonder, "It really does feel like the edge of the earth here, doesn't it? All you can see is ocean and stars."

Nick rubbed his fingers over the back of Kevin's neck, "I know. It was great when I was a kid, I would pretend I was an astronaut and exploring an unknown planet." He chuckled into the air, "I was such a dork."

"But you're my dork and I wouldn't want you any other way."

Kevin found himself pulled upwards until he met Nick's lips, "Good save, Bumpkin."

Kevin grinned and cuddled closer to Nick in the nest of blankets they were wrapped in. They had been very bad hosts and had hidden one of their cars down the road and snuck off for some time to themselves on this, their anniversary.

They watched the stars out the opening to the cave in a comfortable silence, the sounds of their breathing and the ocean outside almost too beautiful to interrupt.

Kevin lifted his upper body and supported it on his elbow, his other hand stroking the side of his husband's face softly. "Nickers, do you think you'll ever get married again?"

Nick turned his face away from Kevin, his answer bouncing off the cave wall and back to Kevin's ears, "No."

"But if I'm…"

"No."

Kevin felt Nick's body tense and he knew that he was treading on unstable ground. He fell silent again, knowing not to press the point.

Instead he slipped his hand under Nick's shirt and ran his hand over the smooth skin in gentle strokes, silently trying to ease the tension that he had created.

Slowly, Kevin felt the rigidity melt from Nick under his hands. He lay back down closer to Nick and pulled him near, until every part of their bodies were touching and nuzzled his face in Nick's neck.

When he felt Nick's arms surround him and the sigh falling from his lips, Kevin knew that Nick had silently forgiven him.

They laid there for a long while, Kevin staring at Nick. Nick still looking at the wall, watching the flickering patterns of the lantern light across it.

Kevin snuggled closer to Nick and deeper in the blankets, feeling like they were in a cocoon there in the blankets and cave. He felt safe there, like nothing could touch him. He sighed softly in the silence and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of Nick and the ocean air.

"You're it."

Kevin raised his head and opened his eyes to see Nick staring up at the top of the cave's cavern. "Tag?"

Nick smiled and let out a soft chuckle while shaking his head.

Unable to resist the urge, Kevin reached out a hand towards Nick's face and his finger traced the upturned lips, saving the tactile memory of his smile before those lips puckered and delivered a kiss to the end of his finger, bring a smile out of him as well.

"No, Bumpkin. Not tag. I meant that you are it for me. You are the one person that I was meant to complete and you are the one person that was meant to complete me. There is nobody else out there for me. I couldn't marry again. I would hold everyone up to the impossible ideal that I've had with you. No one could ever measure up. Nobody but you will ever have the other half of my soul. Maybe, years from now, time will change my tune, but I don’t see it happening."

Kevin swallowed the lump in his throat with difficulty and laid his head down on Nick's chest, letting the rhythm of his heart soothe him. "I worry Nick. I worry about you being lonely. About you closing in on yourself when I'm gone."

Nick's fingers started threading through Kevin's hair again, "I know you do, Bumpkin. I can't say that I won't, but I'll have all of our friends and three children to hold me back from closing up too far. I have to let our children know about you, Bumpkin. To tell them what an amazing man that you are. I have to tell them that even though you had to leave; that you love them so much; that you loved me so much. That is what will keep me here without you."

Kevin was stunned speechless. As much as he had been thinking about this whole mess, Nick had been thinking about it just as much. His hand slid down Nick's side and found his husband's hand. Raising it up so the palm faced him, Kevin traced the edges of Nick's long, smooth fingers with his own fingertip. No matter how much Kevin would worry over the future, think about it and plan around it. The hard and cold truth remained; it was out of his hands. There was only one possible outcome for him. He was at the mercy of fate and that was the hardest thing to take. He could plan all he wanted but the truth was he could live for a year or he could be dead tomorrow. And when he was gone, it would be Nick that would be left with the shattered pieces of their life in his hands.

He closed his eyes and felt the weight of the guilt start to crush him. Every part was shifting and groaning in protest at the weight of it, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He hated feeling helpless and this situation had him feeling nothing but.

Nick seemed to sense the direction of Kevin's thoughts and the guilt crushing him and slowly rubbed his fingers over the nape of Kevin's neck, quieting the demons that raged inside of him.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah, Hon?"

There was silence for a long while and when Nick did speak, Kevin had to hold his breath, because even that quiet noise threatened to drown out Nicks' soft voice.

"I'm scared."

Kevin lifted his head and looked at Nick, sitting up as he did. He reached out a hand to Nick and pulled him sitting also. His mind flashed back to Nick, years ago, meeting him for the first time. He had the same look on his face then. The sight of it caused Kevin's heart to clench in his chest. He reached out his hand again to trail his fingers over the side of Nick's face, feeling him press instinctively into his hand. "Of what, Love?"

"It’s started. Hasn’t it, Bumpkin?"

Nick’s voice sounded like that of a lost child at the moment.

Kevin cocked his head to the side and looked at Nick curiously, "What's started, Nickers?"

Nick's eyes shone with the lantern light and he reached his own hand out to touch Kevin's face, "I saw you, Bumpkin. Last night. I saw you in the bathroom on the floor in so much pain you could hardly breathe. I saw…..why didn't you….."

The look on Nick's face broke what was left of Kevin's heart. So sad and scared. But, there was also hurt there. "The beginning of the end. That's what has started."

Nick cupped Kevin's face in his hands and forced his husband to meet him, eye to eye. "How long have you been hiding it from me, Kevin?"

TBC….