You Do What You Have To Do: Chapter 38 By: Danielle and Tee (C) by us too ******************** Kevin was laying on his back on the bed staring up into the darkness. He'd stripped down to his boxers and turned the lights out, putting a blanket over the window to block out the moonlight. Right now, the darkness was a welcome friend for once. He didn't know how long he'd been laying there like that but he knew it had been for hours. He'd moved his right leg a few minutes before and groaned with the stiffness he felt so he put it right back down in the same position and lay still once again. He cried out in surprise and shock when his bedroom door was suddenly thrown open and then he groaned as he shield his eyes from the light that suddenly filled the room. He sat up in bed and when he saw Nick going through his back pack, he said, "Nick, what the hell are you doing?" Nick acted like he didn't even hear Kevin. "Ah-ha!", he exclaimed when he found what he was looking for. He held it up in his hand and looked at Kevin. Then he went to the bathroom with it. "Nick?", Kevin called but the only response he got was the toilet flushing. ************ I realized I had probably scared Kevin half to death when I came barging into his room like a bat out of fuckin' hell. But I had to take care of something first before I could take turn all my attention to him. My hands shook as I clasp the medicine bottle in my hand. It was full. I took it to the bathroom and dumped all the pills into the toilet, flushing them away. I squeezed the empty bottle with my bare hands until it split and broke into several pieces. I threw it in the trash and walked back out, standing in the doorway. Kevin was sitting there watching me, watch him. I couldn't control myself any longer. I ran and made a flying leap on to the bed, knocking him back. I heard his breath hiss through his teeth and he groaned. I straddled his hips, cupped his face in my hands, and kissed him as long and as hard as I could on the lips. He moaned as I flicked my tongue across his bottom lip and his lips parted, allowing me inside to explore. I felt his hands on my hips and then they slid around my waist. As our kiss deepened, I felt him trying to roll us over so that he was on top but I broke the kiss and said, "No, sir. You stay right where you are. I have you right where I want you." Kevin gasped, "Oh god damn, Nick, that was some kiss. Holy wow. Geez." I said, "You and I have some stuff to discuss, mister. First off, thank God you didn't take those damn pills. I don't care if the doctor did prescribe them to you, they are drugs. Neither one of us has gone that route before and we're certainly not going to start now. Do we have a deal?" Kevin nodded his head, "yes." I smiled, "Good." , and I leaned down kissing his eyebrows. "I love your big hairy eyebrows." Kevin chuckled as I continued, "The next thing is when we get home, we both get into counselling together. After I make Brian squirm some and feel like a total scum bag for how he's acted lately, I will ask him to ask his therapist to recommend someone for us to go see. We have to do this, Kev. We need help here or we're not gonna make it." "You're right, Nick. And Brian has a therapist? Since when?" "Since before the heart surgery. He doesn't think anyone knows but I've hung around his house enough I know more about him than he knows about himself." I leanded back down and kissed the tip of Kev's nose. "Such a damn cute nose, you got there baby. I love it." Sitting back up I got serious again. "Ok, that's two things down. Now I wanna know why you let me read your journal?" "I had to. I had no idea of any other way to prove to you how much I love you baby. I don't always come across so great in trying to express my feelings when I have to say them outloud. But I've always been able to write and hell, I just hoped you'd be able to read that and see beyond everything and know what I feel in my heart for you is true, unconditional love." I kissed first one eyelid and then the other. "I love your eyes. They're so deep and green. Reminds me of the oceans off of Australia. Remember how clear they were. So clear they water was actually green. I could get lost in your eyes, Kevin. I could get lost in you baby." My lips covered his again. He cupped his hand behind my head to hold me to him but I pushed back up and took a deep breath. Kev's face was flushed and he'd never looked more sexier to me than he did right then. I said, "Now, tell me what happened last night before you got on the plane out here. You didn't go into detail in your journal but whatever it was opened your eyes. I wanna know. " Kevin took a deep breath and told Nick all about AJ and Howie dragging him out to the restaraunt and about Marc coming on to him. "Nick, I totally lost it when this guy came on to me. It made my skin crawl to have him near me. I shoved him and I might have actually decked him if AJ and Howie hadn't pulled me out of there when they did." "Kev, why did it bother you so much? You're an incredibly sexy man. You've always had girls throw themselves at you and you never reacted violently. What made this different? Was it because it was a guy?" Kevin was quiet a moment before answering, "At first I thought it was because he was a guy and it was all about this "gay" thing. But then I realized that wasn't it at all. I didn't want a man or a woman near me at all. All I wanted was you baby and you weren't there and I didn't know at the time how to fuckin' get you back." I leaned down to his right ear and took his earlobe in my mouth, sucking on it, letting my tongue swirl around the diamond stud he had in his ear. I did that until I heard him whimper, then I whispered in his ear, "I love your ears. I want you to hear me calling your name everytime we make love. I want you to hear me during the night when I wake up and whisper in your ear I love you just for the hell of it." "Oh, sweet God, Nick," Kevin said but he couldn't get anything else out. Right now he had a lump about the size of Texas in his throat and was having a problem catching his breath. I sat back up again, letting my hands softly stroke his chest. "What else happened last night, Kev?" "We went to the premiere of Tarzan. AJ had managed to get tickets some kind of way. You know how AJ is. I was scared to ask how he'd gotten them. I figure if I don't know nothing, then I can't testify against him at his trial." I smiled, remembering alot of the hair brain and sometimes illegal stuff AJ had done through the years and thought it was a miracle he hadn't been arrested a long time ago. Kevin continued, "The movie was ending. The credits were rolling and this song came on and I knew rght then, Nick, how bad I had fucked us up and how I had to get out here to you before we both died. I'm a part of you and you're a part of me. Seperate the two and it doesn't work. But together - oh, God, together you and I have something that is beautiful, magical, sensual, crazy, wild.........shit, I could go on and on." I kissed him before he could go on and on, pressing my lips as hard as I could against him, wishing there was some way I could just melt my body into his so we could be one physically in addition to emotionally. The kiss left us both breathless. I looked down into his eyes and asked, "Can you sing me the song, Kevin? Please." He nodded his head, "Yeah, but I wanna hold you while I sing it." I slid off of him and lay down beside him, my head resting on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. His heart was pounding but he softly began to sing to me. "Come stop your crying It will be all right Just take my hand Hold it tight I will protect you From all around you I will be here Don't you cry For one so small you seem so strong my arms will hold you keep you safe and warm this bond between us, can't be broken I will be here, don't you cry 'cause you'll be in my heart yes, you'll be in my heart from this day on now and forever more you'll be in my heart no matter what they say you'll be in my heart, always" Kevin didn't even finish singing the song. Him and Nick were fast asleep, wrapped in one another's arms.