There's no use looking back or wondering,
 How it could be now or might have been,
 Oh this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bay breeze caught a stray lock of Karen's hair, wrapping it around the paintbrush she held between her teeth. Not for the first time this morning, she pulled it from the paint and tucked it back behind her ear. She should really go inside and pin it back properly, but she couldn't risk losing her momentum or the light. A frown of concentration on her pretty face, she mixed the oils on her palette striving for an exact match for the waters just past her rented cottage.

Hard to believe she'd never seen the ocean before ... before he came into her life. Just one more thing to remember with gratitude and helpless hurt. But there was no time for regrets, not now. Not while there was an empty canvas before her, a cloudless day, and a vision in her mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I never had a dream come true
 Till the day that I found you
 Even though I pretend that I've moved on
 You'll always be my baby,
 I never found the words to say
 You're the one I think about each day
 And I know no matter where life takes me to
 A part of me will always be with you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a chance meeting, the stuff dimestore romances were made of. A cold day in Chicago, the kind of day that required three or more layers of clothing and mad dashes from the car to the nearest heated building. It was classic, really. Heads down, both were rushing toward the side entrance of the Field Museum when boy met girl. Literally.

Once they'd gotten over their initial shock and embarassment, they'd had a good laugh together before sharing the next several hours over several cups of ice cold coffee. The first cup had warmed them, the second and third languished forgotten as their eyes held each others' and their souls had bonded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time,
 And tomorrow can never be
 cos yesterday is all that fills my mind,
 There's no use looking back or wondering,
 How it should be now or might have been,
 Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A flock of seagulls settled on the far dune, noisily arguing over a scrap of food and she laughed to herself, really, the first time in weeks that anything had broken through the shell of pain that had surrounded her heart.

It hurt. God, it hurt so terribly. The angry words, the accusations hurled in the heat of passion as only lovers can. Once uttered, they cannot be easily retrieved and so the wedge is driven in between.

Theirs had been a whirlwind romance. Their friends all warned them ... *take it slow* ... *it's too sudden* ... Maybe they'd been right after all, and this hurt almost as much as losing him; the shame of having been proven a fool.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You'll always be the dream that fills my head
 Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby,
 You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They'd been inseparable from the start, sharing a passion for the arts. He, a love of music, she, a love of painting. They'd complemented each other in so many ways. She was a great listener, always willing to lend a critical ear to a new melody. He had a phenomenal sense of color and seemed to know just the right touch to complete a scene.

And no matter how far away she travelled, no matter how she tried to shut him out, it seemed his voice was always in her thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There's no use looking back or wondering,
 Because love is a strange and funny thing,
 No matter how I try, I try I just can't say goodbye...

" Deep in her heart she would always hear the words and believe them. *I love you* he'd said. *I'll never leave you* he'd promised. And in the end she supposed it was true, because in the end *she'd* been the one to leave. Why? She really couldn't remember anymore. All she knew was the instinct to flee, to protect herself from the hurt that would surely come when he tired of her for the last time.

In all fairness, he'd tried to reason with her. *We can do this* he'd said. *Please don't leave* he'd begged. And even as their hearts were breaking, she'd summoned the blind courage to do just that. And here she was: alone. Lonely. Resigning herself to paint the scenes of her life on a canvas as empty as her future. God, she missed him. God, she'd been so wrong, so blind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I never had a dream come true
 Till the day that I found you
 Even though I pretend that I've moved on
 You'll always be my baby,
 I never found the words to say,
 You're the one I think about each day,
 And I know no matter where life takes me to
 A part of me will always be with you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The breeze changed, the scent of the ocean mingling with the fragrance of the gardenia by the porch railing. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply, relishing the life around her and fervently wishing she had someone to share it with. No, not just someone, *him*. There would never be another someone for her, not as long as she had her memories. She was resigned to a life of solitude and it was frightening how a memory could seem so real; how a scent of days past could be conjured into life merely by wishful thinking.

The setting sun warmed her face and if she concentrated just so ... she could recall his eyes, his lips, his scent ... his voice? God, life was so cruel, she could hear her name on his lips, his footsteps ...

Turning her face to the breeze, her dreams became reality. He was there. He'd come for her. He'd come home.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"A part of me will always be with you..."

3-9-01

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