Fall From Grace

Chapter 32

(wow, I've written as much of this particular story by myself as with a co-author)

© by www.backstreet-escapes.com

*Wee Small Hours Of The Morning - Carly Simon *

Nick and Kevin talked for a long time through the window about everything and anything. Sure, they had talked on the phone, but face to face they would feed off of each other's facial expressions and subtleties of their voices that a phone could never hope to catch. They talked well into the night, after the sun had slid from the sky and now the backdrop behind Kevin sparkled with stars.

"I should go, Nick. Get a good night's sleep before your appointment with Sully. You and Alex watch the video and let me know what you think."

Nick nodded, not wanting Kevin to leave, but knowing they both needed the rest. Because one thing was for damn sure, if he got the ok from Sully, there would not be much resting going on at Casa Richardson-Carter if he had anything to say about it.

With a small wave, Kevin was gone and the sound of his car could be heard leaving the driveway.

Nick stayed at the window for a minute, watching the stars. With a sigh he got up and walked to the door to find the bag sitting on the welcome mat, leopard print of course. He rolled his eyes at it and picked up the bag and went back in.

"ALEX!"

"NICK!"

Nick just about jumped out of his skin and stuck to the ceiling. "ALEXANDER DO NOT DO THAT!!!!!!!!" He spun around and saw Alex right behind him grinning like an idiot.

"Coffee?"

Nick snatched the mug and grumbled a thank you. "You like scaring the crap out of me, don't you? It gives you some sort of perverted joy."

Alex chuckled and sipped his coffee, "The word you are looking for is perverse and yeah, gotta get my shits and giggles somewhere, Junior."

Nick bopped Alex on the head with the tape case, "Come on, Bonehead. Kev finished the video. He wants us to have a look at it and tell him what we think."

AJ nodded, "Well pop it in. We'll see what he came up with."

Once the tape was popped in, Nick and Alex settled back to watch as a black screen filled the viewing space with a message of thanks to their fans. Nick smiled and was proud of his husband for that. It was a purely Kevin touch.

Images from the tour filled the screen, some split-screen some not, but all showed them having fun on stage and off, showing the joy in their faces at being able to do what they loved and have other people connect with them and each other because of it.

Nick grinned as goofing off shots flashed across the screen. Seeing what Kevin had done with the song, he knew swaying the vote on MTV's poll of the new single was worth it.

The smile fell off his face when he thought of what the company had tried to pull on them. Announcing that it was up to the fans to pick the next single. That was just low. The group had already decided that it was going to be something slowish so when they did the video, it wouldn't have a lot of dancing and high energy. All of them knew that Kevin couldn't keep up with that. They all knew he would do his best to keep up and not make a word of complaint, but that it would wipe him out and Nick would be the one to hold him together.

So Nick did the only thing he could. He called into TRL a few days before the voting ended and swayed the vote. All he had to do was mention how they had ideas for The One and he knew that the vote would swing that way. It was a calculated move worthy of management itself, but he'd do it all over again. He'd been dealing with "the business" since he was too young to remember and he knew that this was the end of the Backstreet Boys, but honestly, he was ready for it. Maybe for once in his life he would have a normal life. Maybe he could cut his hair without it being pre-approved by management.

It had been drilled over and over into his head that it was the nature of the beast. But maybe he was tired of riding this beast and it was time for him to get off.

"JUNIOR!!!"

Nick's head snapped up and he glared at Alex, "What are you yelling for?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "Maybe because the first seven times I called you, you just sat there like someone had taken the ugly end of the stupid stick to you."

He sighed and laid his head back on the couch cushion. "I'm tired, Alex."

Alex mussed his hair, "Then go to bed."

Nick raised his head and looked at Alex, "Not that kind of tired, Alexander."

Alex tiled his head to the side and looked at Nick very carefully. He sat down on the couch beside him and all joking was gone from his manner. "What kind then, Nick?"

Nick sighed and looked at them, the Backstreet Boys them on the screen. The ones that had no clue of what was heading for them like a dump truck at full speed. "The Backstreet Boys is dying right along with Kevin. You know that, right?"

Alex looked at the screen and nodded, "I know."

"I just realized that it's fine with me. I've been doing this over half my life and I'm tired. I've worked so hard on the Nick that I am out of the spotlight that it's harder and harder to become Backstreet Nick any more. The sound of the crowd doesn't excite me as much as walking in the door and seeing my husband waiting for me with our son wrapped around his leg and a big smile on his face. I want to be able to say my opinion on things without worrying how many pinups in Bop magazine I'm going to lose because of it. I'm that kind of tired."

Alex thought over Nick's words, "I can tell Nick. It's got to wear down on you having to deny a whole other life for the benefit of three other people and all the people who work for us and I don't think the rest of us give you two enough credit for pulling it off. No matter what, Nick, the BSB dies with Kevin. And if you don't want to so much as sing a note from that day on, I'll support you without question."

Nick laid his head back again and looked up at the ceiling, "That means a lot, Alex. Thank you."

Alex looked up at the ceiling right along with Nick, "Just promise me that you'll be there for my first solo concert."

Nick smiled, "Front row, center. With bells on."

Alex chuckled, "Kinky."

Nick rolled his eyes, "Buttmunch."

"Asswipe"

"Booger face."

"Puke Breath."

"Wannabe Bad-ass."

"Wannabe Justin Timberfake."

Nick sucked in air through his teeth, "Ouch. Tall words coming from he president of the Chris Kirkpatrick Odd Hair Lovers Society."

It was Alex's turn to suck in some air through his teeth. "Damn. That was….ouch. Draw?"

Nick nodded, still staring at the ceiling, but now with a smile on his face, "Draw."

"But I want it known for the record that I resent being compared to Pineapple Head."

Nick nodded slightly, "Dually Noted."

Alex heaved a sigh and stood up, grabbing Nick's arm and dragging him to his feet, "Ok, time to get into bed. You don't want to look tired going into Sullivan's office tomorrow."

Nick nodded and grabbed the bag that Kevin had left on the front step, he noticed there was some other things in the bottom. Once he'd gotten to his room, he sat on the bed and opened the bag, finding an envelope on top of whatever was in the bag.

"Nickers,

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

One for every day that you've been away.

You know, I finally understand what you said when I'd finally come to my senses and flew to L.A. to get you back. You said that you could have taken month after month of physical separation, it was my pulling away emotionally that was killing you. This week made me understand what you meant. It's been hard not having you here, not having you sleeping curled up with me and Brian just doesn't seem to want to cuddle up with me for some reason…. =)

But I know you are coming back, a luxury you didn't have when we were on the press promo tour. The thoughts of this being temporary, of knowing that you are coming back is what has been my touchstone when I start missing you, lying in bed all alone and ready to give anything to feel your breath against my shoulder.

I've been doing a lot of thinking this week (dangerous, I know) and I've realized that all the memories in my life have been sorted into two areas. Before You and After You. It's amazing how much of an impact you've had on my life. Before you, (see I'm doing it right now) I would have sorted my life at the line where my father died, but the line has moved now to the moment I met you and fell hopelessly in love. That's how big of an impact you've had on my life. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Things around here have been good. I know I'm going to talk to you through the window, hopefully, but this is my backup if I forget to mention something. Brian has been really good with me all week, making me take my medication and he doesn't freak if I get some breakthrough pain anymore. He just asks me to talk to him, if I can, then he lets me find my own way through it, if I can't answer him intelligently, then he hits me with that damn pen-shot. You know, I think the lunkhead gets some sort of revenge on me with that thing. "

Nick grinned as he kept reading, knowing that Brian wasn't getting revenge out through the pen-shot, but more just to get it over with. He'd called Nick a few times during the week moaning about how much he hated to give Kevin the shots, that he felt like he was stabbing his cousin.

"Dylan and Melinda have been over almost every day and Sam every other day. They've all been reading to the babies and When they all come over, Dylan brings a book and we both read to the babies. Sam usually naps through it and Dylan has yet to make it through a story with out falling asleep himself, but it's kinda nice having an afternoon nap with Dylan, Sam and the two babies all surrounding me. Now if you just get over this virus you've got, you can join in the napping. Then it will be perfect.

Speaking of Dylan, he's telling me to tell you that he misses you and that he wants you to sneeze really hard to get all the germs out. Oh and he recommends ice cream. He says that if you freeze the germs before you sneeze them out, that they can't come back in cause they are little germsicles. I have to ask Melinda if this kid really is mine, it seems that he's becoming more and more like you every day. And I love it.

Well this is enough of me babbling, I'll be seeing you tomorrow. I have faith that Sully will let you come back to me. But just in case, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try the ice cream thing.

Check in the bag for something to keep you warm until you're back here at home.

I want to kiss you so bad,

Kevin"

Nick was grinning by the time he finished the letter and saw red crayon letters at the bottom of the page. Definitely a note from Dylan.

Daddy Nick

I dru U a pichure. Com home soon oK?

Dylan

Nick grinned and flipped the page to get to the drawing and laughed out loud when he saw it. There was a big, huge head with yellow hair and a red nose and blue eyes and he had what looked like an icebag on his head and a thermometer in his mouth. Sam or Melinda must have written what he wanted on it, because it was done in neat writing in the bottom right hand corner.

My Daddy Nick is sick and that makes me sad.

I miss him.

Come home soon, Daddy.

I love you.

Nick wiped his eyes and couldn’t stop smiling. He put the picture on the bedside table so it would be the last thing he saw before he fell asleep. Then, he dug in the bag and pulled out Kevin's Phat Farm sweatshirt. The same one he had stolen when he was sent to the West Coast without him for the promo tour. He slipped it over his head and lifted the material to his nose, inhaling the scent of the ocean and oranges. The smell of home.

He climbed into bed and snuggled himself in the sweatshirt, looking at the picture from Dylan before clicking off the light.

~~~~~~~~~~

That night was one of the worst sleeps he had ever gotten. He was waking up every hour or so, sometimes a couple of times an hour, and looking at the clock. With a little mental calculation of how much longer until the alarm was going to go off, then snuggling back in to the depths of the sweatshirt, he would fall back into a light sleep.

When the alarm did go off, he was charging out of the bed and halfway into the shower before the DJ had announced the time. Nick was showered, changed, packed and downstairs making coffee before Alex had dragged himself out of bed and down the stairs in a search for caffeine.

"Get Dressed! Come on, man. Time is wasting. We gotta get there on time!"

Alex scratched his chest and ran his fingers though his hair, "Coffee. Now. Talk. Later. Coffee."

Nick handed him a cup and spun him back towards the stairs, "Ok, you've got coffee, now go get changed and let's get out of here. Hup! Hup! Hup!"

Alex gave him a death stare and plucked the coffee cup from Nick's hand. "You don't need this. Any more get up and go in you and you may spontaneously combust."

Alex trudged up the stairs with the two cups of coffee, shaking his head and muttering about hyperactive blondes.

When he finally came back down again twenty minutes later, Nick was pacing the floor. "My God! Could you have taken any longer?"

Alex rolled his eyes and shook his head with a smile, "Well, there's only one way to find out..."

He turned back around and walked towards the stairs, only to be plucked off his feet and thrown over Nick's shoulder and carried towards the door, the car keys grabbed on the way through. "What the hell are you doing, Junior?!"

Nick laughed and bounced down the front steps still holding Alex over his shoulder, "Getting your scrawny ass in gear!"

And there are hundreds of things invented every day by people on the earth. New swear words 32, 58 and 132 belonged to Alexander McLean.

~~~~~~~~~

"Crack the stethoscope out of the freezer and let's get this over with!"

Sullivan peeked his head around the corner, "Feeling better I see."

Nick grinned at him, "Yup, better than I have for a while. Got lots of rest, lots of liquids and felled a small tree in Kleenexes." He took off his shirt and hopped on the exam table, "Ok prod and poke at will."

Sullivan chuckled and thoroughly examined Nick, poking at glands, examining ear canals and throat passages, listening to his lungs and taking temperatures. But his eyes told him what he needed to know.

He asked Nick to get his shirt back on and made some notes in his chart while he waited and turned to Nick and smiled, "Go home."

Before the words were even finished, Sully was talking to thin air. Nick had taken off like a shot, with a whoop and an enthusiastic hug. Sully wouldn't have even noticed the hug portion, it happened so fast, but he knew it happened from the fact that his arms felt squeezed and he was now facing 180º in the opposite direction.

He laughed softly to himself and closed Nick's file before shaking his head and walking out of the room.

TBC….