Part 5 … Lori

My phone is ringing. I detest being awakened by a ringing phone, and I reach for it sleepily. I reach for it, but it’s not there. I snuggle down into the soft pillow, cracking open one eye to see what ungodly hour it is only to be met by a flashing 12:00. And the phone is still ringing. I groan, resolving to answer it just so I can give the caller a piece of my mind, but I can’t move. I’m pinned to the bed and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to budge. In my sleep-hazed mind, I equate my immobility with the horrific life sentence I’d been handed the day before and I panic. I’ve always been claustrophobic, and I begin to fight against my bonds, struggling to free myself. Finally a hand breaks free and I strike out, connecting with something, and I hear a voice cry out.

“Holy fuck, Lori, you trying to kill me?”

What? I know that voice, but what- Nick? “Nick?” I twist about and peer into sleepy blue eyes and last night comes rushing back at me with sickening reality. His arm is thrown protectively across me and our legs are tangled together in the sheets. And the phone is still ringing. “Ans- answer the- phone,” I manage as I try in vain to cover myself.

He pads stark naked to the phone on his desk, and as I watch him go I look down at myself. I, too, am naked as the day I was born and my body bears several marks of the thorough lovemaking that occurred the night before. I look up from my self-inspection to find him watching me with concern as he picks up the phone. I know I’m blushing, and my stomach rolls with the leftover effects of my drunken binge.

“What?” he barks into the receiver and then there is dead silence as he looks to me again. “Howie. Yeah, I called, last night. Where were you?”

It is the last thing I hear before I pull the sheet around me and bolt for the bathroom. Through the closed door, and in between my body’s efforts to throw up Manhattan, I hear bits and pieces of Nick’s side of the conversation.

“I tried calling you…” “Yeah, she’s okay, mostly. I picked her up and brought her out here.” “No, man it’s okay, it was no trouble.”

As I rinse my face and creep back toward the bedroom, I hear his parting comment. “We’ll be here, get here as soon as you can.”

“Oh my god…” I manage, before sinking to the floor in a heap of emerald green percale.

“Lori?” Nick was by my side in an instant, gathering me up and carting me back to bed. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go. Nick, I have to get out of here. I can’t stay, Nick. He’ll know and – I just can’t stay.” I try to stand, but he holds my trembling body until I cease struggling. “Please, Nick, just let me go,” I whisper.

“Lori, he’s on his way over here. He was worried about you.”

“You called him.” It was an accusation, not a question and Nick knew it.

“I called him right after you fell asleep. The FIRST time,” he clarified, and I ducked my head in embarrassment. “Lori, look … what happened last night-“

“What happened last night was a mistake, Nick.” I spoke more harshly than I’d intended and immediately regretted my tone. I know he was hurt, I couldn’t help but see it in the way he pulled away from me. “I’m sorry, I meant …”

And still he had the grace to be kind to me. “I know what you meant, Lori, and I don’t regret it at all. And it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I mean, you’re still Howie’s fiancée and-“

“I have to get dressed,” I said, interrupting him. I couldn’t talk about being engaged to Howie while I was sitting naked with Nick, that was just too perverse for words. I rushed from the room, and by the time I was somewhat presentable, I could hear soft voices floating up the stairs and I knew it was crunch time.

As I walked into Nick’s spacious living room all sound ceased. Instantaneously. Howie came to me, putting his arms around me and holding me tight and for just a moment I felt like everything was going to be all right.

“Honey, what happened? I tried to call you-“

“I tried to call you too, Howie. Where were you?”

“That’s what I was just explaining to Nick. There was an emergency back at the condo and I couldn’t get back here last night. Sweetheart, I’m so glad Nick was here to take care of you.” I tried to be as nonchalant as possible, but my insides were churning. I had to tell him, and I knew that what I had to say was about to change his life forever. “Howie, I think you should sit down. We need to talk.”

“Look,” Nick said, “I have some stuff to do. I’ll be up in the studio.”

“Thank you,” I said, grateful for the privacy on one hand, but on the other, wishing he would stay and be my support.

“Lori, what’s going on?”

I took a deep breath and told him everything. I started back at the beginning like I did with Nick, and as I talked I could see Howie pulling away from me. It was almost a visible distancing as he processed what I was trying to explain. He still held my hands, but his fingers were now cold and a nervous sweat had coated his face, his beautiful face that I loved so much. I began to stammer as I rushed toward the end of my poorly rehearsed speech and found myself saying the words that Nick had tried to convince me to keep to myself.

“And I know this is a lot, Howie, but there are new treatments being discovered every day,” I said with false brightness. “There could be years and years where I never have a problem again, but of course we just don’t know and I know you love me, and I love you too, but I think maybe we should postpone the wedding. Just for a while until I have the rest of my tests and then we can decide what to do.” I smiled weakly as I waited for him to deny me, to reassure me that everything would proceed as planned and not to be silly. Of course he’d love me no matter what, and we wouldn’t let some silly disease get in our way. Come on, Howie, tell me everything is going to be fine.

“Lori,” he said softly, “of course you know I love you.”

I smiled with relief.

“But-“

What? What did he mean, ‘but’?

“I think maybe you’re right. Right now, well, right now wouldn’t be a good time to rush into something.” He couldn’t look me in the eye and that scared me more than what I was hearing. “I’ll … umm … my mom and my sister, they can call everyone and let them know. I mean, that way you won’t have to do it. And you can … umm ... rest. You can rest and when you feel better we’ll talk.”

When I ‘feel better’? This is a chronic, lifelong disease. I might never feel better. “Howie-“ I began, but he was already walking out the door. Out of the door and very probably out of my life.