You Do What You Have To Do
Chap. 57
by: Tee and Danielle (this part by Tee)
(c) 1999 - you steal,  you die.  It's just that simple


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Kevin drove as slow as a grandma going to church on Sunday.  I tried to keep
from glancing at the speedometer but finally I couldn't help it.

"Kev?"

"Huh?"

"According to the sign back there the speed limit for this stretch of road
is 55."

He glanced over at me and said, "So?"

"So........you're doing 30.  If a cop comes up on us, he's going to give you
a ticket for going too slow."

Kevin looked at the speedometer and muttered, "Shit."

Our speed increased to 55.

I said, "Just go ahead and admit it, Kev."

"Admit what?"

"You were a turtle in a previous life weren't you?"

He was trying hard not to laugh but I saw the corners of his mouth
twitching.

"Nick, I will get you back for that little comment."

"Oh, I certainly hope so."

He looked at me and I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.  This time his
laughter rang through out  the car.

We pulled up in front of the Richardson home at long last.  It still looked
as I remembered it.  By the time we got out of the car and headed up to the
front porch, Ann had come out to greet us.

Kevin bent down and hugged her around the waist, pickking her up off her
feet. She laughed and told him to put her down.  She then stood back from
him and eyed him from head to toe.

"You're certainly better than the last time I saw you, son.  How are you
feeling?"

"I'm doing okay, mama.  It's been hard but I'm finally putting that awful
mess behind me."

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.  "Good.  I can't bare to think of my
baby being hurt."

Ann then turned her attention to me. We embraced.  I kissed her cheek and
told her how wonderful it was to see her again. She inquired as to my
health. What could I tell her?  The physical pain was all but gone.
Mentally..........well, we all know mentally Kev and I have been on very
shaky ground.

I looked up when I heard the screen door open and bang close.  Brian walked
out of the house onto the porch.

Kevin and I glanced at each other and glared at Brian but we kept our mouth
shut.  I don't suppose it would have been polite to tell him to fuck himself
with his aunt standing there.

Ann took me by one arm and Kevin by the other and led us in to the house,
Brian following behind.

"I'm so glad you boys could come visit for a couple of days.  Kev, honey, I
never get to see enough of you.  I'd worry about you working so hard if you
weren't doing something you so desperately loved doing."

"I know, mama.  We don't get to see each other like I wish we could.  I miss
you terribly.  How are those no good brothers of mine?  I haven't been able
to catch up with them lately."

"They're fine.  I talked to them both just the other night.  They send you
their love."  Ann glanced at her watch and said, "Dinner will be ready in
about another 30 minutes.  I'm going to go in the kitchen and finish it up."

Kevin said, "I'll help you."

I said, "So will I."

Ann patted my cheek and smiled, "No, no.  Nick, you are a guest here.  You
go into the living room and make yourself comfortable."

I watched her and Kevin head into the kitchen.  Kev looked back at me before
going through the kitchen door and mouthed, "Love you."

I smiled at him, acknowledging that I had saw him.

I was very aware of Brian's presense there but I didn't want to deal with
him.  I roamed around the living room looking at the family pictuers that
sat in frames across the mantle and the top of the piano that sat in the
corner of the living room.

Damn, Kev was a cute kid.  I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him
growing up through the pictures.  He had been born handsome and had grown
even more so with every passing moment.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Brian's voice broke the silence of the room.  I looked at him standing there
watching me.

"Very much so."

"Nick, how did it happen?  You've known Kevin since you were 13 years old.
How did you go from loving him as a big brother to loving him as you do
now?"

"Bri, I've always loved him.  It's perhaps been in different forms through
the years but it's always been there."

"You complete him, Nick.  When Kevin's dad died, there was a big part of
Kevin that he drew up into himself and he locked the door to that part of
himself.  I spent a lot of time grieving - wanting the Kevin I had grown up
with back.  Finally, I gave up cause it didn't seem like he'd ever come
back.  But, Nick, you've brought him back.  I guess you had the key to
unlock the door and for that I have to thank  you."

"Too bad you couldn't have realized that a month ago before you did your
damnest to rip me and him apart."

I had to hand it to Brian. At least he did have the good graces to stand
there and look miserable.  At this point I think he was so desperate for my
forgiveness that if I told him to strip naked and run down the street
clucking like a chicken, he would have done it.

"Nick, I'm so sorry.  So very sorry. I fucked up.  I don't know how to undo
the damage I did.  All I know to do is tell you I'm sorry. And I want you to
know I support you and Kevin 100%.  It was a shock about you two at first
but if you guys love each other and make each other happy, that's all that
matters.  Again, I'm sorry and I hope one day you can forgive me.  I won't
claim to know first hand what you felt going through all the hell that you
did but I did learn something important, Nick.  You've grown up to be one
hell of a man.  It seems like I just blinked my eyes and you were all grown
up.  I'm proud of you.  I don't think I could have been as strong as you if
it had been me in your shoes."

I didn't say anything for a moment.  I just studied him.  We'd really had
some great times together through the years.  A zillion Nintendo games. An
occasional pillow fights.  Pigging out on junk food in front of the tv
engrossed in some kick ass movie.  Lots of laughter and quite a few tears.
Best friends.  Frick and Frack till the end.

I guess Brian thought I was really never going to forgive him when I didn't
say anything in response to what he had said.

He said, "I don't feel so good.  I think I'm gonna call a cab and head back
to the hotel."

He had to walk past me to leave the living room.  I grabbed his arm.  He
stopped and looked at me like he thought I was going to hit him.

I turned loose of his arm and said, "You can relax, Bri.  I'm not going to
belt you one.  I forgive you for what you did.  It will take me a long time
to get over it though.  I'm not sure I'll ever look at our friendship in the
same light again. But you are my best friend in the whole world.  I'd be
honored if you'd be my best man.  Kevin and I are engaged to be married."

Brian just stood there.  His eyes grew big as the words I said sunk in.
"You're getting married?  Oh my God. Wow."

I smiled as his face brightened with a smile.  "Oh, Nick, I don't deserve to
be your best man after the way I've acted but it means so much to me that
you asked me.  Of course, I'll be your best man."

I don't know which one of us moved first but suddenly we were hugging and
sniffling back tears.

Brian asked, "When? Where?"

I laughed, "Aren't you full of questions?  I don't know yet. Hopefully
before we head out on tour.  We really haven't had a chance to talk it all
out yet and decide on things."

"Ok. Well, whatever I can do to help you get things planned I'm more than
willing to do.  All you have to do is say the word."

"Thanks, Brian.  I appreciate it."

About then, Ann came out of the kitchen to the dining room carrying  a dish
of something.  Kevin followered her carrying another dish.  He said, "Foods
ready guys. Come and get it."

Brian and I went to the dining room.  I inhaled and said, "Oh my.  It smells
heavenly.  I'm starved."

Ann laughed, "Sit down and dig in.  You boys don't get enough home cooking.
That's why you're so skinny.  Now make me happy and eat up."

The table was round.  I sat in between Kevin and Brian. Ann was across the
table sitting in between them as well.

I noticed Kevin looking at me curiously.  It was obvious the mood between me
and Brian had lightened and I knew Kev was wondering what the hell had
happened during that short time he'd been in the kitchen.  I grinned and
winked at him.  He finally decided to just go with the flow  and relaxed -
actually talking to Brian.

Dinner was delightful.  Full of laughter and talking.  I was rolling with
laughter listening to Ann tell about the childhood adventures of Kevin and
Brian. They hadn't been bad kids but just full of mischief.

After dinner, me, Brian, and Kevin helped Ann clean up. We actually wanted
to do it ourselves but she refused to go in the living room and relax.  But
with the four of us working, the kitchen was soon spotless.

Finally, we went to the living room to unwind.  Kevin made a point of
sitting next to me on the sofa.  Ann sat in her rocking chair and Brian was
in the recliner.

After a few moments, Kevin said, "Mama, I need to talk to you about
something really important."

I tensed up.  Oh shit. This was it.  Please, God, please let her understand
this.

"Kev, honey, you seem so serious. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, mama.  In fact, for the first time in my life something is
right.  I'm in love and we're going to get married."

Before Kevin could say another word, Ann got up and came over to him. She
leaned down and kissed him on both of his cheeks and hugged him.

"Oh, son, that's wonderful.  I've waited so long to see you get married and
settle down.  Why didn't you bring the young lady to meet me tonight?
What's her name?  I certainly hope she's a nice, decent girl.  I don't want
to see you get involved with another person like that other girl."

I don't know what made Kevin cringe worse.  His mother's reaction or her
reference to Stefaine.

Kevin scooted over and gently guided his mother down to the sofa beside him.

"Oh, Lord, mama.  I don't know how to tell  you this.  It's not a girl.
It's another man that I'm in love with.  Mama, it's Nick I'm going to
marry."

The color drained from Ann's face.  It was a long moment before she spoke.
"What kind of drugs are you on, Kevin?  You are in love with Nick?  How dare
you come into my house stoned on drugs?!"

She stood up and was now glaring down at him.

"I'm not on any drugs.  I love Nick and he loves me.  We're going to be
married.  He even gave me a ring."

Kevin held his left hand up so that she could see the ring that I had given
him. She looked so disgusted at that moment I thought she was going to puke.

"I can not believe you, Kevin. You were raised in a good Christian home.  I
didn't raise you to be a fag.  Oh, your poor father.  I bet he is turning
over in his grave right now.  Kevin, God condemns fags to hell!  Don't you
know that?"

Oh, this was even worse than I thought possible. There was one thing to be
in a state of shock and denial.  Ann was now just being mean and hateful.

I said, "Ann, I know this is a shock and how hurt you must be.  We never
wanted to hurt the people we loved."

Well, if looks could kill then I would have been dead right then.  The look
she bestowed on me at that moment made my blood run cold.

"Don't you even talk to me you queer!  I invite you into my home and treat
you as if you were my own flesh and blood and what thanks do I get?  You
seduce my son and turn him into a fag like you. Get out of my house. Get out
right now!"

Brian, Kev, and I sat there stunned.  Kevin said, "Mama, please.  Calm down.
Let's sit and talk about this like the adults we are.  Nobody seduced me or
turned me gay.  I've always been like this.  I just didn't know it until I
realized I had found my soul mate in Nick."

Ann was pacing around the room now. She turned back to Kevin and said, "No
son of mine is queer.  What in the world would all the people in church
think to know I raised a fag?  I knew we should have never let you move off
all those years ago.  You should have stayed here so I could have kept an
eye on you."

Kevin got up and went to where Ann stood.  "Mama, how can you say that?  All
I ever wanted to do was sing and make people happy and to fall in love and
get married.  I finally have everything I ever wanted."

Ann met Kevin's gaze and said, "I had so many hopes and dreams for you when
you were born.  You disappoint me, Kevin.  I have one thing to say to you
now.  You either chose me or him."  She pointed to me like I was yesterday's
trash that had been forgotten to be taken out and was now stinking up the
house.

When I saw the tears slide down Kevin's cheeks my heart broke into a
thousand little pieces.  How could this woman do this to him?  Aren't
mothers suppose to love and support their children no matter what?  I
seriously considered getting up and walking out the door right then.  That
would make it easier for Kevin.  They could find someone to replace me in
the group.  I'd be out of Kevin's life then and his family wouldn't disown
him.

Brian put his hand on my arm and squeezed.  He whispered to me, "This is
nothing compared to what you have already gone through together.  You
survived hell together.  You'll get through this together."

"Thank you."  That was all I could tell him.  I was glad he was there right
then.  He kept me from bolting.  Kev and I would get through this. Shomehow
we would.

"Oh, mama, please don't do this to me."  Kevin's voice was desperate.  I got
up and walked over to where he stood.

"You made your bed, Kevin.  Now, you have to lie in it.  I don't want you in
my house or in my life if you're going to be a stinking queer."

Time seemed to stand still.  Kevin looked at her for a long time.  Then he
looked at me.  I hoped he could see how much I loved him reflected in my
eyes.  His hand reached out for mine. I took it and our fingers clasped
together.

He looked back at Ann and said, "I love you so much, mama.  No matter what I
will always love you.  If you change your mind about things, you know where
to find me.  I'll always welcome you back into my life with open arms."

Kevin turned towards the door and headed out.  I was right on his heels.

I had forgotten for a moment that Brian was there also.  When we were at the
front door, we stopped when we heard Ann say, "Well, what about  you?  Are
you going to stick by your family?  Or are you going to be a queer lover?"

Brian said, "Yes, I'm going to stick by my family.  Kevin is my family.
Have a nice life, Ann.  I hope one day I'm lucky enough to find the kind of
love that Kevin and Nick have found with each other with my own special
someone because I don't want to die old and bitter like you will with your
nasty attitude."

Brian walked out into the hallway and his steps faltered for a second when
he saw me and Kevin still standing there.  Kevin held his hand out.  Brian
took his hand and the three of us walked out.