Fall From Grace

Chapter 50

By Danielle

Nick watched as the choir members crowded around Brian and Kevin, hugging and catching up with them. Everyone had given their all to the recording and only one person had shown any sort of disapproval to Kevin and Nick's occasional touches of the other's hand or sitting, leaning, towards each other.

He suspected that Jackie and Leighanne had something to do with that. There was certainly some reason that they'd been exchanging smiles over Brian's head the whole day. They were sneaky like that. Just another reason Jackie Littrell was damn cool. For a mom.

Dylan was just soaking up the attention like the ham that he was. He was so his father's son in that respect. He was in Kevin's arms right now, holding court with his big green eyes and having every single woman choir member cooing and fawning all over him. Maybe he had a little Carter in him somewhere?

Aaron wasn't doing badly for himself either, having anyone under 18 around him. The little runt was such an attention suck. Had he ever been like that? Half the time, he'd been so shy he could barely say his name to anyone if he wasn't under studio lights, a mic shoved in his hand. Fame was going to be so much easier on Aaron than him.

Smiling, Nick helped the engineer package up the masters for travel and carefully labeled them. The song was going to be outstanding, and Nick could only hope that one day the world would be able to hear it. They'd all sang in the choir for the final take, the last unofficial performance of the Backstreet Boys.

He'd been doing this for so many years, that everything was ingrained into him. As automatic as breathing. And for all of that, he didn't feel that he was going to miss it. Maybe he knew deep down that there were years of lullabies in the future for an audience of three. Or maybe his desire to perform was just as tired as the rest of him.

Finding Kevin's eyes across the crowd, Nick smiled as he coiled cord. He had more important things to do now anyway.

He was brought out of his train of thought, by Jackie pulling on his ear and calling his name. Informing him under no circumstances would she take no as an answer to going over to Casa Littrell for dinner.

Eeeexcellent. Home-cooked food. He’d even put up with Brian for that.

***

Dragging themselves into the hotel room, fed, full and exhausted. Nick dragged a half-asleep Aaron, and Kevin carried a dead to the world Dylan to their room and got them ready for bed and tucked in, before dragging themselves into bed.

Nick lay on his side, watching Kevin drift off to sleep, his fingers tracing over the soft skin of Kevin's face. "Did you have a good time today?"

Nodding, Kevin leaned his head back until he could kiss Nick's fingertip, "a few days of mixing and the song is going to be amazing. I was hoping it was going to remind him how important his faith is. I can't push him though, only he can get this figured out in his mind.

"There was no bloodshed when you both went out back after dinner. Things fixed?"

Running his fingers over Kevin's eyebrows, Nick shrugged. "It was a start. That’s all I’m willing to call it right now. He’ll need to show me more than today for me to be able to trust him again."

Kevin closed his eyes as Nick traced over his eyelids, "You know what they say, Nickers. It takes a lifetime to build trust and only one second to destroy it. But I don’t think it’s destroyed between you two, just a little dented."

Nick sighed and leaned down to kiss Kevin’s forehead, "we’ll see, Kev. It was great to have everyone there today. We’re pathetic, we can’t even go a whole day without contact."

Kevin chuckled and nodded, "hey, I prefer to think of it as emotionally advanced, not pathetic."

Snickering, Nick propped himself on his side, his bent arm holding his head up. "Whatever lets you sleep at night, Bumpkin."

Nick nearly yelped as Kevin reached out and pulled him close, their bodies touching from shoulder to toes. "This is what lets me sleep at night."

Nick leaned forward and found Kevin’s lips with his, "you are a mushy, mushy man."

Kevin raised an eyebrow as he pulled back, "emotionally advanced, get it right."

Snorting softly, Nick grinned. "Hey as long as it means you’re all warm and sleepy next to me, you can call it anything you want." Nick sat up a little as something came to mind, "Speaking of Howie, what was that cryptic little message he gave you today?"

Kevin wrinkled his brow, "we were talking about Howie? Unless I missed something we were talking about sleep and me being mushy."

Nick sighed, seeing Kevin having trouble finding his train of thought, again. "Before we were. All of us not being able to stay away from one another? Remember that?"

Kevin grunted to the affirmative. "Ok, now I know where you detoured off to. And it was nothing, I just asked him to check on something for me."

Giving him a skeptical look, Nick laid back down beside Kevin, "I did my little check for you as well. We’re expected at nine tomorrow."

Tucking the covers around both of them, Kevin kissed Nick before laying back down himself. "Did you request the geriatric special?"

Kevin’s only answer was a pillow smacking him in the face. Which he was laughing entirely too hard to notice much.

* * *

Nick wasn’t sure why it was so damn hot where he was, but he was feeling entirely too nice to move and do something about it. Stretching a little, Nick realized that the warmth was coming from the fact that his husband was sprawled over the lower half of his body. "Mornin'"

Not saying a word, Kevin smiled at him and continued kissing down Nick's hipbone.

Nick's hands found their way to the top of Kevin's head as he suddenly lost what little control he'd had of his body. Kevin's mouth had worked its way down to its target and Nick arched up towards him as the last vestiges of sleep disintegrated.

His eyes snapped open as Nick's fingers scrabbled for hair that was no longer there to tangle his fingers into. His brain had completely shut down on him, as it tried to both wake up and process the pleasure that was cracking through him like lightning.

When Kevin started to hum lowly, Nick's body happily surrendered itself to the climax rushing through it. Nick wasn't sure if he yelled out loud, or if it was the sound of every nerve in his body going up in flames all at once.

Smirking, Kevin crawled his way up Nick's shaking body to deliver a kiss on the end of his nose. "Good morning."

Nick had every intention of answering his husband, as soon as he found his nervous system, which seemed to have shorted out. He'd have to get that looked into. That couldn't be good.

Peering down into Nick's eyes, Kevin traced his lips with his tongue, slowly. Nick's eyes watched every move. "Blink once if I didn't melt your brain."

Nick stared at him for a second before blinking slowly.

Kevin chuckled and leaned in to kiss Nick, on the lips this time. When he pulled away, he stood up and walked to the bathroom, tossing one last comment over his shoulder. "Sullivan said if my mouth got dry from the meds he has me on, that I should try sucking on something. It worked. I feel all better now."

Nick felt his re-gelling brain turn right to goo again with those words. Oh his husband was a mean, mean man.

Nick found his way into the bathroom five minutes later, opening the shower curtain and crawling in behind Kevin, "You are a mean man."

Laughing, Kevin took Nick by the shoulders and shifted them until Nick was under the hot spray. "I am?"

Nodding, Nick let Kevin run his soapy hands over his chest. "Yes. What was that you pulled this morning? And will you do it again?"

Shaking his head and laughing some more, Kevin wiggled his eyebrows lewdly. "Now?"

Nick clutched his chest with wide eyes, "Oh hell no! Not now! Are you trying to kill me?!" He rubbed the water from his eyelashes, "I just got the ability to blink back. And I'm thinking we're already pushing the boundaries of having a little fist beating down our door to say good-morning."

Kevin cupped Nick's face and kissed him soundly before leaving the shower to get Dylan ready for the day ahead and leaving Nick to somehow reglue his brain back together.

* * *

"Trees, Daddy!"

"Lots of trees, Jellybean."

"Lots and Lots, Daddy!"

Kevin smiled as he watched Nick bite his lip as he drove them into the parking area. "You know what? I counted them one day. There are exactly seventy three bajillion trees out there."

Dylan laughed and kicked his legs out in front of the car seat, trying to touch the back of Kevin's seat. "Nuh-uh!"

Kevin nodded as he looked over the back of his chair, "yah-huh! I grew up here."

Dylan looked around at all the trees, then at his father. "With Daddy Nick?"

Kevin reached out and rubbed his fingers over the nape of Nick's neck. "No, this was before I even knew your Daddy Nick." He faced Dylan again. "This is called the Daniel Boone National Forest."

"Danyo Boo? Who he?"

Kevin chuckled as he got out of the car and unstrapped Dylan from his car-seat, "he's someone who lived a long time ago and people liked what he did so much that they named a whole forest after him. Pretty cool, huh?"

Making faces as Kevin put a hat on his head, Dylan nodded and wriggled so he would be put down. He walked between them, one of his small hands in one of theirs.

Kevin knew the second that Dylan spotted their activity for the day. The hand in his jerked and then started squirming in anticipation.

Nick started to chuckle as they walked up to the guide, who stood there with three horses tethered and saddled, waiting for them.

Kevin started forward and shook the man's hand, smiling at Dylan practically dancing around his legs, saying "horsey!" over and over.

Nick was taping Dylan's little dance, after grabbing the video camera from the car, while trying not to move the camera too much as he laughed softly. He moved the focus from Dylan to the horses. "Nice horsies. You're all fed and watered and wouldn't ever do a heigh-ho-silver and toss us off, would you?"

The animals in question just kept grazing and flicking their tails passively. "Good horsies."

Nick's finger fell off the 'record' button when Dylan tugged on his jeans, "horsies, Daddy Nick! We going on horsies!"

Shooting a look at Kevin and then smiling down Dylan as Kevin laughed, Nick nodded. "Yes we are! Aren't you a lucky boy."

The guide got them all situated on the saddles and climbed up on his own mount before leading them down a wooded trail.

Nick recorded everything, keeping Dylan and Kevin firmly in good view, as well as the sights from his childhood that Kevin kept pointing out. He knew he didn't remember a whole hell of a lot from when he was Dylan's age, so hopefully recording it would let him show it to Dylan, when he's old enough to want to know where his Dad came from and grew up.

When they crested onto the land that was Cathedral Domain, they stopped and Kevin explained to him what this place was and how it had been when he lived there. The winters spent as a family and summers with the grounds overflowing with children from all over the state.

They kept going onto the grounds as Kevin pointed out more and more. Truth be told, Nick was learning just as much as Dylan.

What he wouldn't give to have been part of Kevin's childhood, Nick thought. But, he had the feeling that he would have been ragged on mercilessly no matter when they'd met. They'd both needed to mature, in his case more than Kevin's, before anything could have happened between them.

Kevin pulled his mount beside Nick's and brushed his fingers lightly over where Nick's were white-knuckling the reins with one hand. "You know, I've always figured I would get married here."

Nick smiled back at Kevin and looked at him through the viewfinder of the video camera, "and I always thought I'd get married on the ocean. I guess I won that one, huh?"

Kevin smirked as they rounded the corner of the main building and they saw Brian, AJ, Howie, Aaron, Tim, Jerald, Jackie, Harold Sr. and Jr. and Leighanne under the wide branches of a willow tree.

"What do you say we compromise? Marry me again, Nick. Right here, right now."

Nick's arm holding the camera went numb as it fell to his side and his jaw dropped as he stared at Kevin. "Wh…wha…um, whoa."

Kevin handed Dylan down to Brian, who was waiting for him and faced Nick again. "I didn't tell you everything on the list, Nickers." He leaned forward and traced his fingers over Nick's jaw. "Let's get on solid ground before you slide off, okay?"

Nick just nodded, still trying to process everything and reglue his brain for the third time that day. He was thankful that Kevin was off his own horse and by the side of his to help him down. He didn't think that his knees would cooperate with the whole holding him upright thing right that moment.

Kevin smiled at Nick's obvious state of surprise and ran the pad of his thumb over Nick's eyebrow, while looking him in the eyes. "I never did get to do this, since you beat me to the punch." Kevin lowered from Nick's field of vision until he was down on one knee. "Nickolas Gene Carter, will you marry me, again?"

Nick blinked a few times and put his hand under Kevin's chin, raising him until they were eye to eye. "Yes. I should reconsider though, since you seem to be trying to shock me into a coma today."

Kevin just grinned and took Nick's hand, leading him over to their friends. Nick noticed another familiar face in the crowd as they walked closer. "Wow, you really did plan this out, didn't you?" He smiled at the same minister who had married them in Vermont, whose robe fluttered in the breeze as she watched them walk towards her.

Howie had taken Nick's video camera and handed it to the guide, who was now taping everything as everyone else took their places on either side of the couple.

The minister had Nick and Kevin face each other and laced their hands together with a long strip of embroidered silk. "You have come together today to reaffirm your commitment to one another before friends and family as two souls joined into one. It was just one year ago that your love and shared commitment bonded you together, and today we will renew that bond that has only been strengthened as it has been tested and weathered by life.

"Life does not guarantee us happy endings. But, with love, that ending lies in fields of peace, so long as the love lives within you.

"Love does not live in paper hearts and budding flowers, it lives in deed and thought. It lives in the everyday. It lives in the very act of living itself.

"It also lives in the words spoken freely and from the heart. Kevin, Nick, instead of words from others, look at your partner and listen to the vows that live between you each day and find your words of renewal for the other."

Kevin squeezed Nick's hand, "I know you're going to need a minute to think about this, so I will go first, okay?"

Nick nodded vigorously and everyone chuckled softly.

Kevin leaned forward and put his forehead to Nick's for a moment, before standing again. "Nick, I promised you forever, and every day it breaks my heart that I am not going to be able to see that promise through. However short our forever here is, the time that I wait for you in wherever is after here will only be an intermission. Love doesn't die. When I do, I'll take your love with me and I am trusting you to keep mine until you join me again. There, Nick, nothing will stand in the way of our forever.

"You prove to me every day that I have much to learn about love. You've stood by me through some of the happiest and most devastating moments of my life. You've laughed in joy with me and held me while I've raged against the world and cried over the betrayal of my own body.

"I've told you to leave and screamed lies to drive you away and all you've done is stood your ground and held me close, crying with me, never faltering in your love for one second.

"You've taken everything that's been thrown at you and you've never complained or threw your hands up in the air and walked away completely overwhelmed. Something I wouldn't blame you for in the least.

"I may not be able to promise you forever, Nick, but I can promise that I will be here with you until it's my time to leave.

"I can promise to never scare you like that one time you thought I had left you, or make you feel that cold, lonely place inside you will take over.

"Most of all I promise to be there, Nick, right in the moment with you. To not be strong and stoic, not letting you in, like my dad, until it was too late and there was not enough time to say all we needed to say.

"You love so honestly and so completely. Every day I have left is going to be spent trying to be worthy of that amazing love.

"You are the love of my life. Thank you with all my heart for loving me in return."

There was silence until Alex groaned and wiped his eyes, "Check please! Jesus, I'm leaking over here!" He snuck a look at the minister who had raised her eyebrow at him and he sheepishly smiled, "sorry, carry on."

He was smacked from several angles as everyone laughed quietly.

Nick smiled crookedly at Alex and then glanced down at the silk binding his hand. He cleared his throat and met Kevin's eyes.

"There are no words for you. Whenever I try to find the words, I'm left speechless. And you know how hard that is to do.

"You've been so many things to me, band mate, big brother, friend, boyfriend, lover, fiance, husband, and before and after all of that, you are my first and only true love.

"You're wrong when you tell me you can't promise me forever. You can. You do it every day, every time you touch me or look at me. We never said forever would be in one place. Our forever has a second act and an intermission. We've never been ones to do anything the easy way before, why start now?" He saw a smile light up Kevin's face at the truth of that statement.

Smiling back, Nick continued. "I can make some promises of my own to you. I can promise to be right there beside you until the end. I can promise you that the last face you see and the last voice you hear will be mine.

"I can promise you that when your time comes, I will let you go without making you feel guilty for leaving.

I promise that I will tell you when I'm afraid or sad, or even feeling overpowered by it all.

"I promise that I'll never run away from this. I know it will get hard, and scary, but nothing will overshadow that my love for you is stronger than anything else.

"I promise that I will help Sam and Melinda raise our son. That I will teach him all the character and love that you've instilled in me.

"All our children will know you, Kevin. They may not be able to see you, but they will know their Daddy and they will know, without question, that he is there, watching over them.

"There is one thing I can't promise you. I can't promise that I'll keep singing. The ride is over for me, now. I'm tired of living under the lights. You've taught me that life is precious and so is love. The love I get from Dylan in one hug around my leg could never be replaced by thousands of screaming fans, in a million years. And all the tours in the world would never be able to buy back our children's childhood.

"The words are overused, but they're all I have. I love you, Kevin. If the future had been told to me that night before I picked up the phone to your cry for help, even if they told me how this would end, I would have picked up that phone anyway.

"I wouldn't trade a minute with you, for all the happy endings in the world."

Using the hand that was not bound to Nick's, Kevin reached up and pulled Nick into a kiss, sealing the promises they'd made to each other.

When they'd pulled away, the minister put her hand on top of their bound ones. "May you be blessed with the strength and courage to face what lies ahead of you. It is only through tests and trials that we find the depth we've had all along.

"As we have witnessed the reaffirmation of commitment between Nick and Kevin, we who are here with them should also renew our vows of family and brotherhood, because strength not only comes from the courage and depth inside us, but the love around us.

"Kevin, Nick, we along with the God and all his creations of nature around us, have witnessed the renewal of your vows. Go now in peace and share in the love you have renewed and strengthened."

She untied the silk from their hands and Kevin and Nick kissed again as everyone clapped and discreetly wiped their faces.

Pulling away, they lifted Dylan between them, who insisted on kisses of his own, and smothered him with so many kisses, he was dizzy with love.

TBC….