Mike really hadn’t been too bad to go out with (he had been somewhat intelligent and not so annoying), but still, there was no real chemistry between him and Jessica. He looked at her and smiled warmly. “I had a really great time tonight, Jessica,” he stated. She smiled, but the only thought in her mind was about how cliché that end-of-evening comment was. Very unoriginal. As he leaned in to try to kiss her, she turned her head so it landed on her cheek and pulled away quickly.
“Bye, Mike,” she said softly.
“Okay, bye, Jess. Uh, I’ll call you sometime or something,” he said as he turned and walked back down the driveway.
She quickly let herself in the house and waved goodbye. Then she went into the living room. When her eyes reached Nick, she let out a gasp. He was sitting there, looking really good in his boxers and no shirt. Reminding herself that she wasn’t falling for him, she managed to utter what some might call a greeting “Uh, h-hey.”
“Hey, how was your date?”
After finding her voice again, she replied, “it sucked. Yet another failure, strengthening my whole theory that I am never going to fall in love and be happy with a guy.”
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “Come here, watch A Christmas Story with me. That should cheer you up a little bit.”
“You’re probably right. I like that movie.” She sat down on the couch beside him, and he put his arm around her, willing her to make herself comfortable and lean against him. Her heartbeat quickened, and she had to stop herself from trembling. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice how fidgety she was becoming. Okay, so maybe she was starting to fall for him. That was not a good thing.
As soon as the movie ended, she said goodnight and bolted upstairs. Right away, she pulled out her journal. It was her one place where she could confess everything without censoring herself, without worrying about what others would think, without holding anything back. She dated it, then the words started pouring from her pen, mostly the thoughts that had been swimming through her head throughout the night.
I had a boring night, for the most part. I went out with Mike. We went to dinner, and it sucked. There was no chemistry there. Then I got home, and Nick was there. He was sitting on the couch in his boxers. He looked beautiful. He’s perfect. I cuddled up to him to watch a movie and I felt so safe, so special, so…in love. Of course I couldn’t fall for any one of the guys I dated. That would make things too easy for me, I guess. I would have to fall for pop singer Nick Carter, Nick, as in my dad’s best friend’s son, as in the guy I grew up with and never got along with, as in ICKY NICKY! And I’m falling hard for him, too. Am I totally losing it? I mean, look at him. Yeah, he’s cute, but he’s almost twenty-four, which makes him four years older than I am. He can drink, I can’t. Then there’s the fact that he can be a total jerk and was a total jerk to me for a while, and he’s…Nick. Damn, that’s it. He’s Nick. That’s why I’m falling for him. He’s got that boyish charm, the good looks, the manners (usually), and the whole gotta-love-me aura. That’s why I like him so much. Why can’t you just choose who you fall in love with?
Jessica stared at the blank page in her journal, as she had been doing for a half an hour, just thinking. She hadn’t written in almost a week. Since then, her feelings for Nick had been pushed to the back of her mind. It was impossible to be around someone all the time whom you loved and not to let them know, so she had to try to forget about how she felt. Now, she was trying to capture some worthwhile thoughts to write down, but the only thing, or person, who was on her mind was Nick, and writing about him was a waste of her time.
She was concentrating so hard on finding something good to write about that she didn’t even notice when Nick walked into the living room until he plopped down next to her on the couch. Snapping out her trance, she slammed her notebook shut and shook her head. “Hey.”
“Hi. Is that your journal?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Can I read it?”
“Of course not!” she exclaimed incredulously.
“You act like I’m crazy or something!” he laughed.
“You are! I’m not letting you read my journal!”
“Why not?”
“Because there’s some personal stuff I’ve written in here. This is where all my deepest, darkest thoughts go. No one is allowed to read it except for me,” she said. After her latest entry, there was no way she would let Nick read it.
“Come on. There can’t be any juicy information about guys in here that you haven’t told me. And who am I gonna tell if there is? And about your deep, dark thoughts, my normal, every day thoughts are probably a lot worse than anything you could have talked about in there.”
“You’re really annoying me, you know,” she said harshly. He gave her the puppy dog face, but it didn’t work. “I’m not gonna let you read it.”
“Okay.” Before she could stop him, he snatched it from her hands and bolted into the kitchen.
“Nick, give it back!” she shouted, jumping up and taking off after him.
He held it above her head and opened it up to the last entry. “There’s nothing in here you didn’t tell me. I don’t know why this is such a big deal,” he stated after reading the first few lines. Then he got to the part about himself, and his expression changed.
“Give it back, Nick,” she pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper.
“You…really feel this way about me?”
“You’re such an asshole,” she muttered. She jumped up and yanked it out of his grip, then went upstairs.
After fifteen minutes of reflection over what he had read, Nick finally got the nerve to talk to Jessica about it. He tapped on her bedroom door, and opened it when he got no answer. She looked up at him through cold blue eyes surrounded by puffy red skin. “You’re crying,” he stated.
“Couldn’t figure that out myself, thanks,” she muttered sarcastically. “What do you want?”
“I want to talk to you.”
“Well, you can save it because I’m not in the mood to talk to you.”
“I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. What did I do?” he demanded.
“Oh, now that’s a hard question to answer.” His face remained blank. “You read my journal, Nick! After I told you not to!”
“But – “
“I thought I could trust you to not do that kind of stuff!”
“If I would have known what was in there, I wouldn’t have opened it,” he said sincerely.
“Is that supposed to make it all better?”
“No, it’s not, but…”
“But what?”
“But…I don’t know.” He paused. “I had no idea you were in love with me. I’m shocked.”
“Well, you don’t have to be shocked anymore because I only think of you as a heartless bastard now.”
He actually flinched in response. “Ouch, harsh.”
“I don’t even wanna look at you right now, Nick. Just leave.”
“God, you’re not taking this very well. You’re acting like a total bitch.”
“How do you expect me to take this? You read my most personal possession and find out I’m in love with you, and you expect me to be all peachy-keen about it? It doesn’t work that way!”
“I know that! I made a mistake, okay? Everyone makes mistakes here and there.”
“Out. Just leave. You’re an asshole.”
For the next week and a half, it was a surprise if Nick and Jessica even shared one word. Funnily enough, no one even noticed the hostility between them, except for Jane, but she didn’t bring it up. She knew it really wasn’t her business, and she left it alone.
Nick began to feel some remorse for what he had done. After thinking for a while, he realized Jessica was right and he really HAD been an asshole. He probably would have been just as pissed off if she had looked through his sketchbook without his permission, especially if he told her not to. That was a really dumb thing for him to do.
More than that, he began to feel some sort of feeling back for her. He wasn’t sure if it was love or not. Mostly, it was just a desire to hold her, protect her, talk to her…basically to take care of her. But still, she was Jessica, and he didn’t know how to act on that feeling, especially since she was so mad at him. He didn’t know what to do.
He couldn’t sleep at night. Thoughts of her often distracted him. He felt so guilty. One night, he got up and went downstairs into the kitchen to get something to eat. If he couldn’t sleep, he had to do something. The only appealing thing in the refrigerator was pumpkin pie.
As he pulled it out, he heard soft footsteps on the stairs, and looked up to see her. She didn’t even acknowledge him; she just walked past him to get a glass of water.
“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly.
“What?” she replied, looking back at him with a look of surprise on her face.
“I’m sorry. I’m a jerk.” He paused. “I miss you and I want things to go back to how they were when we were friends.”
“Okay, fine,” she stated.
“That’s it? You’re not gonna lecture me?”
“No, I’m not. I just wanna drink my glass of water.”
He put a piece of pie on his plate and looked at her. “Do you want a piece?”
“No, thanks.”
“Okay.” He grabbed the spray can of whipped cream and sprayed some onto his pie.
“I’ll take some whipped cream, though,” she requested.
“You asked for it.” His eyes sparkled mischievously. He sprayed some at her and it landed on her tee-shirt.
“Hey, what are you doing?” she squealed. She grabbed the spray gun from the sink and started spraying.
“No way, you can’t use water!” he exclaimed, pressing down harder on the whipped cream can nozzle. “This is war!”
A minute later, Nick was soaked from head to toe, Jessica was covered in whipped cream, and both of them were laughing hysterically. She was the first one to grab a rag and start cleaning up. When she finished wiping off the floor, she grabbed a paper towel and started wiping it off her face and clothing. “I can’t believe you, Nickolas,” she giggled.
He watched, amused, as she tried to get the whipped cream out of her hair. When she threw the paper towel away and looked up at him, he felt something within him, something special, something new, something he’d never felt before. He took a step closer to her and placed his hands cautiously on her waist. “You missed a couple spots…here…and here…and here…” he said as he licked them away gently.
Too caught up in the moment to protest, she met his eyes and watched as his face moved closer to hers. It wasn’t until his lips met hers that she realized exactly what was going on. She started to pull away, but changed her mind and simply let herself go. Even if she regretted this in the morning, it was worth it to taste his soft lips now. They were sweet with the taste of whipped cream and pumpkin pie. She let out an almost inaudible moan, and Nick took this as a sign to keep going. His hands roamed up the front of her shirt and started to take it off.
“Not here,” she whispered. “Upstairs.”
Without a word, he picked her up and carried her to his room, then gently laid her down on the bed. Knowing she was a virgin, he leaned close to her ear. “If you’re not okay with any of this, just let me know. I’ll stop.”
“No, I’m ready. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
They spent the night proving that.