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Full of Grace: Chapter 9
You know, it was funny, the one thing I didn't think I had anything left of
hurt the most. My pride. I thought that Stefanie had taken it, chewed it
up and spit back at me in a million pieces. Maybe I still had a little
left. Even though it hurt at the moment, I was kind of relieved to know
that I still had some pride left. Maybe it wasn't as hopeless as I'd
thought.
I opened my eyes and they were immediately flooded with light. I winced and
closed my eyes again, opening them slowly this time, letting them get used
to the light. The first thing I saw was Nick. I had to bite back a laugh,
knowing it was going to hurt if I did. He was comically sprawled over a
chair. One leg sprawled over an armrest, the other stretched out in front
of him, his arms hanging on either side of the chair and his neck bent at an
odd angle as his head was resting on his shoulder. God, it had been so long
since I laughed. But every once and a while, Nick had his moments when he
made me want to.
I watched him sleep, sunlight spilling over him. His blonde hair looked
almost like a halo in the sunlight. His face looked anything but peaceful
though. Dried tear tracks crisscrossed his cheeks and his eyes were still a
little swollen. He had cried himself to sleep.
I closed my eyes to stop the flood of tears threatening to spill over my own
eyelids. When I opened them again, Nick was awake and looking at me. I
tried to smile, but I couldn't quite pull it off.
He got up and stretched, grimacing from the snaps and pops of his bones
regaining a somewhat normal position. He saw the tears in my eyes a and in
a flash he was beside my bed. "What is it? Is the pain bad? Can I get
anything?"
I couldn't talk, I just shook my head and turned my face away from him. He
put his hand under my chin and forced me to look at him. To my surprise, he
had tears trailing down his cheeks, "Please don't close me out." He heaved
a sigh and choked down a sob, "When are you going to realize how much I love
you and need you? You can't just give up. You can't!" He collapsed against
my chest, sobs heaving his shoulders.
I wrapped my arms around him, tears slipping down my own cheeks. Why in the
hell was I doing this to him? He was too young to be dealing with this shit.
I ran my hand over his hair, "Nick, I 'm so sorry for dragging you into
this. I'm so so sorry. Please Nick, I'm begging you. Let go and walk away
from this before I get you hurt. Let go."
Nick's sobs got worse instead of better. He looked up at me with a face so
full of sadness it about tore my heart in two. "You just don't get it, do
you?"
I looked at him, "Get what?"
He sat up, still choking back sobs. "You don't get the fact that if I
didn't have looking after me, pushing me to do my best, that I would be
nowhere near the person I am today. Kevin, you almost raised me more than
my own parents did. Everything I like about who I am and what I can do, I
owe to you. You were the one always pushing me to be my best, even if it
made me frustrated and angry when I couldn't meet your impossible
expectations for me, it just made me try harder. It's too late for me to
walk away, Kevin. I can't and won't walk away from you. We're in this
together, if you go, we go."
I looked down at him and behind the sadness in his eyes, there was a
determination that I knew better than to argue with. He had learned that
determination from the best, he had learned it from me. He looked up at the
clock on the wall, "Let's get you signed out of here. We have a lot of work
to do today."
I nodded, unable to talk for the tears still knotted in my throat.
He grabbed a bag that held clothes. "I grabbed these from my place, you
left them there. Let's get you changed."
Nick pulled me up from the bed, letting me get my land legs back again. I
felt weak and woozy, but at least I was still able to stand. Nick quietly
and quickly changed me, helping me like he would a three year old, telling
me what leg or arm to raise or lower. He'd grabbed me a pair of jeans and a
long sleeved shirt that covered the bandages on my wrists. He was getting
almost as good as I was at covering up. He saw me looking at the long
sleeves and smiled in understanding. The last things on were a pair of
sunglasses and a baseball hat that obscured me from prying eyes. He got me
in a wheelchair and slipped a blanket over my lap, making me even more
unrecognizable.
Nick had a some sunglasses and a hat ready for himself and slipped them on.
He handed me a clipboard that was at the end of my bed, "Just sign here and
we're ready to roll."
It tried to get my fingers to obey and bend around the pen, but they
wouldn't seem to listen to me. Nick's hand came over mine and closed my
unwilling fingers over the pen. It was then I realized that the one part of
my body that didn't hurt were my hands. In fact, they felt numb. I looked
up at nick, fear written all over my face and he cringed. I swallowed the
lump in my throat, "Tell me."
He sat on the bed and looked me in the eyes, "The.....Kev, they aren't sure
because of all the swelling and trauma done to your wrists, but you may not
get feeling back in your fingers. She may have severed the nerves."
I just looked at him, in pure and utter shock. Unable to comprehend that I
may never again play the piano, write my name without help, hold someone's
hand and feel them holding mine.
The clipboard clattered to the ground and a cry left my lips that sounded
like an animal being kicked.
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