You Do What You Have To Do
Chapter 50
By Danielle and Tee
(C) by us too



I woke up sometime during the night and just watched my bumpkin sleep.  He
looked so peaceful lying there with the moonlight pooling around him.

I got up out of bed, being careful not to wake Kevin as I disentangled
myself from his arms. When I was out of the bed and on my feet, I leaned
down and kissed him softly on the shoulder as he rolled onto his stomach and
snuggled into the pillow, mumbling my name on a sigh.  I smiled down at him.

I went through the room picking up our clothes and folding his, placing them
on the chest that was situated at the end of the bed.  I put my shirt down
with Kevin's clothes and then slipped on my boxers and jeans.

I quietly crept outside and sat in one of the deckchairs by the pool, just
looking at the moon reflecting off of the water.

"What are you doing up so late?"

I jumped and whipped my head around, "Holy Geez Beej! Don't do that!"

She smiled at me and scooted me over on the lounge chair. "Sorry." She sat
next to me and turned to face me, bringing her hand up to the side of my
face. "I missed ya, you big dork."

I winced when her hand touched my sore cheek. She took her hand away and
took my chin in her hand turning my face so she could see my cheek, I'm
assuming Mom didn't take the news of you and Kev well."

Before I could stop it, my jaw dropped open and I knew my eyes had to be as
wide as humanly possible.  She knew?! How long?! HOW??!!

She reached up and closed my mouth with a smirk on her face, "About two
months ago when you were in the hospital." She knew me too well, she knew
what I was asking with my expression without me having to say a word, "When
we were all leaving the room, I came back to get something I left in the
room and I saw you holding Kevin's hand and you pull him down to kiss him,
telling him you needed to go away, to be with him."

I let my breath out, I didn't even realize I was holding it until my chest
started burning. "You didn't say anything..."

She nodded, "I knew it would just embarrass you if I did.  You two were so
scared, I could tell just looking at the two of you tonight.  I knew you
were going to tell them.  It's a good thing too, just looking at you two
together, man you would have to be blind."

I smiled, when had my little sister grown up? Damn, I was missing so much of
their lives.  "That obvious?"

She shivered in the night air and I wrapped my arms around her, resting my
chin on the top of her head.

"If you know what you are seeing, Nick, yah it is. But a lot of people won't
see it.  Like mom.  Did she come around?"

I nodded against her hair, "Yeah.  She slapped me, we talked some, actually
yelled, then she went to smack Kevin and I was forced to put an end to
that."

I heard her chuckle softly, "About time you stood up to her, Nick.  God,
I've had to blaze all the parental talking back trails myself.  You were
always the angel boy."

I sighed, "I was never around enough to really get into it with them.
Actually if anybody got my teenager talking back, it was Kevin.  Ironic
huh?"

She laughed and looked up at me, "Hey, if he still loves you after how
annoying of a little runt you were when you joined that group, man, he
deserves some sort of medal or a psychiatric evaluation, I'm not sure
which."

That got her a smack on the shoulder.  Then I rubbed the spot I'd just hit,
"You're ok with this?"

She looked up at me, "It took some getting used to, I mean Kev's a major
hottie and he's dating my brother?!"

I grinned, "Actually, you are the first to know this, we're not dating." I
put a finger on her lips to stop her from talking, "As of tonight we are
engaged. I asked him to marry me and he said yes."

She squealed and next thing I knew she was crushing my ribs in a hug.  I
groaned, "Beej! Ribs! Ribs!"

She let me go and backed away, "Sorry! Oh god, I forgot. I'm so sorry!"

I shook my head and tucked her right next to me again, "Don't worry about
it, they are nearly healed, they just don't take kindly to bone crushing
hugs, that's all.  So I take it this is good news for you?"

She nodded, restraining her reaction, "Yes!  If I can't have the hottie to
myself, then who better than my brother!"

I laughed, "I had a thought that maybe you would appreciate that I was
keeping it in the family, but I highly doubted it."

She slugged my arm, "Hey! If I can't have him, I'll be happy with being his
sister in law.  But you guys are going to have to be super careful, you know
that, right?"

I nodded.  Oh man did I know that. Hiding for the rest of our pop star
lives. Ugh.  "Yah, Beej. We are well versed in hiding that which shouldn't
be seen from the public. Our significant others, our faults, our feelings,
our intelligence. Yah we've got it covered."

She hugged me, softly.  "I don't know how you do it, Nick.  All my friends
only see the pop star that you are and think that you have such a great life
and that since I'm related to you too, that my life is all roses too. They
don't see how hard it is for you to have to watch everything you do,
everything you say, keep your feelings all inside because since you are
public property you therefore don't have any feelings. I would have told
them all to screw themselves long ago, Nick.  It's hard enough just being a
regular old Carter kid, without fame on top of it."

I looked down at my sister and just marveled at how much she had grown up in
the past few years.  "I'm sorry that me being what I am makes it harder on
all of you, Beej.  I really am.  I know you all have to watch your steps too
because of Aaron and I."

She smiled and pulled my head down to kiss me on the forehead before
smacking her palm against it, "You Duffo! There is no way you need to be
sorry for being what you are. The pop star thing is just WHAT you are, not
WHO you are, Nick.  Who you are is our big brother and yah, you aren't
around much, but when you are, you give us so much attention and love that
it doesn't matter. And the stuff you send us from out on the road lets us
know that you are still thinking of us.  Just think of it this way,"  She
looked up at me, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "You aren't around enough
to get annoying.  We all know if you were here 24/7 we would have all killed
you by now. This whole pop star thing really saved your life!"

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her.  I cupped her face in my hands and put
my forehead to hers.  "I just want to know when my bratty younger sister
grew up so much."

She grinned at me, "Well it's well known that girls mature faster than boys,
so really I'm 25."

I laughed outright at that, "You wish, Beej."  I looked up at the stars, "I
though you were at a sleepover thingie tonight."

She sighed, "Yah it was supposed to be a girls night thing.  Instead it
turned into a big excuse for all of the girls there to sneak away to be with
their boyfriends.  I was not going to stick around for Candy's parents
coming back to find out all of the girls were gone, including their
daughter."

I laughed softly, "Why aren't you out with your boyfriend?"

She shrugged, "He's gone away for some sporty thing and if I had gotten
caught, which they are almost certain to be, it's not just a mom and dad
finding out thing, it's a press saying the Carter kids are going to hell in
a handbasket thing.  I should be thanking you, this whole thing has forced
me to be a good girl."

I laughed at the comical look on her face and got up from the deck chair,
"Come on, Beej, you are freezing, and if you get any more deep in the
conversation, I'm not going to understand you."

She giggled and took my hand, letting me pull her up from the chair.  She
met my eyes as she stood, "He treat you right?"

I nodded, "He treats me better than I sometimes think I deserve."

She smiled, "That's all I can ask for.  He hurts you and I will wax those
big, fuzzy eyebrows off of his face hair by hair."

I had to clap my hand over my mouth to stop from waking up the neighborhood
with my laugh.   I dragged her in the house and insisted on walking her
right up to her room.  I couldn't let the under the bed goblins get her,
could I? It was well known they roamed the house at night.

I peeked in at Angel and Leslie watching them sleep for a minute before
continuing down the hall to Aaron's room.  I went in the room and sat on
"my" bed just watching him sleep.  He really was a mini me.  He was also
getting so big.  I smiled at how tall he'd gotten.  I wish I'd been around
more. I'd missed so much of him growing up.

"Nick?"

I came out of my thoughts and looked at his sleepy little face, "Yeah AC?"

He reached out his arms and I knelt beside his bed as he wrapped his arms
around me, "How come Momma was yelling at you?"

I grabbed him, blankets and all and lifted him up into my arms, "Let's go
out to the guest house, ok? You can stay the night with me and Kevin."

He grinned, still sleepy, "Yeah! I can?!"

I nodded and carried him down the stairs, "Of course, you're my little man,
right?"

He nodded against my neck, "I'm not too heavy?"

He was a little heavy, but not too much to handle.  "Nah.  I got ya.  Cuddle
close, it's chilly out there."

He squeezed close to me and I made sure he was covered from head to foot
with the blanket and brought him out across the pool deck and into the guest
house.

I set us both down on the couch and motioned to a still sleeping Kevin, "We
have to be quiet, ok? You know how Kev is when someone wakes him up."

Aaron looked up at me nodding with wide eyes. "Mr. Bear.  Mr Mean, Growlly
Bear."

I laughed softly and nodded, "Yup."  I leaned back on the couch with my
younger brother still cuddled up against me, "You heard Momma yelling at us
huh?"

He nodded, "It woke me up."

I kissed the top of his blonde little head, "I'm sorry about that, AC.  I
told Momma something that surprised her.  I told her that I loved someone."

He looked up at me, "Like a girlfriend?"

I shrugged, "Kinda.  You remember me telling you that love comes in all
sorts of packages?"

He nodded, "Yeah.  Like love for your family, love for Momma, love for dad,
love for your friends."

I nodded as he kept reciting them all, "That's right.  Remember when I told
you that everyone has someone out there that is their true love?"

He smiled, "Yeah.  I thought that was Becka Martin for me."

I grinned, Becka was the neighbor kid that Aaron had totally convinced
himself that he was in love with, "How did that go, by the way?"

He screwed up his face, "She got cooties."

I choked down the laughter that was just about ready to bust out of me,
"Oooh. Terminal case?"

He nodded solemnly. "No cure."

I bowed my head, "Aw. Poor girl." I raised it again when I heard Aaron
giggle.  I smiled at him, "Anyway, you do remember what I told you about
true love.  I told you that it makes you feel all happy inside and when that
person isn't around you miss them and that they are better than the bestest
friend in the whole world, right?"  I waited for him to nod before going on,
"Well I forgot to tell you one thing about true loves though.  I told you
that you would know when you found yours, but I didn't tell you that it
might not be in the package you are expecting.  Some women find their true
love in another woman, some men find theirs in another man.  Nothing is
wrong with that, Aaron.  But some people in this world think that it is
wrong.  Those people are just scared, I guess.  They are afraid of anything
that is different.  It's not bad, it's just different and I guess they don't
understand that."

I saw him trying to wrap his head around what I was telling him.  I smiled,
"You remember your backup dancer Jeff, from the last tour?"

He nodded, "Yeah, he was a lot of fun.  He knew how to make practice fun."

I nodded, "You remember his friend Roger?"  He nodded against my chest and I
continued, "It's like that. Jeff loved Roger, Roger loved Jeff.  They found
their true love in each other. Just like Momma found her true love in Dad.
It's the same love, just in different packages."  I took a deep breath,
going for broke.  "It's just like me and Kevin.  See I love Kevin a whole
lot, Aaron.  And he loves me.  He makes me very happy inside and when he's
gone I miss him a whole lot.  I even cry I miss him so much.  I miss him
almost as much as I miss you when you are away.  And Kevin is better than my
bestest friend in the whole world."

He sat up off my chest, "You and Kevin?"

I nodded, steeling myself for whatever was going to come out of his mouth,
"Do you love him more than me?"

I let my breath out in a whoosh, "I love him just as much as you, but in a
different way.  See you and I are brothers and that is a different love and
it's even more special than the love I feel for Kevin.  You and I are
brothers forever and I'm never gonna love someone more than you, just
differently."

He smiled and flopped himself down on my chest again, "Good!"  He was quiet
for a second and I knew he was trying to absorb all that I'd told him.  His
head popped back up, "So Momma was just surprised that you found your true
love in Kevin?"

I nodded, knowing a little white lie wasn't going to hurt anyone.  "Right.
She didn't see that one coming, really."

He was quiet again for a few minutes and then floored me with his next
question. "If you and Kevin get married, will that make him my brother too?"

I just sat there silent for a second while my mind caught up with the rest
of me, "Uhm, yeah, he'll be your brother in law.  In fact we are going to
get married, we just don't know when"

He broke out in a grin, "I'll have two brothers then?  Coooooool!"

I laughed softly, "Yup, two big brothers and a cousin in law named Brian
too!"

He started squirming around against me and I knew that meant he was excited.
"This is so cool! Jeff and Roger got married too!  I couldn't go to the
wedding 'cause I was on tour but they sent me pictures! I get to go to this
one don't I?"

I nodded and hugged him close, "Of course! There wouldn't be a wedding
without you!  You are going to be standing right beside me when I marry
Kevin, I won't have it any other way."

He snuggled closer to me and I knew he was starting to get tired again,
"Cool."

I fell silent and started rubbing over his back, his big downfall.  He gave
a big yawn a few minutes later and I felt him sink against me a little. I
crooked my head to look at him and smiled.  Out like a light.

I looked over at Kevin still sleeping and my smile grew bigger.  My two
angels sleeping here in the same room with me.  One in my arms and the other
in my heart.  Life didn't get any better than this.