You Do What You Have To Do:
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by: Tina and Danielle
Rated: R (adult stuff, ya know?)
copyright: 1999
Brian stared after Nick for a long time. He felt like shit. He felt lower than low. I just tried to do what I thought was best. I'm sorry, Nick. I'm so sorry, Kevin.

Brian went to his room and curled up in a ball on the bed, rocking back and forth. Despite his best intentions, he feared he had made everything worse instead of better.

198.....199.....200. Kevin fell back on the bench drenched in sweat and out of breath. He groped blindly for his towel and mopped off his face, the sweat running down his face nearly blinding him.

He had worked out like a man possessed. In a way he was. No matter how many reps he did, how hard he worked, he couldn't get his skin to stop crawling from Stefanie's touch, he couldn't get her words to stop echoing in his ears.

Frank had done the most despicable thing to him, the most degrading and demeaning act ever and he didn't think he was ever going to be over it. The thought of another man's body invading his like that again made him just want to retch. Had Frank made him like Nick in that way? He didn't like any other men that way, only Nick.

Nick....Kevin shuddered as the image of Nick's terrified face being gagged by Frank as his body was violated as his had been swam in his mind. Then images of when they had been together came to his mind, the way Nick arched and moaned below him, the love in Nick's eyes. Kevin buried his face in the towel, knowing the tears would come whether he stopped them or not.

The thought of Nick in any pain at all, real or imagined, just shattered Kevin's heart. But the thought that Frank may be right about making him like....he couldn't even say it, just made the shattered pieces of his heart turn to ice. He pressed the towel closer to his face, "I'm sorry, Nick. I'm so sorry."

I couldn't get warm, no matter how hard I tried. I was wrapped in every blanket I could find and my teeth were still chattering. I looked at the clock beside the bed and saw it was just about seven o'clock. That would be....almost 10 in New York. He should be up.

"I reached for the phone, having trouble getting my icy cold fingers to respond enough to grab the phone. I dialed Kevin's cell phone number, waiting to hear it connect. It rang and rang before his voice mail picked up. "Hi, you've got my phone and I must be busy as usual. Leave a message and I'll get back to you." Just the sound of his voice made me warmer, I sighed as I waited for the beep and started talking, "Hey Bumpkin. I kinda feel like an ass right now. Brian called me Nickers and I sorta blew up at him. I know he didn't mean anything by it, or even knows what it means to me, but it just didn't sound right coming from anyone but you. You must be up and whipping Howie and AJ into gear huh?" I couldn't stop the tremor in my voice as I shivered really badly for a second, "Damn, I'm so cold for some reason, they must have the A/C just cranked. I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. I hate this, Kev, I really hate this. I know you don't want my whining on your voicemail, so I'll go now. Love you. Call me when you get a chance, ok?"

I hung up the phone and snuggled back into the blankets, still cold. I sat up and decided to throw a sweatshirt on. Maybe it would help me to warm up. I rooted around my bag looking for one particular sweatshirt, I knew I had put it in here. Finally, I hit paydirt. I pulled out one of Kevin's Phat Farm sweatshirts and slid it on. It even smelled like him. Like soap and sweat and his cologne. I buried my nose in the front of it and I wasn't as cold any more.

I clicked on the tv and watched some idiotic morning show for a few minutes before turning it to some cartoons. Now X-men I could deal with. Katie Couric I could not. Too early for someone to be that perky. I sat there and waited for the stores to open, there was something I wanted to pick up.

Kevin walked back into the hotel suite, wincing a little. He knew he had overdone it in the gym. But no one said running from your demons was painless. He limped to the shower and spent a good ten minutes in there, letting the hot water seep into his muscles, loosening them. When he got out, the bathroom was coated in steam and he felt much better. He rooted around in his bag for something to wear and saw his cell phone flashing, meaning he had a message.

He sat down on the bed and hit the button to retrieve his voice mail and put the phone to his ear. Nick's voice came through the line and he gripped the comforter on his bed, realizing for the first time that someone had cleaned up the room. He sounded so lost on the message the tremor in his voice from the cold he was feeling made Kevin shiver too. When the message was over, Kevin pressed a number combination and closed the phone, turning it off. He put it in the bottom of his suitcase and finished dressing, walking out of the room and not looking back.


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