A Simple Talk
By Gemmi (gemini999@aol.com)
Today was my first day on the job. Not that it was actually a job
or
anything, it was more like an oppurtunity to do something I've
always
wanted to do, work with other people. The building was fairly
new, and it
still had that wet paint smell that came with it. The
hallways were long,
uncluttered, and appealed to my more simplistic
side. Never would you have guessed
it was an assisted living home, for
people who needed health care, others just
needed people to care about
them.Then there were the people who had
given up,on love, on life. They were
the suicidal ones, here to make sure they
didn't do anything drastic before
they could get help.
"Tanya!" A voice called out, waking
me from my walking day dream. I
looked around, but didn't really see
anyone, so I continued to walk.
" Tanya!" the voice called
out again. I stopped, looked around, and
still didn't see anyone.
I guess my mind was just playing tricks on me
or something. But then I
spotted an open door a little ways behind me.
Turning around, I walked
towards the door, figuring it was Kyle, the manager of
the assisted living
home.
" Kyle, that you?" I asked, peeking into the
room. To my surprise,
I found myself facing someone that I had never
seen before.
" Sorry." I apologized, "I thought Kyle was
calling me." The older
man smiled.
" It's alright." He
answered, and then turned around walking back
into his bed room. Unsure
of wether I should follow him or not, I stood
there for a few moments.
That was when I actually took in everything that was
surrounding me.
There were awards of all shapes and sizes on one wall,
I even spotted the
firmiliar looking grammy award. The furniture was old,
ragged. The only
way to truly describe it was comfortable. And the
bed... it was an ordinary
bed, nothing different about it, but the man lying on it
was. I could tell
he had lived a full life, and maybe resented being
here,
alone.
"I'm Tanya." I introduced myself. I
don't know if he heard me or
not, his eyes never left the
ceiling.
"Do you want to be alone?" I questioned. He
nodded, and I turned
around, walking slowly out of the room. "Ah, there
you are Tanya." Kyle said,
walking up behind me and startling me. " I see you
met Kevin."
" I didn't actually get his name. He
wanted to be alone." I
replied, walking slowly down the hall once
again.
" Yep, that's Kevin all right. He sort of resents
being here." Kyle
explained.
"Come on, we need to get
you settled in before your first day here
as the councellor." Kyle said,
leading me down the long hallway. I smiled. A
couple minutes
later we stopped in front of an unopened door. A sign on the
nearby
wall said counsalor, and I knew this was my room.
" Thanks
Kyle." I smiled, "I'll be fine. I take it my furniture
arrived
yesterday?" I questioned. He nodded. " Great. I'm going to go take a nap
or
something, I need to be ready for tonight." I opened the door and
walked
inside. The apartment was spacious, well kept, and looked like
home
with all of my furniture in it. There were boxes everywhere, and I
knew
eventually I was going to have to unpack them, but not right now.
I needed sleep
more then anything.
Some time later
I awoke to a knocking at my door. Streching, I
walked over to the door
and opened it. To my surprise, Kevin was standing
right in front of me.
I smiled.
" Hi Tanya." He said. I didn't reply right
away.
" Hi Kevin." I finally said, then I stepped back,
inviting him
inside.
After he was in, I shut the door to give us a little
privacy.
"I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. It's
been a rough month."
Kevin didn't vencher any more information, and I didn't
pry.
" It's fine, Kevin. I understand." I said
softly.
" Well......." Kevin said, figiting. I could tell
he was
uncomfortable.
" I just want you to know, if you
ever want to talk, I'm here." I
said, giving him a way out. He didn't
take it, much to my surprise.
" How old are you?" He
asked, seemingly out of nowhere.
" 22." I replied, he
shook his head.
" You wouldn't know who I used to be
then." He commented. That
caught my interest.
" Who?" I
asked, hoping he would volunteer more information.
" Oh,
nobody." He answered, then without saying a word, turned
around and
left.
That incident was on my mind for the rest of the
day. I finished
unpacking, and after much internal debate, decided not
to join the staff
for dinner. I was new, and officially I didn't start
til tomorrow. I didn't
want to waste a moment of my free
time.
Walking into the bathroom, I settled down for a long
bath. Hopefully
this would relax me enough so I could sleep later. The
water felt
marvoulous. In no time at all I was sleeping, My mind
wandered, and when I awoke, I
felt more refreshed then I had in days.
It was a shame I was also freezing,
the water had long since cooled
off.
After drying myself, and getting dressed in an old
pair of pj's, I
settled into my nice big bed. Pulling a book out from
one of my bags, I
flipped open the front cover. It was an old book,
ratty and torn, but
well loved. The memorized words fell victom to my
eyes, and before long I
was lost in the lives of the four March sisters.
Little Women had always
been my favorite book, even now. The sisters
held such love for eachother, for
Laurie. I had always wondered if I
would find that type of love, but
was content enough with my life to only
dream about it. It was safer that
way.
Morning came much to quickly. My eyes were tired from a long night
of
reading and dreaming. Still, it was my first day on the job, and I
was
looking forward to it.
Kyle greeted me as I walked
into the dining room. It looked more
like a fancy restaraunt, complete with
the outside dining area. People were
milling around, waiting for
breakfest to be served. I was almost in shock. I
hadn't imagined
what a large number of people lived here...but now
I
understood.
" Tanya, ready for your first day on
the job?" Kyle asked. I didn't
answer him for a while, I just stood there
with a silly expression on my
face. Then I nodded and sat down, eager
for breakfest to begin.
After breakfest was finished, I
went around and met the various
people that were staying here. They were
nice, for the most part. Some were
depressed, others sick. This was why
I wanted to be a counsalor, so I
could help these people get on with their
lives, so I could help these people
leave this place and go home, where they
belonged.
Then I saw him, sitting in the corner by
himself. He wasn't
actually doing anything but it looked like maybe he
needed to talk. I
confidentely made my way over to where he was situated and
sat down beside him.
" Is that offer still good?" He
asked. I thought for a moment, then
remembered I had offered to listen
to whatever he had to say...whenever.
" Of course." I
replied, "lets go back to your room."
"No!" he practically
shouted. I just nodded.
" Alright then, we can go to mine
if you want." Kevin stood up and
walked towards my room. We didn't
talk, but I think that's how he wanted it.
Silence was
golden.
Once inside, I settled down on a nearby couch. It
was old, ratty,
comfortable; just the way I liked it. Kevin sat down on
another nearby
chair. I looked at him, but he didn't really look
back. He was to busy
folding his hands together, then unfolding him. I
could tell that was
his nervous habit.
" What do you
want to talk about, Kevin?" I asked softly. He
pretended not to hear. I
tried again, "Kevin, what's wrong?" this time he spoke.
"
a month ago. It was a month ago today." I didn't know quite what
to
say. I didn't really want to ask what was, Kevin needed to tell me
that
himself. He spoke again. "I'm 47. God... that's so old... so
ancient.
Nick was only 36..." I nodded.
" He didn't
deserve to die!" Kevin suddenly shouted out. "Why didn't
God take me
instead?" I didn't answer him. I couldn't. Kevin seemed to
sense
this, and quieted down. Then I said 7 words that changed my
life.
" Why don't you start at the beginning." he nodded.
This is his
story.
"I used to be famous. A long
time ago. It was like a different
life. I had three brothers who
I told everything to. And then there was Nick.
Ever since day one I
had liked him... loved him even." he noticed my mouth
open, and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm gay." he responded. I just nodded.
"Why were
you famous?" I asked. He shook his head, almost like
trying to clear a
memory out of his mind. I didn't press him.
"Ever
heard of The Backstreet Boys?" He suddenly asked me. I nodded.
They were a
legend. Everyone knew who they were, what their songs were.
Even now,
nearly 15 years after their break up.
" I grew up on their
music. My mom was a big fan." I reponded.
" what was your
favorite song?" He questioned. I thought for a
moment, and
smiled.
" Oh So Sorry." I said.
" I
wrote that, you know." He announced, I shook my head, I hadn't
know.
" I
wrote a lot of their songs." He continued.
" Why?" I
questioned. He laughed.
" cause I was one of them." he
explained, and suddenly it clicked...
" Kevin and Nick...
god, I remember my mom going on about that. She
was so.... proud of
you, I guess, when you guys came out together."
I
exclaimed.
" that was one of the hardest things I've
ever done." Kevin
responded.
"You made people proud
when you came out. It opened doors every
where for gay musicians." I
exclaimed. Again Kevin nodded. I wanted to ask him
more questions, about what
it was like to be famous, but he needed to talk.
" go on."
I prompted. Kevin sighed.
" it's a long
story."
" you aren't getting off that easily, Kevin. I
have all the time in
the world." I answered him. In response, he closed
his eyes and began to
tell me what had
happened.
*flashback
"Brian, Nick, get your
lazy behinds out of bed. Breakfest in ten
minutes!" Kevin shouted while
banging on their hotel room door.
"Geez Kev, we're up!"
Brian shouted from inside.
"Good!" Kevin responded, moving
on to the next door.
"AJ, Howie, you two alive in there?"
Kevin asked. Howie opened the
door.
" yeah Kev, we're
up." He replied. Kevin smiled
" Kay then, breakfest in 9
minutes." He said, turning and walking
away.
Howie smiled, "that's Kev" he
thought to himself as he closed the door.
Aj was standing there behind him,
trying to decide which pair of sun
glasses to wear.
"Those." Howie said in response to the unasked question. Aj nodded,
slipped
them on, and walked towards the door.
"D, I gotta talk to
Kev. Catch ya at breakfest." He said, and walked
out.
Howie just shook his head, Aj couldn't have been more
obvious in his
feelings for Kevin. Smiling to himself, he proceeded to
get dressed. Then he
walked to Kevin's room also, stopping just outside
the door. He heard Kevin and
Aj inside, talking about nothing, and knew it
was safe to knock.
"Come on in D." Kevin shouted, "The
doors open."
"Morning Kev. Whatcha order?" He asked,
walking inside. Kevin
shrugged.
"The usual." he
replied. Howie nodded.
"Kay then." Aj said, standing
up, "I want my food!" Kevin and Howie
laughed a little, only to be interupted
by a knock at the door.
"Brian, Nick, its open." Aj said
while helping himself to some of
the wonderful food Kevin had ordered. Nick
walked in, alone.
"Hey Nick, where's B?" Kevin asked,
curious.
" Showering." was Nick's only reply. Kevin
nodded, used to Nick's
morning personality.
" Get some
food." Howie said, pointing to the trays, " Kev got
the
usual."
"YEAH!" Nick shouted, rushing towards the
food. "French fries!"
Howie, Aj and Kevin laughed at Nick, he was 19, and
still went nuts over being
allowed to have French Fries for
breakfest.
"What?"he questioned, his mouth full. No
one bothered to respond,
they were to busy cracking up. Kevin was laughing by
far the hardest.
"Ugh...!" he yelled, rushing towards
them, "don't laugh at me!" the
three didn't stop laughing. Nick looked at
them, and then at Kevin. Without
any warning, he was ontop of Kevin,
trying to get him to stop laughing. He
did
immediately.
Nick looked so cute, so innocent, sitting on
top of him. He had the
biggest urge to kiss him, but knew he
shouldn't.
*end flashback
"When was that?" I
asked. Kevin opened his eyes.
" right after we
released Millenium. I fell in love with him right
then and
there..."
" aw..." I cooed. He didn't respond, his eyes
closed. I knew he was
having another
flashback.
*flashback
Nick and Brian were
playing basketball, trying to outdo eachother
with silly tricks and long
shots. Kevin just sat on the grass, watching.
The two of them were
really close, he got jealous of Brian sometimes, because he
was that
close. He shut his eyes and didn't see Howie sitting down right
next to
him.
"When were you going to tell us?" Howie questioned,
making Kevin
open his eyes.
"Tell you what?" Kevin
asked, playing stupid.
"That you love Nick." was Howie's
response. Kevin looked at him,
shocked.
"It wasn't that hard to figure
out"
"How?"
" You always look at
him... with this look in your eyes." Howie
explained. Kevin
nodded.
" I don't know." He said, " I don't know if I was
going to tell
you."
"Really?" Howie asked. Kevin
nodded.
"I needed to tell myself first, and I haven't been
able to do that
yet.
Until now." Kevin explained. Howie just
nodded.
"Tell Nick." he suggested. Kevin was staring off
into space again,
he pretended not to hear Howie's
comment.
"Tell Nick." Howie
repeated.
"Tell me what?" Nick asked, settling down next
to Kevin.
" Nothing." Kevin replied, smiling. "Just that
your great at
b-ball."
"I already knew that...jeez."
Nick kidded. Howie shook his head.
*end
flashback
"I was scared, I suppose." Kevin suddenly
said, "scared that he
would reject me. Scared he would tell me I wasn't good
enough for him."
"But he didn't." I
commented.
"I know. Do you have any idea how much I've
beaten myself up for not
getting the guts to tell him sooner? So I could have
had more time with
him?"
"You shouldn't think about it
like that. Think about the wonderful
times you've had together. The good
times." I advised.
"I
suppose"
*flashback
"Come on Kev! I wanna
know what the surprise is!" Nick whined.
Kevin shook his
head.
" Nope, it's a surprise!" Kevin replied,
smiling.
"Pwease? I'll give you something if you tell
me..." Nick said with
an evil look on his face. One of his hands was reaching
down, rubbing Kevin
through the material of his pants.
"Ohhhhhhh yeah baby." Kevin moaned. Nick smiled and stilled
his
hand.
"Don't stop!" Kevin shouted.
"Wanna tell
me yet?" Nick asked, innocently.
"No! It's a surprise!"
Kevin said, leaning in and giving Nick a kiss
on the lips. A short
peck. "Now be a good boy, okay, and behave for
Brian." Kevin said, kissing
Nick again.
"Yes daddy." Nick replied,
grinning.
" I'll be back." Kevin responded, leaving the
room. Brian entered.
"Hey Nick." Brian grinned. He knew
what Kev was planning for
tonight.
" He B..." Nick
answered, "say, you wouldn't happen to know by any
chance, what me and Kev
are doing tonight?" he slyly asked. Brian
laughed.
"
Kev warned me Nick. I'm not talking." Brian chuckled.
"Fine!" Nick huffed, sitting down on the bed, " wanna play
some
Nintendo?"
"Sure." Brian said, sitting down next
to Nick.
"How's Leigh?" Nick asked, choosing a character
to race Brian with.
" Bitching at me daily now... I swear,
if her morning sickness
doesn't go away soon I'm going to
crack!"
"How bad can it be?" Nick
asked.
"Wait til you have someone bitching at you..."
Brian advised.
"Hey, I got Kev." Nick said,
laughing.
"I HEARD THAT." Kevin said, standing in the door
way. Nick squaled
and ran to Kevin, jumping into this arms. Soon they
were involved in a
passionate kiss.
"He was gone for
five minutes Nick. Not 5 years." Brian said,
smiling. He knew Nick and Kev
really loved eachother.
*end flashback
"What
happened that night?" I asked, timedly.
"I asked Nick to
marry me." Kevin replied. I smiled.
" wow..." I
smiled. "Did it go well?"
" more then well. It was
perfect." Kevin was walking down memory
lane, I could see it in his eyes.
"Our wedding was beautiful." Kevin suddenly
said.
"I'm
sure it was." I commented.
"Nick gave me this ring." Kevin
explained, showing me a ring he wore
on a chain around his neck. "It won't
fit on my finger anymore."
I nodded.
" Why did the Backstreet Boys break up?" I asked, not really sure if
I should
have.
" because." was Kevin's
response.
*flashback
Nick was wrapped up in
Kevin's arms, sleeping soundly when the call
came. Kevin answered the phone,
and a couple seconds later hung up.
"Nick...nick...." he
gently shook Nick awake. " we need to go to
the
hospital."
"WHY!" Nick shouted,
awake.
"Bri...." was Kevin's only response. Nick began to
violently shake
his head.
"No...no...." he said, over
and over agian. Kevin just nodded.
" yes Nick. Yes.
We need to go." Nick continued to shake his head,
saying no over and over
again. Kevin stood up and helped Nick. He continued
to
shake.
*end flashback
"Oh my god... I
didn't know Kevin. I'm so sorry." I whispered. Kevin
was crying
now.
" they both died... car accident." Kevin answered me.
"They left me
and Nick, Colin."
"Whose Colin?" I
asked.
"He was their son... he was only 4 at the time."
Kevin smiled.
"Colin was the best thing that ever happened to me, besides
Nick."
"Where is he now?" I asked. Kevin frowned a
little
"College." one word, said with
love.
"Oh." I
replied.
*flashback
"Colin!" Nick yelled
upstairs.
"Yeah dad?" He answered.
"
come down here for a sec, you got something in the mail!"
Nick
replied.
Colin came running downstairs.
"Yeah?"
He questioned. Nick smiled broadly and handed him a large
envelope. In the
right hand corner it said U.C. Berkley
"Oh my gosh!" Colin
began to get extremely excited. He couldn't
even hold the envelope...
too nervous.
"Dad, open it for me, please!" he said. Nick
nodded and ripped the
envelope open. After skimming the contents of the
letter, his smile
faded.
"I didn't get in, did I?"
Colin asked apprehensively.
"Um..."Nick replied. He wasn't
sure how to break the news to Colin.
He decided to go for the truth. "You
not only got in, you got a full
scholarship!" he said. Colin began to
scream.
"Why were you sad then, dad?" He asked. Nick wiped
a tear away.
"Just cause me and Kev are going to miss you
soooooo much." Nick
replied.
Colin grasped Nick into a tight hug. That's
how Kevin found them. After
hearing the wonderful news, they
celebrated.
*end flashback
"Wow... Berkley's a
great school." I said. Kevin nodded.
"Sometimes I
wish it wasn't so far away, so I didn't have to be all
alone." he
said.
"I know what you mean. When I went away to college
my parents nearly
moved with me, they wanted me with them so much." I
explained. This made
Kevin smile.
"Nick would have done
something like that." he commented.
" really? He sounds
like a great guy." I said.
"You have no
idea."
"Tell me..." I said. Kevin shook his
head.
"Not today. It's getting
late."
"Please?" I asked. Kevin still had something
trapped inside that he
hadn't let out. Something
big.
"No." Kevin said, frowning a little. I tried to
understand. He had
been doing so well, telling me all about what he and Nick
used to do. That's
when I realized something. He said today was the one
month anniversery of his
death... Kevin was all alone.
"Kevin, I have a question for you." I tentively said. He just
looked at
me. "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?" I asked. He
looked
startled.
" I'd really like to get to know you
better." I continued.
Eventually he smiled.
" I'd like
that, if you really want too." He said. I nodded.
" I
wouldn't have asked if I didn't want too. Let me change." I
explained.
He shook his head.
"Your fine. Lets go now. I'm hungry." I
glanced at my watch.
"No wonder, we talked right through
lunch." I exclaimed. He smiled.
"It felt good to
have some body to talk to again."
"It did." I
agreed. The two of us went out to dinner that evening.
He continued to
talk to me more and more over the following days. He even
told me about how
Nick died. Cancer. We became friends, close friends. And
still, to this
day, I consider him a great friend.
He left assissted
living a month after I got there. I guess he felt
like he could handle the
world on his own. I'm proud of him, he did it. And
now, three
years later, we still kept in touch. It helped, of course, that I
was married
to his son Colin. That's right, me and Colin. Kevin couldn't
have been
happier. Neither could I.
I still work at Assissted
Living, I just don't live there anymore.
Like I said before, it was my dream
job. In a way, it fullfilled a dream I
had, also. It brought me
to a family that loves me, to Kevin, to Colin. I
met Aj and Howie. They
were the only two members left, besides Kevin. We got
along, but don't
really see eachother. Howie's busy with his family, Aj with
his
daughter. It doesn't matter though, we're happy.