Fall From Grace

Chapter 45

By Danielle

Kevin stared at Brian in shock, "Excuse me?"

Brian stared right back, "I think you heard me."

Ripping the sugar packet to shreds in his fingers, Kevin felt his heart beating in his throat as his gut clenched. "Why exactly would I want to be fucked?"

Standing up abruptly and making Kevin jump in surprise, Brian started to page the length of the balcony. "Jesus! Do you even stop to think how hard this is on the rest of us?"

Still sitting there in shock, Kevin stared down at his coffee, "It's not all sunshine and roses over here either." He had to fight to keep the edge out of his voice. Telling himself over and over to just hear Brian out.

Brian turned his back to Kevin and stared out over the tree line in the distance, "It's easier for you. We're losing everything. You won't need it any more. The rest of us have to move on without everything."

Kevin had heard quite enough. He stood so quickly his chair teetered on two of it's legs before tipping over, and in two steps Kevin had reached Brian, wrenching him around to face Kevin's blazing green eyes. "Easier for me?! Easier?! Brian, I'm fucking dying!! Do you even realize how much of an ass you sound like?"

Kevin's finger drilled into Brian's chest, jabbing after every word, "Lost everything, Brian?!" He snorted. "You haven't lost shit! You're the only one calling our career in music a "job" and correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the man that the fans call "Holo-Brian", because you never come out to greet them at the hotels? They're doubting you actually exist! The fans are still there, Brian and I gave you ALL the option of carrying on without me."

He shook Brian, "I never knew you were a materialistic bastard. You still have every option open to you in music, you still have a great woman that doesn't care what you do as long as you are happy, you have your health, you have a long marriage to look forward to, you have everything that matters right there for you. If you think you've lost everything, you're not only blind, but stupid."

Brian just stared at Kevin, never seeing him so outraged before. Kevin shoved him back into the railing and Brian had to grab hold of it in a white-knuckle grip, afraid that the power would tilt him over the edge of the balcony.

Standing nose to nose, Kevin and Brian stared each other down. The absolute rage in Kevin's eyes had Brian frozen to the spot.

Kevin snorted again right in Brian's face "And how dare you look me in the face and tell me it's easier for me to lose everything, because I'm not going to need it. FUCK YOU!! There are some things I do need. I need to see my son grow up with his father. I need to see Nick spend the next fifty years married to me. I need to see our girls born and say their first words and take their first steps. But you know what, Brian? What you need in life doesn't mean shit. Contrary to what you believe, the world does NOT stop and correct itself when something happens that's not according to your plan!"

Kevin stiffened and walked to the balcony door, stepping back inside the hotel room. "A lot of people took a lot of time to schedule this and get everything ready to surprise you. People who want to see you go on to better things, things we all know you have god given gifts to use for. Not the least of which is your mother and your fiancée. It's going on with or without you. So, if you decide to get the fuck over yourself and get your head out of your ass, and join us in trying to show you your world isn't over, then ask your mother where to be. I don't even want to deal with you any more. Get out."

Brian stood there by the balcony doors, watching Kevin walk slowly to the couch and knew better than to argue with him. He had been dismissed and to try to talk to Kevin now…he would have better luck getting a response from a wall.

Sighing, Brian grabbed his jacket, closing the door softly behind him as he left.

Kevin sighed himself when the door closed and fell onto the couch, the right side of his body clenched so tight, his fingernails were digging in his palm and his vision was blurring. Feeling his left arm start to stiffen, he reached into his pocket and grabbed the pen-shot, stabbing it into his thigh and letting the cartridge roll out of his grip and across the floor as the morphine slid through his body like a slow syrup.

He fought to even his breath, swallowing repeatedly to stop the nausea from rising past the point of no return in his throat. He could feel an icy trickle of sweat working it's path between his shoulder blades as the numbing took stronger hold.

When his lungs felt like he could pull in air again, Kevin relaxed into the cushions of the couch and stared up at the light patterns on the ceiling. The pain had receded enough that he had control of his body again, but he had no desire to move just yet.

Sullivan had warned him that getting agitated could bring on a bout of breakthrough pain, knowing how physically agitated he got, along with the mental side of it. He'd done well so far to stay calm. Until this. With the whole situation weighting heavily on his mind, Kevin fell asleep.