Nowhere To Run : Jenny's Story Continues
Written by Phire

Prolouge
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14

Read: Our Little Game

Back

---

Prolouge

Hey! Did ya'll miss me.Well,so much has happened since I talk to all of  you last.But before I get into that,let me re cap what happened.Just incase any of you may have forgotten.

I was almost seveteen when I found out that my cousin,who had been sexually abusing me since I was five, was coming back to Kentucky.I tried to run away,but got caught,and was sent back.My cousin was Brian Littrell of that popular boy band Backstreet Boys.Yes,he used to force me to have sex with him.But you wouldn't have known it just by looking at him.No one;not his fans,bandmates,family,or even his wife knew what he was really like.And that was because he told me I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about "our game". And up until July of 2001,I had no intentions of  ever mentioning it to anyone.I had planned on taking the horrible secret with me to my grave.But that all changed in September,three weeks after  my seventeenth birthday,at my other cousin Kevin Richardson's house.I  hadn't meant to say anything.But I was really stressed out to my breaking point,and I ended up blurting it out to AJ McLean.ONce I realized what I had done,I tried to take it back.Make him think he'd heard me wrong.But he wasn't buying it,and he went after Brian.And while they were fighting on the floor of my room,I ran from the house.Brian came after me,and while trying to escape him,I went over the egde of a cliff. Luckily for me,there was ledge on the way down,so I wasn't seriously hurt. Well,it was finally out what Brian had been doing to me all these years.And I was left with the decision to prosecute him or not.I thought it over for awhile,and decided the best thing to do would be to let him go free.Well,not totally free.He did have to spend time in the county jail while I made my decision.And his wife did divorce him.So a month later,I changed my name to Elizabeth McDonald,and moved to New York with my best friend Lauren.

Things had been going pretty good since then.I was going to college,working part time as a secretary for a law firm,and vollunteering my time as a counsaler for a rape hotline.School was great,work was great,I loved being able to help other victims overcome their ordeals,and my relationship with AJ was perfect.But then that all changed.Suddenly I was getting strange phone calls,and the letters with messages like "I'm Watching You" .I didn't put much thought into it at first.I thought it was just bull.Which is why I didn't tell anyone about it at first.But then I found out that I was being followed,and that someone was breaking into my house,putting my friends all at risk.It was a complete mightmare. Let's pick up where I left off last time.Three days before my eighteenth birthday...

Back

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Chapter 1

"Liz!"I heard my best friend yell,from downstairs."You're gonna be late!"

"I'll be there in a minute,Lauren."I yelled back,then continued putting on my makeup.I had changed alot since that fateful night almost a year  ago.Not just my name,but my appearence as well.I had shortened my shoulder length blond hair by two inches,and colored it a dark brown,then I got it permed.And thanks to colored contacts,my eyes are now blue,instead of green.

After I finished with my makeup,I slipped into a pair of tan pantyhose,then into a short black skirt.I put on a long sleeved dark rose shirt,that showed off my stomach. Then I stepped into my black heels,left my room, and went into the one across from mine.I walked over to the crib,and lowered the bar.

"Hey,little guy."I said softly,looking down at him."You hungry?"The baby gurgeled in response,so I carefuly picked him up.I took him over to the changing table,and changed his diaper. Then I carried him downstairs,to the kitchen,where my best friend sat eating breakfast.

"Hey,Mama.Look who's up."Lauren looked up,and smiled brightly.

"Hi,baby."She said,taking him from me."Thanks,Liz."

"No problem."I grabbed the orange juice from the fridge,then sat  down across from her.Lauren's son Joshua was three months old,and was absolutly the cutest thing ever.A couple of months after we arrived here in New York,Lauren found out she was pregnant,lost her boyfriend and her job,all in the same day.Now most girls would have totally lost it,but Lauren kept her cool,and went with the flow.Now she has a beautiful baby,and a great job.And now she doesn't have to worry about me covering her half of the rent and utilities,because she can afford to do all that now.

"So you're gonna pick up Leighanne from the airport,right?"I asked.

Lauren rolled her eyes, "We've been over this a thousand times,Elizabeth."

"I know.But how about a thousand and one times?"She sighed, "Okay.Leighanne's flight comes in at nine fourty five.Kevin will be here at five after one.Nick and Courtney get in a little after ten tomorrow morning, and Howie will arrive tomorrow night.And of course,you're man will be here sometime tonight."

I nodded, "Ya know,I wish I knew what time his flight gets in."

"He wants it to be a surprise."Lauren reminded me.

"Not much of a surprise if I already know he's coming."I said. "And it won't be such a surprise,if I'm not here."

"Who says you can't be here?"She asked,burping the baby."Just get off work a little early tonight."

"It's not that.I have group therapy tonight."

"Shit."Lauren swore."I forgot it was Tuesday.Oh well.If he gets in early enough,maybe he can pick you up."

I shook my head, "That won't work.Men aren't allowed on the properity,remember?"

"Okay,then he can pick you up a block away from the center."She said.

"I guess that'd work."

"So how is therapy going,anyway?"

I shrugged, "It's fine."Lauren palced the baby in his playpen,and looked at me.

"Alright,what's wrong?"

"Nothing.It's not me."I said."It's Jean."

"She still ain't talking?"

I shook my head, "No.And its really starting to worry everyone."

After everything that I had been through with Brian,my boyfriend Alex said I I should go into counseling.But I liked the idea of group therapy alot better.I thought it'd be much easier sharing my problems with a bunch of women who'd been through the same thing,rather than with just one person who probally didn't understand at all what I'd been through.And it turns out I was right.Of course,I don't mention the fact that my cousin was in the group Backstreet Boys.I've kept that part to myself.there's this one girl that has been there for a month and a half,named Jean.And even though she never talks,I found out a few things about her.Like for instance,Jean isn't her real name.It's actually Britney Spears.She's just going by her middle name,so no one reconizes her.She's also totally changed her appearence. Her hair is cut really short,and she always wears really baggy clothes.Not how you'd expect a popstar to dress. She's always looking down at the floor,so you can't ever see her face.But a few weeks ago,I just happened to get a glimpse of her face,and that's how I figured out who she was.She's made me promise not to tell anyone who she really is,and I'm gonna stick to my word.I talk to her every now and then,but she's not very open about what happened to her.Although I think one of the guys from *Nsync may have raped her.Because when I asked her this, she got this really scared look in her eyes.A look I've seen too often through myself.

"Maybe you should have her call the hotline?"Lauren suggested.

"I already tried that."I told her."But she refuses to call it.I know she'd feel so much better if she'd just talk about it."

"I'm sure she just needs some time."Lauren said.

"Yeah,well.I better go,or I'll be late for class."

"Alright,see ya girl."

"Bye,Lauren.Bye,Josh."I said,kissing his forehead."Tell Leigh,I'll see her before I go to work."And then I left.

Back

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Chapter 2

I had hoped I'd be able to get home to see Leighanne before I had to get to work, but one of my classes ran a little
late,so I wasn't able to leave workuntil one  thirty.When I got home,I hurried up the walk,and inside.

"Leigh!"I yelled,opening the door."Are you here?"I dropped my stuff on the table, and ran down the hall to the guest
room.But  it was empty.

"Damn it."I muttered."She must have left to go get Kevin."I decided to go up to my room,and leave her a note.But
when I got there,I was surprised to see her sitting on my bed.

"I was wondering when you'd get around to coming up here."She said,smiling.I grinned,and waslked over to hug her.

"I'm so glad I didn't miss you."I told her."I've really missed not spending time with you."

"Well,I've missed it too,Jennifer."She said,then corrected herself."  mean, Elizabeth. Sorry."

"It's okay."She took a step back,and looked me over.

"Look at you.You're so grown up!"

I smiled  "Thanks.SO how have you been?"

She shrugged, "OKay,I guess.I've been better,ya know?"

I nodded, "Yeah."It was at this moment,I felt a strong urge to apologize to her."I really am sorry about this, Leigh."

She looked at me, "Elizabeth,how many times have I told you it's not neccesary to apologize for this?"

I sighed,"About a million times."

She touched my arm,"Come on,Liz.You know I'm not mad at you.Even if you didn't intend to,you truly did the right
thing by telling AJ.What Brian was doing to you was very  wrong."

"I know.But I still feeel bad because you got hurt,and I never wanted that."I said, quietly.

"Elizabeth,I'm fine."She insisted."But if anyone should be apologizing,it should be me.Afterall,I should have known."

I shook my head, "Leighanne,don't.Y-you couldn't have known.Really."

"But I should have.IT was right there infront of me the whole time,but I never really saw it."God,if she continues like
this, I'm gonna cry.

"Leigh-"I started,but she interupted.

"I'm not gonna lie to you.I always thought the relationship you two had was odd. The way he'd constantly be
touching you,or holding you.How he'd get so violent  with you for no reason,and how you always seemed so scared
and lost.I think deep down I knew what was going on,but I didn't really want to believe it."Now we're both crying. "I'm
sorry."She cried. "I'm so sorry I didn't stop it."We've had this conversation so many times,and everytime I feel even
more guilty than I did  before.

"It's not your fault."I said,through my tears."I swear,it's not.I don't blame you for any of this,whatsoever.I could
never blame you for it.You're my best friend,Leigh."I put my arms around her,and satrt to cry even harder. It's
times like this,when I can't help but regret ever saying anything.Even if what  he was doing was wrong,I knew it
would end up hurting so many people.And I couldn't stand knowing all the pain was my fault.And then when
Leighanne came into the picture,I liked her so much,I made it my mission to keep her from finding out the truth.She
was the nicest person I'd ever known,and I just couldn't hurt her that way. Finally she pulled away,and wiped her
eyes.

"If we keep this up any longer,I'm not gonna have any tears left."I nodded,in  agreement. Just then we heard the
front door open,and Lauren yell.

"Leighanne!Is Liz here yet?"

"I'll be down in a minute."I called,wiping my face.

"Come on."Leighanne said,after giving me another hug.I smiled,and followed her downstairs.

"Kevin!"I yelled,when I reached the living room.He got up off the couch,and I threw my arms around him.

"I have missed you so much,Liz."He said,holding me tight.

If someone would have told me a year ago,that he and I would actually be happy to see each other,I would have
laughed right in that persons face.For a very long  time,Kevin and I did not get along at all.I always thought he
hated me.He was always  yelling at me about something,or ignoring me all together.But then I found out the truth.
He had known the entire time what Brian had been doing to me.He actually witnessed it happening once.He couldn't
believe what he had seen,and never told  anyone even me,that he knew.But the guilt stayed with him and he thought
that if he  didn't get close to me,it'd make him feel better.Well,it only made him feel worse. When I was in the
hospital,he finally told me the truth.I was pretty shocked,but  then I felt bad again because he had been suffering
all this time,just as I had. Things are still a bit rocky with us,but we're getting though it.

"Allie,wanted me to tell you she's sorry she couldn't come out for your birthday."He said,when we broke apart."But
she's working on this big case, and she couldn't get away."

"It's okay."

Alissa is Kevin's new wife.He and Kristen divorced about a few months after what happened.Allie had been his best
friend from back home,and they had dated.But then a fight tore them apart,and they hadn't spoken to each other
in over a decade.It took some coaxing from me,but I finally got him to apologize to her for being such a jerk And
they finally both admitted that they still loved each other.Allie's four months  pregnant with their first child.Well,
technically it's her third.And really they  already have a fourteen year old daughter together.That's what broke them
up in the first place.And she was a one year old son from a previous marriage.

"So how's school going?"He asked,pulling me down on the couch with him."I wanna hear everything."

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Chapter 3

When I got to the crisis center,I saw that some of the other women were already there. In this particular group,
there were right women total that attended,myself included And up until just recently,I was the youngest. Then last
week,fifeteen year old Amber  joined the group.She was five months pregnant with her brother's baby,who had
been abusing her since she was four.As I walked into the room,I saw her reading a book about pregnancy. I walked
over,and sat down beside her.

"Hi,Amber."She looked up,and smiled.

"Hey,Liz."

"How are you feeling?"I asked.

She shrugged,"Okay,I guess.How about you?"

"I'm alright."I replied."Leighanne and Kevin got here earlier,and Alex will be here sometime tonight.So I'm pretty
excited about that."

"You're so lucky to be able to have a boyfriend."Amber said,sighing."I don't think I'm  ever gonna be able to trust
guys again after this."

"I'm sure you will eventually."I told her."It's just gonna take some time."We talked a bit about what I was going to do
for my birthday,when she suddenly said.

"Look,there's Jean."I looked towards the door,and sure enough there she was,looking as uncomfortable as ever.

"Gosh,she looks awful."Amber commented,and I nodded in agreement.Just then our counselor,Rhonda came in.

"Oh,hi,Jean.Go ahead and take a seat,and we'll get started."

Rhonda Jones was in her late thirties,about 5'6",with long blond hair that she often wore in a french braid,and she
had dark brown eyes that were framed by glasses.She took  her seat,and asked each of us what we had done
today.

"My brother called me from prison,and asked if I was gona ever visit him."Amber said, when it was her turn.

"And what did you tell him?"Rhonda asked.

"I told him maybe."Amber answered."But I don't really want to.I only said that because I know it's what he wanted to
hear.And most likely my parents are going to make me see  him,anyway."

"You need to be honest with him and your parents,Amber."Rhonda told her.

"Even if they want you to see him,you don't have to  unless you want to.Nobody can make your decisions  for you.
You do that yourself,alright?"Amber nodded.

"What about you,Elizabeth?"Rhonda said,looking at me.

"Leighanne arrived today.And like always she and I ended up crying the whole time,and apologizing to each other
for what happened."I said."She felt it was her fault,and I tried to tell her that it wasn't,and then I had to leave for
work."

"Why do you think that after all this time,both of you feel the need to take the blame for something that wasn't your
fault?"Rhonda asked.

I thought about that for a minute,"I guess that even though we both know that it wasn't our fault,in a way we still
feel inside that it kind of was.She still blames  herself for not realizing it sooner,and I still feel bad for ruining her
marriage. And then when she blamed herself,it makes me feel even worse."

Rhonda  nodded,"If this had come out sooner,do you think it would have made things  different?Any easier for
everyone involved to cope with?"

"Probally not."I confessed."I guess either way,things would be pretty much the same as they are now."Rhonda and I
talked about that some more,then it was Jean's turn.

"I cut myself today."She said,the lifted up her pant leg to show everyone.Right in the middle of her leg,was a
bandage,but you could see how  red it was.

"Why did you do that?!"Amber asked,shocked.

"just wanted to get rid of the pain."I knew what she was talking about all too well.

I looked at her,"But it didn't work,did it?Maybe for awhile you felt a little relief, but right now you probally hurting
again.Only this time it's worse than before, because now you've done something that you regret."She didn't say
anything,just  looked down at the carpet.Amber turned to me,amazed.

"How do you know that?"

"Because I used to do the same thing.I thought that by causing harm to my outter self,it would help heal my inner
self.It never really made the pain seem any less.But I still kept on doing it anyway,cause I just  wanted to stop the
hurting.But in reality,it really isn't worth it."Rhonda nodded,approvingly.

"Well said,Elizabeth.How many of you here have hurt yourself on the outside,to try and escape the pain on the
inside?"Three other women each  raised their hands,then they told why they had done what they did,and we  
discussed other alternatives to releasing the pain rather than causing  harm to ourselves.After the session, I talked
a bit with Amber,then I  left the building.Once I was outside,I saw Jean standing alone in the  parking lot,so I walked
over to her.

"Hi,Britney."I said quietly,and she looked at me."Do you need a ride home?"She glanced around,then finally said.

"I guess."

"Okay,come on.My boyfriend's picking me up a block away."Then we headed through the parking lot.

"So,um.What made you cut yourself?"I asked.It was rude to ask,but I really wanted to help her.She was quiet for
such a long time, that I didn't  think she was going to tell me.But then she said, "My mother gave Justin my number,
and he called me."I looked at her,wondering why that would upset her.Then it hit me, "Was he the one who,you
know-.Raped you?"I was risking alot here,but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.

"No,it wasn't Justin."She answered."The reason it upset me,is because he knows about what happend and he
basically blames me for it.He says I  led the guy on,and got what I deserved.That's why I left.I just  couldn't deal
with it anymore."She fell silent then, and I felt really bad for  her.

"I'm sorry."She just shrugged."There's Alex's car."I said,pointing.When we got closer,I saw him leaning up against it
waiting for me.

"Hey,beautiful."He greeted,then pulled me to him and kissed me.When it ended,I saw Britney looking at me
surprised.

"You didn't tell me AJ McLean was your boyfriend."I shrugged, "You didn't ask."He smiled at her, "So what's your-hey!
You're Britney Spears,right?"She quickly looked away, "Um,Alex?She doesn't really want alot of people to know."He
nodded, "Okay.Sorry."

"It's okay."She said."Can we go now?"

"Yeah,sure."Alex said,then opened the doors for us."After you,ladies."Britney and I got into the car,and we took off.
When we got to her  house,she thanked Alex for the ride,and said to me.

"See you next Tuesday."And she got out of the car.I sat there for a few seconds,then I jumped out.

"Britney,wait!"She turned around,as I ran up to her.

"Look,Liz.Please don't ask me to call that hotline again."She said."I know you're trying to be nice,but I really don't
want to talk about what  happened yet."

"That's not why I wanted to talk to you."I said."I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my birthday party on
Friday?"She looked at me, "Really?"I nodded, "Yeah,I'd really like it if you were there."For the first time since I met
her,she actually smiled.

"I'll be there."On an impulse,I gave her a hug,then ran back to the car.

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Chapter 4

"So what's her story?"Alex asked,as we drove back to my house.

"I'm not sure."I said."She's been coming to the group for awhile now,but she won't talk about what happened to her.
Although,I've ruled out  that it was Justin Timberlake that hurt her."Alex glanced at me, "And how did you come up
with that?"So I told him what Britney had told me.

"Can you believe he actually said she deserved what she got?I'm telling you,I'm really begining to dislike those guys.
Especially him."

"Now you know why I've always hated them."Alex said,then changed the subject.When we got home,I was about to
get out,but he stopped me.I looked at him,questioningly.

"I just wanted to spend some time alone with you,before we go in there and your cousin snatches you up."He
explained.I smiled,and moved closer  to him.

He wrapped his arms around me,and held me close.Even though I'd  known him since I was eleven,and knew that
there was no way he'd ever  hurt me,because of what Brian did to me,my relationship with Alex was  pretty rocky in
the begining.Since I met him,Alex and I have always been  really close.For some reason Howie and Nick never liked
me very  much,and I was already dealing with Kevin hating me.So Alex was the only one  that ever wanted me
around. I don't know how I would've survived if it  weren't for him.Besides Lauren he was the best friend I had ever
had,and  was always there for me whenever I needed him.If Kevin and I got into a  really bad fight,Alex was there
with a shoulder for me to cry on.And when I accidently told him that Brian had been forcing me to have sex  with
him,Alex risked his life to protect me,by going after my cousin.A fter I was released from the hospital,I didn't have
anywhere to go,so  Alex let me stay with him.And when I moved to New York,I found out that  he loved me.I knew in
my heart that he was nothing like Brian,but I had  alot of problems being intimate with him.We'd be making out, and
all of  the sudden I'd go into these panic attacks.It would somehow remind me  of being with Brian,and I'd be
completely terrfied.

Sometimes I even had  trouble breathing because of it.Alex knew that these attacks weren't my  fault,but you can't
blame him for being frustrated when he couldn't  even touch me,without it sedning me into an attack.It frustrated
me,too.I  wanted to move on with my life, and having it constantly ruined because  of what Brian did to me.But it
didn't seem to be working.Infact one  time after one of my attacks,Alex and I got into a big fight.

*Flashback*

Elizabeth and Alex fell back onto her bed,kissing.He pulled off her shirt,and started kissing her chest and stomach.
She struggled to ignore  the feeling of wanting to push him away,and took off his shirt.He pulled  down her skirt,
and she bite her lip to keep fromscreaming .'Clam  down.'She told herself,but her mind wasn't listening.

"No."At first she said it so softly,that he didn't hear her.But when he tried to pull down her panties,she screamed it.

"No!"And jerked away from him.

"Liz,what is it?"He asked,reaching for her.But she screamed again,and jumped off the bed.

"Don't touch me!"She cried,her entire body rigid with fear.

"God,not again."He sighed."Elizabeth,you know I'm not going to hurt you."She shook her head,and wrapped her
arms protectivly around herself.

"Don't,don't,don't."She said,tears pouring from her eyes.He stood up,and walked towards her.

"Elizabeth,come on.Calm down."She back away from him,until her back touched the wall.

"Please,don't."She whispered,sobbing quietly.

"Liz,you know me."He touched her arm,and she jerked away as if she'd been burned.

"I said,don't!"He let his arm drop,and sighed in frustration.He grabbed his shirt,and started for the door.

"Meet me downstairs when you've calmed down.We need to talk."She stood there crying and shaking for a long time,
thens he slowly put her  clothes back on.She walked down the stairs,and found him pacing back and  forth in the
living room.

"Alex,I'm sor-"

"Don't even apologize,Elizabeth."He interupted,looking at her."Because I don't want to hear it again."

"But I am sorry.You know I am."

"And you know that I'd never hurt you like that."He said."Yet you refuse to let me touch you."

"You know I can't help it."She protested."I try so hard to ignore the feelings of fear,but I-"

"See that's just it.You shouldn't have to ignore any fear you have."He  told her."Because you shouldn't be afraid of
me!"

"It's not you I'm scared of!"She cried."It's just that sometimes when I'm with you,I'm reminded of what happened with
Brian."

"I'm so tried of you saying that I remind you of him!"Alex yelled."Can't you see that I am nothing like him?"

"I know that!I never said you were like him.I'm just saying that-"

"Look,Elizabeth.Maybe we shouldn't be together."She stared at him,"Y-you're not serious are you?"He nodded,"Yeah.
I am."She sat down on the couch,in complete shock.

"But,I-.We love each other."She tried to hold back the tears,but they fell anyway.

"I do love you,Elizabeth."He insisted."But I can't be with a girl that gets repulsed everytime I kiss or touch her.It's not
fair to either of us."Then he walked out.

*End Flashback*

That had been one of the worst nights of my life.But luckily we were able to get through it.And after lost of therapy,
I was able to stop freaking out whenever he touched me.

"We better get inside."I said,reluctantly pulling away.

"Yeah,we don't want Kevin to worry."Alex said,and we got out.He took my hand,and started for the house,but I
pulled him back.

"I love you."I said,then kissed him.He grinned,"Love you,too."And we went inside.

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Chapter 5

*Dream Sequence*

The small child lay trembling on the bed,while he slowly removed her clothing.The tears fell fast from her eyes,as he
began touching her.She  wanted desperatly to cry for help,but the fear racing through her body  prevented her
from doing so.His hands were everywhere,and when she  tried to move away,he held her in place.The girl sobbed
even harder,when he  pushed his finger inside of her.When he placed his mouth of hers,she  tried to push him away,
but he had her hands down.When it was finally over,he kissed her again,then whispered in her ear.

"Don't tell,little Jenny."

*End of dream*

My eyes flew open,and I sat up in bed.My heart was pounding,and I was shaking.I sat there for a few minutes,
trying to calm down.'It was just  a dream.'I tried to assure myself.'He can't hurt me anymore.'But it  really didn't
ease my fear.I climbed out of bed,grabbedmy music book,then hurried downstairs.I walked over to the piano in the
cornor of the living room,and sat down.I didn't do anything for awhile,just sat there thinking.Then I started to play.
When I was younger,I used to play all the time.I took lessons everyday after school.But after my mother's death,
and the torture I endured from my cousin,I eventually gave it up.But when I started going to counsiling,Rhonda said
I need some sort of hobby  to help release the built up emotions I harbored.At first,I thought it was a dumb idea.I
didn't think anything could help me.But after I thought it over,I figured it couldn't hurt to try.Plus I'd always
regretted giving up the piano,so I took it up again.And as it turned out,Rhonda  had been right.It really did help.
Now whenever I felt that all too familar pain,I play,and for awhile it helps take me away from myself.I get  lost in the
music,and just forget about eveything.Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm doing,I don't realize how much time
has passed.What I think to be only a few minutes,turns out to be hours. I was in one of my trances,when suddenly
a voice broke through.

"Kind of a depressing piece,don't you think?"I stopped playing,and looked up,and saw Kevin standing there. I
shrugged,and looked away."I guess."Then I changed to a different piece.Kevin sat down beside me,and placed his
hand over mine,stopping me.

"I didn't say you had to stop playing the other one."He said.

"I don't feel like playing anymore,anyway."I got up,and moved over to the couch.I brought my legs up to my chest,
and wrapped my arms around  them.

"What's the matter,Elizabeth?"He asked,sitting beside me again.

"Nothing."I answered.

"I know you're lying."He told me."You only sit that way when there's something bothering you."I was silent for a few
seconds,then said.

"I had a bad dream."

"Oh.Well,Liz you know that dreams are nothing to be-"

"No,it was a different kind of bad dream."I interupted,looking at  him.Realization struck,and he nodded.

"Oh.One of those dreams."

"Yeah,one of those."I said,sighing.

"But I thought you'd stopped having those dreams?"He said.

"So did I.But I guess not."

"Do you want to talk about it?"I shook me head, "No.I just want to forget about it."I leaned against him,and he put
his arm around me.It was really nice that after all that he and I had been  through,we were finally able to be close.
But then he has to go and ruin  it.

"Um,Elizabeth?"My eyes open,at the tone in his voice."I just want to tell you that-"

"If you're going to say what I think you are,then stop right now."I said,moving away from him.

"Why not?"He asked."Why can't I tell you that I'm sorry?"

"Because I already know that you're sorry."I said,a harshness in my voice."I don't need to hear it every damn day."

"But I-"

"Look,what part of I don't want to talk about it,didn't you understand?I'm so tired of everyone saying how sorry
they are.And I'm really tired  of you all blaming yourselves.You think it makes me feel better,but it  doesn't.It makes
me feel even worse.I'm the one who should be sorry,not  you guys.It's because of me that you're lives all got ruined.
Do you  think I like knowing that?"

"Elizabeth,you didn't ruin anyone's lives."He tried to tell me,but I ignored him because I knew better.

"I know all of you are sorry.Really I do.But I don't need you all to constantly remind me of that.Just please drop it,
okay?"I stood up,and  headed up to my room,before he could say anymore.

"I'm on my way out!"I yelled to everyone,four hours later.

"Liz,do you mind taking Josh with you?"Lauren asked,walking up with him."I need to get to work."

"Yeah,sure."I said,taking him from her."Alex,I need your keys!"He go up off the couch,and handed them to me.

"Drive carefully."I smiled,"Always.Bye!"I go over to Lauren's car,and take out the carseat.Then with one arm,I
manage to get it buckeled safely into Alex's car,then  place the baby in it.I get into the driver's side,then take off. I'm
about five minutes away from the airport,when my cell rings. Not taking my eyes  off the road,I anwer it.

"Elizabeth speaking."

"Liz,it's me."A tearful voice says.I frown, "Britney?"

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Chapter 6

"Britney?How did you get my num-"I started to ask,but she interupted me.

"Liz,I need your help." I frowned,"Britney,what's wrong?"

"He called me,Liz!"She sobbed."I can't deal with this anymore!"

"Alright,calm down."I told her."Listen,I'm going to give you the hotlinge's number,and you can-"

"No,I want to talk to you!"She cried.

"Britney,I can't."Because I knew each of the women in my group therapy class,if by any chance one of them were to
call the hotline,I wouldn't be allowed to help them.It was  against the rules.

"Look,I want to help you.Believe me,I do.But I'm not allowed to."

"Please,Elizabeth."She begged."I don't want to talk to anyone else."I sighed,and pulled into the airport parking lot. I
guess it couldn't hurt to bend the rules just this once.

"Okay,Britney."I said,pulling Josh out of his carseat,and heading inside."I'll help you Now tell me what's going on."

"I don't know where to start."She said,sniffeling.I readjusted the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"You can start by telling me who it was that called you,and got you so upset."I suggested,heading to the gate where
Nick and Courtney were coming in.

"Okay.It was,uh..."She trailed off,trying to fight back the tears.

"It's okay,Britney.You can tell me."I heard her take a deep breath,then she blurted out.

"It was JC!"I waited for her to continue,but she didn't.

"And what did he say that upset you?"I asked.

"Well,JC he's uh-.He's the one who,um,ya know?"She sttutered.

"That raped you?"I filled in.

"Y-yeah."I glanced up,and saw Nick and Courtney walking towards me.

"Britney,hang on for a second."

I handed Joshua to Nick,"Take him for me,will you?"

"Um,okay."He said,looking confused.

"Liz,what's going on?"Courtney asked.

"Long story,I'll tell ya later."I said,then went back to the call."Okay,Britney.I know this is gonna be hard for you,but if
I'm going to help you,you're going to have to tell  me what he said to you."

"I-I don't know why he called me."She said."And I don't know why Justin would give him my number.I was doing so
much better,Liz.Really I was."

"I believe you."I assured her,as the three of us walked out to my car.After Nick and Courtney got both Josh and
Jasmine into their carseats,I tossed Nick the keys and got  into the backseat.

"I mean,I know I don't participate all that much in therapy."Britney continued."But it's just not that easy for me to
talk about this.But then today I got to thinking,and  decided that at the next class I was just gonna tell everyone.But
then JC called, and ruined everything."This wasn't getting us anywhere.

"Britney,you need to tell me what he said to you."I told her.

"Right,sorry.Um,well he said alot of things."She said."But mainly he was furious that I left without his permission,and
that he was gonna find me.And when he did that I was going to be punished worse than I ever have been before."
She paused,and I heard her quiet sobs.

"Has he raped you before?"This question got me looks from both Courtney and Nick,and I motioned for them to be
queit.

"Has he?"I asked again,when Britney didn't answer.

"Yes."Came her tearful reply.I sighed,"How many times,Britney?"

"It started back when we were on the Mickey Mouse Club."Jesus,he'd been abusing her that long?I had to push down
my anger,or else I'd never be able to help her get  through this.

"Britney,I'm going to have to call you back."I said,as Nick pulled into the driveway.

"I just got home,and I'll call you back in two minutes.I promise.Give me your number.

"I grabbed a pen and paper fro my purse,and wrote the number down.

"Alright,talk to you soon."I hung up the phone,then jumped out of the car.

"Elizabeth!"Courtney yelled after me,but I ignored her and hurried inside.

"Whoa,Liz."Alex said,jumping out of my way."Where's the fire?"

"I can't talk now."I said,as I ran up the stairs.Once in my room,I shut the door, kicked off my shoes,sat down on my
bed,then called her back.

"Okay,Britney."I said,when she answered."Tell me about it."

"It's kind of embarrassing talking about it."She said,quietly.

"It's okay to feel that way.But just know that I've been through the exact same thing I promise I'm not going to
make fun of you,or critize you for what you did or didn't  do.And I promise that whatever you tell me,will not be
repeated to anyone,unless you  tell me otherwise.Okay?"

"Okay."She replied."Um,just give me a minute.I've never told this to anyone."

"Take your time."I said,then waited for her to begin.

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Chapter 7

*Britney's P.O.V.*

I took a deep breath,to try and calm my nerves.I'd never told anyone about this,and now here I was about to spill all
my secrets to someone who's practically a stranger.But I guss I can trust Elizabeth.

"It's okay,Britney."She tells me."You don't have to tell me this,if you don't want to."

"No,i-it's okay."I say."I just gotta find the words." 'Alright.It's now or never.'I tell myself,then begin the story.

"I was eleven at the time,and I'd only been on the Mickey Mouse Club for two weeks.Christina and I had met at the auditions,so we were already friends.But really she was my only friend.I felt uncomfortable around all the others.

Especially the older kids.They liked to pick on us younger kids constantly,and to tell you the truth,I was really considering leaving the show.They were all so horrible to us,and Niki was the meanest to me.She'd try to get me to mess up my lines,or she'd "accidently" trip me while we were dancing.I'd really had it.The last straw was,one day she and I were doing a scene together,and out of nowhere she dumped this big bucket of green paint on me.All the other kids were laughing at me,and I just jumped up and ran away.I didn't want to go into the bathroom,cause I was afraid Niki might come after me,and torture me even more.So I hid in one of the storage rooms.I was sitting behind a rack of clothes crying my eyes out,when JC came in...."

*Flashback*

Britney sat on the floor,as the tears slipped down her face.'Why is she always so mean to me?'She wondered,silently.'I never did anything to her.I hate it here so much!'Her thoughts were suddenly interupted,when she heard the door open.

"Britney?Where are you?"Her eyes widened.It was JC.She pushed herself up against the wall,and forced herself to be quiet.She could hear his footsteps coming closer,as he talked.

"Come on out,Brit."He said."I saw the green paint on the doorknob,so I know you're in here somewhere."And then he was
standing infront of her.

"Found you."

"Please go away."She said,looking down.

"Why?"He asked.

"Just go!I want to be alone."He walked towards her,"I just came in here to make sure you were okay."

"Well,I'm fine."She told him."Now you can leave."He knelt down infront of her,"I know you're lying.You can talk to me,you know."She thought it over for a few seconds,then burst into tears.

"I hate it here!"She sobbed."Everyone is being so mean to me,and I didn't even do anything!It's not fair."She put her face in her hands,and cried.

"Oh,Britney.I'm sorry.Come here."He pulled her into his arms,and rubbed her back while she cried.

"I didn't do anything to Niki."Britney insisted.

"I know."He said."Shh,it's okay."

"I just wanna go home.I dont' want to stay here anymore."When she'd finally calmed down,he looked at her.

"Do you really want to go home?"She nodded,"Yes.I don't like it here anymore."Then she thought of something."Why are you guys always being so mean to us?"

"Because it's what we're supposed to do."He told her."You younger kids are way too trusting,and it's up to us older kids to show you that being that way is too dangerous.That the world isn't so nice."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."She said,frowning."It doesn't even make any sense.How is dumping paint on us,supposed to make us stronger?"

"I'll admit that some of us do go a bit overboard.But trust me,it's for your own good."She shrugged,"I still think it's stupid."

"Would you stay if I made Niki promise to stop ebing so mean to you?"He asked.

"I don't know."She said."How do I know I can trust you?What if tomorrow you change your mind,and decide to be jsut as mean as her?"

"Well,you don't know that."He said."You're just going to have to trust me.I promise that I'll protect you."

*End Flashback*

"He stayed true to his word."I told Elizabeth."He got Niki to leave me alone,and protected me from the other kids.He was like my hero,Liz.But he was playing me all along,and I stupidly fell for all of his lies.God,I was such an idiot."

"Don't blame yourself,Britney."Elizabeth tells me."You were just a kid,and you didn't know any better.He knew what he was doing.Once he had your trust,he could do anything to you that he wanted."I laugh bitterly, "Well,he sure as hell did that.It happened for the first time about three months later."I pause,knowing this isn't going to be easy for me.But I've gotten this far,I might as well keep going.

"I had gotten the flu,and had to stay home.I'd been sick for eight days,and my Mom had beent aking care of me.But that day she had to go into work for a few hours for something,and she didn't want to leave me alone.So I asked her if she could call JC and ask if he'd come by and stay with me.Of course he agreed.Afterall,this was the chance he'd been waiting for."

*Flashback*

"Hey,Brit."JC said,walking into her room."How are you feeling?"

"Awful."She answered,blowing her nose."Thanks for coming over."He smiled at her,

"No problem.Um,your Mom told me you need to take your medicine again.So just tell me where it is,and I'll get it for you."

"Second door on the left,in the bathroom."She coughed.

"Okay.Be right back."And he left.A few minutes later when he returned,she sat up.

"Whoa.That looks like alot."

"Don't worry,it's the right amount."He assured her.

"Okay."She said,trusting him.She took the small plastic cup,and drank it.She made a face,

"Ugh!That stuff is nasty."He handed her a glass of water,"Here,drink this."She smiled in relief, "Thanks."

"I'll take this to the kitchen,and then you and I can watch tv or something."He said,heading towards the door.She just noded,then layed back down.She closed her eyes,suddenly very tired,and soon fell fast asleep.

*End Flashback*

I had to stop,choking back a sob.I took a few deep breaths,trying to control my tears.

"What happened next,Britney?"Elizabeth asked,gently."I,uh,found out later that he,uh.He had given me double the amount he was supposed to."I continued."But I was so sick,I didn't even notice.That's why I fell asleep.It wasn't an accident,Liz.He knew exactly what he was doing.He knew it was gonna knock me out. I don't know how long I was asleep,but I don't think it was very long.The reason I woke up,was because I felt someone touching me.

At first,I-I thought I was just dreraming.But when I felt someone tugging off my panties,I knew it was real.My eyelids felt so heavy,and I couldn't get them open.I started to painc,when I felt my legs being spread apart.I tried to kcik at whoever it was,but my body was so numb.I was afraid that someone had broken in,and that JC could be hurt.Can you believe it?I was actually worried about him.I opened my mouth to yell out for him,but it only came out as a whisper.Then I-I heard..."I stopped,as the memories came flodding back.I shut my eyes,trying to block them out.But it wasn't working.

"Britney?"Elizabeth said."Go on.You cna do it."

"I,I heard a voice in my ear say "I'm right here,sweetie."It took me while to realize it was his voice.I managed to get my eyes open,and everything was really blurry at first.But then I blinked,and it became clearer.I was laying on my bed naked,and he was ontop of me,and he was-he was-."I broke off,crying."I asked him what he was doing.He just ignored me.I,I remember crying out in pain,when he was finally in me.It hurt so bad,Liz.I tried to push him off of me,but he slapped me and told me to stay still.I kept asking him over and over why he was doing this,but he wouldn't answer me.Finally I stopped asking,and just layed there crying.When it was over,he put his clothes back on,then picked me up,and carried me into the bathroom.He turned on the water in the bathtub,and placed me in it.Then he went back to my room,and stipped off all the sheets,and put them in the washing machine to get rid of the evidence."

"Oh,Britney."Was all Elizabeth said.

"Why'd he do that to me,Liz"I asked,tears pouring down my face."Why would he do all the nice stuff for me,and then turn around and hurt me like that?Why?"She sighed,"I don't know.I wish I knew why JC would do that to you.And I wish I knew why my cousin would want to rape me.But the truth is,hon.Nobody knows why someone would want to hurt another person that way."

"Y,You're cousin raped you?"I asked,shocked.Even though I know she must've talked about her ordeal in group therapy,I've never really payed all that much attention."That must have been awful for you."

"Yeah,it was."She said."But we're not talking about me."Suddenly I was very interested in knowing what happened to her.

"Who was your cousin?"She sighed again,"Britney,come on.I'm supposed to be helping you with your problems,not the other way around."

"I just want to know."I said."You got to hear what happened to me,so it's only fair you tell me what happened to you."

"Okay,you really want to know?My cousin was Brian Littrell."I couldn't help but gasp,"No way!"I'd met him before,and he was the last person I expected to be a rapist.

"Yes,and no offense.I really don't want to talk about this now.Maybe another time."Just then from her side,I heard what sounded like someone calling her.

"Britney,I'm sorry.I've gotta go."She apologized."We can talk about this again later.But just remember things aren't always as bad as they seem.And no matter what JC or Justin,or anyone says to you,just ignore it.You're away from them now,and you don't have to take their crap anymore.They can't hurt you unless you let them."

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Chapter 8

After I hung up with Britney,I fell back on my bed crying.I had forced myself to hold back the tears while I was
talking with her,cause I didn't want to make her feel worse.It just wasn't fair.Why is that the people we trust the
most,end up being the ones that hurting us the most?And  even though we know it isn't our fault,we can't help but
burden the  blame for what happened to us.

Hearing a knock at my door,I sat up and quickly wiped my eyes.Then called out,"Come in."The door opened,and
Alex walked in.

"I thought I should come up and see how you were doing."I shrugged,"I've been better."He came over,and sat down
beside me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I just got off the phone with Britney."I said."And she told me what  happened to her.Well,most of it."

"Who raped her?"He asked me.

"It was J-"I broke off my sentence,remember what I had told  Britney."Alex,I can't tell you.I promised her I'd keep it
bewteen the two of us."

"Okay.You dont' have to break your promise."I smiled lightly,but then the tears started again.Seeing this,he pulled
me into his arms.I know I promised Britney I wouldn't say anything,but I just had to get it out.I just wouldn't say
who raped her.

"It was so awful!"I sobbed."You should have heard her,she was hurting so much.And she kept on blaming herself
for what he did to her.I felt so bad for her!"

"Shh,it's okay."He said,rubbing my back.

"Why do people do such awful things?"I asked,pulling away and looking at him."It's not fair!"

"I know it's not."He agreed,wiping away my tears."I wish I knew why  somebody would want to inflict that kind of
pain onto another person.I  don't know why someone wold want to hurt Britney that way.I may know her  very well,
but I know she doesn't deserve to have that done to her.And I can't even think of any reason Brian would have had
for doing what he  did to you.Anyone that does something like that to a child or adult,is just sick,Liz.But for you and
Britney to blame yourselves,won't make it any easier to deal with.It will only complicate things even more."

"I know you're right."I said,looking down."But I can't help me feel blame for what happened.And I know you're just
trying to make me feel  better,but it's not really helping."

Later that day,I sat in the living room with Courtney and her  daughter,trying to forget all the pain I was feeling.I
had Jasmine on my lap,and was playing peek-a-boo with her.I put my hand over my eyes,"Uh,oh!Where'd baby
 Jasmine go?"I heard her laughing,and felt her  trying to pull my hand away.

"Izzy-beth!"She cried,laughing."I here!"I moved my hand away,and said.

"Peek-a-boo!I found you!"She squealed with laughter,and clapped her tiny hands together.Courtney laughed,too.

"You're realy good with her,Liz.You're gonna be a great mother  someday."I smiled,and started tickeling Jasmine's
tummy.

"Thanks,Courtney."

"So,Liz."She began,casually."Have you and AJ thought about having  kids?"My jaw dropped,and I looked at her in
shock.

"Courtney!"

"What?"She asked."It's not an unusual question."

"Uh,yeah it is."I said."We haven't been going out that long."

"And your point is?"

"Well,aren't couples supposed to have been together longer?"I  asked."And aren't the usually married?"

"I wasn't married when I had Jasmine."She said,tkaing her daughter from  me."Marriage isn't a neccesity."

"But still.I think it'll be a real long time before Alex and I even  discuss having kids."I told her.

"Hey,I didn't think I was going to be having kids,and look what  happened."Just then the phone in the kitchen started
riningI got up to get it.

"Just remember this,girl.You better talk about this now,before it sneaks up on ya!"She called after me.I rolled my
eyes,"Whatever,Court."And I picked up the phone,"Hello?"I was met with silence."Hello?"I said again,but the person
on  the other end hung up.I frowned,and set the phone back in it's cradle.I glanced at the Caller ID box,but it said
Private Name and Number.I shrugged it off, "Guess it was a wrong number."I started to leave,when it rang again. I  
sighed, "Hello?"This time I could hear someone breathing."Is somebody there?"No answer.

Not wanting to play this stupid game,I hung up. I hated crank calls.I grabbed a glass from the cabinet,and walked
over to the water  cooler.As I was filling my glass up,the phone rang  yet again.'That's it.'

"Look,whoever you are,just cut the shit.I'm not in the mood to play  your dumb ass game.So go bother somebody
else,and leave me alone."I was  just about to hang up,when I heard a voice say.

"I'm watching you,Jennifer."The glass slipped from my hand,and  shattered as it hit the floor.For some reason I
screamed,and the next thing I  heard was the dial tone.I hung up the phone,just as Nick and Courtney  came
rushing in.

"Are you alright,Liz?"Nick asked,at the same time Courtney said.

"Liz!What happened?!"But all I could do was stand there.

"Liz?Liz,snap out of it."Nick said,gently shaking me.My body jerked  roughly,and I looked at them in confusion.

"What?"

"Elizabeth,you screamed and broke a glass."Nick told me,looking at me concerned.

"Oh,right."I said,and bent down to clean up the mess.Courtney knelt  down beside me,

"Liz,are you okay?"

"I,I'm fine."I said,not looking at her."I just,um...I thought I us,saw a spider.And it um,startled me."

"Are you sure?"I nodded,"Yeah.I'm fine,honest."And for once,somebody actually believed one of  my lies.

"Okay."And she helped me finish cleaning up.After that,I went upstairs  to check on Joshua.'It had to have been a
wrong number.'I said to  myself.'It couldn't have been for me.I'm not Jennifer anymore.'As if to  reassure myself, I
said it outloud.

"I am not Jennifer anymore.I'm Elizabeth."

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Chapter 9

I managed to put the strange phone call out of my mind the rest of the  day.I had other things to worry about.Like
because of a storm that was  moving in,Lauren was staying at a co workers house.And that the storm  had also
delayed Howie's flight until the weather cleared up,meaning he  might not make it in time for my birthday.It started
to rain around  four thirty,and by seven it was coming down in sheets.Complete with  thunder,lightning,and howling
wind.It was storms like these,that I was  reminded of that horrible night back in LA.I couldn't help but worry about  
Britney,being all alone of that big house,during such a terrible storm.So  I tried to call her,and invite her to come
over.But alot of powerlines  were knock out,and I couldn't get through to her.After I hung up,I  decided to try and
get some sleep.Alex promised he would be later,and after  checking on the baby,I climbed into my bed.I wrapped
myself up in the comforter,and tried not to think of that night a year ago.Finally af ter some tossing and turning,I
fell into a restless sleep.

 It was twelve thirty am when Joshua's cries from the baby moniter,woke  me up.I noticed that Alex wasn't in the bed
with me,but I figured he  must've fallen asleep downstairs.I got up,and went into the  nursery.Joshua was lying in his
crib,wailing.

"What's wrong,baby?"I asked,lowering the bar on his crib.His crying  died down some when he saw me,.But when
the thunder rumbled loudly and  lightning light up the room,he started to scream again.I lifted him up,"Is the storm
scaring you?"He pressed his face into my kneck,and I gently bounced him.

"It's okay,little guy."I said,softly."It's just rain,and it'll pass soon."The lightning once again lit up the room,and that's
when I made a startling discovery.I gasped,"Oh My God."Joshua's window was wide open,and the screen was laying
on the floor.'Did somebosy break in?Is that what scared the baby?.'I held  him protectivly,as the terrifying though
entered my mind.I slowly made  my way over to the windo,and looked out.The rain had lessened some,but  the
backyard was deserted.Suddenly my attention was drawn to the  closet.What if someone was in there,watching me
at this very moment?

"Don't be ridiculous."I told myself quietly,as I walked over to the  door."There's no one in there."I cautiously opened
the door,and saw that  other than some baby clothes and toys,it was empty.I let out a sigh of  relief.

"See,it was just your imagination."I don't know how the window got  open,but it was obvious that no one was in the
room.Joshua had finally  calmed down,so I carried him over to his crib.I laughed at myself for being  so silly.

"Guess we both let the storm get us work up,huh baby?"But just then,I  heard a noise out in the hallway.I looked
towards the door,and saw a  shadow like a person,move quickly by.

"Oh My God!Kevin!"I screamed,grabbing the baby,and dashing out of the  room.I hurried down the stairs,screaming
for my cousin. When I reach the bottom,I turned,and headed for the guest rooms.

"Kevin!"I screamed again.His door opned,and he came erushing out.

"Elizabeth,what is it?!"He asked,catching me before I crashed into him.

"There's someone in the house!"I exclaimed.Leighanne came out of her room,and said.

"What?"

"I, I heard the baby crying,and when I went into his room,the window was open!"Leighanne gasped,and Kevin looked
at me.

"Are you sure?"I nodded,barely notcing Leighanne taking the baby from me.

"I'm positive.I thought I might be wrong,but then I saw someone out in  the hallway."Just then,we all heard a loud
noise from upstairs.I screamed again,and threw myself at my cousin.He put his arms around me,"Okay,calm down.
I'll go up there and check it out."

"No!You can't go up there by yourself!"I shrieked."Take Alex with you."

"He's not here,Liz."Kevin told me,and I realized that he was right.My  screams should have sent him running to find
out what was wrong.

"Wh,where is he?"I asked.

"He left,but he'll be back soon."That didn't answer my question.Suddenly Leighann spoke,"D-Do you really think
someone is in the house?"And I could tell she was just as scared as I was.

"Like I said,I'll go up and find out."Kevin said."I want the two of you  to take the baby and go into my room.If I'm not
back in twenty minutes,get out of the house,and call the police.Do not come looking for  me,okay?"We both nodded,
"Please be careful."I begged.

"I'll be fine."He told me."Now go."Leighanne and I went to his room,and  sat on the bed,fearfully awaiting his return.
When fifeteen minutes  passed,and he still hadn't returned,I looked at her tears in my eyes.

"Why isn't he back yet?"I asked.

"I don't know,Liz."She said.Joshua had fallen asleep,and I had layed  him on the bed.Just then we heard footsteps
nearing the door,and as the knob turned,I clutched Leighanne's hand tightly.But when I saw it was my cousin,I
relaxed.

"Thank God you're okay!"I cried,jumping up,and running over to him.He hugged me back,"I'm alright."

"Did you see anybody?"Leighanne asked,walking over.Kevin pulled away from me,and shook his head.

"There was nobody up there.I checked all over the house,even outside.But I didn't see anyone."

"What about the window?"I asked.

"The window was shut when I got there.And the screen was in place.It was even locked."Okay,now I was really
confused.

"B,but I know it was open.And I know I saw someone."

"Liz,maybe it was just your imagination."Leighanne suggested.

"No,it wasn't."I portested."I know what I saw."I looked at my cousin,"You beliee me,right?"

"Sure,Liz."He said,but I could tell he was lying.

"This isn't fair.Why would I make this whole thing up?"I asked them."What could I possibly gain other than making
myself look like an idiot?!"

"Elizabeth,calm down."Kevin said."You've obviously had a scare.I thinkk you should go upstairs,and try to sleep." '
Yeah,like I'm really gonna be able to sleep after this.'I thought to myself.

"Fine.I'll take Josh back to his room."I carefully picked him up,and started to leave.But Kevin stopped me,"Do you
want me to stay with you?Just until AJ gets back?"I know he was trying to be nice,but the last thing I wanted was to
be around him.

"No."I snapped,then went back upstairs.I layed Joshua in his crib,then  checked to make sure the window was shut
and locked,before going back  to my room.I felt so dumb,as I looked under my bed and in my closet.Once  I was
sure my room was empty,I locked my door,then layed a baseball bat  on the floor next to my bed.Just before
getting in bed,I plugged in a  nightlight,and it cast a lgiht blue glow acroos my room.I had gotten it  a year ago,
because I had been too afraid to be in the dark,after what  Brian had done to me.But I had stopped using it a long
time ago,feeling  I didn't need it anymore.

After laying in bed for awhile,I finally fell asleep.Only to be  awakened again a few minutes later,by the sound of
someone trying to force my door open.Quietly getting up,I grabbed the base ball bat,then slowly walked to the door.
I raised the bat as the door opened,ready to strike.

Back

---

Chapter 10

I swung the bate as hard as I could,but missed whoever it was that was  trying to break into my room.The intruder
ducked in time,and the bat  crashed into the doorframe.I was ready to swing again,when I realized who it was.

"Elizabeth!What the hell are you doing?!"Alex yelled,getting up.I slowly lowered the bat,in shock.

"Alex?"

"Who else would it be?"He demanded.The bat slipped from my fingers,and I threw my arms around him.

"Thank God it's only you!"And I held him tightly.Still confused by my behavior,he pulled away from me and asked.

"Would you please tell me what the hell is going on?"I grabbed his hand,and dragged him over to the bed.

"You won't believe what went on while you were gone."I said."Kevin and Leighanne think I'm making it up,but I know
you'll believe me."And so I proceeded to tell him the events that took place.

"That's why I almost clobbered you with the baseball bat."I concluded."I thought that maybe Kevin might've missed
whoever it was that broke in."After I had finished,Alex sat silently watching me for a long time.Then he finally spoke,
"Liz,are you sure you weren't imagining things?"

"Not you,too!"I cried."This isn't fair.Why won't any of you believe me?"

"Sweetie,it's not that I don't want to believe you."He said."It's just that you're story seems a bit..."He struggeled for
the right word.

"A bit what?"I asked,a hint of anger in my voice.

"It just seems that maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you."He finally said.

"I know what I saw."I said,firmly.

"Liz,I know that on nights like this you tend to get a little worked up.And it's perfectly understandable,with what you
went through since you're not fully over it."

"Oh,I don't believe this."I stood up,and walked over to the window.

"You're still recovering from what happened to you."Alex continued."And this storm was just a painful reminder,and
you just though you saw some-"

"That is not what happened."I interupted,turning to look at him."What happened tonight has nothing to do with
what Brian did to me, okay?Someone was in this house.I know it for a fact."

"How?"Alex asked.

"Because earlier I got this really strange ph-."I stopped.If he didn't believe that I saw someone in the house,he
proablly wouldn't believe me about the phone call I got.

"You got a strange what?"He asked,waiting for me to continue.I shook my head, "Nothing.Forget it."I sighed,and
turned back to the windwo.The rain had stopped,and the night was totally calm and quiet.I shuddered slightly. For
some reason it gave me the creeps.I felt Alex come up behind me,and wrap his arms around me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"Hey,that reminds me."I pulled away,and looked at him."Where the hell were you?"

"I just had to go pick something up."He answered,casually.I looked at him suspiciously.

"You had to pick something up?At twelve thirty in the morning?"He nodded,

"Yeah."

"That's not answering my question."I said."What is it with you and my cousin?Why do you keep giving me such
vauge answers?You two are too much alike."

"I don't think Kevin would appreciate you saying that he was like me."Alex said."And I'm not avoiding your question. I
gave you an answer,and you just didn't like it."

"You're keeping something from me.And I'm gonna find out what it is."He quickly changed the subject, "You know
what time it is?"I glanced at the clock, "One fourty five."He smiled, "Exactly."I looked at him like he was nuts, "Exactly
what?"

"According to your cousin,you were born at exactly one fourty five am,Spetember fourth 1984."My eyes widened,
"Hey,you're right."He pulled me back into his arms, "Happy birthday,Elizabeth."Then he kissed me softly on the
mouth.When it ended,I smiled at him,"Thanks for remembering."We kissed again,but when I felt his hands creeping
up under my shirt,I had to pull away.

"Um,no offense babe.But I've had a rough night,and I'm  not really in the mood."He nodded, "Okay.I can deal with
just holding you."He quickly changed out of his clothes,then pulled me down onto the bed with him.He wrapped the
blanket around us,then reached over me and un plugged my night light.

"I'm here now."He said,when I started to protest."You don't need some stupid light to keep you safe,when you've got
me."I nodded,and closed my eyes.

"Good night,Alex."I whispered,before falling asleep.  Several hours alter,I was awakened to something wet on my
face.I opened my eyes,and was surprisd to see a small golden retriver on my stomach.The dog barked happily,
when it saw that I was awake.I slowly sat up,"Where on earth did you come from?"The dog barked again,and I
petted it.

"Aww,you're a sweet little puppy."I said,when it licked my hand.I gently shook my boyfriend,
"Alex,wake up."I whispered."Look what I found."He slowly opened his eyes,and looked at me confused.

"Where'd Rover come from?"He asked,sleepily.

"I don't know."I said."I just woke up,and she was here."Alex sat up, "Well,he had to have some from somewhere."

"What makes you so sure it's a boy?"I asked.

"Well,what makes you so sure it isn't?"Just then another voice joined the conversation, "What a stupid thing to fight
over.It's a girl."We turned to the voice,and saw Howie standing in the doorway.I grinned,"When did you get here?"I
sat the puppy down on the bed,and got up.

"Last night,or well actaully this morning."He answered."Aj picked me up."I turned to look at my boyfriend,"That's
where you were!Why didn't you tell me?"He shrugged, "I did."I rolled my eyes,and hugged Howie.

"I'm glad you're here."He hugged me back,"Happy birthday,Liz."A loud barking,caused us both to look back towards
the bed.

"Hey!Someone call off Fido!"Alex protested,as the dog barked loudly,slowly advancing towards him.I giggeled,"Come
here,girl."I picked her up,and she calmed down."Hmm,maybe she doesn't like guys."But when Howie petted her,she
barked happily,and licked his hand.He laughed, "Guess she just doesn'y like you,AJ."

"Dumb dog."Alex grumbled,and I laughed.

"Come on,Howie.Let's go see who's awake."

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---

Chapter 11


Even though I knew that I was having a birthday party,everyone wanted me out of the house so they could
decorate.It seemed pretty stupid to me,but why argue?So I decided to see if Britney wanted to do anything with me
to kill time until I could go back home.

"Hey,Liz."She greeted,when I got there."What do you wanna do?"I looked her up and down,then said.

"You're not really gonna wear that,are you?"She looked at me, in confusion.

"What's wrong with it?"I shrugged,"Nothing.If you're going through a break up,that is."She was wearing a pair of
black sweat pants,and a grey long sleeved shirt.

"Come on."I said,walking past her and inside."Let's put you in something more flattering."She hurried after me,"Liz,
wait!"I stopped,and looked at her."I don't think I-.I mean,I'm not sure I'd be comfortable in..."

"Relax,Britney."I said."I'm not going to put you in one of those trashy costumes I've seen you wear.I promise."When I
got to her room,I headed straight for the closet,and started going through her clothes.

"Jesus.Are long pants and sweatshirts the only thing you own?"She looked down,and shrugged.I shut the door,
"Hmm..not to worry.We'll just go shopping."I grabbed her hand,and dragged her out to the car.She stopped,before
getting in.

"Liz,I-.I don't think I can wear any of the clothes that I used to."She said,quietly.

"Britney,I know why you're dressing the way that you are."I told her."You're wearing all this baggy stuff,becuase you
feel ashamed about the way you look.People look at you,and you automaticly assume they're either staring at your
chest,or guys are undressing you with their eyes.It's totally normal for you to feel that way,because of what JC did
to you."Britney looked at me,with tears in her eyes.

"How do you always know this stuff about me?"

"Hon,you're not the only one that's been raped."I reminded her."I've gone through the exact same shit as you have.
You can ask anyone.When I was thirteen until I was almost sixteen,I went through a period where baggy clothes
were the only thing I would wear.I hated my body just like you do,and therefor I didn't want anyone to see it.But
then one say I realized that what I was doing was stupid,and I didn't want to hide my body anymore."

"H,how did you do that?"She asked,a few tears slipping down her face.

"Because I realzied someting.No matter what I wore,my cousin was still gonna rape me.He was forever telling me
that I was pretty,and that's what started the whole thing.I didn't want to be pretty anymore,because it caused me
nothing but pain.So I thought that by changing my appearence,then mabye Brian would stop forcing me to have
sex with him.But it didn't work.I could've been wearing a trash bag,and he'd still want to rape me.Well,once I finally
accepted that,I was able to dress like any other teenage girl without feeling bad about it.I didn't dress like a slut,
mind you.But I didn't look like a slob,either.I mean,jut look at what I have on right now."Iwas wearing a pair of faded
jeans,a short sleeved aqua shirt,and a jacket.

"I don't look trashy,yet I'm not drowning in my clothes."I said."Do you see my point?"Britney slowly nodded,"I thinkk
so.But I'm not sure if I'll be able to feel like myself ever again.I'm not as strong as you are,Elizabeth."

"Being strong really has nothing to do with it."I told her."It's all a matter of having faith in yourself.Look,I know what
you're going through is difficult.Belive me,nobody understands that more than I do.But you can't think that by
hiding from it,it'll just go away. Sooner or later,you're going to have to confront this horrible pain.That's the only
way you're gonna get through it.And do you know what the first step was?"She shook her head, "No,what?"

"The first step was telling me about it."I said."And the second,is going shopping.So are you ready?"She smiled, "Yeah.
Thanks,Liz."And she gave me a hug.I smiled,"You're welcome.Now let's go."

 After shopping for a couple of hours,it was still too early for us to go back to my house,so we decided to go to
Starbucks.

"Um,if you don't mind me asking,"Britney said."How long did Brian abuse you?"I was silent for a few seconds.Myabe
too long,because she quickly added.

"If you don't want to tell me about it,-."

"No,it's okay."I assured her."Like you said before,you told me what happened with you and JC.It's only fair I tell you
my story."She patiently waited while I gathered my thoughts.

"It started when I was five."I began."My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer,too late for anything to be
done to save her.And I was really sad because I didn't want her to die.Now out of all my cousins,Brian was always
my favorite.Because he didn't seem to mind having a little kid tag along with him everywhere,the way my other
cousins did.One night after visiting my mother in the hosiptal,I went and spent the night at Brian's house.I had had
a nightmare,and he came back to my room to stay with me.But I couldn't go back to sleep because I was too
scared.He told me he could make me feel less afraid,and I asked him how.He lifted up my night gown,and took off
my panties.He spread my legs,and put one of his fingers inside me.It hurt me so bad,that I started to cry,and
begged him to stop.He did,but he continued rubbing and touching me.Finally he came,and that was it."

"Oh my gosh!You were still just a baby."Britney exclaimed.

"Yeah,I was."I said,sadly."He continued molesting me until I was ten,and that's when he raped me fro the first time.
He always called what we were doing "our game",and that if I ever told anyone we wouldnt' be able to play anymore.
I was too young to understand that what he was doing to me was wrong.But even when I did understand that,I
never told anyone.I was too afraid of what he might do to me."

"So when did you finally tell someone?"She asked.

"It was about a month after my seventeenth birthday."I answered."We were all at Kevin and Kristen's house in LA,
and to be honest,I actually hadn't meant to say anything at all.I was planning on keeping it to myself for the rest of
my life.But Alex and I were talking about how our  feelings for each other had gone from being just friends,to more
than friends.He said that he couldn't be with me because I was too young,and he didn't want to corupt me.And I
guess I just lost it.I was so sick of poeple telling me I couldn't feel  certain ways,just cause of my age.I said to him,"I
know alot about sex,and you can thank Brian for that."As soon as those words were out,I wished like hell I could
take them back.And I had no choice but to tell Alex the truth,and he was furious.He went after Brian,and later they
were fighting on the floor of my room.I ran away from the house out into the pouring rain,and suddenly found
myself at the edge of a cliff.Brian showed up,and I finally told him how much I hated what he was doing to me.He
grabbed me,and tried to force me into his car.I broke free and tried to escape,and ended up going over the cliff."
Britney gasped,and I paused to take a breath.

"I only ended up with minor injuries,because I landed on a ledge on the way down.Compare to what could have
happened to me because there were alot of jagged rocks at the bottom,I was very lucky to be alive.And that's when
everyone found out."

"Wow.That's an incredible story.So everyone believed you?"

"Well,not everyone."I admitted."My Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold;Brian's parents.They didn't believe me at all,and
pretty much disowned me."

"See,that's exactly what I'm afraid of."Britney said."That no one will belive me,and I'll be alone."

"If there's anyone that stupid enough to think you're lying,then you're a hell of alot better off without them."I told
her."Your true friends and loved ones will believe you no matter what,and support you in whatever way you need."

"Do you really think so?"She asked.I nodded,"Definitly."Then I glanced at a clock on one of the walls."Well,I think
we've been gone long enough.They should be done by now. Let's go."

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---

Chapter 12


"Was it hard for you to get over what Brian did to you?"Britney asked,as we headed to my house.I glanced at her,

"What makes you think I'm over it?"She shrugged,

"You just seem so together,I thought you were over it."

"Trust me,I am no where near being over it."I told her."It's only been a year,and this sure as hell isn't something you can
forget over night."

"I'm sorry."She said."I just thought that-."

"Hey,no need to apologize."I said."I'm not mad.I'm just saying,I'm still dealing with all of it.And it'll be a very long time
before I can even begin to forget about it."

"But you have a boyfriend."Britney pointed out."I don't think I'm ever going to be able to trust men again."

"A lot of women say that.Including Lauren."

"Who's Lauren?"

"Lauren is my very best friend,and she went through the exact same thing we did.Only it was her step Dad that abused
her."As I pulled onto the Brooklyn Bridge,I saw that there was all sorts of traffic.

"Damn.Looks like we're gonna be a little late."I muttered,reaching for my cell,and called back home."Nicky?It's me.Yeah,
Jean and I are stuck in traffic,so it's gonna be awhile before we get there.Can you spread the word for me?Thanks Nicky."I
started laughing, "I love you too,Nicky."Then I hung up.

"What's so funny?"Britney asked.

"Oh,Nick told me to quit calling him Nicky.He hates when people call him that."I explained."Now where was I?Oh,yeah.So
Lauren was abused by her step dad for five years,and then she got pregnant at thirteen.Her mother found out,and made
her have an abortion.After that,Lauren swore she was never gonna hook up with a guy.Now that six years have passed,
has she stayed true to her promise?Nope.Infact she's got a three month old son."

"If there was a point to that story,"Britney began."I think I missed it."I rolled my eyes, "The poin is,you can swear off men
all you want.That's you choice.But if you're destined to be with somebody,then it's gonna happen wether you want it to or
not.You don't want to spend the rest of your life alone,just cause you're afraid every guy you meet is like JC.They're not all
like him.And hopefully the next one,will love you and totally be there for you when you need him.Just like Alex does for
me."Britney sighed,sadly.

"I used to think Justin was like that."

"You know,no offense.But Justin is such an asshole."I said."I mean, what the hell kind of guy tells his girl,that she deserved
to be raped? I swear,if Mr.High And Mighty ever shows his face around me,I won't hesitate to kick his ass."She laughed,
"I don't really think that'll be neccesary.Besdides,it's not really all his fault."

"He doesn't know what JC did to you?"I asked.

"Oh,he knows.He just thinks I'm making it up."She said.

"And you're defending his ass?"I looked at her in disbelief."I'm sorry girl.He may be able to sing,but a jerk like that is so not
worth standing by."

"Justin only thinks that I'm making it up,because that's what JC told him."Britney explained."JC told him that I was like in
love with him,and he figured he'd humor me,and fuck me.Those are Jc's words,by the way.And after that I demanded
more,and when he refuesed me cause he has a girlfriend,that's when I said it was rape."

"And Jusint actually believed that shit?"She nodded, "Yeah.He said after years of teasing guys with my body,it's my own
fault this happened."She looked away,trying not to cry.

"What a jerk.So is that why you came here?"

"I couldn't stand being there and around them anymore.It was just too hard for me."She said."I couldn't go back hom to
Louisiana,cause too many people knew me there.So I thought I'd come here to a big city,where it'd be easy for me to blend
in with the crowd."I nodded,

"I understand."

"Is that why you came here,too?"She asked.

"Yeah.I just wanted to get away from all the memories that haunted me back home."

"Don't they still haunt you here,though?"

"Oh sure.They're proablly gonna haunt me for the rest of my lfie."I replied."But there were more reminders back in
Kentucky,then there are here.Like whenever I hear anyone mention basketball,it reminds me of  Brian.And it's really
difficult for me to get through thunder storms.But it is getting easier for me.And I only came here cause Lauren wanted to,
and wanted me to come with her so I could go to school."Britney nodded,in understanding.Finally an hour later,we pulled
up to my house.

"You ready to party,Miss Spears?"I asked,as we got out of the car.

"Yeah,I am."She said,smiling.

"Then let's do it."And we headed up to the driveway to the door.We giggeled like crazy,when all the lgihts went off inside.

"Don't they know you already know what's going on?"She asked.I nodded,"Yeah,but I'm supposed to pretend that I don't.So
shh!'I unlocked the door,and we walked in.

"Gee,I won't why it's so dark in here?"I said,and Britney fought to keep from laughing out loud.

"Hmm,I wonder where everybody is?Maybe they're in the living room."We walked into the living room,and all the lights
went on.

"Surprise!"Everybody yelled.I gasped,in mock surprise.

"Gosh!I had no idea ya'll were throwing me a party!"Britney and I glanced at each other,and we burst out laughing.

"Damn it,Liz!You were supposed to be surprised."Lauren complained.

"Well,I would have been if ya hadn't opened you big mouth and told me all about it last week."I told her."But I will be
surprised when I open my presents,cause I don't know what ya'll got me.

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Chapter 13

"I hate that stupid dog."Alex mumbled,as we got ready for bed later  that night.My little puppy,Opal,was sitting on the bed
and she barked or growled whenever Alex came near me.Howie had been right.She really didn't like Alex.

"I swear,I outta kill Howie for giving you that stupid thing."

"Don't call my little baby names,Alex."I said,as I picked her up."You're gonna hurt her feelings."He rolled his eyes,as Opal
licked my face, causing me to laugh.

"Oh please,Liz.It's just a dog."I looked at him,

"Yeah,I'll remember that the next time I see you getting all gushy with your dogs."

"That's different."Alex said."None of my dogs hate you,like that little noise maker hates me."

"Opal doesn't hate you."I said,even though I knew it wasn't entirely true.

"Oh really?"He walked over to me,and placed his hand on my shoulder.Opal imediatly started barking loudly,and tried to
bite him.

"See."I gently petted her,trying to calm her down.

"Okay,okay.So maybe she does hate you.But I think it's only cause she sees you as a threat,and that you're gonna hurt
me."

"Now why would she think that?"He asked.I shrugged,and giggeled.

"I don't know.Maybe your tattoos scare her."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."He said,shaking his head.

"Well,I didn't hear you coming up with anything better."I opened the door,where right outside I had set up a small basket
with a blanket inside,along with a bowel of water.I set Opal in the basket,and said.

"Night my little baby.You keep gaurd,okay?"She barked as if she understood,and I shut the door.I went into the bathroom
to brush my teeth,and wash my face.When I came back out,the lights were shut off,and Alex was already in bed.I climbed
in beside him,and after several seconds of silence passed,I said.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything,sweetie."He said,in between yawning.

"Well,um.Courtney and I were talking yesterday,"I began."And she wanted to know if you and I had,uh,discussed having
kids.And I-."

"She wanted to know what?"He interupted,fully awake now.

"If you and I had-."I started to say,but he interupted me again.

"No,I heard that part."He said."What did you tell her?"Was that anger I heard in his voice?I couldn't tell.Maybe this was a
bad idea.

"Um,well.That we hadn't really talked about it."I answered."And that's what I wanted to ask you.Why haven't we?"

"Why haven't we what,Liz?"I sighed.Wasn't he paying any attention?

"Why haven't we talked about having kids?"

"You're kidding,right?"He said.

"No.I'm serious."

"Liz,you know why."Was it just me,or did it seem like he was avoiding this on purpose?

"No,I don't."I said,sitting up."Come on,Alex.We never talk about this."

"Do we have to right now?"He asked.I flipped on the light,

"Yes,we do.Unless you're trying to tell me that you don't want to have kids with me."

"That's not what I'm saying.But-."

"Don't you love me?"I asked him.

"You know I do,Liz."He said."It's just-."

"Then why don't you ever want to talk about this?!"I practically yelled.I didn't mean to,but he was getting me so mad.

"Whoa,Liz.Calm down,sweetie."He sat up,and looked at me."You gotta let me finish a sentence,okay?It's not that I don't
want to have a baby with you."

"Then what is it?"I wanted to know.

"Well,do you really think we're ready for it?"

"I am."I said."I mean,so what if we're not married?Courtney wasn't married when she had Jasmine.Kevin and Allissa weren't
married when they had Crystal."

"You have a point."Alex said.

"I know I'm ready for this."I told him.

"But what about Brian?"I looked at him in confusion.

"What's he got to do with anything?"

"It's just,I thought that because of what you went through with him,you'd never want to have kids."Alex told me.

"Okay,he has nothing to do with us."I said."Regardless of that,I want to have kids.And I'm ready for it.Aren't you?"

"Well,yeah.I guess."He said.

"It's not like we're gonna be having a baby tomorrow,Alex."I reminded him.

"I know that."I could still see that he wasn't so thrilled about the whole thing.

"Tell ya what.Why don't we just give this a try,and use the time to get used to having a baby?"I suggested.He seemed to be
debating it,and I quickly added.

"And hey.If I don't get pregnant,atleast we would've had a hell of alot of fun trying."He laughed at that.

"All right.I guess we can try,if you want to."I took his hand,

"I want to.But I want you to want this as well.It won't be much fun if you're only trying because you have to."

"I want this,too."He said.I leanded in and kissed him.

"Well,let's get started."He said,when the kiss ended,and he shut off the light.I laughed,and searched for his mouth in the
darkness.

*Dream Sequence*

The young woman slowly opened her eyes,and was overwhelmed with dizziness.She closed her eyes,waiting for it to pass.
Once it was gone,she reopened them,and glanced around at the unfamilar surroundings,wondering where she had been
taken.She quickly sat up,hearing ear piercing screams fill the seemingly empty building.They were coming from the next
room.She stood up,and headed over to the door,on the other side of the room she was in.When she opened it,and saw the
sight before her,she screamed in terror.She hurried into the room to help,but was grabbed from behind.

"Why are you doing this to me?"She screamed,as she struggled against her captor's hold.Suddenly,a hand clamped a
chloroformed rag over her mouth.

"Because you're mine,little Jenny.All mine."Was the last thing she heard,before blackness fell over her again.

***********

 There were flames.Flames everywhere.She aqs trapped.her captor's voice rang in her mind,as the smoke started to
become too much for her,and she fell to the floor.

"You're mine,little Jenny.All mine."

*End Dream Sequence*

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Chapter 14


I slowly made my way down the stairs the next morning,not wanting to think about the dream,but it being the only thing
on my mind.It had scared me greatly,but I had no idea what it meant.I stayed up for a long time last night,trying to figure
it all out.I couldn't remember the captor's face,but I'm absolutely certain it was Brian's voice I had heard.It was all really
confusing.Nothing that happened in the dream,had ever happened in reality.Did that mean it was something that was
going to happen in the future?That thought shook me up pretty badly.After I had woken up from the dream screaming
,ALex had tried to comfort me,but I didn't want to be touched.Eventually he got the message that I wanted to be left alone,
and he left the room to sleep on the couch.But that wasn't what I had wanted.I wanted him to stay with me,but I just
couldn't bring myself to ask him to stay,and I spent the night alone. I walked into the kitchen,and found Leighanne sitting at
the table,reading the newspaper.

"Have you seen Alex?"I asked her,quietly.

"He and Nick left about an hour ago,to go do something with Howie."She answered.'He didn't even say goodbye to me.' I
thought,sadly.I felt a tear slip down my face,and I wiped it away before Leighanne could see it.I walked over to the
refridgerater,and pulled out the orange juice.As I was pouring myself a glass,Leighanne suddenly asked.

"Why did AJ sleep ont he couch last night?Did you guys have a fight?"The tears came before I had a chance to stop them. I
dropped the jug of orange juice,and fell to the floor,sobbing.Leighanne was at my side in a flash.

"Elizabeth,what's wrong?"I tried to speak,but I was crying too hard,and couldn't get the words out.

"Shh,it'll be okay."Leighanne said,pulling me into an embrace.

"It's Brian's fault!"I suddenly cried out."He's gone,but I still can't forget him.I jsut want to forget him,and Alex hates me
because I can't!"A fresh batch of tears started to fall,and I suddenly wished I was alone.Leighanne probally thought I was
a big baby.Just then I heard my cousin's voice fill the room.

"What happened?"

"I don't know."Leighanne said."I think she and AJ had a fight,cause he spent the night on the couch.But when I asked her
about it,she started talking about Brian."I felt Kevin come up behind me,and pull me up to my feet.I imediately turned
around,and threw my arms around him.

"Alex hates me because I can't forget!"I sobbed."I want to forget Brian but he won't let me.He's always in my mind haunting
me,and he won't go away.I just want to forget.Just make him go away,Kevin.Please!"I continued to cry,and Kevin just held
me,not saying anything.

"I'm gonna take her to my room,and try to calm her down."Kevin told Leighanne."Can you clean this mess up?"

"Sure.Go on."She said.Kevin led me down the hall,and into his room.He shut the door,and had me sit down on the bed.
When I finally stopped crying,he asked me what happened.

"I had the most awful dream last night."I said,wiping my eyes."I don't remember all of it,but I remember hearing Brian's
voice telling me I was his.And there were flames everywhere,and I couldn't get away.And it was just so scary."I stopped,
feeling the tears again,and willed them to go away.

"What happened with you and AJ?"Kevin asked.I sighed,

"When I woke up I was crying and everything,and Alex tried to comfort me,but I wouldn't let him touch me.I kept moving
away,and telling him to stop it.And I guess he just got fed up with me,cause he left.But I wanted him to stay with me,but I
was too much of a baby to tell him that. I tried to forget the dream,but I couldn't,and was up half the night just thinking
about it."

"You should've come to me,Liz."Kevin said."I could have helped you."

"How?You can't make me forget Brian.I can't make myself forget him."I said,quietly.

"I think you should talk to Rhonda about this."I shook my head,

"I don't want to."

"Elizabeth,you're not going to get any better by ignoring it."Kevin said.

"It's not something you can exactly forget overnight,Kevin."I snapped at him."I was raped for eleven years by a family
member,okay?I'm sorry I'm not recovering as fast as you'd like."

"That's not what I meant,and you know it."I looked away,hearing the hurt in his voice.Why do I always gotta be so
defensive?

"I know.I'm sorry."

"All I meant was you can't keep your feelings all botteled up."

"Sure I can."I said."I did it most of my life,I really don't think it'd kill me to keep it up."

"You need to talk to someone about this."Kevin said.

"I'm talking to you,isn't that enough?"I asked.

"Elizabeth,you really should-."He started to say,but I cut him off.

"I gotta get to the center.Thanks for lsitening."I got up,and headed for the door.Just as my fingers touched the doorknob,
I felt his hand on my shoulder.I looked back at him,

"I just want you to get btter,Liz."He told me."And I'm not saying it has to be right away.I jsut hate seeing you like this,cause
I don't know what to do to help you.And I really want to help."I saw the tears shining in his eyes,and I felt bad for yelling at
him the way I did.

"I'm sorry."I said again,and hugged him."I know you mean well."

"I wish I could erase your pain."He said,quietly."I wish I could just erase every horrible thing Brian did to you,so you'd never
have to hurt again.You know I would if i could,right?"I hugged him tighter.

"I know you would.And I wish you could do that.Believe me,you don't know how much I wish you could.And I'll talk to
Rhonda later."After a few seconds,I pulled away,and told him I had to get down to the center.I hated having to lie to him,
but I really didn't want to talk to Rhonda about my dream.All I wanted to do was forget it.  When I got to the center,I went
up to the second floor where the rape hotline was operated at.

"Hey,La Tonya."I greeted one of the other girls that worked there.She looked up,and smiled.

"Hey,Liz."

"Anybody call for me?"

"Yeah,hang on."And she started diggint through a bunch of papers on her desk.

"I know it's here some-ah ha!Here you go."She handed me a piece of yellow paper.

"Thanks."I said,taking it from her.

"Oh,before I forgret."La Tonya said."Some guy called about an hour ago asking for you."

"Did he say who he was?"I asked,as I looked over the list of people that had called.

"No.Didn't leave no name or number.Just said to tell you that he called,and that'd call you back later."I frowned,

"That's strange."

"Tell me about it.Well,I gotta go."La Tonya said,gathering up her stuff."See ya later,Liz."

"Bye."I said,and heading to my desk.

 A few hours later,one of the girls came by,and said that Rhonda wanted to see me.So I went up to the next floor,to her
office.

"Elizabeth,come in."She said,when she saw me standing in the doorway.I stepped inside,and shut the door.

"What's up?"I asked.She motioned to the chair,

"Please have a seat."I sat down,and looked at her questioningly.

"Why did you want to see me?"

"Your cousin Kevin called me a little while ago."She replied.I sighed,knwoing now exactly what was going on.

"Do you want to talk about it?"She asked.

"Look,Rhonda.It's like I told Kevin,it's no big deal."I said."It was just a bad dream.People have them all the time.Nothing to
get worked up over."

"Yes,you're right.But do they break down crying afterwards,and saying how much someone would stop haunting them?"
Damn.She had me there.

"Rhonda,I really don't want to talk about it."I told her."I just want to forget it ever happened."

"Elizabeth,you know that's not possible."She told me,gently."It's nto healthy to keep it all locked up inside.You can't jsut
forget it,by ignoring it.It won't go away if you refuse to face up to it."

"But I have."I protested."I'm forced to face up to everything Brian did to me,every fucking day of my life.It's always there,
lingering in the back of my mind.I'm never gonna be able to forget it,because he won't let me.So don't say I don't
acknowledge it,because I do."I stood up to leave,but she called me back.

"Sit back down,Elizabeth.You need to talk about this."I sighed in frustration,and did as she said.

"Now you say that you cna't forget,because he won't let you."I nodded,and she continued."But Brian isn't here anymore,
Elizabeth.He can't force you to do anything if you don't let him.Even if he is out of your life,these nightmares are signs
that you're still allowing him to beat you."I looked at her in confusion.

"You lost me."

"The fact that you're having dreams about what happened to you,and that you lock yourself up behind those definsive
walls,proves that you're letting Brian control your life.And he knew that's what would happed.He knew that if you ever did
get away from him,he'd still be able to cause you pain.He did enough physcological damage to you,so that he'd always be
able to control you,even if he wasn't around."

"Then how am I supposed to get in with my life,if he won't let me?"I asked,my eyes full of tears.

"Brian's not stopping you from moving forward,Elizabeth."Rhonda said."You're stopping yourself.It is going to take you a
long time to get over that truma of what happened,and no one can speed up your process of recovery.And technically
you'll never fully be the same again.But it doesn't have to stop your life.The pai and memories don't have to dictate the
future for you.All you have to do to get past this;to beat Brian at his game is to say to yourself,"Brian is gone and he can't
hurt me anymore."And whenever you have those ngihtmares,pretend Brian is there and you're talking to him.Say to him,
"You're gone and I'm not going to let you keep hurting me."With time you'll be able to get through this. But you have to
stand up against this,Elizabeth.You can't let yourself drown in the pain and fall to pieces.Because that's exactly what Brian
expects you to do.And you can't let that happen."I sat there quietly,thinking about what she said.Could it really be as easy
as she was telling me?She seemed to think so.I slowly stood up, "If you're sure this'll work,then I guess it can't hurt to try
it."I said."Thanks,Rhonda."She smiled, "You're welcome.But next time you feel like you did,come to me instead of keeping to
to yourself.It's better to let it all out."I nodded, "I will.Bye."Then I walked out of her office.

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