Chapter Nine

The three met in Rose's apartment, which had barely changed in the decades since their initial visit. A bit shabbier around the edges, but overall, a place locked in time, a world that belonged to Rose, and nobody else. The two men were showing signs of age, Kevin had recently begun to lose weight, and he was having a hard time putting it back on. And Nick, Nick's beloved hair was thinning, and it took all of his strength not to constantly fuss with it. He wondered every day if the touch of Desire on him was fading, or had it disappeared entirely.

"Morpheus is dead." Rose said softly.

"But how…"

"Thessaly," she sighed, and took a sip of her tea. "She kept looking, kept hoping….Brian dying, Howie killing himself, on top of Lyta's son, that was what she needed."

"What did she do, though?" Kevin asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Introduced one person to another, started a chain of events that lead to his destruction."

"So who's running our dreams now?" Nick asked. He knew he'd dreamt since the night of the funeral, his dream book was always filling with new stories and thoughts.

"Another Dream." Rose pushed a strand of graying hair away from her face with a sigh. "When one Endless is destroyed, another is created. His role can't be empty."

"Then whey didn't they just create another Destruction?" Kevin asked.

"He's not gone, he quit." Rose explained. "He's out there, somewhere, still alive. He just doesn't want to do his job anymore."

"So what if we use this?" Kevin slipped the necklace from around his neck and held it up. "We want to find out where Howie is."

"Howie killed himself," Rose said softly.

"Yes." Nick nodded, tears filling his eyes again at the memory. He never would understand why….they were pretty sure someone…Thessaly…had given Howie a little push in her quest to take down Dream, that the despair Howie had lived with his entire life wouldn't have been enough alone to drive him to take his life, but they had to know for sure.

"You can guess where he is."

"We need to know." Kevin said firmly. "We want to use this. Will you come with us?"

"Me?" Rose's eyes widened. "How will I help?"

"You're Desire's child, it's gotta mean something to them," Nick pleaded. "Please, we don't know this new guy, we need all the help we can get."

"Alright," Rose nodded slowly. "For your friend."

Kevin popped open the locket and rubbed it in the palm of his hand. "I know Morpheus is gone, but that is the name I was told to use to with this token. Come to me in dreams tonight, keep your promise."

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All three had difficulty falling asleep that night…but finally the last one fell into a deep sleep, entering the realm of Dream.

"Hello."

Nick, Kevin, and Rose found themselves standing in Dream's Throne Room, facing someone they'd never seen before. The man was pale white, as Dream and Death were, but with grayish white hair, and wearing an outfit that might have been seen on Robin Hood…if Robin Hood wore all white, that is.

Nick's eyes widened, and he had to stifle back an adolescent giggle. "He's wearing tights," he whispered to Kevin with a smirk.

"Shut up," Kevin hushed Nick with a wave, a quick smile escaping before he turned to the man. "Hello. I am Kevin, this is Nick, and this is Rose."

The man nodded and walked towards them regally, holding his head high. "I am aware."

"And you are?" Rose asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"I am Dream." He tilted his head to regard them curiously. "You knew that when you used your token."

"Morpheus is dead." Kevin said.

Dream nodded. "Yes. I am not Morpheus. I am Dream."

"So you will honor his token?"

"As I must," He said with a shrug. "Debts must be paid."

"We want to know where our friend Howie is. We think he was unfairly used as a pawn to destroy Morpheus." Kevin had practiced exactly how he was going to phrase this, wanting to impress upon the man how awful the situation was.

"He is with my sister." Dream replied evenly.

"Which sister?" Rose asked quickly.

Dream turned to look over Rose carefully. "You are my kin."

"Yes." She nodded.

"And you are here to help these two with their friend?"

"Yes." She repeated with another nod for emphasis.

"Your friend Howie took his own life. He is suffering the punishment of all suicides." Dream said softly.

"But he didn't mean to!" Nick shouted angrily. "I mean, I know Howie, he couldn't have…he shouldn't have to suffer for it now."

"I'm sorry, that's the way it must be," Dream put a consoling hand on Nick's shoulder. "He is a suicide."

"It was Thessaly." Kevin argued. "I don't know how, but it was her."

"I will not apologize again. This is as things are." Dream turned to look at Kevin, then at Rose, then back to Nick. "It has been interesting meeting with you all. Goodbye."

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Kevin and Nick returned to America tormented by the idea of Howie suffering from eternal torture. They both arrived home determined to find a way to save their friend, but all searches for information came up fruitless. They finally resolved to never give up on their friend, but acknowledged that there were some things they were just not able to solve…at least not now.

They continued eyeing all brown haired women in thick glasses strangely, always checking their backs for Thessaly. They knew from Rose that the woman hadn't stopped her mischief, and always knew someday, she would try again.

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I like the way colors taste. Except I don't like crimsons…or turquoises…
especially when they put their heads into their shells and won't play and
when you break their shells to let them out they die…* - Delirium

AJ stumbled out from the bar with a woman on each arm, cigarette in his mouth. "We gonna hit another place, baby?" He asked the woman on his right, badly slurring the words.

"Sure, babe," she replied, wrapping an arm around his back to hold him up.

"Look, the pretty lights…" AJ pointed into the road and stared at the bright light coming towards him. "So warm," he breathed, swept away by a sudden need to enter the light. "So warm…" he walked towards the light, not noticing when both women on his arms pulled away. "Let me be the light."

The women could only scream in horror as AJ's body was smashed by the oncoming truck, it's headlights the 'pretty lights' AJ wanted to enter so badly.

Nobody saw the woman standing across the street, grinning from ear to ear as she watched.

* Neil Gaiman, The Wake

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Kevin was sitting alone in his house, plunking away at the piano, working on his latest composition. He'd been thinking about the Endless a lot lately, he'd recently been diagnosed with cancer, and knew the end would be coming sooner, rather than later. He also had been thinking about the remaining Backstreet Boys….he hadn't talked to either Nick or AJ in nearly two years, and missed them both terribly.

When the phone rang, he picked it up with a sigh, hoping maybe one of the two men would be on the other end. "Hello?"

A loud sniffle, followed by a cautious, "Kevin?"

Kevin's brow knotted as he recognized the sound. Nick. Crying. "What's wrong, Nick?"

"AJ," Nick broke down into loud sobs, unable to finish the sentence.

"Oh god, no," Kevin felt his heart fall into his stomach. Not AJ…

"Yeah, Kev, you gotta get back to Florida." Nick said softly. "We have another funeral."

"I'll catch the next flight out." Kevin said quickly, and hung up the phone.

Three had become two.

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Delirium: I didn't know you could stop being a God.
Dream: You can stop being anything. *

"What happened?" Kevin asked Nick a few days later, after the small funeral had concluded. It had been a tasteful service, in a quiet, private cemetery, something AJ would have appreciated.

"The witnesses said AJ just stepped right in front of the truck." Nick handed Kevin a beer and waved him to the couch.

"Suicide?" Kevin took a gulp of the beer, looking at Nick in surprise.

Nick shook his head slowly. "No, they said he wanted to enter the light."

"Insanity."

"Delirium." Nick corrected.

"You really think so?" Kevin asked. "Delirium, or Thessaly?"

"I think Thessaly used Delirium to kill AJ, like she used Despair to kill Howie." Nick's eyes filled with tears again, and he shook his head with a frown. "I never thought we'd be the only ones left…" he said with a heavy heart.

"Nick…" A tear ran down Kevin's face as he looked at the younger man steadily, his heart breaking with the news he had to share. "I don't know quite how to say this…"

"What?" Nick stared at Kevin, dread filling his heart. Never in his life had he seen the older man cry, not even when their friends died…

Kevin sighed heavily, and met Nick's gaze with his own. "I'm dying, Nick, I have cancer."

Nick couldn't speak, couldn't think, couldn't move. Not in his worst nightmares had he imagined Kevin not being there, leaving him alone.

"I'm so sorry, Nicky," Kevin grabbed Nick in a tight hug, his arms wrapping around him. "I'm so sorry…"

Nick returned the hug, and shook his head slowly against Kevin's shoulder. "Don't be sorry, Kev…" he whispered, fighting the tears that were trying to come to the surface. He wouldn't cry in front of Kevin. Not this time, not now. He had to be strong for Kevin, as he'd been for Brian. "Not your fault."

"I got some time left," Kevin said softly, almost as a consolation. "Six months, the doctor says."

Nick's body shook in a sob, and he clung to Kevin helplessly as his tears overtook him. "I can't believe it's all over."

Kevin gave in to his tears and held Nick tightly, the two men crying into each other's shoulders for their deaths, and those of their friends before them. "Everything has to end sometime." He didn't know where the words came from, but they seemed right, they seemed to explain the situation perfectly. It wasn't that he'd lead a bad life, or a short one, even….it was just time for it to end.

And for some reason, despite the sobbing man in his arms, and the tears streaming down his own face, Kevin felt at peace with that. After all, he'd finally get to see Death again, and that wasn't so bad now, was it.

* Neil Gaiman, Brief Lives

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Love belongs to Desire, and Desire is always cruel…*

Nick had been in the bar for an hour or so, nursing a beer, sketching on a pad in front of him. He had been sick of sitting at home, waiting by the phone for the inevitable phone call. Kevin's condition was growing worse by the day, and yet he wouldn't let anyone near. Only his wife was allowed around him, and the latest, so she told Nick, was that she was only allowed to see him at ten minute intervals. Being sick, and helpless was killing Kevin just as quickly as the cancer, and Kristen tearfully confessed to Nick that she hoped the end came sooner rather than later now, it was unfair for Kevin to have to suffer this way.

It didn't make sense, why some people got to go quickly, without warning, why some had to suffer, why others were cheated of their own just death. Brian, AJ, Howie, Kevin….all had lead fair, honest lives, yet what was a fair death?

"May I join you?" A soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

Nick looked up quickly, startled. He looked the person standing in front of his table over curiously, wondering what this guy's deal was. Or girl. He wasn't quite sure. "Uh, sure?" Why the hell not. Distraction was what he'd wanted, right?

The person slid into the seat across from Nick with a smile, flicking a strand of auburn hair into place over soft pink skin. "Do you know who I am?" She? purred, pulling a cigarette seemingly out of nowhere and lighting it with a lighter Nick never saw.

Nick looked into the eyes of the creature sitting across from him, having learned by now that the eyes are indeed the key to the soul. He gasped when he saw the fire in there, fire he recognized from his own eyes, and Rose's. "Desire."

She nodded (as she felt like being a woman today. Other days she feels like being a man, or both, or neither. He is Desire, after all, and gender has no meaning to Desire.) and blew out a perfect smoke ring with a smile. "You have done me proud, Nickolas."

"I never meant to do you anything." He replied with a frown. "I didn't ask…"

"Of course you did," she interrupted with a wave. "Please god, let me get this audition," she mimicked. "Please god, let me get this part in this commercial. Oh please god, let me get into this movie. Please god…"

"You're not God." Nick spat out with an angry glare. This was the person who'd touched his life so much?

"But I heard you, didn't I, Nick." She answered evenly.

"So it's all my fault? You all screwed with my life, my friend's lives, because I prayed to god I would get a stupid part in a stupid commercial when I was FIVE?" Nick's voice rose with anger, and the fire behind his eyes sparked.

Desire grinned mischievously, happy to see her progeny acting so passionately. "You are truly one of my own. And don't go thinking too much of yourself. What was meant to happen, happened."

"Howie was meant to happen?" Nick asked evenly. "I'm not sure about AJ, either."

Desire shrugged, "some things we will never know."

"You owe me." Nick told her with a stiff upper lip. If he was so much hers, lets see what he could get out of her, then.

"For what?" She smirked. "The gifts I bestowed upon you, such as they may or may not be, are what made you what you are. You spent a lot of time in my realm, Nickolas, and women would not have been so willing had you not my mark." He also inspired more than his share of Desire in others, which was why she was so proud of him.

Nick's eyes narrowed. Surely she hadn't forgotten the torment his heart had gone through as a teenager, as an adult…even now, as an old man, her voice haunted his dreams. "Death."

Desire laughed, and took another drag of her cigarette. "I forgot about my sister. Still care for her, do you?"

"You know I do." Nick replied with a shake of his head. "Why do that to me? Make me love her when I could never have her…"

"Do you know what destruction is, Nick?" She asked him softly.

"Your brother…he left…"

"No, not who Destruction is. What it is. What it means to have something, then have it destroyed. Your heart, your career….do you know?"

Nick nodded, meeting her gaze. "Thanks to you."

"Don't blame me, Nick, life is about destruction. Things are built, and torn down, only to rise again in another form." She finished her cigarette and stood up with a final nod. "It has been interesting speaking with you."

"You owe me." Nick stood up with her, grabbing her arm tightly.

"What do you want?" She asked, staring up into his eyes.

"Howie out of wherever he is." Nick answered quickly, there was no question.

Desire looked Nick up and down steadily, then nodded slowly. "We shall see."

"But…"

And she was gone.

* Neil Gaiman, The Doll's House

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Your life is your own. Your death, likewise. Always and forever your own. Farewell. We shall not meet again.* - Dream

Nick stood alone at the large funeral, watching the casket being slowly lowered into the ground, shivering from head to toe. He couldn't believe Kevin was gone, AJ, Brian, Howie…he was all alone. And he was next…he didn't want to end up in the ground like that. He couldn't imagine being buried for eternity…"Two become one…hope you're with Brian now," he said softly, watching Kevin's children throw flowers onto the grave.

"I'm sure he is," a soft voice said at his shoulder, and he turned around to smile weakly at Rose. "Surprise," she pulled him into a hug. "You didn’t tell me."

"I didn't realize you'd care…" Nick said softly, genuinely happy to see her there.

"Of course I cared, Nick, I wish you'd told me he was sick, even." She squeezed Nick's hand reassuringly, looking into his eyes. "You know Kevin's in a better place now, right?"

"I just don't understand why I have to be the last one left." Nick shook his head with a sigh, "Kevin was the strongest one of all of us, not me."

"There's always a reason, Nick, you know that." She replied with a shrug. "Pretty service."

"I guess." Nick shrugged. Funerals….he was attending far too many of them lately, and they were all starting to look the same. "I just want to see my friends again."

"Don't look too forward to it, it's not your time yet," Rose said with a soft laugh. "You can't live what's left of your life praying for death."

"Why not?" Nick stared at Rose, his eyes full of tears. "I've always loved her, and now it's genuinely time for her to come and get me. Can't she just hurry it up?"

"What about your wife, your kids?" She argued, "don't they want you around?"

Nick snorted, "my wife wants my checkbook, and my kids want their grandkids to have their granddad's checkbook. So no, they want my inheritance, not me."

"Your brother, your sisters."

"Will be fine without me."

"Your art."

Nick started to speak and then closed his mouth shut tight. Years ago, he'd started a painting of the Endless family, posed as the Backstreet Boys would have been, in some sort of cheesy promo photoshoot. It was intended to be a release of his frustration, his anger towards them…and also allow him to in some way, at least, let the world know about what else was out there, even if it was almost in a caricature.

"So you're not done yet." She said softly.

"I guess not."

* Neil Gaiman, Fables and Reflections

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