SAY YES

Amanda

c) 2001

I love him.

It was as simple and basic and as complicated as that. I suppose AJ

knew even before I did, which really pisses me off because I figure if

you fall in love, you, yourself should be the first person to know,

right? I also should have been suspicious about AJ's eager questions

regarding our two upcoming concerts in Las Vegas. I mean, he loves

Vegas, adores it, and I knew he was planning to have the time of his

life there. What I didn't know was that he was planning it for me.

***********************

With a mighty crash, all five of the Backstreet Boys stumbled into the

MGM high rise, Brian valiantly trying to keep AJ and Howie upright.

"This isn't fair," he complained to no one in particular. "Why did I

have to be the designated driver tonight? We aren't even driving

anywhere!"

Kevin smiled, a slight glassy-eyed expression plastered on his face.

"Because you lost, remember? You had to be the sober one to keep the

rest of us in check."

Brian snorted, unsympathetically letting Howie drop from his arms to

slump to the carpeted floor. "Well, hate to inform you but it didn't

work. Y'all made asses of yourselves." He gazed at the four before

him, shaking his head. "Thank God we have a day to recoup before

hitting Phoenix. Looks like you're going to need it."

AJ smiled wickedly, trying to pick Howie up off the ground. "Another

day? Awesome. Come on D, the night's still young. Let's go see what

we can find."

Howie began to protest weakly, then thought the better of it. "Find?"

he questioned, his voice slightly slurred. "What are we gonna find?"

AJ poked himself in the eye before successfully placing his glasses

back on. "Anything… everything." He began to shove his friend

towards the door, craning his neck to glance back at Kevin. "Coming?"

Kevin rubbed his face tiredly, shaking his head as he walked towards

the door. "Naw. Kristin's waiting for me in our room. Time to call

it a night." He stumbled a little, reaching out to grab the nearest

shoulder, which happened to be Howie's. Howie leaned into AJ and a

domino effect took place, all three tumbling to the ground.

Brian and Nick rushed over to help them up, laughing as they tried to

restore everyone to a standing position.

"Shit, Kevin, thanks a lot!" groused AJ. "Tell Kristin there's gonna

be no sex tonight. If you can't stand up right, I don't see how your

dick is going to!"

"I can get it up anytime," he bragged. "Just see if I don't."

"Uh, eew, no thanks," laughed AJ, grabbing a hold of Howie's shirt and

dragging him towards the door. "Not sure if I want to see that. I'm

having a difficult enough time trying not to visualize Nick

getting laid tonight."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I shot up off the couch I had been reclining in, pissed. Trying to

ignore AJ's laugh, I grabbed his arm before he was out the door,

knowing without being able to see his eyes, that he was smirking at

me. I understood now why he had insisted on making such a big deal in

ordering the penthouse, of letting me have it. "Nicky's first legal

Vegas!" he had crowed when he had handed me the key, letting out a

whoop. "Use it in good health!"

"You asshole," I breathed quietly into his ear. "You set this up,

didn't you?"

Always one to take credit for creative ideas, I watched as AJ nodded

his head happily.

"Fuck you," I hissed nervously.

With one finger, he slid his shades down the bridge of his nose, his

brown eyes filled with amusement.

"Me? Don't you mean Brian?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I shut the door with a none-too-subtle slam, noticing my hand was

shaking slightly. Shit! Damn AJ! He is so dead! I glanced over to

where Brian stood, his back facing me, watching with interest at the

glittering lights of Vegas below. My heart skipped a beat. Well,

maybe not dead, but I'm still gonna beat the crap out of him. Later.

I walked over to where Brian was standing and playfully rested my

chin on his shoulder. Much later.

I tried not to inhale the scent of him, but what can you do? I mean,

here I was pressed up behind him, my chin resting on his shoulder as

we viewed the nightlife below. I sighed contentedly. It doesn't get

much better than this. Well, yeah, it could, and I was hoping it

would. I was tired of playing this game, of wanting him and not

having him. Tired of trying to act indifferent, aloof, when all I

wanted to do was to grab him and tell him how much I loved him. Well,

AJ saw. AJ knew. And he wanted me to conquer. Tonight. Right now.

All right. All right. Okay, dammit, I will! I wanted nothing more

than to do this. And I was going to.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Oh God, how cliché, Brian was talking about the lights and I was

thinking about a totally different meaning. What the hell. I

sighed, savoring his closeness.

"Yes," I admitted, trying to stare at the lights and not at him.

"Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Get the hell off my shoulder. And quit breathing on me. You need

some mouthwash."

Well that certainly set the tone for romance.

I pushed away from him, annoyed. Brian sure wasn't going to make this

easy for me. Irritated, I walked over to the oversized bed, flinging

myself backwards onto it. I brought my feet up and shed myself of

each shoe, lobbing them in a high arc, not caring where they landed.

I almost hit Brian.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Oh, sorry."

I gave a huge sigh, watching as Brian wandered over to the side of the

bed, gazing at me intently, a curious, almost strange expression in

his blue eyes.

"You okay?"

"Sure. Just terrific."

Brian leaped casually onto the bed, imitating the way I got

rid of my shoes, then flopped back next to me. I tensed, holding my

breath.

"You don't sound terrific. Just how many drinks did you have, Nick?"

"Same as you. None."

Brian snorted. "Yeah, sure. I smelled the alcohol on your breath."

"So? I smelled it on you too. And you were suppose to be our

designated driver!"

"Right! Like you guys are the only ones allowed to party. Like one

drink is going to hurt me. Just because Leighanne isn't here, doesn't

mean I can't have some fun too."

Leighanne. Well that name certainly killed my growing hard-on. I had

felt myself getting tighter as soon as Brian had leaped on the bed and

now at the mention of her name, I felt like a deflated balloon. I

silently cursed AJ again. He knew that Leighanne was away on some

business, that she wouldn't be joining the tour for some time to come

and that it would be just Brian and me for a while. Alone. Together. Alone.

I turned on my side, propping my head with my hand as I stared at

Brian. His eyes were closed, a slight smile curving the tips of his

mouth. Damn! I had almost forgotten how he looked before going to

sleep and I had to smile myself, remembering the many times we dozed

on the bus, exhausted after a grueling concert. Now, Leighanne got to

see that, every night, every week, every year. But she was gone, and

I was here. I bit my lip nervously. I was going to kiss him. Right

now. This instant. Yep. Here I go. Now.

God, if I do, then what? Brian isn't gay. He'll hate me for sure, or

worse, laugh. Why did he have to get married? And to her? He knew

how we all felt about it, and yet he went ahead anyway. His cruel cut

about me dating Mandy angered me I suppose as much as it angered him

when I cut down Leighanne. Still, I wasn't with Mandy anymore, and he

was still with Leighanne.

I knew I should have told Brian that I loved him before he got serious

with her. I knew it. AJ knew it, the asshole. I suppose that's why

I started hanging around with him more. Because he understood and it

didn't bother him. Because he had broken up with Amanda and I with

Mandy and I guess we both needed to cheer each other up. We did. We

had a blast being together. I guessed Brian sensed us drifting apart

friendship-wise, but he never said anything about it. I could see the

hurt in his eyes occasionally as AJ and I talked about what we were

going to do, where we were gonna go, but I didn't care. Well, I did

care. In fact, I cared a lot. But if he was going to spend more time

with her, fine. I could find other people to hang around with too.

God, I sound just like a jilted teen-age girl.

I looked at Brian. His hands were folded across his chest, his eyes

closed, his breathing light. Damn! Did he fall asleep already? He'd

better not. I wanted to kiss him. I watched him for a moment. Well,

was I going to kiss him or not? Yeah, I guess so.

Heart pounding, I edged in a little closer, leaning over to bring my

head down. I could feel his soft breath before I placed my lips on

his own, relishing the taste of his mouth. It was sweet, but then I

knew it would be, and I pressed my mouth a little harder, taking care

as I gently slid the weight of my whole body on top of his.

I knew Brian was definitely awake and I tried to ignore his surprised,

wide-eyed look as I took as much as I could get, knowing without a

doubt that it wasn't going to last forever.

It lasted longer than I thought. I felt a subtle change in our

embrace and realized Brian had snaked his hands from underneath me,

wrapping them around my back, pressing me closer to him. Shocked,

elated and surprised, I enthusiastically continued kissing him,

enjoying the squirming of his body underneath me. Continued that is,

until I realized he was struggling in anger, not delight.

He broke contact, shoving me almost completely off the bed as he

frantically jumped up, his eyes wild with alarm.

"What the hell was that?" he shrieked at me and I winced.

"A kiss?"

"I know it was a kiss! Jesus!"

Oops. Brian never said Jesus.

I watched as he nervously ran a trembling hand through his hair,

pacing back and forth like a caged animal, throwing several disturbing

glances my way. I should have been anxious as he was, watching him

walk restlessly before me but strangely I wasn't. I wasn't ashamed,

wasn't embarrassed. I was glad I did it. I'd do it again, in a

in this lifetime.

"So?"

I looked at him. "So?" I repeated calmly, not helping him at all.

Brian sighed heavily. "So are you gonna tell me what that was all

about?"

"It was a kiss. A good kiss. It would have been a great kiss, if you

hadn't stopped me."

Brian's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Hadn't stopped you?" he

managed to barely squeak out.

I sat up on the bed, crossing my legs, trying to ignore the beginnings

of a gentle urging in my pants. God, Brian could be so clueless.

"Yeah, stopped me." I took a deep breath. Here it comes. Do it.

Okay, okay. "I love you." I looked directly at him. "I love you,

Brian. Always have, always will." As I watched the incredulity

spread across his face, I began to feel incredibly foolish.

"Uh, I'm sorry," I mumbled.

The silence was deafening, unbelievably agonizing. I rubbed my

forehead tiredly and closed my eyes, suddenly realizing what I had

done. Ruined a friendship. The only true one I ever had.

"Nick."

I heard the agony in Brian's voice and couldn't bring myself to look

at him.

'Nick!"

Now I could hear the insistence, his firm voice telling me to look at

him. I glanced up.

"What?" I asked resignedly.

"I love you too."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I was shocked. To put it mildly.

"What?!" I screeched, nearly flying off the bed. "What?" Brian took

a step back, slightly alarmed at hearing me yell. "You love me?"

This was not funny. Not funny at all. Or was it? I suppose AJ would

be laughing his ass off about it right now.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "Did AJ set this up? Did he? Is

this some sort of a sick joke you guys are trying to pull on me?"

Now Brian was looking at me as if I had gone stark raving mad. "AJ?

What has this got to do with AJ?"

Seeing the complete innocence in his face I calmed down, embarrassed.

"Uh, never mind," I muttered. I looked at him, a hopeful grin on my

face. "So, what was that you said again?" I asked, my heart beating

about a thousand times a minute.

Brian shook his head at me, the same kind of shake he always does when

he thinks I'm off my rocker. He bowed his head for a minute in

silence then raised it again and this time I could see the tears in his eyes.

"I said I love you," he answered softly. This time I really felt a

tremor of shock. It wasn't from disbelief but from the knowledge that

he truly did love me.

"I…I thought you were straight," I stuttered. Great! Here he says

he loves me and all I can do is come up with that line.

Brian laughed, but it sounded harsh. "Bi, Nick. I'm bi. I swing

both ways."

I hated to hear the bitterness in his voice, the sadness in his reply.

Where had that come from? Why did he sound so miserable?

"What about you? I thought you were straight! What about Mandy?"

I shrugged, trying to make light of it. "I swim both ways too."

Brian burst out laughing, shaking his head. "Swim? Swing, Nick,

swing."

I grinned back. "Naw. I like swim. You know me and the sea. I'd

rather swim."

Brian laughed again.

God, how I love it when he laughs. He's always so fun to be around

with, making everything seem funner. More fun? Funnier? Shit. I

can never figure out the correct word. I eyed him longingly. He

loves me! He loves me! Better take advantage of it… now. I caught

him by surprise, almost lunging at him as I hauled him into my embrace. I

curled my arms around him, bringing my head down to meet his. I loved

the idea of me towering over him; how our difference in height somehow

seemed to fit us perfectly. Our lips met again, this time with more

passion on Brian's part and encouraged, I continued exploring more

eagerly, wrapping my arm tighter around him.

He opened his mouth willingly and I did the same, our tongues gently

dancing with each other, becoming bolder by the second. I remember

his comment about my breath and pulled away.

"I thought you said I had bad breath!"

Brian shook his head, trying to pull my mouth back to his. "I was

nervous with you so close to me, breathing on me. It made me…" he

searched for a word.

"Horny?" I offered hopefully.

Brian's blue eyes creased in amusement. "That too."

"Good. Then say yes."

"Huh?"

'"Say yes," I urged.

"To what?"

"To everything. To us. To now."

I could see the hesitation, his strength of willpower kicking in and I

swore inwardly, knowing he was thinking about Leighanne. I didn't

give him a chance to say no, taking what belonged to me, not to her.

I met his kiss again with a fervor I didn't think I possessed, kissing

him so hard that by the time I let up he was almost limp.

I grinned at him, noticing his eyes were still closed. "Brian, open

your eyes. Jeez, do you do everything with your eyes closed?"

He snapped them open immediately, his blue eyes filled with desire and

annoyance. "Screw you, Nick."

I grinned again and he groaned, realizing his mistake.

"Okay," I said brightly, yanking him easily off his feet and throwing

him over my shoulder. We both laughed as I dumped him onto the bed,

crawling seductively over him before he had a chance to move and

lowered myself boldly on top of him.

"Gotcha," I smiled.

Brian faked a small yawn, as if bored. "Yeah? So what are you going

to do about it?"

He wiggled a little under my weight and I ground myself into his groin

as a reminder.

"This."

"Oh!" Brian groaned a little at the pressure. "Um, so what are you

waiting for, Nick?"

I trapped his mouth with my own, giving him my reply. I shifted my

hips a little and he parted his legs allowing me better access. I

felt Brian growing larger with each second and I moaned with delight,

matching his hardness against my own. Planting my elbows on either

side of his face, I snaked my hands under his head, weaving my fingers

through his damp curly hair then brought his mouth up to match mine.

I began to slowly slide up and down him, the friction of our cocks

rubbing against each other causing us to gasp from the pleasure of it.

I broke away from the kiss, wanting to watch Brian's face, expecting

to see his eyes squeezed shut as usual. Instead he looked back at me,

a dark blue passion heavy in his eyes that spoke of a desire, a

longing, a plea for me to take what I wanted, what I needed.

"Oh God," I moaned, understanding his declaration, determined to make

him want me as much as I wanted him. I wanted to pull my hand

away from his hair, to rub him, cup him, feel his firmness, but our

thrusting movements were so exquisitely timed that I willingly gave

up, concentrating on his face, his mouth instead.

'Nick," Brian breathed and I could tell he was close, so close as he

closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the agony of pleasure he was

experiencing. I stopped for a moment and his eyes flew open, seeing

me smirk.

"Bastard," he commented, knowing damn well why I stopped. "Keep

going!"

"Don't close your eyes!" I warned, trying frantically to restrain

myself. I felt a fine bead of perspiration trail down between my

shoulder blades as I struggled desperately, wanting to hear him say

something before I completely lost control.

I began my movements again, varying the degree of intensity, each

shove from our hips bringing a moan of pleasure from both of us. "Say

yes," I pleaded, my body shuddering for release. "Say yes, say yes,"

I chanted, a mantra, each yes punctuated with a sharp thrust of

desire.

A shout, a cry of extreme pleasure ripped from Brian's throat as he

clutched me tightly, saying yes over and over again as he came, his

whole body arching against me, trying wildly to prolong his climax.

Feeling his body thrash under me, I exploded, calling out his name, a

fierce surge of relief and ecstasy flooding my senses. I yelled

Brian's name again, trembling, spent, and felt his warm hands bringing

my mouth to meet his in a soul-searing kiss.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Brian tried to catch his breath, gulping in short gasps as he clung to

me tightly. I was doing my best to make sure he needed more air as I

passionately kissed him.

"Nick! Nick! Ummf! I can't breathe!"

Sighing, I stopped a moment to gaze into Brian's eyes. "That better?"

"Ugh. Get your heavy ass off me. That will make it better."

I pouted exaggeratedly and Brian smiled.

"Get your cute ass off me," he requested politely.

With a quick kiss, I rolled off and stretched, glancing down at

Brian's and my crotch.

"Ah, nothing like a zipless fuck."

Brian sat up, nodding, seeing the dark stains. "You're so cute with

words," he said with sweet sarcasm. 'Now what?"

I prayed my luck would hold. So far, everything had gone according to

plan, even better than I could have possibly imagined. I would have

to remember to thank AJ later for that.

"Shower," I ordered. "You. Me. Now."

Leaping off the bed, I reached over to haul Brian upright. Brian came

gladly and my heart soared, happy to see the slightly-goofy smile on

Brian's face.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If being on top of Brian was incredible, then being in Brian was out

of this world. I couldn't believe how turned on I was seeing the warm

water cascading over Brian's neck and back, hearing the moans of

pleasure I drew out of Brian each time I thrust more forcefully into

him. But this time I couldn't wait and shuddered violently, yelling

passionate cries as I grasped Brian's hips firmly and emptied myself

inside him. Hearing Brian's strangled shout a moment later, I could

only kiss his back, still too tight in the grip of passion to do

anything more than enjoy Brian's cries of pleasure.

Slowly, carefully I pulled myself out, running my hands over Brian's

backside, admiring the view. Leaning over Brian's shoulder, I

whispered something into his ear. If it was possible to blush with

all the heat from our bodies and steamy water, Brian did. Grabbing a

bar of soap, he playfully turned around, trying to shove it into my

mouth.

"Jeez, you have a dirty mouth, Nick."

Catching his hand, I wrestled the soap from it. "Yeah, and you love

it, don't you? Come on, say yes."

Swiping the wet curls from his forehead, Brian grinned. "Yes."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Brian looked in dismay at the sweat pants I made him wear, glancing

down to see how far they dragged on the ground. With several flips of

the waistband, he managed to bring the legs up so he wouldn't trip on

them. Glancing up for approval, all I could do was laugh at him.

"Thanks a lot, Frack. Why won't you let me go to my room and get some

other clothes?"

I came over to him, wrapping my arms around him. "Cause I'm not

letting you out of my sight for a sec. Besides, you look sooo cute in

my pajamas."

"I look like an idiot."

"Yeah, that too."

Brian gave a small laugh and walked over to lie down on the still

made-up bed. I smiled wickedly and leaped dramatically on the bed,

landing next to him. I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and he shook

his head in disbelief.

"God, give me a minute, okay? To be twenty-one again!"

"Like five years make you so much older?" I scoffed.

Brian turned on his stomach, using his hands as a pillow to prop up

his face. "Sometimes it feels like it, Nick."

I bit my lip, hearing the melancholy in his voice. I leaned over and

kissed him gently on his mouth. "Brian, why so sad? I love you." I

didn't like the way he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. 'Frick?"

Brian opened his eyes, blinking several times before answering.

"Nick, when did you know you loved me?"

I paused for a second, wondering why he asked, wondering what I should

tell him. The truth, you idiot. Tell him the truth.

"Before you married Leighanne."

I could see Brian pressing his lips together, as if trying to keep

something in. I began to panic. "Brian? Brian? Come on. Tell me."

Brian buried his face into the comforter. "There's nothing to tell."

I grabbed his shoulder a little harder than necessary, forcing him to

look at me. "I don't believe you." I scanned his face anxiously,

hoping to figure out what was wrong. "When did you know that you

loved me?"

I must of hit a nerve, because he sighed a moment before answering.

"Before I married Leighanne."

I let the ramifications of what Brian said sink in for a few minutes.

Before I married Leighanne. Before I married Leighanne. God. All

this time. I loved him. He loved me. And neither of us had the

balls to admit it.

"Why didn't we say anything?" I whispered, not really expecting a

reply.

Brian gave a harsh laugh, rolling on his side. "Because I never knew

you were bi! Because I never dreamed you liked me! All I ever saw

you with was girls. Hell, how long were you dating Mandy? Like

forever? I guess I gave up before even trying. Then I met

Leighanne." He shrugged. "End of story."

I listened with my hands buried in my face. Feeling Brian's concerned

hand on me, I looked up, his blue eyes clouded with sorrow. "Nick?"

Grabbing his hand possessively, I began to trace a finger over his

knuckles. "I never thought you were anything but straight, Frick.

God, you seemed so certain, so right about everything. Chasing girls

everywhere, always teasing me about someday being a man. I mean, I

like girls, a lot, but how could I tell my best friend that I liked

him too?"

Brian rose up, kneeling on the bed and circled his arms around me,

kissing me. It was slow, full of longing, full with years of pent-up

desire. I began to tremble at his kiss; it was so sweet, so pure in

love. Finally breaking away, I clutched his hand and brought it up to

my lips, kissing each finger.

"Bri, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. We're here now. Right now.

Together. The way it should be." I smiled warmly at him, happy. My

smile began to fade as I watched a sharp pain flash through his eyes.

"What? What?" A small knot of fear welled up inside me, gnawing at

my gut.

Brian placed his hand on my face, cupping it gently. "Nick." He

stopped for a second, unable to go on. I heard him take a deep

breath, looking me straight in the eyes. "Nick, you don't understand.

I love Leighanne."

I sighed a breath of relief. "I know. I know that! So, you love

her. You love me more, right?" Starting to tremble, I began to see

the light. "Right? You love me more! Brian! Say it! Say yes!"

I knew my voice was rising, the panic, the anger there plain for him

to hear. Brian slid slowly from the bed, his eyes full of pain.

"Brian! Say it. Say it. Say yes!"

I watched him cross over to the dresser, picking up his wallet and

keys and headed for the door. He paused, his head down, staring at

the floor before he turned around to face me.

I could hear myself choking with emotion, hating myself for begging,

hating myself if I didn't. "Say yes, Brian. Say yes." My final

sentence ended in a whisper as I saw him shake his head.

"No."

*******************************************************************