Fall From Grace

Chapter 25

by Danielle

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Kevin swallowed hard, "Twice, Nick." He made sure to look his husband dead in the eyes, "Last night and another time a few days ago." He held eye contact, silently asking Nick to believe him.

Nick looked at him and knew Kevin was telling him the truth. But that didn't stop it from hurting that Kevin had kept this from him. "Bumpkin, you know I love you no matter what, right?"

Kevin nodded and wondered what Nick was getting at.

"Then please love me enough to need me. To let yourself need me. Don't hide your pain from me, Bumpkin. Let me in and let me try to help. I need to feel like I can do something for you."

Kevin stared at Nick in the dimness of the cave, feeling his heart swell painfully inside his chest with realization.

Nick was right, he had been cushioning Nick and everyone else from what was happening to him. He knew it was part of the legacy his father had left in his wake.

Kevin's fingers absently fount the side of Nick's face as he remembered the days beside his father's hospital bed. The first ones clearly and distinctly remembered in his mind. Then they start to run together in a swirl of fluorescent lights and the smell of sickness. Even now the pungent aroma of slow death and bleach, the detergent from the sheets and the metallic saltiness of the tears that had been shed both in this room and every other on the floor, spilled from his memories and invaded his nostrils, causing his stomach to roll.

Nick looked at Kevin, seeing him lost in side himself somewhere. He leaned into Kevin's hand, which had come to rest on his cheek, holding it there with his own. Patiently, he waited for Kevin's thoughts to circle back to him.

Kevin could see his father lying in the hospital bed as clearly as Nick sitting in front of him in their cave. he'd never seen his father look so small before. The big, strong, awe inspiring presence he had been when Kevin was young was gone now, physically at least. The man before him was in the last stages before he simply became a shell. All the layers had been stripped away in the three weeks he had been at his bedside. He'd seen the tough, Kentucky man exterior of his father melt away and they had talked more in that time than they had in years. In those conversations he'd gotten to know his father as a man, an equal. it was his saving grace in one way and his torment in another. Just as he'd understood where his farther was coming from, he was ripped away.

The memories cleared and Kevin realized that he didn't want that to happen to he and Nick. He had been pulling away, subtly, but pulling away no less. he knew if Nick had hot pleaded with him, he would have withdrawn further, until he felt the end was near and by then it would have been too late and something precious would have been lost.

Nick watched as Kevin's vision cleared and then concentrated on him as if he was trying to memorize something about him.

Kevin's fingers came to life where they were still touching Nick's cheek, stroking it downwards until his fingertips met up with Nick's lips. He traced them for a minute, watching his fingers move across the reddened skin and then raised his eyes to meet Nick's. "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize I was doing it. It was what my dad did...I remember it. He opened up at the end....I think that's when I knew there was no hope. I knew he'd given up when he said he'd never see any of his grandbabies. I don't want that to happen to us. Or with Dylan."

Nick smiled softly and gathered Kevin close to him, "It won't, Bumpkin. I won't let it. I'm not letting you go so easily. I'll fight you tooth and nail for every minute if I have to."

Kevin's lips turned up in a smile as he wrapped his arms around Nick, "I love you, Nicky."

Nick laid them both down in the blankets and held Kevin close, "I know, Bumpkin."

Kevin yawned against where he was cuddled up to Nick's neck. "I kinda know why I was doing it and maybe why my dad was. I think it was to protect all three of us. It's going to hurt you and Dylan so much when I go and I can't bear to....just thinking about it hurts me."

Nick closed his eyes and held Kevin tighter, "We'll survive, Kevin. It won't be easy, but we'll find a way."

Nick could feel how drained Kevin was and started to rub his husband's back to ease him into the sleep he needed so badly. It wasn't long before the even breathing across his neck sent Nick right behind Kevin into sleep.