“Are you sure?” Nick asked.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” She thought for a moment, wanting to be absolutely positive she wanted to tell him before spilling the whole story. “Back in St. Paul, I was very popular among our class. I don’t want to sound conceited, but I knew everyone, and I guess all the girls thought I was cool. I had a new boyfriend every week, and all the guys knew that, but some of them asked me out anyway. There was one guy. His name was Mark Patterson, and I had had a crush on him since my first day of school. He asked me to go out to a movie with him after one of my frequent break-ups, and I was ecstatic. I just knew this one was going to last. We dated for three weeks, and then one night, we went back to his place.” She took a deep breath.
“If you don’t want to keep going, it’s all right,” Nick reminded her.
“No, it’s okay. We started making out, and things went a little too far. I stopped before we went all the way, and I insisted on going home. I was only fifteen, not ready to take that step yet. I thought he was fine with it, but he broke up with me a few days later, saying I was taking the relationship too slow. That day, nasty rumors started circulating about me. Horrible, awful, untrue things.” As the memories flooded back to her, she shuddered violently, but Nick’s arm tightened around her to calm her down. “They were about what I had supposedly done with Mark, and my past boyfriends, too. Of course, the past boyfriends didn’t mind because it made them look good. Basically, all the rumors said I was a slut, and everyone believed them. Mark made them all up to get me back for whatever it was that I did, turning him down, I guess.” She broke down into sobs, and Nick pulled her into a hug.
“It’s all right,” he soothed, smoothing her hair down.
When her crying slowed down a little bit, she continued. “After that, all the guys were asking me if I would fuck them, too, how much it would cost for a blow-job…terrible things like that. Finally, someone took it a little too far. He had always been so nice to me in the past, and he told me he didn’t believe what Mark said, and I thought he was a good guy. He invited me over to his house for dinner. We had fun. His parents were out, so I had had a wine cooler, and I was a bit tipsy. We started kissing, and then he wanted to go farther. When I wouldn’t, he…he forced me.”
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” Nick whispered.
“I understand if you don’t want this, if you don’t want us, anymore. That would scare anyone off.”
She looked down, but he tilted her chin to meet her eyes. “If anyone should not want an us, it should be you. You must be terrified of guys now.”
“I went to a psychiatrist twice a week for four months, and I guess I sorted everything out. That’s another reason why Mom wanted to move here. She wanted a fresh start for me. I really miss my friends, and I know I’ll miss my teachers, but I guess it’s worth it.”
“I can’t believe you actually made it through that. That has to be so emotionally damaging.”
“I learned a lot from it, though. It made me a better person. I learned not to spread rumors because, whether they’re true or not, they can hurt people emotionally and physically. I also learned that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to date new guys all the time because that really strengthened what Mark said about me. And probably most importantly, I developed a sort of sixth sense about whether or not to trust someone after what happened.”
He brushed away a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “And am I trustworthy?” he asked.
“If you weren’t, would I be sitting here with you right now?”