Fall From Grace by Tee and Danielle

All he could see was the back of Kevin's head and shoulders as he sat with his forehead pressed to the glass, looking at the Florida scenery passing by the window, but Nick knew he wasn't seeing anything.

Hell, Nick didn't even know how he was driving the car. He felt as if his entire body had frozen solid and instantly killed every nerve in it. He felt....nothing. The only thing he could feel was his heart, only because it had seized in his chest with the doctor's words and shattered into a million pieces.

The car was going down the road by the ocean, the blue water sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight. Sunlight. Kevin was cursing the light right now. It was like the weather was taunting him. Telling him that he better enjoy beautiful days like this, because he knew deep down in his heart that he didn't have to many more, despite the words of treatment by the doctor. The least the weather could do was co-operate by storming and raging against the land with wind and rain destroying everything in it's path like his life had been destroyed today.

He looked at the water again and closed his eyes to the sight, the thought of he and Nick, hand in hand walking into the water. Further and further from the shore until the water claimed them and absorbed them.

Nick looked at the water as well and recognized the scenery in his haze. He looked over at Kevin one more time and made a decision. He jerked the car to the right and headed for the edge of the road.

He turned their direction around and headed back a few miles towards where they had come from. He felt Kevin turn around from the window to look at him, wondering where the heck he was going.

A few minutes later, Nick pulled off of the road and parked the car near a line of brush that opened to the path that led to the beach. He got out of the car, walking around the back of it to the trunk and pulling out a blanket and then continuing to Kevin's door and opening it. He offered his hand to his husband and Kevin took it, squeezing Nick's hand gently as he rose to his feet.

Kevin followed behind Nick, thinking that he should have known that Nick was bringing him to the beach. This was his thinking place and they both had a lot of things to think about.

Kevin followed blindly along, thinking that Nick would stop on the beach and lay out the blanket so they could watch the sunset and think of all that had happened. It had become their "Us Time" ritual for the whenever they were home, or even on tour somewhere near the coast.

Nick kept walking down the beach, Kevin following him. They started reaching areas where outcroppings of rock were making their way in from the sea and forming cliffs on the edge of the water.

Walking a little further, Nick twisted their path behind some boulders and Kevin found a trail hidden behind there. Nick walked the path of worn rock like he was intimately familiar with it and Kevin wondered how that was possible when he knew he had never been here before and he had been to this beach with Nick many times.

Nick kept walking, making sure Kevin was ok by squeezing his hand and looking over his shoulder. Kevin would squeeze his hand back and make sure to meet Nick's eyes every time.

They walked a little further and found a ledge when they turned a bend in the trail that led them to side of the rocks that faced the ocean. Kevin looked at it and thought that Nick had brought them up here to sit on the ledge. He had to admit the view was beautiful. But, to Kevin's surprise, Nick turned his back on the view and pulled away a bunch of branches and dead palm leaves to reveal a hole in the wall of rock they were standing on. It was a cave!

Nick took his hand again and motioned for him to duck and they walked inside. Kevin was amazed, it was a lot bigger than he thought it would be. It wasn't very wide at all, but once you got inside, the top of the cave was very high. You would have never known it was there unless you came across it.

After he spread the blanket on the ground, Nick pulled Kevin down with him. Kevin sat between Nick's legs and leaned against him, his head resting on Nick's shoulder, his forehead resting against the warmth of his husband's neck.

Nick wrapped his arms around Kevin, wanting to protect him from the world, from the cancer in his body and most of all from what was going on in his head. Nick rested his chin on the top of Kevin's head and sighed, knowing how much he was flipping out inside from the news, it had to be a thousand times worse to be Kevin right now. He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he believed in a god right now. He needed some sort of comfort right now, but too much had happened to the two of them for him to believe that there was some sort of loving god up there.

Kevin closed his eyes as he heard Nick sigh above him. Maybe Nick was right. Maybe there wasn't a god. 'Why did this happen to me?' He waited for some sort of answer, but there was nothing. 'Haven't I lost enough?' There was no answer again. His head hurt. There were so many thoughts running around his head they seemed to be pounding inside his scull, falling on top of each other trying to get out.

Nick's touch calmed Kevin like nothing else, making the thoughts in his head quiet and finally still until there was silence inside of him. Complete calm. He sighed in relief. These were the moments he loved. Just sitting with the man he loved more than anything and doing nothing more than holding each other and listening to him breathe.

Hearing Kevin sigh and cuddle closer to him, Nick knew he was right in bringing Kevin here. He wished they could stay there together, forever. That just holding him like this would make the cancer inside him go away. He wished that this was happening to him, not Kevin. Kevin was the rock they all depended on. This can't happen to the strongest person he knew. It just couldn't. 'Please, if you are out there, give this to me. Make it leave his body and give it to me. The world needs people like him. There are too few already, don't take him away too. Take me. Please, take me.'

He wrapped his arms tighter around Kevin, feeling his back rise and fall with each breath. He could feel every exhale warm the skin of his neck, making goosebumps rise on his body. The comfort that simple act of Kevin breathing brought him was so immense that Nick had to bite his lips to hold back the tears that were bottlenecking in the back of his throat. He made himself forget everything that lay ahead of them. Right now all that mattered was the man in his arms, the man he loved more than his own life. The man that was holding him and whose breath was warming his neck. That was all that mattered. Being with Kevin. Breathing with Kevin. Everything else could go away for right now. And it did. The world just fell away from Nick right then and all he could see and feel was the man in his arms. Only the sound of breathing was left.

They stayed like that for a long time, both of them knowing that nothing needed to be said right now. They just stayed wrapped up in each other's arms and let each other absorb the news in their own way. They both knew it was only a matter of time before it hit them, and when it did, it was going to hit them hard.

Nick hardly heard it over the sound of the ocean outside, but it cut through his soul like a knife. It was barely a whisper, but Nick could tell it was taking everything Kevin had not to turn it in to a wail.

He tightened his arms around Kevin and could feel him shaking, knowing he was crying. One sob was all it took from Kevin's lips to break the painful lump in Nick's throat and the tears started to flow. Their bodies jumping with the force of the sobs that were leaving them, the sound echoing off of the stone walls of the cave.