"It's the way you love me ..."
We almost blew it tonight. Another one of those damned MTV interviews, and they seem to know just how to get us loosened up. Maybe it's because they've been around for us for so long? I dunno, but it was a close call. I've seen the pics on the net already and so has Kevin. What a pervert... he's already printed one out and posted it in the bathroom. And the fans ... I know they can see it, they write enough fanfiction about us. I read some of it to Kev the other night ... damn, it was more than inspriring. I think I'll have to bookmark my favorite authors ...
I don't want another heartbreak
I don't need another turn to cry
I don't want to learn the hard way
Baby hello, oh no, goodbye
But you got me like a rocket
Shooting straight across the sky
I can remember the first time we realized what was happening. God, it was intense. I mean, it's not like we weren't close before, but it was different, you know? They think Howie's song "How Did I Fall" is about some childhood crush, but there's a reason I don't stand next to Kevin when we sing it. An arena full of fans couldn't stop me from taking him in my arms if he looked at me during that song. Management had no clue why we wanted it on the small stage, they thought it was for the fans ... an intimate, loving moment for them. Shit, no. It's so I could stand with my back to him and pretend I'm singing to fourteen year old girls and their mothers.
It' s the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's (ah) impossible
This kiss, this kiss
Unstoppable
This kiss, this kiss
The first time he kissed me was like nothing I'd ever felt before. God, that sounds so trite, but it's the God's honest truth. I'd dated before, been in serious relationships, but they never worked out and now I know why. Everything I'd done was just a stepping stone to my life with Kevin. It was almost midninght one evening, and I'd just sent my latest fling packing when he showed up at my door.
Cinderella said to Snow White
"How does love get so off course
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse
Ride me off into the sunset
Baby I'm forever yours"
I was at loose ends, and when he looked at me I knew something was about to change. I poured out my confusion, my insecurities and then he did it. He took me in his arms and it was like ... like suddenly everything was right with the world. What began as comfort between two friends was like an explosion of insight. He knew that I knew. I could tell the exact moment that his touch changed from that of a friend to that of a lover.
It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's (ah) unthinkable
This kiss, this kiss
Unsinkable
This kiss, this kiss
There was a simple tightening of his arms as they held me, a slight caress of his hands on my back. He'd *never* done that before in all the years I'd known him. Hell, I'd have decked him any other day. But not this time. This time my breath caught in my throat and I held him back. I gave in to it and wrapped myself around him. I sighed, and he laughed at me.
"Awesome, isn't it?" he'd asked me.
I pulled back, but he refused to let me go. I looked into his eyes, those deep pools of green, and saw something I never thought I'd see.
Love. Pure, unabashed love. It scared the hell out of me. I'd been around, it's not like I'd never considered being with another guy, but I just never *had*.
"Kevin?" I could barely speak his name. I think I was afraid I'd break the spell and blow my one chance for .... for whatever this was. It was so damned new I couldn't even put a name to it. Well, I probably could, but I was afraid to go there. Fortunately, Kevin wasn't.
You can kiss me in the moonlight
On the rooftop under the sky, oh
You can kiss me with the windows open
While the rain comes pourin' inside, oh
Kiss me in sweet slow motion
Let's let everything slide
You got me floatin'
You got me flyin'
I watched, hypnotized, as he leaned closer to me. I could feel his breath on my face and his eyes were a darker green than I'd ever seen them. He wet his lips with his tongue and I moaned. I had no shame whatsoever. His hands held my face and I closed my eyes. I wanted to watch, but it was too much, just too damned much to take.
It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's (ah) subliminal
This kiss, this kiss
It's criminal
His mouth met mine and there were no soft preliminaries, just a brutally honest kiss. It was like he'd been rehearsing this moment for ages. Maybe he had, I'll have to ask him sometime. At the time I didn't care, all I cared about was the way he felt. I'd been so used to being the agressor, the man in charge, and it blew me away to be held like that and kissed into submission.
Hell, it didn't take much. When I remember that night I have to laugh. I think it was somewhere around daylight that we finally came up for air and made love. Six hours of foreplay ... gotta admit, he's good. Maybe someday I'll tell you about it, but right now I gotta go. It's bedtime.
"It's the way you love me ..."
8-30-01