Our Little Game
Written By Phire
Prologue
Chapter
1
Chapter
2
Chapter
3
Chapter
4
Chapter
5
Chapter
6
Chapter
7
Chapter
8
Chapter
9
Chapter
10
Chapter
11
Chapter
12
Chapter
13
Chapter
14
Chapter
15
Chapter
16
Chapter
17
Chapter
18
Chapter
19
Chapter
20
Chapter
21
Chapter
22
Epilouge
Nowhere to Run:
Jenny's
Story Continues
Back
Prologue
When you are five years old,there are alot of things you don't
understand.Like you don't understand why if the sky looks just like
water,why fish can't go up there and swim in it.You don't understand
why you're brother gets to stay up late,but you have to go to bed at
eight thrity.You also don't understand anything about sex.You have no
clue what it is,or why people are always talking about it.The only
thing anyone will tell you about it is,that it's how babies are
made.And when you're only five,that's all you need to know.You
shouldn't know in specific details what sex feels like,or anything like
that.Shouldn't being the key word,here.But unfourtantly,it didn't work
out like that for me.
Out of all my cousins,he was always my favorite.His Mom would always
tell me that when I was a baby,I always cried whenever any of my
cousins held me.But not when he would.She said if he was ever in my
site,I would throw a fit until they took me to him.I liked him because
he didn't treat me like a little kid,the way the others did.He and my
brother were always doing stuff together,so I too got to spend alot of
time with him.Sometimes if my brother stayed overnight,I did too.But
instead of staying with my brother,I stayed in my cousin's room in bed
with him.And it never once occured to me that the one person I thought
the world of,would be the one that would hurt me the most.
How could I have known about all the horrible things he'd do to me?I
was five,and he seemed do wonderful.But it turned out to be the worst
eleven years of my life.I probally should have told someone about what
he was doing to me,when I was old enough to fully understand it all.He
called it our little game,and said I was never to tell anyone about the
game.So I never did.But even now when I look back on it all,it still
seems unreal.I was a little kid caught up in a horrible game my cousin
had come up with.Our little game.
Back
Chapter 1
It was a Friday night,and I was right in the middle of doing my
homework,when my Aunt came in and dropped a bomb on me. He was coming
back.I sat at my desk,staring at the door after she left.Once the shock
passed, I jumped to my feet,and ran over to my closet. I pulled my
duffel bag down from the top shelf, laid it on my bed, and starting
tossing my clothes and stuff into it.
"Why does he have to come back now?"I ask,myself."Why couldn't he wait
until next month when I'd be gone?"My Aunt and Uncle didn't know
yet,but I was moving out.Me and my best friend Lauren had been saving
for six months,and we finally had enough to rent an apartment.But we
couldn't move in until next month. But now that my cousin was coming
back,that all could be ruined.
After I finished packing,I grabbed my phone and called Lauren.
"Laur?It's me.Meet me at the park in twenty minutes,with enough clothes
to last for awhile."Knowing that she would do it without question,I
hung up before she could say anything.Walking over to the window,I
opened it, and tossed my duffel out.But instead of following it,I
walked out of my room and down the stairs.
"I'm going over to Lauren's!"I yell.
"Okay.Be back by ten thirty."
"I will."Then I rush out.I go around the side of the house,grab my
bag,and head towards the park.When I arrive, Lauren is already there
waiting for me.
"What's up?"She asks.
"Brian's coming back."I tell her,and she stares at me.
"Shit.When's he goona be here?"
"His flight gets in at seven thirty tomorrow morning."She's silent for
a few seconds,thinking it over.
"Alright.I know a place we can go."She says,and starts walking.I
quickly follow.Lauren is the only person who knows about what Brian
did,or does to me.But I don't have to worry about her telling anyone.I
know she won't.
See Lauren is two years older than me,at eighteen.She's six feet
tall,has dark brown hair and eyes.We met two years ago,and like I was
doing now,I was running away.These two guys had me cornered in an
alley,and she had come to my rescue.We've been friends ever
since,because she knows exactly what I go through with Brian.Her step
father did the same to her from the time she was eight until she
thirteen,when he got caught because she became pregnant.Her mother who
had known what was going on,was pissed off cause her husband got
caught,and made Lauren get an abortion.She still lives with her Mom,and
hates what she made her do.But I know she also hates herself,too.
"Hey, Laur?Where are we going?"I ask.
"The Charolette House."She answers.
"But isn't that a place for pregnant teens to go?"We came to a cross
walk,and she looked over at me.
"So what's your point?They won't give either of us a pregnancy test
until we've been there atleast a day and a half. And by then we'll have
an idea of were we can go,and be gone before they can test us."
"How do you know all this?"I ask,as we start walking again.
"Elizabeth Anderson told me all about it,when she came back from
there.She said everyone is really nice there, and it's way better than
staying on the streets for the night."I stop asking her questions,and
follow Lauren in silence. I trust her,and know that anywhere is better
than being back home with my cousin.When we get to the Charolette
House, a woman who for some reason reminds me of my mother,answers the
door.
"Welcome to the Charolette House."She says."Come in."We follow her
inside,and to her office.
"I'm Mrs.Carson.What are your names?"
"I'm Hope Daniels,and this is my sister Faith."I say,using the names
Lauren and I use when we run away. Mrs.Carson introduces us to the
other four girls staying there,and then shows us to our room.
"If either of you need anything,let me know."Was the last thign she
said to us,before leaving.Lauren and I quickly change ,and then climb
into our beds.I glance over at the clock,and see that an hour has
passed.
"Hey,Lauren?You don't think any of our relatives will call the police
when we don't com back,do you?"
"Candice won't."She said,refering to her mother."She doesn't give a
damn about what I do,just as long as I'm not in her way. Now your Aunt
and Uncle probally will.Not right away,but they will when you don't
show up to pick up Brian."Conversatioin ended after that,as Lauren fell
asleep. But I could sleep. My thoughts were on my cousin,and what would
happen if I had to go back. Most likely the same thing that's happened
the last two times I've seen him. I try not to think about it,but I'm
really scared of being forced to go back to him. And my mind wanders
back eleven years,to when my nightmare started.
Back
Chapter 2
After all these years,I still can't believe it actually happened.I
didn't understand what was going on then,nor did I know that it was
wrong.I will never forget the first time.I was five,and my mother was
very sick.I remember being sad because my father told me that she was
going to go live in Heaven,and I didn't want her to leave.But like
other times,Brian was there to make me feel better.Only that time,he
did it in a different way.
*Flashback*
The little girl walked out of the hospital room,and saw her
father,brother,Aunt and Uncle,and her two cousins.She walked up to
them,and said.
"Brian?Can I stay wif you tonight?"His parents exchanged glances,and
her Uncle knelt down infront of her.
"Jennifer,sweetie.Don't you want to be with your Mommy?"The little girl
shook her head,
"No.I aweady told Mommy bye bye."She looked up at her
cousin."Pwease?"He picked her up,and kissed her cheek.
"Of course you can.That is if it's okay with Uncle James and
Eric?"Jennifer's brother shrugged,
"I don't mind.I know she'd rather be with you guys."Jennifer smiled,and
scrambled down.
"Yay!Come on."She said,tugging on Brian and Harold's hands."Bye
bye,Daddy!"
Later that night after everyone had eaten dinner,and Jennifer had a
bath,it was time for her to go to bed.
"I wanna sleep in Brian's room."She whined,as her Aunt tucked her in."I
don't like it in here."
"Honey,you can't.Not this time."
"It doesn't do you any good putting her in here."Brian said,from his
place in the doorway."You know she won't stay,and she'll end up in my
room later."
His mother sighed, "You know that your brother has to sleep in the
extra bed in your room,until the paint fumes in his room go
away.Jennifer will be just fine in here."Jennifer crossed her arms,and
frowned.
"I don't like it in here."
"Why don't you just make Harold sleep in here,that way Jenny can stay
in mine like she wants?"
"The bed is too small for him.Jennifer is sleeping in here.End of
discussion."She kissed the child's forehead."Goodnight,Jenny."She
turned off the light,and looked at Brian.
"Don't you have homework?"He sighed,"Yeah.Night,Jenny."
"Night."She closed her eyes,and soon fell asleep.
Jennifer woke up during the night,crying.She climbed out of the bed,and
went across the hall.She walked over to the bed,and tapped the sleeping
figure.
"Brian."He slowly woke up,and looked at her.
"What's wrong?"
"I had a bad dream."She said,tearfully."Can I sleep in here wif you?"
"How about I stay in your room,instead?"
"Okay."He got up,took her hand,and they walked back to her room.They
climbed into the bed,and she moved closer to him.She tried to go back
to sleep,but she couldn't.
"I can't sleep."She said,looking at her cousin."I scared."
"Of what?"He asked.
"Monsters."
"Jenny,you know that monsters aren't real."He said,but she wasn't
convinced.
"They are too!Eric told me so.He said they wait until you sleeping,then
they come out from underneathe your bed and-"
"He was just trying to scare you.Monsters don't exsist."
"How do you know?"She asked.
"Would I ever lie to you?"
"I guess not."She said,after thinking it over."But I still scared."
"Well,maybe I can make you feel better."He said.
"How?"Instead of answering,he pulled the blanket back,and lifted her
nightgown up.He slipped his hand inside her panties,and started to
gently rub.Jennifer squirmed,but didn't tell him to stop.
"Does that feel good?"
"I-I guess."She said,in a quiet voice.He sat up,pulled her panties
off,and spread her legs.Then he slide a finger inside her.She struggled
to get away,cause it was hurting.He pulled his finger out,and then
slipped it back in.She started crying, "Ow.That hurts."He stopped,but
he wasn't finished with her yet.He began to softly kiss her stomach and
pussy,while he rubbed himself trying to get rid of his hard on.She kept
squirming to get away,but he held her in place.She eventually
stopped,since it didn't hurt anymore.When he came,he moaned
quietly.Then he picked her panties up off the floor,and put them back
on her.He kicked off his boxers,layed back down,and pulled the child to
him.
"Night Jenny."
*End Flashback*
Back
Chapter 3
The next morning after breakfast,Lauren and I went back to our room to
figure out where to go.
"How much money do you have on you?"She asked,and I look at her.
"Laur,I'm broke.That stupid bitch Sarah fired me yesterday,and whatever
money I did have,went for the apartment."
"Okay.Well,I guess we'll just have to hitch hike to wherever we decide
to go."She says.
"So where we gonna go?"
"Hmmm...Last time we went to Mississippi."
"No more small towns."I say."It's too hard for us to blend in.We need
to go to a big city."
"Well,then.How about Chicago?"She suggests.I smile,
"Perfect.We'll leave after lunch."So four hours later,we snuck out the
back door,and headed to the highway.
"So how long you think we gonna have to be gone?"I shrug,
"As long as we can,I guess.Hopefully,it'll be longer than two days."I
say,remembering how quickly we got caught last time.We see a car
approaching,but it doesn't stop.
"Damn."Lauren mutters."That's the fifth one.We ain't never gonna get
there at this rate."
"Oh,yes we will."I tell her."Listen,I hear another."But when the van
comes into view,I get the feeling that it's not gonna stop."I got an
idea on how to get this guy to stop.Watch."I drop my duffel,and pull
off my shirt just as the van goes past us.It slams on it's breaks,and I
grin at Lauren.
"Come on."I throw my shirt back on,and we run to the van.
"Where ya'll headed?"The driver asks.
"Chicago."
"Me,too.Hop in."Lauren opens the door,and we get in.Her in the back,and
me in the front.As the van starts driving,I turn to get a better look
at the guy.He has short light brown hair,but I can't see what color his
eyes are cause he has on sunglasses.
"What's your name?"I ask,leaning back in the seat.
"Rick.You?"
"Hope."
"What about you?"He asks,Lauren.
"Faith."She answers.
"Nice to meet you both."He says."And maybe sometime in the next two
days,you'll trust me enough to tell me your real names."I glance back
at Lauren,and she shrugs.I wonder how he knew?Eight hours later,Rick
pulls over to the side of the road,and looks at me.
"You mind taking over?"He gets out,and I slide over to the driver's
side.
"Um,okay.So is there anywhere I'm gonna have to turn off?"
"Not for about another four hours."He answers."I'll be awake before
then."
"Alright."I fasten the seat belt,and pull back onto the highway.The
next few minutes are quiet,as both Rick and Lauren are sleeping.So I
use this silence,to do some thinking.I have no doubt that my Aunt and
Uncle have called the police,but I know the polive won't be in any
hurry to look for me.Being that I've done this many times before,they
usually figure I'll return on my own.Which just goes to show you how
incredibly stupid they are.I never come back on my own.But what does
worry me,is that I know my cousin is plotting how he's gonna punish me
for running away again.Even though my running always pisses me off,I do
it anyway.The last time I ran away when he was coming to visit,and I
finally returned he raped me.Not just once,but twice.The first for
leaving in the first place,and the second because that's what he had
been planning to do originally.I shook my head,not wanting to think
about that.Instead,I though back eleven years ago.The morning after the
first incident,I had found out that during the night,my mother had lost
her battle to breast cancer.And it was when everything got worse after
that.
*Flashback*
On the day of Jennifer's mother's funeral,the entire family and
friend's of hers were there.Jennifer sat inbetween her cousins Brian
and Kevin.During the whole thing,she kept looking around at
everyone.All the sad crying faces.Her father and brother sat across
from her,but neither of them was crying.Eric looked like he was on th e
verge of tears,and holding them back.But her Dad was just sitting
there,his face expressionless.Jennifer looked over at her Aunt Ann,and
saw her sobbing.Not wanting to be there anymore,she slide out of her
seat,and to the floor.Then she manuvered her small body out of the
pew,and started for the door.
"Jenny!Come back here."She ignored her Aunt's whispers,and kept
going.She managed to get the big door open,and walked outside.When she
was far enough away,Jennifer sat down.She was plucking the grass,and
dropping the pieces on her dress,when she felt someone kneel down
beside her.
"Jenny.You're going to get your dress dirty."Kevin said.
"I don't care."
"Well,why don't we go back inside and you can say goodbye to your
Mommy."She shook her head, "I don't wanna.I want Brian."She looked up
at him,and he sighed.
"Okay.Stay here,and i"ll go get him."
Five minutes later Brian carried her into the church,and to her
mother's casket.The sounds of sobs and sniffles could be heard,as
Jennifer leaned down and kissed her mother's cold cheek.
"Love you,Mommy."
*End Flashback*
I felt a tear slip from my eye,and down my face.I wiped it
away,and focused my attention back on the road.As if my mother dying
hadn't been enough to hurt me,that night was when my so called father
decided to leave me.
Back
Chapter 4
*Flashback*
Jennifer was awakened during the night,to loud voices.She reconized on
of those voices as her father's,and she climbed out of bed.She quietly
opened the door,and slipped out.She heard both of her Aunt's voices,and
wondered why they were yelling at her Dad.She sat down at the top of
the stairs,and listened.
"I can't believe what you're saying.You're actually going to move to
California,and leave Jennifer here!?"
"Yeah,I am."James said."Which word didn't you understand?"
"What about Eric?"Jackie asked.
"He's coming with me."
"And what's going to happen to Jenny?"Ann asked."Why aren't you taking
her too?"
"Social Services are going to take her."James said."I can't handle two
kids on my own."
"I can't believe you're actually doing this!She's your daughter,for
crying out loud."
"And your point is?"
"You know that if Karen was here,she wouldn't allow you to do this."Ann
told him.
"Yeah,well.Incase the two of you have forgotten,she isn't here is she?"
"You think you're the only that misses her?"Jackie asks him."She was
our sister,you know.But just cause you miss her,doesn't mean that you
can abandon you daughter."
"Hey."Jennifer jumped,and turned around."You shouldn't be listening to
this."Eric picked up his sister,and took her back to her room.
*End Flashback*
My thoughts were suddenly interupted by,someone calling my name.
"Hope!"I look over,and see Rick staring at me.
"What did you say?"
"I said,you don't have to drive anymore."He repeats."There's a rest
stop up ahead,and we cans top for awhile."
"Oh."I pull the van into the rest stop,and shut off the engine."I'm
gonna move in back with Lau-uh,I mean Faith."I say,taking off my
seatbelt.I get out,and climb into the back seat.I lay down beside
Lauren,and close my eyes.
"Goodnight,Hope."
"Night Rick."I say quietly,and fall asleep.
*The Next
Day*
Around ten thirty,we were halfway to Chicago.I was still worrying about
what Lauren and I were gonna do when we got there.We had absolutly no
money,so what could we do?But she kept telling me that we'd figure
something out,and everything would be fine.We were about an hour away
from Illinois,when we stopped to get soemthing to eat.Lauren had went
to get another soda,leaving me alone with Rick.
"It's Jennifer."I say,suddenly.He looks at me,
"Huh?"
"My name.It's not Hope.And Faith,is actually Lauren."He smiles at me,
"Okay.So,Jennifer.How old are you?"
"Sixteen."I answer.
"And what is it that you're running from?"He asks.
"That I can't tell you."Just then Lauren comes running up.
"We gotta go."She pulls me up by my arm,and drags me out to the parking
lot.
"Wait."I say,stopping."What's going on?"
"I just heard on the radio,that they're looking for us."She
says,jumping into the van."Said that the Lexington police suspect that
we're headed this way."
"Are you sure they were talking about you guys?"Rick asks.
"I'm positive.They gave our names and our description,and all that
stuff."
"Damn."I muttered.Lauren tossed me my duffel."Now what?"She hopped out,
"I don't know yet.But we've gotta go now."I look at Rick,
"Sorry for running out on you.Thanks for the ride,though."
"No problem,But wait a second."He reaches into the glove
compartment,and pulls out a piece of paper.Lauren impationtly taps her
foot,as he writes something.
"Here."He says,giving it to me."Give me a call if you're ever in town
again."I smile at him,
"I will.Thanks."
"Come on,Jenny."Lauren says,pulling on my arm.
"Bye!"I call,as we run off.
Back
Chapter 5
Okay,I'll admit it.I'm scared.If Lauren and I get caught,I'll have to
go back.And Brian is gonna be there,waiting to get off on torturing
me.And if they do find us,there'll be nothing I can do.I'm a minor,and
my Aunt and Uncle are my legal gaurdians.I learned a long time ago,that
unless I can prove that it's not safe for me to be in their home,then I
have to go back.And of course,I can't tell them the truth.So I'm stuck.
I remember back when I first started runnign away when I was tweleve,I
met this one girl Amber.And after that first meeting,I kept going back
to her when I ran,because she was really nice and she kept me
safe.Well,as safe as a prostitute could.Whenever I went to her,she'd
would always tell me "You remember this,Jen.You a victim of the
system.You get caught,you ain't got no choice but to go back.The man
don't give a damn about what you want.Long as you got a place,they
gonna make you go back.So instead of you putting up a fight,just
go."Amber taught me all about living on the streets.How to stay
safe,and all that.When she asked why I always was running away,I told
her about my situtaion with Brian.And she even gave me a few self
defense lessons.Not just for when he came around,but for when I was
alone on the streets.But fo course I never used them on my cousin.I
couldn't,no matter how much I wanted to.She may have only been a few
years older than me,but she was smart.Too bad she wasn't smart enough
to know not to do a gang member wrong.She was killed the same year I
met Lauren. I shook my head,not wanting to think of that image of Amber
laying in that alley,in a pool of her own blood.
"Hey.You okay,Jenny?"Lauren asked,and I nod.
"Yeah."Night had come incredibly fast,and we had to figure out what to
do.We eventually decided to go into a the nearest store,and hid out in
the supply room.So we went into the music store,and when no one was
looking,went into the supply room.We stayed in the dark,until we were
sure the store was closed,before turning on the light.
"Damn.Look at all these cd's!"Lauren exclaimed,opening one of the boxes.
"What all they got?"I asked,sitting down.
"City High,Eve,Nsync.You name it,they got it."She looked at me."Wanna
take some?"
"Sure.Let me see."That's another thing about having spent time around
people who lived on the streets.You leanred that if there was something
you wanted,you take it.And don't feel bad about it.As I looked through
the box,I reconized a cd and stopped.
"What'd ya find?"Lauren asked,taking it from me."Oh."It was a
Backstreet Boys cd.I leaned back against the wall,and sighed.
"Do you have any of their albums?"
"Yeah.He always sends me their new one."I answered."But I never listen
to any of them more than once,and sometimes I don't listen to them at
all.I never look at any of the pictures,or read the stupid thank
you's."She pulls the plastic wrap off,and takes the sleeve out.
"Wow."She mutteres,looking through it."You gotta admit,girl.That Nick
guy is really hot."I don't answer her.She gets to the thank you's,and
skims over them.
"So,um.What does Brian's say?"I asked,curiosity getting the better of
me.I had never cared before,so why start now?But there was something
inside of me,that wondered if he mentioned me.
"Oh,just broing stuff."She says."Ya know,thanks God,his family,the
guys,and-"
"Does it say anything about me?"I interupt her.She looks at me,then
back down."What does it say,Lauren?"She sighs,
"It's pretty harmless.But knowing how you blow everything out of
poportion,it won't seem that way to you."
"Give me that."I say,taking it from her."And I do not."I look over
it,searching for any mention of me.When I find it,I see that Lauren was
right.To any fan,it'd seem like nothing.But when you know him as well
as I do,you learn never to trust outter appearences.Reading between the
lines,is how you find out the truth.I'm silent for a few minutes,as I
look for any hidden messages that it might contain.
"See,I told you."Lauren finally says."It's nothing bad.All he did was
say that you were his inspirtaion."My head jerks up.I hadn't read that
part.I quickly look down,looking for that line.As I read it,my anger
flares.'You've always been my inspiration,Jenny.Thanks.'That just
sickens me.I jump to my feet,and start stomping on the cd.Then I rip up
the booklet,throwing the pieces everywhere.When I'm finished,I just
stand there breathing hard.See,that's my problem.When I'm alone,I can
release my anger about what he does to me.But when he's around,I clam
up.Fear overtakes anger,and I'm nothing but a scared five year old
again. When I've finally calmed down,I lay down on the floor,and close
my eyes.
"Goodnight,Lauren."
"Night,Jenny."She says,quietly.And turns off the light.
Back
Chapter 6
I remember when my father and brother left,a week after my mother's
death.They left in the middle of the night,I guess so they would't have
to see me.They assumed I was asleep,but of course I wasn't.I was wide
awake.
*Flashback*
Jennifer raced down the stairs,as fast as she could.
"Daddy!"She screamed opening the front door,and running out."Daddy,wait
for me!"The car started to back out of the driveway,and she heard her
Aunt yelling for her to come back,but she kept going.Just as she
reached the end of the driveway,she was scooped up by her Uncle.
"No!Let go."She struggled to get loose,tears streaming down her
face."Daddy!Take me,too!"She stopped moving,when the car drove out of
view.
"Daddy."She whispered,and started sobbing.
"Shh,Jenny.It'll be okay."Her Uncle said,as he carried her back
inside."It's going to be okay.I promise."
*End Flashback*
So yeah.That was an extremly sad time in my life.First my mother
dies,and then my father leaves me.And he doesn't even say goodbye.But
instead of being put into a foster home,I got to stay with my Aunt
Jackie and Uncle Harold.But it wasn't a good thing.It meant more of
those horrible encounters with Brian.He would come into my room during
the night,and touch and kiss me,and then he'd jack off.But he didn't
start having sex with me,until I got my first period.I'm not sure I
understand his reasoning for that.But I guess it was so when I was
bleeding alot afterwards,and was in excruciating pain,no one would
suspect anything.They'd all assume it was because of my period.I swear
that first time was one of the worst times in my life.I of course had
to be an early bloomer,and got my period when I was ten.The whole
experience had been so bad,that I still have nightmares about that
day.I still wake up screaming when I have that dream.
I not only remember it just cause it's something I'll never forget.I
also remember it because our cousin Kevin had called Brian about
joining some singing group.My Aunt and Uncle were still discussing
wether or not they'd let him go,but I knew they'd let him.He loved
singing,and he was actually really good at it.So there was no doubt in
my mind they would say yes.Since I had gotten my period,I was doing my
best to aviod him.The day before hadn't been hard,because after I got
home from school I locked myself in my room,and only came out for
dinner.Then when night fell,I pushed my chest of drawers up against the
door,and locked my window so he couldn't get in.But the next day,I
hadn't been so lucky.
*Flashback*
Jennifer had been walking down the street in town,when she saw him.She
froze in her tracks,and they locked eyes.After staring at him for a few
minutes,she turned and ran as fast as she could away from there.She
could hear him behind her,and knew he would catch her soon.To her left
was the woods,and thought to herself 'Maybe I can get away from him in
there.'And headed towards them.She tore through the trees,turning thsi
way,and dodging that way,praying that she could loose him.Halfway
through she began to get tired,and stopped.She looked behind her,and
saw no one was there.Trying to catch her breath,she turned in circles
looking all around her,and listening for footsteps or snapping
twigs.But she neither saw nor heard anything.She smiled to herself.'Oh
thank God.I actually got away.'She started to walk back,when all of the
sudden she was grabbed from behind.She opened her mouth to scream,but a
hand clamped over her mouth,muffeling it.She felt herself being dragged
backwards,and tried to break out of the strong hold.But found it was
useless.She tried to hold back her tears,as she reconized where she was
being taken to.To her best friend's family cabin.She knew that once
they got there,since it was so deep in the woods,no one would hear if
she screamed. When they got to the cabin,he drug her up the steps,then
shoved her through the door,causing her to fall.She quickly scrambled
to her feet,as he advanced towards her.
"Tsk,tsk cousin."He said."Haven't you learned by now that you can run
but you can't hide?"
She backed away from him, "Please,Brian.I don't want-Don't hurt me."He
had her back up against the wall,and she shook with fear as he looked
down at her.
"Little,Jenny.You know I'd never hurt you."She shut her eyes,and tried
to twist away when his hands went up her shirt.
"N-no.Don't."The tears poured from her eyes,and she pushed at his hands.
"We can either do this the easy way,or the hard."He told her."It's up
to you."
"Leave me alone!"She yelled,slamming down on his foot.He yelped,and
jumped away from her.She shoved him,and raced towards the door.
"No!"She screamed,when he picked her up off the floor.She fought
against him,as he carried her into on of the rooms."Please,put me
down."He dropped her onto the bed,and shoved a chair under the
doorknob.She sobbed when he climbed on the bed,and started taking off
her clothes.
"Y-you said you wouldn't hurt me."She said,when he roughly pulled off
her panties.
"That was before you pulled that little stunt."He said,unbuckling his
belt,and kicking off his pants.She tired to crawl away from him,but he
pulled her back.
"Please,no."She whispered,as he took off his boxers.He pulled her
shaking body to him,and kissed her roughly on the mouth.She tried to
jerk away from him,but he gripped her arms tighter,so she stopped.He
finally ended it,and shoved her down in between his legs.She looked up
at him,terror filling her eyes.
"Suck me."
"N-no.Please,I-"He grabbed her arm,and twisted it painfully behind her
back.
"You were saying?"She shook her head,and said nothing more.The tears
fell from her eyes out of fear,and because she wasn't exactly sure what
to do.She lowered her mouth to his cock,and placed her lips on the
tip,and he moaned.His hands were pushing at the back of her head,so she
took as much of him into her mouth as she could.The next few
minutes,she akwardly sucked him,crying and wishing she was somewhere
else.He moaned loudly,and she struggled to move away,but he held her
still while he cummed.She gagged as his seed shot into her mouth,and he
finally let her go.She coughed and spit,trying to get rid of the
taste,and wiped her mouth on the blanket.She desperatly felt like
throwing up,but she knew he would be pissed if she did. He pulled her
into a laying position beside him,and said.
"You give a pretty good blow job for a ten year old."She didn't know
what to say to that,so she just lay there crying.He leaned down,and
kissed her tears away.
"Don't cry,Jenny.Our game isn't over yet." 'That's what I'm afraid
of.'She thought to herself,and looked away.
*End Flashback*
Back
Chapter 7
I was suddenly awakened by Lauren shaking me,a terrified look on her
face.She breathed a sigh of relief,when I slowly sat up.
"Oh thank God!"She exclaimed,throwing her arms around me."I was so
worried.You were thrashing all over the place,and you were coughing and
gagging.I thought you were like dying."She hugged me tighter.
"I-I'm sorry."I said,quietly."I was um,having a bad dream."She pulled
away,and looked at me.
"That was some dream.It must have been about Brian,for you to be acting
the way you were."I nodded,
"Yeah,it was."
"Well,do you want to talk about it?"She asked.
"Uh,no thanks.So,do you have any idea what time it is?"I ask,changing
the subject.
"No.But I'm pretty sure it's close to opening time."She said,standing
up.I too get up,and press my ear against the door.But hear only silence.
"Let's take a look."Lauren quietly opens the door,and we look out.The
store lights are on,but it appears to be empty.
"Come on."I whisper,and we step out of the supply room.We carefully
inch towards the door,silently praying the store is as empty as it
looks.But just we open the door,we hear behind us.
"Hey,you two!"
"Run!"I yell,and we race out of the store.We keep running until we get
to a park,then come to a stop.
"That was close."Lauren says."Now what?"I shrug, "I guess we walk."We
walk around the park,not in any hurry being that we had nowhere to
go.After abour five minutes,Lauren suddenly stops and grabs my arm.
"Jenny,stop.Look up ahead."I follow her gaze,and see two police
officers passing out flyers to people.I search through my bag,for my
sunglasses and put them on.Lauren does the same.
"Y-you don't think we're on those flyers,do you?"I ask.
"I don't know."She answers."But to be on the safe side,just act
normal."So trying my best not to let my nervousness show,we start
walking again.I get handed one of the flyers,and sure enough our faces
are on it.Not even noticing it,I come to a complete stop.All I can do
is stare at the pictures of me and Lauren.
"Miss?"A voice shakes me from my thoughts.I glance up,and see one of
the officers is looking at me."Are you alright?"A few feet ahead,Lauren
is watching us.
"Um,yeah.I'm uh,fine."I manage to get out,silently cursing myself for
letting the nervousness show in my voice.I put on my best smile,and
start moving again.
"What the hell was that?"Lauren whisperes,when I catch up to her.
"Sorry.I just lost it for a few seconds,when I saw that flyer."We're
about fifteen feet away,when I hear someone calling.We slowly turn
around,and see the officers heading towards us.'Just stay calm.'I tell
myself,fighting the urge to run.
"You dropped this,Miss."One of them says,holding out my
wallet.'Shit!When the hell did I drop that?'
"Uh,thanks."I say,taking it from him.But from the look on his face,I
can see that he's reconized me.And sure enough he says,
"You're going to have to come with us,Miss Davis."I dont know why,but
for some reason right then and there I'm ready to just surrender.But
Lauren's not gonna give up so easily.She grabs my arm,and starts
running.
"Hurry up,Jenny!"She shouts,and my senses kick in and I quickly follow
her.I drop my duffel bag,and run towards the left,while she goes
right.I'm suddenly reminded of the dream I had,running away from my
cousin,as I hear the footsteps behind me.I suddenly see my escape up
ahead.A street,full of passing moteristst.I can easily manuver my way
through them,and loose the cops.Just as I get close enough to dash into
traffic,I'm tackeled from behind to the ground.
"No!"I scream."Leave me the fuck alone.Please don't make me go
back!"But my cries and pleas go unheard,as I'm dragged back through the
park,and put into the back of the police car.The tears spill from my
eyes,as they pull away.It just wasn't fair.
Back
Chapter 8
The flight home was an absolutly horrible one.I was accomponied by a
social worker,who was watching me the entire time.I didn't want to go
back.Not until I was sure that Brian wasn't gonna be there.When I was
waiting for my flight,the socail worker asked me "Why don't you want to
go home?Is your Aunt or Uncle hurting you?"SO of course I said
no,because they weren't.But I didn't say anything about my cousin.I
couldn't force myself to tell her.Just like every other time I've
gotten caught.I remain silent.Therefor there was no reason why I
couldn't go back.I really wished that Lauren could have been with
me.But she had been lucky.The police hadn't been able to catch her,and
she got away.When we arrived,I stepped off the plane,and looked around
for my Aunt.I actually heard her,before I saw her.
"Jenny!"I looked towards the direction of where her voice was coming
from,and saw her rushing towards me.She pulled me into her arms,when
she reached me.
"Oh,Jenny.Thank goodness you're safe.I've been so worried!"
"I'm fine,Aunt Jackie."I say,pulling away.That's when I notice that
she's not alone."Oh.Hey,Leighanne."She just smiles at me.I head over to
get my bag,cause for some reason they wouldn't let me take it on the
plane,and Leighanne follows me.After my Aunt talks a bit we the social
worker,the three of us head out to the car.Lucky for me,neither of them
sits in the back with me.
"You know,Jennifer."Leighanne says."I'm really glad you're not hurt."
"So am I."Aunt Jackie agrees."I really wish you'd sop with this running
away phase you're in."
"It's no big deal."I tell them."I was with Lauren,and nothing happened
to either of us.Just like always,I was perfectly safe."
"Brian is really happy they found you."Leighanne continues."You
should've seen how worried he was when you weren't there to pick us
up.And when you didn't come home that night."I roll my eyes,"Well,that
just makes me so happy."
"He really does love you,Jennifer." 'Yeah.In a sick twisted way.'I say
to myself.'If only your husband was as innocent as he seems.But he's
never been.Time to face reality,Leigh."And then I suddenly feel
bad.Leighanne how no idea how disturbed her husband is.And she never
will.She thinks that the reason he is always touching me,or kissing my
face is cause we're really close cousins.Too bad it's not really like
that.But I guess it's a good thing that she doesn't know.I know it
would really hurt her if she ever found out.And I wouldn't want that.I
really like Leighanne.She's always been so nice to me.So if I canspare
her the hurt of finding out about Brian,then I'm going to.
The drive back to the house,is a quick one.Or so it seems to me.I
slowly get out of the car,and push down the fear I'm feeling.I suddenly
grab Leighanne's arm.
"Just how long are you and Brian gonna be here?"I ask.
"Just another three days."She answers,and I sigh in relief.Three days
isn't too bad.But of course with all good news,bad news always seems to
follow.I follow her inside,and am imediatly engolfed in a big hug from
my Uncle.
"You're really gotta stop running away,Jenny."He says."I hate worrying
so much about you."
"I'm sorry."I say,looing down.
"It's okay,sweetie.Besides,your cousin was even more worried than any
of us." 'Oh please.He just missed torturing me.'
"Yeah,so I've heard.So,where is he?"
"Waiting up in your room."Great.Can't go in there,and hide form
him.He's already there.I look at the stairs,before slowly heading up.I
pause when I reach the door,before going in.
Back
Chapter 9
I walk into the room,and see Brian sitting at my desk going through my
things.
"Hey!What the hell are you doing?"He turns around,and looks at me.
"So you're moving out,Jenny?Gonna get an apartment with Lauren,are
you?"That's when I notice he's got my journal.
"That's mine."I say,moving towards him."What gives yout he right to
invade my privacy?Get out!"
"Do my parents know about this little move?"He asks,standing up.
"No.Give me back my journal,and get the fuck out of my room!"I yell.
"You shouldn't swear so much.Ugly words like that,shouldn't be coming
out of such a beautiful mouth."He says,and presses his lips against
mine. I jerk away.
"Get out,now!"He shrugs,dropping my journal.
"Okay.We can play later."And he walks out.I slam the door shut,and lock
it.I pick up my journal off the floor,and shove it under my
mattress.Then I throw myself donw on my bed,and sigh.I needed to talk
to someone.Someone outside of this house.I grab my phone,and dial a
familar number.
"Hello?"I smile,
"Hey,bitch!How's motherhood treatin ya,girl?"Courtney laughs,
"Hey,Jenny.I'm so glad you're back!And Jasmine is fine."
"That's good.So,you know about me running away?"
"Of course I know about it."Courtney says."Your Aunt called me and the
other guys,wondering if any of us had heard from you.You really had
everyone worried."
"So I've been told."I say,sighing."Sorry for making ya worry,girl.So
how's things with you and Nick?"Courtney has been best friends with
Nick since like they were in diapers.A real long time.And about four or
five months ago,they started going out.Out of all the girlfriends Nick
has had over the years,Courtney is the only one I've actually liked.The
others were stuid spoiled brats,and didn't care about anyone but
themselves.But Courtney is nothing like that.She is so nice,and can
deal with any problem that comes her way.Her entire life she's suffered
from having diabetes,and nine months ago she almost lost her baby girl
Jasmine,cause she was born prematurely.But through it all,Courtney's
stayed strong.And I really admire her for that.
"Sounds like things are good with you two."I tell her."So how about
Alex?He still with that Sarah girl?"
"Yeah.But they haven't seen much of each other lately,what with him
being in Arizona and everything."
This cathes my attention, "Really.What's he doing there?"
"You mean,you don't know?"Courtney asks,disbelief lacing her
voice."Oh,shit."
"Court,what's going on?"She sighs.
"Girl,he's in rehab."
I practically drop the phone, "What!?When did this happen?"
"Last week."She answers."I can't believe you didn't know."My eyes fill
up with tears.'Why didn't anyone fucking tell me?'I wonder.
"Um,Courtney?I,uh,gotta go."
"Alright.Bye,Jenny."I hang up the phone,and have the urge to break
something.I am so mad,that no one told me about this.But I wasn't just
mad,I was hurt too.Out of all the Backstreet Boys,AJ jas always been my
favorite.We've always gotten along,and he's always doing stuff with me
and being nice to me.When the other guys treat me like a little
kid.Next to Lauren,he's my best friend.And I didn't even know about
this. I angerily wipe away my tears,jump,and storm out of my room.
"Aunt Jackie!"I yell,running down the stairs."Aunt Jackie.I need to
talk to you!"I walk into the living room,but it's empty.
"Aunt Jackie."I go into the kitchen,but there's no one there
either."Where is everyone!?"Just then I feel a pair of arms wrap around
my waist,and a voice in my ear say.
"Nobody here but me and you,little Jenny."I then feel his mouth
starting to suck on the back of my kneck."Let's play our game,Jenny."
Back
Chapter 10
"Um,wh-where did everyone go?"I ask,hopping to stall him.
"Mom and Dad went to see Aunt Ann."Brian answers,pulling off my halter
top."And Leigh went to the mall."His hands move slowly up and down my
sides,making my skin tingle.
"But,but-"I cut off my sentence,when he grips my breasts and starts to
massage them.The tears build up in my eyes,as I try to move away from
him but he keeps me in place.I get this strange feeling inside,and
before I have time to register what's happening or even stop it,a
small moan escapes from my mouth.His hands move lower,and he moans in
my ear.
"You like that don you,little Jenny?"
'No!I don't,I don't!'I silently scream.Then I curse my body for liking
what he's doing to me.I really hate this.My mind hates it,and even deep
insid it makes me sick.But every now and then for some reason,my body
actually gets pleasure from his touch.And I can't stand that.When he
presses me closer to him,I try one last time to end this. "Um,I
uh...I'm kind of hungry.So maybe we can do this-"
"Quit trying to get out of this,Jenny."He interupts me."I wanna
play.Don't you?
"NO!I never want to.He turns me around,and kisses me hard on the
mouth.And it's when I feel his tongue in my mouth,does my body finally
decide it doesn't like this either.I push him away from me, "No.I don't
want to."
He glares at me. "We're gonna do this wether you want to or not."And he
picks me up,and takes me up to his room.He tosses me on the bed,and
locks the door.He quickly strips out of his clothes,and walks over to
the bed.In an instant he has my jeans and panties off,and is spreading
my legs.I shut my eyes,and try not to scream when he enters me.It
always makes him mad.
"God.I've missed your body,little Jenny."He moans,and pciks up his
pace.The tears pour from my eyes,and I softy cry out with each thrust.I
try to block out the sounds of his moans,and try to imagine myself
somewhere else.Just anything to get me through this,and wish it'd end.
It must've worked,because the next thing I know he's yelling my
name,and emptying his load in me.Its usually around this time,I start
to feel sick.I get that all too familar feeling in the bottom of my
stomach,and fight the urge to puke.After he catches his breath,he
kisses me.
"Hurry up and get back to your room."He says getting off the bed."Leigh
will be back soon."He gets dressed,then leaves.I lay there for a few
seconds,before slowly heading back to my room.I numbly walk over to my
bed,and fall onto it.I wrap the quilt around my shaking body,and start
to cry again.After a few minutes,I cry myself into a restless sleep.
*Four Hours Later*
"Jennifer.Wake up."I open my eyes,and see Leighanne standing above me.
I sigh, "What?"
"Jackie wants you to come down for dinner."
"Forget it."I say,pulling the quilt over my head."I don't want to
talk,see,or be around any of you morons.I'm not hungry.So just leave me
the hell alone."I feel the bed shift as she sits down,and pulls the
quilt away from my face.
"What did we do?"
"Alot of things."I answer."Namely not telling me about my best friend
being in rehab.Did ya'll think I wouldn't find out?"
"We didn't want to upset you."She says."I guess that's a lame
answer.But I didn't think you'd be so mad."
"How the fuck did you expect me to react?"I yell.
"Jennifer, I'm sorry.I-"
"Just get out!"I interupt."Get out,and leave me alone."I turn away,and
wait for her to leave.And as soon as she does,I sigh sadly.I hadn't
meant to blow up at her,but I was mad.Not about what she thought,but
about my cousin.Why the hell can't he end this game?He's the only one
that enjoys playing it.I absolutly hate it.But I have a feeling it's
not gonna ever end. I slowly get out of my bed,and head to the
bathroom.I lock the door,and get into the shower,wanting to wash away
the feel of him.But as usual no amount of scrubing can get rid of
him.I've been tainted for life.
Back
Chapter 11
After my shower,I head back to room and lock the door behind me.As I'm
brushing my hair,and I notice my reflection in the mirror,and frown.For
the longest time,I've hated the way I look.It's not that I think I'm
ugly,or anything.I actually think I look pretty good,and that's the
problem.There's something about my appearence that makes me so
attractive to my cousin.I'm 5'8',and have a slim figure.Except for my
chest,which is unfourtantly for me a size 36 C.I have straight shoulder
length blonde hair,and light green eyes.My skin is lightly tanned,but
not too dark.I'm pretty average looking,so I don't know why I've been
chosen as the object of my cousin's twisted affection.
I sigh,and look away from the mirror.I glance at the clock,and see
that's it almost six thirty.My stomach starts to growl,and I decide to
go downstairs and get something to eat.I walk slowly down the
stairs,and look around before going into the kitchen.The only person
there,is my Aunt.I wordlessly open the refridgeorater,pull out a plate
of pasta,and stick it in the mircowave.When it's heated up,I grab a
soda and napkin,and start to leave.
"Jenny?"I stop,and turn around.
"Yes?"
"Can I talk to you for a few minutes,please?"I sigh,
"Sure."I sit my plate and soda on the table,and sit down.
"Look,Jenny."She starts."I know you're upset that we didn't tell you
about AJ.I'll admit that wasn't a right thing to do.But you shouldn't
have spoke to Leighanne the way you did.That was very rude."
"I'm sorry,Aunt Jackie.I didn't mean what I said.I was just really mad
like you said.I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted."She says."And I promise the next time something like
this happens,we'll tell you."
I nod,"Okay.Can I go now?"
"Yes."I grab my plate,and head back up to my room.I sit down on my
bed,and think about what my Aunt had said.I really hadn't meant to be
so rude to Leighanne.I was just really pissed,and needed to let my
anger out on someone.Unfourtantly it was her.I'd have to apologize to
her the next time I saw her.But it also make me think about something
else.If Alex was in rehab,that meant the guys have cancelled the rest
of their tour.Which explains why Brian's back home.'So if he's only
gonna be here for another three days,where's he going next?'I didn't
like not knowing what his plans were.It made me nervous.I can't help
but feel he's got something big planned.And I know it can't be anything
good.
*Two Days Later*
I wake up around eight fourty five,with a really bad
feeling.'Something's gonna happen today.'I sit up slowly,debating
wether or not I should leave my room.A sudden knock at the door,causes
me to jump out of bed.
"Um,come in."I say,and hold my breath as the door starts to open.But
it's only Aunt Jackie.
She smiles at me,"I'm glad you're up,because I have some good news for
you."
"What is it?"
"I was just talking with Denise,and I told her how upset you were about
AJ.And she suggested that we let you go visit him in Arizona.And I said
that was a great idea."
"You mean I can go see him?"I ask,in disbelief.Did I really hear her
right?She nods,"Yes.Your flight leaves in three hours."
"Alright!"I shout,and rush over to hug her."Thank you so much!This is
so awesome."
"I knew you'd like the idea."I run over to my closet,and grab my bag.
"I can't wait!This is gonna be so great.Oh,could you tell Leighanne I'm
sorry that I can't stay with her for their last day here?"
"Sweetie,they're going with you."I imediatly stop moving,and look at
her.
"Come again?"
"Leighanne and Brian are going with you."Aunt Jackie repeats.
"But why?"I ask,wanting to cry."I can go by myself."
"Your Uncle and I would feel better if you had someone with you for
this trip."God damn it to hell.I should've known this was too good to
be true."O-okay.I uh,I'll finish packing."I wacth as she leaves,and
fall onto the bed.So I had been right.SOmething bad was gonna
happen,and this was it.'But wait.It can't be that bad.Leighanne is
coming,too.Brian isn't dumb enough to do something,when his wife is
around.'Then again,I've learned it best not to underestimate my
cousin.He's capable of anything,and I just know regardless of his wife
being there,he's gonna do soemthing on this trip.
Back
Chapter 12
When we arrive at Sky Hrabor Airport in Arizona,I grab my bag and head
outside to get a cab.I am so not spending two hours in a car with him.
"Jenny.What the hell are you doing?"Brian asks,walking over to where I
am.
"Trying to hail a cab."I answer."What the fuck does it look I'm doing?"
"You know you can ride with us,Jennifer."Leighanne tells me."It's an
awfully long drive,wouldn't you like company?"
I look at her,"Thanks anway,Leigh.But I'd rather be by myself."
"That's it.Get your ass in the fucking car now."Brian orders,grabbing
my arm,and dragging me towards the limo.
"Ow!Let go!"
"Brian,don't be so rough with her."Leighanne says,when I yell.
I jerk out of his grasp,"I don't want to go with you.I want to be
alone."I can see the rage in
his eyes,and I wonder what has suddenly made me so brave.
"You're going with us.Now get it."He opens the door,and roughing shoves
me inside.Caught off gaurd by this,I'm not able to stop myself in
time,and the right side of my face slams against the door frame.
"God damn it!"I yell,holding my cheek.That fucking hurt.
"Oh My Goodness!Jennifer,are you alright?"Leighanne asks,imediatly at
my side.She looks over at her husband,shock written all over her face.
"What the hell has gotten into you!?"I can tell she's really
angry,cause she never swears.Even when she's really ticked off,she
doesn't.She says it isn't lady like.
"It's alright."I tell her."I'm fine."
She looks back at me,"No,Jennifer.It is not alright."She says."Brian
was totally out of line with that.Just look at her face!It's gonna
bruise up really bad.What were you thinking?"
"I'm so sorry."He says."I wasn't thinking,I guess.I just didn't want
her to be alone,but that's no excuse."He looks at me."I'm sorry I hurt
you,Jenny."I can tell he's lying,and look away.I know he's not sorry.He
was teaching me a lesson,he'll tell me later when we're alone.Never
disobey him.I press myself up against the door,and don't speak to
either of them during the drive to Wickenburg.
"Alex!"I cry,jumping out of the car,and running over to him.
"Jenny!I've mised you so much."He says,hugging me.
"I missed you,too."I say,and hug him tighter.
He pulls back slightly,and looks at me."Jesus.What happened to your
face?"Leighanne had been right.It did get worse.
Now the entire right side of my face was a deep purplish color.I don't
meet his eyes,and hear Brian say."She fell at the airport."Leighanne
glares at him,and I look down.
"I was asking Jennifer."AJ says,and lifts my face up."What happened?"I
look over at my cousin,and see the look he's giving me,and once again
look away from AJ.
"I,uh fell."I can never lie to AJ,cause he always knows when I'm doing
so.All he has to do is give me this look,and I cave and tell him the
truth.
"Right."He says,and I slowly look up.He has a disbelieving look on his
face,but thankfully he doesn't ask again."Well,come on.I'll show you
around,and we can catch up.Just you and me."He grabs my hand,and leads
me away before anyone can object.
"Okay.Now tell me what really happened.And don't say you fell,I know
better thank that."He says,when we're far enough away.
"B-but that's what really happened.I fell."
"You didn't really think I bought it when he said that,back there did
you?"
"Yes.Cause I did fall."He stops walking,and looks into my eyes.
"Jenny,you know I know when you're lying to me.So why don't you just
tell me the truth?"
My eyes tear up,'Why won't he drop this?'"I'm telling you the truth."I
whisper,and a tear slips down my face.
He sighs,"Okay,okay.I believe you.C'mere."He pulls me into his arms,and
I sigh in relief that he's gonna quit questioning me.We pull apart,and
continue on.This place seems really cool,and I can tell he's really
happy here.I have to admit,I was really surprised when my Aunt told me
why he was in rehab.I mean,I always knew that he liked to drink.And
that sometimes he would go over board with it.Like this one time,when I
was thirteen years old.I was visiting the guys while they were in New
York.After the concert,and after my couin had fucked me,I went to
Alex's room and found him drinking.Well,he must've been really
drunk,cause the next thing I knew he was offering me some of his
beer,and I was drunk too.That was the first and only time I've ever
gotten drunk.The next morning he was angry with himslef,that he swore
to never drink around me again.And he never did.After showing me
around,we went back to his room.
"So what do you think of the place?"He asks.
"I think it's awesome."I say."It seems like a really great place,and
I'm very proud of you."
He smiles,"Yeah,I'm kind of proud of myself too.I don't ever want to be
like I was again.And I certainly don't want to ger you drunk again."
I sigh,"I've already forgave you for that three years ago.Besides,it
wasn't your fault.I was old enough to know that I shouldn't have been
drinking.So you can stop blaming yourself."
"I can't.I still hate that I did that to you."He tells me."Which is why
I'm gonna make it up to you."He gets up,and walks over to a chest of
drawers,opens one,and pulsl out a box.
"This is for you."He hands it to me,and I look at him in confusion."I
asked my Mom to get it,when she told me you were coming out.Go
ahead,open it."I look at it for a few seconds,before tearing the
wrapping paper off,and opening it.Inside lay two small white bears,with
red hearts sewn on their stomachs.
I look at him, "They're adorable,Alex.But why did you give me two?"
"They're promise bears."
"Promise what?"I ask,confused.
"Promise bears."He repeats."I'll explain."He takes one of the bears
out,and hands it to me,then he takes the other one.
"They're actually called friendship bears,but I came up with a better
idea for them.See instead of them meaning that we'll stay friends
forever if we keep them.I decided that they'll mean as long as we
always have our promise bear,that not only will we be friends,but we'll
make a promise to each other and never break it."He pauses to take a
breath,before continuing."Like with my promise bear,I promise to always
keep you safe and be friends with you forever.A promise I'll keep
forever."I don't know why,but as he was explaining this to me,my eyes
welled up with tears.And when he finished,they were flowing freely down
my face.I had to come with a promise now.
"With my promise bear,I promise to,uh never lie to again.And that I'll
be friends with you forever.A promise I'll always keep."I throw my arms
around him,"This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me!"
"I'm so glad you like it."He says,quietly.I pull back,and wipe my eyes.
"Gosh.I am such a sap."He laughs,
"I didn't mean to make you cry."
"It's okay.I'm just a big basket case today,for some reason."I look at
him,and smile."I really do love the gift.Infact,when I get back home
I'm gonna sew your name on the heart,so I'll never forget the our
promises."
"That's a good idea.I think I'll do the same."He lays back on the
bed,and pulls me down with him.
"Hey,Alex?"
"Yeah?"I look at him,
"Why did you get rid of your hair?"He shrugs,
"I don't know.Don't you like it?"
"Well,yeah.But I miss all your hair.And when you used to make it all
those goofy colors."I sigh."Now you look just like Justin Timberlake."
"Oh,now you're gonna get it."He starts tickeling me,and I laugh.
"Hey!Q-quit it!"I laugh,trying to get away.This keeps up for
awhile,until he gets tired,and I have to go.And it's not until we're
going to the hotel,do I realize that I haven't really laughed since I
found out Brian was coming back.I've missed having so much fun.
Back
Chapter 13
I was silent that night suring dinner,ignoring everything Brian and
Leighanne said to me.It was weird.One minute I'm happy,and then next
I'm depressed.I think it's cause I realized I had to go back and face
reality,and I didn't want to.Later I sit on the balcony,looking up at
the sky,wanting nothing more than to fly away from this nightmare of a
life,and have the beautiful twinkling stars as my family and
friends.This is one of the ways I get through the days that never seem
to end fast enough.By dreaming of the day when this hellish nightmare
would end.But it's just a fantasy.I've been living this life for eleven
years,and will keep on doing so for a long time.
Overcome by incredible sadness,I get up and go back into the room.I
climb into the bed,and rest my head on the pillow,waiting for sleep to
come.
*Dream Sequence*
It's a dark and stormy night.The thunder crashes loudly,rain comes down
in sheets,and lightening streaks through the sky,as the girl races from
the house.She doesn't know where she's going,but knows she has to get
away.She suddenly finds herself nearing the edge of a cliff,and
stops.As the rain continues to soak her from head to toe,she just looks
down at the jagged rocks below.The thunder rimbles again,and she
suddenly jumps away from the edge in fear,and starts to walk away.As
she gets further away,she sees someone blocking her way,and she
stops.He's speaking to her,but she can't make out the words over the
noise.As if she had been smacked,the words hit her,and she hears
herself scream.
"NO!I've never liked it!"He moves towards her,and she takes off
running,forgetting where she is.And the next thing she knows,she's
going over the cliff,her loud screams overpowering the storm,and being
heard from miles away.
*End Dream
Sequence*
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"I scream,bolting upright in bed.'Oh God.What a
dream.'The conecting door suddenly opens,and Leighanned comes in.
"Jennifer,are you okay?"She asks,turning on the light.I sheild my eyes
against the brightness,
"Uh,I-.Yeah.I-I'm fine."I manage to say."I uh,just had a bad dream."
"Oh.Well,do you want to talk about it?"
"No!I don't want to think about it.Sorry for,um,waking you."Another
voice fills the room,and I tense up.
"Jenny,are you okay?"Brian sits down on the bed,and wraps his arms
around me."Did you have a bad dream?Do you need me to stay in here,and
protect you from the monsters under the bed?"I angerily jerk away,
"No.I'll be fine." 'Besides,the only montser in this room is you.'I add
silently.I hate it when he talks to me like I'm a five year old.It's so
annoying.He pulls me back to him,and kisses my bruised cheek.
"Don't you worry.I won't let anyone hurt my,little Jenny."I roll my
eyes,in disgust.
"Maybe you should stay with her."Leighanne says."That might make her
less afraid."
"No!"I shout."I don't need him to stay with me."
"You don't have to be scared anymore,little Jenny.I'm here now."
"I'm not fucking scared!"But they both ignore me.
"Leigh,you go back to bed."He says."And I'll stay with Jenny."She nods,
"Okay.Goodnight,you two."And then she goes back to the other room.'That
traitor.'I think to myself,even though it doesn't make any sense.She
has no idea what's going on.I feel like crying when he moves behind
me,and starts kissing my kneck.
"Let's play,Jenny.But we'll have to be really quiet this time."And he
lifts my shirt up over my head.
*The Next Day*
I sit alone in the hotel room,slipping through the channels on
tv,completly bored out of my mind.I was hoping that since we were gonna
be in Arizona for a few days,I'd be able to spend this time with
Alex.But for some reason,Brian wouldn't let me go see him today.He said
I didn't need to spend the entire trip with Alex.So I'm stuck in this
damn room,with nothing to do.My physco cousin and his wife went to
Scottsdale,to spend the day sightseeing and shopping.Leighanne asked me
to join them,but I told her no.I wasn't feeling so good,and the last
thing I wanted was to be out and about.I had a killer headache,and my
stomach hurt.
I finally came to a movie I liked,and lay back on the bed.The movie was
"Girl Interupted",and it was my favorite movie cause I could totally
relate to that Daisy girl.It was at the part where Lisa was talking
about Daisy's father fucking her.This was a scene I had always
hated,because I think it's totally unfair.No one knows what it's like
to be raped by a family member your entire life.The pain you feel is
like no other.There have been lots of times where I've wanted to kill
myself.Those where times when it was just too much to handle.I've even
cut myself before,but never on the wrists or arms.Usually I cut my legs
likw when I'm shaving,and once I cut my stomach.It may sound stupid,but
cutting always made me feel better.To take a quote from the movie "You
hurt yourself on the outside,to kill the thing on the inside."That one
time I cut my stomach,I cut too deep and had to get fifteen stitches.I
think I was about fourteen when that happened.I must've fallen
asleep,because the next thing I know someone's shaking me.I open my
eyes,and see Brian standing above me.Startled,I scream,and he clamps
his hand over my mouth.
"Shut up!"He hisses,and removes his hand."I've got something to tell
you."
I glare at him,"What?"
"You're coming on tour with me next month."
I sit up,"What!?Y-you're kidding right?"
He shakes his head,"Nope.I'm tired of going so many months without
playing with you,so you're coming along."
"No fucking way!"I exclaim."I have school.I mean,how are you gonna get
Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold to agree to this?"
"They already said yes."He tells me,and I sigh."I just told them that
you hated beign away from your favorite cousin,and after I promised to
keep you safe,the said yes."
Jesus.How the fuck did he manage this?"But what about the other guys?"I
ask,remembering how Nick,Howie,and Kevin don't like me."They're not
gonna want some teenager hanging around."
"I've already taken care of that.You're not getting out of
this,Jenny."He kisses me roughly on the mouth."Now,are you gonna come
along quietly.Or do I have to teach you another lesson?"So I tearfully
agree.What other choice do I have?
Back
Chapter 14
*One Month Later*
I sit in the back of the bus,heading to God knows where.I've forgotten
the destination,and truthfully I don't really give a damn.I didn't want
to be on this stupid tour,and it's pretty obvious that I'm not wanted
here either.Nick,Howie,and Kevin don't like me.They all for whatever
reason,have something against me,and never are very nice to me.Howie is
usually too busy with his own crap,to even notice anyone around
him.He's always a jerk to me,acting like I don't even exsist.I think it
must have something to do with the fact that I'm so much younger than
him.I'm not entirly sure what Nick's problem is.It seems that he's
always looking for a fight when I'm around.We argue over the stupidest
things.Of course at the time,it doesn't seem stupid.And no matter how
hard I try not to,he does something or says something to piss me
off,and we end up going at it.It's probally because unlike everyone
else,I keep the arguments going.I never just walk away.I always have to
have the last word.Now,I have no clue as to why Kevin doesn't like me.I
haven't figured that out yet.I know that we're related and
everything,but seriously it's like we're complete strangers
sometimes.Well,I should say all the time.I mean,sure when we were
youngermhe ignored and teased me the way my other cousins did.But it's
like he hates me for some reason.He's always getting mad at me about
something,or he ignores me comepletely.And even though I never let him
know it,it really hurts me when he acts the way he does towards me.I
just can't figure it out.
Out of everyone in the group,Alex is the only one that is nice to me.He
never ignores me,never tries to fight with me,and he never yells at
me.He treats me like an equal,and that's why I like him so much.Lauren
thinks I love him,and I do.In a brotherly way,that is.Atleast,I think
that's how I feel.I'll admit that there are times,when I think he looks
really hot.And I've even wondered what it'd be like if he kissed
me.Then again,I've always wondered what it'd be like to have someone
else's mouth on mine,than Brian's.So,I'm a little confused about my
feelings for Alex.But I'm pretty sure they're just friendly feelings.Of
course,when I am with him,I do get this strange feeling in my
stomach.So scratch that I'm a little confused.I'm extremly confused.
And as if I didn't have enough on my plate,I seem to have come down
with some sort of stomach virus.I'm not sick sick.I just feel
nauseous,and have trouble keeping certain foods down.I went to the
doctor before I had to leave,hoping she'd tell me that I was too sick
to go on this tour.But she said I'd be fine.She said it most likely
something I ate had gone bad,and I had't gotten it completly out of my
system.She said if I didn't feel better in two weeks,then I better go
and get another checkup.So for now,I'm just drinking alot of juice,and
eating crackers.Seems that they are the only thing that doesn't make me
sick.
"Hey,Jenny."AJ says,walking in."We're gonna be making a stop in a few
minutes,and I was wondering if you need anything?"
I shake my head,"No thanks.I'm not hungry.Besides,whatever you get
me,I'll just throw it up in a matter of minutes."He frowns,
"You've been sick for a long time.Are you sure that the doctor said
there was nothing wrong?"
"Yeah."I answer."She thinks it's just a bad case of food poisoning,and
that I should be better in a couple of weeks."
"Alright.But if you're not,I'm tkaing you to get a scond opinion."
I smile,"Okay."
When we finally got to where we were supposed to be,the guys went to
the venue to do their soundcheck.And I wanted to just go to the hotel
and lay down,but for some reason they wanted me there.So after about
twenty minutes of them rehearsing,nothing seemed to be going
right.Kevin seemed to have a problem with everything.The lighting
wasn't right,the sound was coming out totally wrong.And it seemed that
none of the guys could do anything right.Nick's vocie kept cracking
during "Shining Star".Brian kept messing up a step in "Everyone".Alex's
voice was too scratchy in every song,and Howie wasn't doing anything
wrong.I was gettting really tired of listening to Kevin complain about
every little thing,but I didn't say anything to him.Cause it wasn't my
place.That is,until he started with me.The guys had finally got a
break,and I was talking to Alex,when my couin suddenly yells.
"Break's over!Everyone on stage now!"
"Sorry Jenny."AJ says,sighing."We can talk later."He starts to walk
back to the stage,but I grab his arm.
"No.Forget him.You're on a break."
"AJ,now!"
"Stay here."I tell him,and make my way to the stage."Alex is not coming
up here right now."I inform my cousin."Not until he's had a longer
break.You know,longer than three minutes."
"I don't care what you say,Jenny."Kevin says."This doesn't concern
you.We have a concert to prepare for,and the break is over.AJ get up
here now!"
"You stay right where you are."I tell him,and I look back at Kevin."He
is not performing,until you lay off him.You've been screaming at
everyone ever since we got here,and I'm sick of hearing it.Now you
wanna yell at everyone in this fucking building,and boss around the
other guys,that's fine with me.I have no problem with it.But you're
gonna let Alex rest longer."
"This has nothign to do with you,Jennifer."Kevin says."Now get your ass
off this stage,and let us get back to rehearsing."
I cross my arms,"No.You want me off this stage?Move me."
We stare at each other for awhile,before he says."Have it your way."He
picks me up,throws me over his shoulder,and starts walking off the
stage.
"Kevin Richardson!Put me down this instanst!"I scream,pounding on his
back with my fists.He finally sets me down,backstage.The second I feel
my feet touch the ground,I slam my fist into his stomach."You
asshole.Don't you ever touch me like that again!"I'm beyond being angry
at him.I'm absolutly livid.And seeing him just staring at me,like I'm
the one in the wrong,I decide to let him know how I really feel."I
don't know why you hate me,but guess what?I hate you,too.I hate the way
you treat people,and I hate the way you treat me.You've been treating
me this way my entire life,and I fucking hate it.You're always ignoring
me,and if you're not doing that,you're yelling at me aboout
something.And I'm so damn sick of it!I hate that you treat
strangers,better than you treat me.You're family.Do you understand what
I'm saying?I-HATE-IT!"At this point,I'm crying,and really exhausted."I
still love you,even though I shouldn't.I mean,AJ is nicer to me,and he
and I aren't even related.So what does that tell you?"I don't even wait
to hear his answer.I just turn around,and walk out of the building.I so
wish that I didn't have to be here.I've been waiting for the longest
time to say all that to him,yet I don't think it really affexted him.I
have th feeling things are still gonna be the same between us,but part
of me is hoping it won't.
Back
Chapter 15
It was around eleven fifeteen and I was in the bathroom throwing
up,when there was a knock at the door.I slowly got to my feet,and head
over there.
"I swear if that's Brian, I'm gonna puke on him."I mutter,and look
through the peephole.Seeing that it's not him,I open the
door."Hey,Alex."I step aside,to let him in.
"Are you okay?"He asks,as I shut the door."you look really pale."
I shrug,"Yeah,well.I was getting reaquainted with the half quart of
strawberry ice cream,when you showed up."
"Why would you eat that,when you know it's gonna make you sick?"
"I always eat ice cream when I'm dpressed."I answer,walking over to the
bed and sitting down."It makes me feel better.Most of the time."
"You know,Kevin feels really bad about what happened."AJ says,sitting
down beside me.
I smirk,"Yeah,right.I don't know why he treats me the way he does.Guess
it's cause he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"He does,too."I say."My entire life he's always treated me like I
wasn't worth his time or love.Like he wished we weren't related."
AJ wraps his arms around me,"I think you're over reacting just a
bit.There's no way he's been this way to you all the time."
"You wanna bet?You don't know him like I do,he's always been this
way."And then a silence falls between us.After a few minutes pass,I
finally say."You know,I'm getting tired."
"Do you want me to leave?"He asks.
"No.Um,could you please sing to me?"
He smiles,"Sure,Jenny."We move to the head of the bed,and lay down.He
pulls me to him,"So,what do you want me to sing?"
I think about it for awhile,then say."Back At One by Brian McKnight.I
love that song."
"Okay."
It's undeniable that we should be
together
It's unbelieveable that I used to say
that I'd fall never
The basis is need to know,if you
don't know just how I feel
Then let me show you now that I'm for
real
If all things in time,time will reveal
One,you're like a dream come true
Two,just wanna be with you
Three,girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
And four,repeat steps one through
three
Five,make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one
A whole week has passed since my big argument with Kevin.And not a
thing has changed.He's still ignoring me,so I'm doing the same to
him.It really hurts.Stupidly enough I was hoping that what I said would
get through to him,and maybe he'd start being nicer to me.But that
hasn't happened.I'm just going to have to accept that he's always gonna
hate me.I just wish I knew why.
Other than that,this tour is actually going pretty good so far.I've
only gotten into three fights with Nick,which is a record for me.And
since I've been sick lately,Brian hasn't been coming to me to play our
game.If only I could stay sick forever.It would't be much fun for
me,but atleast it would keep him away.
It was after one of the guys' concerts,when it happened.I was sitting
in the back of the bus,really bored.And alone.I wasn't in the mood to
watch any movies,I wasn't hungry,and I wasn't tired.So I decide to take
a shower.I walk into the bathroom,and turn on the water.I don't even
notice the bus stop,or someone else get on.I stand under the stream of
water,and start to wash my body.Suddenly I hear from behind me.
"Feeling better,little Jenny?"
"Holy shit!"I whirl around,and see my cousin standing there.
"Um,I.No.I'm still feeling a little sick."So it's a lie.I've actually
started to slowly regain my appetite.But I'm not about to admit that to
him.
"Why is I don't believe you?"He asks."Come on,Jenny.Don't you want to
play?"And he covers my mouth with his,before I can answer.He pushes me
back against the wall,pressing his body into mine.
I move my face away,"Don't.Just leave me alone.I don't feel good."He
ignores me,and continues kissing my body.I sigh inwardly,when I realize
he's not stopping.'Well,as long as he doesn't want a blow job,I guess
I'll be okay.'He comes back up,and wraps my legs around his
waist,before shoving his cock inside me.I bite down on my lip,to keep
from screaming out,as he roughly slams in and out of me.'Jesus.Why does
he have to be so rough?'He was never gently with me,in the six years
he's been fucking me.But he seems to be rougher than he usually
is.'Maybe it's cause it's been so long it's happened.'I shut my
eyes,and try to forget about the pain,and ignore the sounds of him.I'm
suddenly brought back though,when he slams into me so hard,my head
bangs against the wall.
"Ow!Jesus Christ."He suddenly kisses me,and cums.We stand there for
awhile,while he catches his breath.Finally he pulls out,and leaves the
bathroom.I slowly slide to the bottom of the tub,and sigh.My stomach
hurts really bad,and so does my head.After a few seconds,I stand up,and
shut off the water that has gotten ice cold.I grab a towel,and dry
myself off,then get dressed.My stomach was hurting more and more by the
second,and I went out to lay down.The second I step out of the
bathroom,an exruciating pain shoots through my body,causing me to
scream out.I'm suddenly overcome by dizziness,and feel myself falling.I
bang my head against a cabinet on the was down,and then blackness fills
my world.
Back
Chapter 16
All around me I can hear voices.And even though I'm pretty sure they
are near by,they sound so far away.I can vaugly hear Alex's voice,and
he sounds really upset.My eyelids are heavy,and won't open when I try
to.I move my mouth to call out to him,but no sound will escape.My
entire body feel numb and won't move,and I'm suddenly afraid.'What's
going on?Where am I?'Those questions and a dozen more race through my
mind.I try to remember what happened,but I draw a blank.I remember
Brian fucking me in the shower,but everything is fuzzy after that.
After much struggle,I finally get my eyes open,but am blinded by the
intensity of the bright lights in the room, and quickly shut them
again.My head hurts so bad,and I want to cry.Suddenly I feel someone
touching me,and I whimper in fear of not knowing who the touch belongs
to.A cool hand touches my forehead,and I try to move away,but my body
stays where it is.
I start to cry,"Shh,it's okay."I hear a quiet deep voice say."It's only
me,Jenny."I slowly open my eyes,and find myself looking into a pair of
dark green ones.
I try speaking again,"K-Kevin?"He nods,and smiles in relief.
"Thank God you're alright.I was so worried."
This confuses me,"Y-you were?"Wait a minute.I notice something else
that doesn't make sense."Were-have you been crying?"
"Um,yeah.I was."He says,and I realize he's clutching my hand tightly.
"My head hurts."I say.
"Well,you had a really bad fall and hit your head.You have a slight
concussion."
"I fell?"I don't remember that.
He nods,"The driver heard you scream,and stopped.We took you to the
hospital cause you were unconcious.AJ was completly terrified,and has
been yelling at everyone to find out what was wrong with you since we
got here."
"What's wrong with me?"But before he can answer,I hear.
"Jenny!"Kevin is shoved out of the way,and replaced by a very
distraught looking AJ.
"You're okay!"
I'm suddenly sitting up,and he's hugging me.His body is shaking,and it
takes me awhile to realize he's crying.The feeling is starting to
return to my body,and I pull back a little.My heart breaks when I see
the tears streaming down his face.
"Oh,Alex.Please don't cry."
"Are you okay?"He asks.
"My legs feel numb."I answer."I can't remember falling,and my stomach
is really sore."
"Well,the reason you fell."He starts."Is because you had
apendicitis,and it knocked you out."Apendicitis?
"I-I did?"I look at him."How long am I gonna have to be here?"
"Another couple of days."He amswers."And I'm not leaving your side
until you're better."
"B-but what about the tour?"I ask.
"Who cares about the tour?You're way more important."He takes my
hand,and looks my straight in the eye."You have no idea how scared I
was when,I saw you laying unconcious on the floor.It was the worst
feeling in the world."
I sigh,and look down."I'm sorry for scaring you."
"Jenny,it's not your fault."He leans forward,and kisses my
forehead."Get some rest,okay?"He starts to leave,but I pull him back.
"Don't go.I don't wanna be here alone.Please,just stay until I fall
asleep."
"Okay."He sits down in the chair by the bed,I close my eyes,and soon
I'm fast alseep.
I got out of the hosptial three days later,but the bad part is Kevin is
ignoring me again.I don't understand it.When I was in the hospital,he
was all worried about me,and he was even crying.Now it's like none of
that even happened. And just when I think there is no possible way he
can treat me any worse,he proves me wrong. Three days after I got out,I
was down in the lobby,and I heard him talking to some fans.One of them
asked who I was,and he told them I was the sister of one of their
backup dancers.But instead of it hurting me,it pissed me off.I'm sick
of this, and I'm making him talk.Wether he wants to or not.
"Kevin?Can I talk to you?"I ask,after their soundcheck is over.
"Not right now."He says,looking at me."Maybe later."
"Fuck that.You're talking to me now."I grab his arm,and drag him into
his dressing room.
"Sit."I say,shoving him down into a chair."This has been put off long
enough,and now you're going to listen to me, and you're gonna do it
right now.Understand?"He sighs,and looks away.
"Fine.But make it quick,I have other things to do."I stare at him,
"Jesus fucking Christ,Kevin."His gaze jerks to me,
"Watch your mouth!"
"Hey,you watch your's!Are you even hearing the words coming out of your
mouth?You're acting like I'm a fucking stranger,rather than your
cousin.Oh,wait I forgot.We're not related are we?I'm just some sister
of your backup dancers.Isn't that what you told that fan?"He doesn't
look at me,so I continue.
"What is it?Why do you hate me so much?"
"I don't-"
"Yes you do."I interupts."For as long as I can remember,you've acted
like I didn't even exsist.I thought it was cause I was so much younger
and you didn't want to spend time with a child.And I thought you'd come
around once we got older.But you haven't.Well,it's been sixteen
years,and I'm asking you now.What is it about me that you hate?"
He suddenly stands up,"I don't want to talk about this."I push him back
down,
"Well,I do.Tell me the reason,Kevin."
"I said I don't want to talk about this."He tries to leave,but I stand
infront of the door.
"Jennifer Elizabeth Davis.Get the fuck out of my way."
"No.You're not leaving this room until we're done talking."I tell him.
"Jenny,you are really pissing me off."He says,eyes full of anger."Now
get of the way,beofre I do something I'm gonna regret."
"Like what?"I ask."Are you gonna hit me?Well,go ahead.Hit me.Push
me.Punch me.Do whatever you want,I dont' care.You're sitll not getting
out of here."He tries to push me away,so I push him back.He shoves me
to the floor,so I swing my legs into him,knocking him down also.I
scramble over,and climb ontop of him before he can get up.I hold his
arms down,and stare at him.
"You can't keep ignoring me!"I scream."I'm so sick of it,and I don't
fucking dserve it!Now fucking talk to me."He just stares up at me,not
saying anything.There's a hint of sadness in his eyes,but I don't catch
it.Suddenly the door opens,and I hear Nick say.
"Um,Kevin?It's uh,time for the meet and greet."
"I'll be there in a minute."I wordlessly get off him,and head fo the
door.I know there's more I should say to him,but I just walk out
slamming the door behind me.I was too mad to continue.
Back
Chapter 17
I hate Kevin. I've never expressed feelings of hate towards any of my
family members before, except Brian. But I seriously hate Kevin right
now. I mean, I've gotten used to him being a total asshole to me all
the time. But you'd think that on a day as important as my birthday, he
could at least be just a little bit nice to me. But no. Hell, that'd be
asking too much of him. For most seventeen-year-olds, your birthday is
a supposed to be a great one. Cause it means only one more year til
you're legal. But when you're me, September fourth is just another day
where you're treated like an inconvenience, and raped at night.
Alex wanted to bring me onstage during the concert, so he and the guys
could sing "Happy Birthday"to me. But I told him no. Even though he
didn't say anything, I could tell that Kevin didn't like the idea. He's
not treating my any different cause it's my brithday. Infact, I
think he's being even more of a jerk. Like earlier today, for instance.
We were at the hotel, and the guys were getting ready to leave for a
radio interview. And it was after I got a gift from Nick and Howie;
which I so wasn't expecting. And after Brian groped me, and said he'd
give me his gift after the concert, when there was a knock at the door.
*Flashback*
I sighed when I heard the knock, and walked over to the door. I open
it, and to my shock see my other cousin standing there.
"Um, hi Kevin. Come in."I walk over to the bed, and sit down. He walks
over, and hands me a medium sized wrapped box.
“Happy birthday, Jennifer.” I stare at him in confusion, then
slowly unwrap it.
"Oh my gosh!"Inside was a small glass angel, holding a heart shaped
sapphire. And written on the heart in gold was, 09-04-84.'He actually
got me something this nice? 'I couldn't believe it. I completely forgot
about being mad at him, and jump up.
"This is so beautiful, Kevin."I say, and throw my arms around
him."Thank you so much. I love it."
"Uh, you're welcome."He pulls away from me."I gotta go."And he leaves.
*End Flashback*
I really do love him for getting me that, even if he's been a total
jerk to ever since he gave it to me. I just don't understand it. He
goes and does something that nice for me, and then all of sudden he
turns in a totally different person.
I'm drawn out of my thoughts, when the guys start singing Shape Of My
Heart. 'Oh great.' I think to myself. The concert is almost over, which
means we'll be heading to the hotel soon. Which means I have to endure
Brian fucking me. It always seems to be worse on days like this one.
"Some birthday."I mutter, then head out to the limo.
I'm laying on my bed waiting for my cousin, when there's a knock at the
door. This confuses me, cause he always gets the extra key and comes in
whenever he feels like it. I get up, and head over. But it's not him on
the other side. It's Alex.
"What are you doing here?"I ask, as he steps inside.
He holds out a square box, "I came to give you your birthday gift."I
smile, and take it from him.
"Ohio-I thought you'd forgotten."
"Not a chance."He says.
"I was just waiting for the right moment."I quickly open the door, and
pull out a short black tank top. Written on the front is 'AJ's
official' and on the back was 'Slot's start laughing,
"What the hell is this?"He grins,
"Don't you like it?"I throw the shirt at him,
"Where's my real gift?"He pulls a small velvet box, out of his pocket.
"Here."I open this one, and find a gold belly ring with a diamond on it.
I look at him, wide eyed, "Wow! I-is this real?"
He smiles, "It damn well better be. It cost enough."
"I can't accept this."I say, handing it back to him.
"Why not?"He asks.
"Cause I-.I don't deserve something like that. It must've been really
expensive. Thanks anyway."
He sighs, "Jenny, you do too deserve it. I know you have a thing for
collecting them, so I got you this. And besides, the cost is no concern
of your's. You're gonna keep it."
"Okay."
"Good. Now go put it in. I want to see how it looks."
I smile, and go into the bathroom. A few minutes later, I came back out.
"What do you think?"
He looks at me, "It looks great. Do you like it?"
"Are you kidding me? I love it!
"I run over to him, and hug him.
"Thanks. I think it's safe to say this is the best gift I've gotten."
"Well I'm glad you like it. Happy birthday, Jenny."I don't know why,
but hearing his voice so close, sends a shiver through my body. I
suddenly pull back, and look at him. I've got this really strange
feeling coursing through me. And not giving it a second thought, I move
my face towards his.
"Um, Jenny? Wh-what are you doing?"He asks, quietly. Instead of
answering, I cover his mouth softly with mine. He just stands for a few
seconds, but then I fell him start to kiss me back. I slowly move
backwards taking him with me, until we fall back on the bed. His tongue
enters my mouth, and starts massaging mine, causing me to moan quietly.
He moves his mouth down to my kneck, and gently sucks on it. I moan
louder, and bring his face back up to kiss him.
"I want you."I whisper, pulling on his shirt. That's when he pulls away
from me.
"Jenny, no. We can't do this."He gets off me, and stands far away from
the bed. I sit up, and look at him.
"Why not?"
"W-we just can't. You-you're too young."I so hate it when people tell
me that.
"I am not too young. God, why does everyone always use that as an
excuse?"I can't help but raise my voice.
"Do you even know how much I like you? A lot, is how much. I don't
think of you as a brother, my feelings for you go beyond that."He
doesn't say anything, and I sigh. "Fine. Just get out."He leaves, and I
throw myself back down on the bed. This really sucks. "Ready to play
little Jenny?
"I groan,' Just what I need.'
"As ready as I'll ever be."Brian shuts the door, and walks over to me.
He straddles my waist, and leans down to kiss me.
"What were you and AJ doing?"I sigh. He always gets so upset when I
hang out with Alex.
"None of your damn business."I answer, and he smacks me.
"Wrong answer."Then he roughly removes the rest of my clothing.' This
is gonna be a long night.'
Back
Chapter 18
God! When the hell will this stupid tour be over? Things are so fucked
up around, I can barely stand it. All I wanna do is go home, and never
leave my room again. And never see any of the members of Backstreet
Boys ever again. Right now, I hate all of them. Kevin hates me with a
passion, Nick is constantly trying to get me riled, and succeeding.
Howie is still acting like I don't even exsist, and Alex is avoiding me
at all costs. But that's my fault, I guess. I've screwed up things so
bad between us, and I hate myself for it. I just can't stand being
around these guys any longer. I think I'm loosing my mind because of
how things are going. It's gotten to the point, where I just don't care
about anything. It's so bad, that I'm considering moving onto Brian's
bus. I mean, every night he comes to me and fucks me, so why not just
make the access easier for him? I'm loosing my will to fight back,
cause the way I figure it why bother anymore? After almost twelve years
I've come to the conclusion that there is no possible way I can win
this. And it sucks. I just want to lock myself in a room far away from
everything, and slowly die. I really hate feeling this way, but I can't
change things. It's going to be this way for a long long time, and it's
time I accept that.
I sit on the couch reading 'Murder at Winches' Bluff' by Silver Raven
Wolf, and listening to music. We were in Las Angeles for a few days,
and my other idiot cousin's wife offered to let us stay at their house
than go to another hotel. It was in between songs, when I hear
laughter. I look up, and see my two cousins talking with some woman.
She looks vaguely familar, and I hit the stop button my cd player. The
woman looks like she's around Kevin's age, maybe younger. She's about
5'10",has bright blue eyes, and shoulder length dark brown hair with
red and gold highlights. I pull of my headphones, and say.
"Who's the skirt?"
"This is my youngest cousin, Jennifer."Kevin says, glaring at me."I'm
sure you remember her Allie."The woman nods, and smiles.
"Of course I do. Hi, Jenny."I just look at her.
"Jenny, this is Allisa Mallone."Brian tells me."She's Kevin's best
friend."
Do I look like I give a damn? "How nice. Kevy found a new fuck toy."I
say."What's the matter? Tired of Kristin already?"I smile inwardly,
when I see how pissed off he is, and stand up. I grab my things, and
walk past the three of them to the stairs. Now if this had been any
other day before I joined this damn tour, I probably would be feeling
bad about what I just said. But I don't, cause he deserved that. I
actually do remember Allisa. I think I met her maybe a total of six
times, and I was like really young. She was at my mother's funeral, I
remember that cause she had a baby girl with her. I'm actually
surprised that she's here, cause last I heard she and Kevin got into a
big fight after the funeral, and haven't spoken to each other since.
When I get to my room, I drop my things on the floor, and lay down on
the bed. I'm suddenly really tired. I'm just about to fall asleep, when
I hear.
"Well, you sure pissed him off, little Jenny."
"Get out."I say, sitting up."Get out, Brian."
"Now don't be like that, Jenny."He says."Where are your manners?"
"I said, get out!"I scream, and throw my shoe at him. The next thing I
know, he has me pinned underneath him, and slaps me hard across the
face.
"You really need to learn how to play nice, Jenny. Guess it's time for
another lesson, huh?"And he starts unbuttoning his pants.
"No! Leave me alone."I push against him, as he pulls off my shirt and
bra. He hits me again, when I try to get out from underneath him.
“Hold still , damn it! "I finally kick him off, and I make a break for
the door. But he tackles me to the floor before I get there. “You never
learn do you bitch?” He asks, turning me to looks at him."Maybe you’ll
learn if I make this lesson a painful one?”
"No! Please, don't!"But my cries go unheard.
After it's over, I limp into the bathroom to survey the damage he
caused. My face is really bruised from him hitting me so much, but I
can easily cover that up with makeup. But what shocks me, are the bite
marks on the left side of my kneck, my shoulder, and breasts. I wince,
and sigh. 'Guess it's back to turtlenecks again. 'I grab the aloe Vera
gel, and gently rub it over the sore spots. Then I put my shirt on, and
go back to my room. I shut the door not bothering to lock it, and lower
myself down on the bed. Then I let the tears fall. He sure as hell
wasn't lying when he said it was going to be painful. My entire body
hurts. I pull the blanket over myself, and cry harder. This isn't fair.
I don't know how much longer I can put up with this game. It's wearing
my down more and more every time. That dream I had about falling over
the cliff, is becoming an every night accourance. I wonder if it means
that I want to die? Well if that's what it means. then it couldn't be
anymore right. I so want to die. But I can't do it. I have no guts when
it comes to stuff like this. I gave up cutting when I was fourteen,
deciding I was too mature for that. I'm seriously rethinking that right
now.
My eyelids are starting to droop, a sigh of sleep wanting to take over
my body. I close my eyes, waiting for it to come. Just before I fall
into another restless sleep, I think I hear my door open and someone
say. "I'm so sorry, Jennifer."But I think I must've been imagining
things.
Back
Chapter 19
It was the next day ,and I was out shopping with Allissa and Courtney.
She had arrived the night before ,and insisted we have some "quality
girl time",as she put it. And since she had never met Allissa, she
invited her along also.
"So, Allissa."Courtney starts."How long have you known Kevin?"
"All my life."Allissa answers."Our mothers were best friends in high
school ,and he and I eventually became friends also."
"Are you married?"I ask her.
"Divorced"
"Do you have any children?"Courtney asks.
"Yeah .I have a twelve year old daughter ,Crystal .And a nine month old
son ,Scott."
We shop around some more ,and I realize that Alissa really is nice. And
maybe I was a little rude with what I said yesterday .But I won't
apologize. Not yet, at least. About an hour later ,we head down to the
food court.
"How do you like touring ,Jenny?"Allissa asks.
"It sucks. I wanna go home."I answer."Nobody likes me."
"Since when?"Courtney wants to know."Brian and Kevin are your cousins.
AJ absolutely adores the ground you walk on. And Nick and Howie like
you, too."
I roll my eyes, "I wish it were like that. Yeah, Brian likes me. Big
deal. And just cause we're related, don't mean Kevin has to like me.
He's always ignoring me, and when he does notice me, its only to scream
at me. Howie doesn't say a single word to me. Nick is always arguing
with me about something. And Alex-.Um, we kind of had a fight and
aren't really on speaking terms. It's safe to say that none of tem like
me."
"Well, that's just ridiculous!"Courtney exclaims."I am so gonna have a
talk with Nick and Howie when we get back. There's no way they're going
to treat you like that. And I'm definitely gonna set Mr. McLean
straight ,also. Just cause the two of you had a fight, doesn't mean he
can do that to you."
"I'll speak with Kevin, too."Allissa offers."This is all really
confusing. He was always nice to you when you were younger, and I wanna
know what's changed."
"Thanks, but it's really not necessary."I tell them, then I excuse
myself to the bathroom.
"I'm going to have a talk with all of them, and that's final."Courtney
tells me, as we walk into the house. She sets her bags on the living
room floor, then yells. "Nick Carter, Kevin Richardson, Howie Dorough,
AJ McLean! Get down here right now!"
I groan, and put my face in my hands. "Court, don't."
She ignores me, "Guys, now!"
A few minutes later, they're all sitting on the couch.
"What's going on, sweetie?"Nick asks.
"Don't you 'sweetie' me, buster. You all have some major explaining to
do."She says.
"What are you talking about?"
"It has come to my attention, that all of you have been extremely rude
to Jennifer. You especially."She looks directly at Kevin."And there is
no way I'm gonna allow that to continue. So I'm gonna ask each and
every one of you to explain yourself. Howie, do you have a problem with
Jennifer?"
"Um ,no."He answers.
"Then why do you always ignore her?"
"Well ,I uh. I don't mean to."He looks at me."I'm sorry. I just get
really busy sometimes, and forget you're even there. You're always so
quiet, except for when you're fighting with Nick or Kevin. But I don't
ignore you on purpose. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."
"I-it's okay."
Courtney smiles, "Okay, you're free to go. But you three stay put."She
waits until he's left the room, before continuing."Now, Nick. Do you
have a problem with Jenny?"
"No, not really."
"What do you mean not really?"She asks."Either you do or you don't."
"Okay, so I don't always get along with her."Nick says."But it's only
when I'm in a really bad mood. She's the only one that keeps fighting
with me, when I shoot my mouth off."
"So you don't hate her?"
"No, of course not. We pretty much get along, other times."
"You can go."Nick surprises me, by hugging me before he leaves.
"Alright, AJ."Courtney says."You're turn."
He looks confused, "What? I don't hate Jenny. She knows that."
"Then forget the fight you two had, and make up."
He looks over at me, "What fight?"
"You know. My birthday..."
"That? That wasn't a fight."
"It wasn't?"I ask.
"Okay, so ya'll are cool. Kevin, you're turn to apologize."
"Actually,"Alissa interrupts."would it be alright if I talked to him
first?"
Courtney nods, "Sure."
I walk over to Alex, and grab his hand. "Come on. We need to talk."And
I lead him up the stairs.
Back
Chapter 20
"Um, have a seat."I tell him, when we get to my room.
Alex sits down on the bed, "What's up, Jenny?"
"Uh, okay. Well, I-"God. Where do I start?"Okay, well I know you told
Courtney that you weren't mad at me. But I kind of find that hard to
believe, because you've been avoiding me ever since that night."
"I know I've been avoiding you."He says.
"But it's not cause I'm mad at you."
"Then why?"I ask.
"Alright, I'll admit that that was probably the wrong thing for me to
do. But hell. That shouldn't ruin our friendship. I mean, next to
Lauren you're the best friend I've ever had. And I would never
intentionally do anything to ruin that."
He doesn't say anything, or even look at me. And I sigh in frustration.
Getting an idea, I get down on my knees and reach under the bed for my
suitcase. I open it, pull something out, and hand it to him.
"Remember this?"It was the friendship bear he gave to me."Remember what
it means? All you have to say is that you don't want to e my friend
anymore, and that'll be it. It'll be hard for me to deal with, but I'll
accept it. You just have to say the words."
He looks up at me, "I would never say that. Jennifer, you are so
important to me. And I care about you so much, I'd never want to not
have you in my life. Okay, so that night really freaked me out."I sigh,
and sit down beside him."But not the way you think."
"Then what way?"In answer, he leans towards me, and gently presses his
lips to mine. It was an amazing kiss, and ended way too soon for my
liking.
"That's why I freaked."
I just look at him in confusion."When I was with you that night, I felt
something stronger than friendship for you, and it scared me. Because
you're like the sister I never had. I mean, you're so young Jenny. I
don't want to corrupt you or anything."Okay, I wasn't pissed until he
decided to say that.
"Corrupt me? My Lord, AJ."He flinches slightly, cause I only call him
that when I'm mad at him."Jesus, you're not gonna corrupt me. I may be
young, but believe me I know a hell of a lot more about sex than you
think. And you can thank my cousin Brian for that!"
Once the words leave my mouth, I instantly regret saying them. My hands
fly to my mouth, and my eyes widen in shock.
He stares at me, "What did you just say?"
I quickly stand up, "N-nothing."
"Don't give me that. What did you mean that you know a lot about sex,
and we have Brian to thank for that?"
"I-I didn't mean anything."I say, my voice shaking.
Alex grabs my arms, "tell me the truth, Jennifer!"
But I don't say anything.
"If you don't tell me, them I'm going to ask Brian."
"No!"I pull out of his grasp."Please, Alex. Don't say anything to him."
"What the hell is going on between the two of you?"Suddenly his eyes
widen.
"Oh my God. Does he-?No, he couldn't. Oh my God, Jenny does Brian have
sex with you?"
Well, someone finally figured it out. But I can't admit to it. I shake
my head, tears streaming down my face.
"No. Alex, please."
"Oh My God, he does."
"Alex, you can't tell anyone."
"Jennifer, my God!"He exclaims."Your cousin has sex with you, and you
haven't told anyone? That's fucking incest! And I'm assuming by how
scared you look, that it happens against your will. Which makes it
rape."
"Alex, I'm begging you. D-don't tell him you know."I sob.
"Look at what he's done to you. Now it finally makes sense. Why your
relationship with him is so strange?" Alex's eyes blaze with anger."I'm
going to kill him!"
"NO!"I scream."Please don't! He's going to be so mad at me."But he
ignores me, and leaves.
I fall to the floor, sobbing hard. This couldn't be happening. It had
to be a really bad dream. But I know it's not. I needed to talk with
Lauren. I crawl over to the table, and grab the phone.
"Hello?"
"Lauren!"I sob into the phone."He knows! Oh God, he knows!"
"Whoa, Jenny. Calm down."She says."Who knows what?"
"Alex knows about Brian and me."
There's a long slience, before she finally says. "Well, good. It's
about time someone found out, and can finally stop that sick bastard."
"Lauren, you don't understand."I say."He's going to hurt me so bad when
he finds out Alex knows."
"Jenny, what more can the man do to you?"
"He'll kill me."
Just then I hear, "So Lauren knows, too?"I gasp, and slowly turn around.
Back
Chapter 21
"Jennifer?"I hear coming from the phone."Jennifer, what's going on?"But
I can't answer. All I can do is stare at my cousin standing in my
doorway.
"Jenny, answer me!"Brian shuts the door, and walks over to me. He takes
the phone out of my hand, and says.
"I'm sorry, Lauren. But Jenny can't talk right now. She's being
punished."He presses the end button, then looks down at me.
I quickly stand up, "So, you just had to tell AJ about our game didn't
you?"His voice is as cold as ice, and it sends chills down my spine. He
was obviously expecting an answer, because when I don't give him one,
he gets angry and throws the phone at me. I duck, and it smashes
through the window. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
I slowly back away from him, "I-I didn't mean to."
He advances towards me, "You stupid bitch. How many times have I told
you over the years, that no one was supposed to know about our game
cause they'd make us stop playing? And I thought you didn't want that
to happen? But now someone knows."
"Wh-what did you do to Alex?"I ask, my voice trembling.
Brian grins evilly, "Let's just say that we don't have to worry about
him interfering anymore."
Fear races through my body, "Oh no. Oh God."
"God can't help you now, Jenny."He says, before hitting my across the
face."Stupid little Jenny. Couldn't keep it a secret, could you? Just
didn't know when to shut up!"
He slams me hard into the wall, then picks me up off the floor. He
takes me over to the bed, and throws me on it.
Then he starts tearing at my clothes, "NO! Alex, help!"I scream, hoping
that he can hear me."Nick, Kevin, Courtney, Howie, Allisa, somebody!
Please help me!"
"Nobody here to hear you scream."My cousin says then slams forcefully
into me.
"Oh My God! Owwww!"I scream in pain."Please stop."The tears pour from
my eyes, as he pounds into me, and hits me.
"Stupid, stupid little Jenny."He says."Couldn't keep her mouth shut.
Now she has to suffer the consequences."
All of the sudden he's pulled off me, and slammed against the wall.
"Alex!"I exclaim, sitting up."You're alive!"
"Jenny, get out of here."He orders.
"You should've minded your own buisness, and stayed away from her."
"No!"I scream, as Brian tackles Alex to the floor, and they start
fighting. I know this is my chance to escape, but I can't leave him
here.
"Jennifer, get the fuck out of here!"
I finally snap out of my trance, and quickly throw on my clothes. Then
despite the pain I'm in, race out of the room, down the stairs, and out
the front door. Night has fallen, and it's begun to rain. I run as fast
as I can, to get as far away from the house as possible.' Please God.
Let Alex be okay.' I pray, and pick up more speed. The rain beats down
harder, and suddenly I see myself nearing the edge of a cliff. I come
to a stop, and look down at the jagged rocks below.' I wonder if those
rocks are sharp enough to kill me instantly if I fall?' The thought
scares me, and I jump away from the egde. 'This is not the time to be
wanting to kill yourself.' I say to myself, knowing I need to get away
from here. I slowly turn around, and start to walk away. But I stop
dead in my tracks. Something is blocking my path up ahead. It's a car,
and I'm suddenly blinded as the headlights come on. I stand there
frozen with fear, and gasp when my cousin comes into view.
"You never learn, do you Jenny?"He asks."You can always run, but you
can never hide."
"Please, Brian. Just leave me alone."I beg, tearfully."I don't want to
play anymore."
He starts to move towards me, "Why not? Don't you like our little game,
Jenny?"
"No! I hate it!"I scream, suddenly very angry."I've always hated it!
It's a horrible game, and it's ruined my life. I never want to play
again!"He's standing directly in front of me, and I try to get away,
but he grabs me. "Let go!"I kick and swing at him as he tries to drag
me to the car, and finally break free. I quickly turn around, and start
running, completly forgetting where I am. And it's not until I'm going
over the cliff, do I realize that this was my dream. I scream loudly,
blocking out the sound of the thunder. "Jennifer!"I hear someone else
scream, then I feel a searing pain through my entire body. And finally,
there's darkness.
Back
Chapter 22
Well,I'm not dead.I actually survived that fall.Seems like a
miracle,don't it?Well,it's not.There was a ledge right before the rocks
that I didn't see,and I landed on that.Okay,so maybe it was a
miracle.All I got out of it was a broken arm,two fractured ribs,and
another concussion.The scream I had heard on the way down,had come from
Kevin.He and Alissa had gone back to the house,and found Alex
unconscious in my room,and Kevin came after me and Brian.He showed up
just as I fell.I've been in the hospital for almost a week,and will be
able to go home in a few days.Where I will be going,I'm not sure
yet.Alex will be able to leave soon,too.He had some minor head
injuries;how that happened I don't know.And some internal bleeding from
all of Brian's punches.Speaking of which,right now he's in jail.I
haven't decided wether or not I want to prosecute him,though everyone
keeps teling me I should.I'll have to think about it.
It was the day before I was to be released,when I got a visit from
Kevin.He hadn't come to see me at all,so I figured he took Brian's side
like my Aunt Jackie and Uncle Harold had.But there he was,standing in
the doorway,looking really nervous.He came over,and sat on the egde of
the bed,and for a long time we sat in silence.
"There's something I need to tell you."He finally says."It's about why
I've always been such an asshole to you."I look at him,expectantly.But
also a little scared.This is the explination Ive been wantinng to hear
all my life,and now that I was,I was afraid fo what the reason might be.
"I knew about what Brian was doing to you."He says,quietly.So quietly
I'm not even sure I heard him right,but I know I did.
"Wh-what?"He nods,and looks away.
"Yeah.It was a year after your Mom died.I opened the door to your
room,and there it was.Y-you were laying on the bed undressed,and-and he
was touching you.And you were crying,and asking him to stop.And all I
could do was stand there,shocked.I-I couldn't believe what I was
seeing.I only stayed like ten seconds,then I left."He finally looks at
me,and I see he's crying.My eyes too,are full of tears.
"I never said anything."He continues."I just walked away.I just
couldn't believe I had really seen that.I just wanted to forget it,but
as the years passed it got harder to doI felt so guilty everytime I
looked at you.I knew that he had to be having sex with you,and every
part of me was screaming to tell someone.To make it stop,but I
couldn't.I don't know why.Maybe it was because,that somewhere I didn't
want to believe it was true.Th-that he was really doing that to you.So
I decided the best thing to do,was to push you away from me.That if I
wasn't close to you,I wouldn't feel so bad.But it didn't work.You got
so hurt whenever I ignored you.And if I yelled at you,your eyes
would et so sad,and it would tear me up inside.And I was already torn
up because of what I knew.I hated myself so much for not being able to
tell anyone.And I hated myself even more,because I could've stopped him
that day.But I didn't,and I let you suffer all these years."He finally
breaks down right then.
"I'm sorry,Jennifer.I'm so sorry."Hearing those words,I realize that
night before I fell asleep that it was him who opened my door and said
that.I'm also too shocked to say anything.I can't believe that he
knew.Part of me thinks I should be mad at him,but I decided against
that.He's been hurting as much as I have all this time,and it took alot
of courage to tell me this.I move closer to him,and wrap my arms around
him.
"It's okay."I whisper."Everything is going to be okay now."He holds me
tight,and cries into my hair.A few tears slip down my face,and I feel
even more anger towards Brian.He not only ruined my life with that
stupid game.He also ruined the lives of his family and friends.And it's
at this very moment,that I know what I'm gonna do.
*One Month Later*
"Are you sure this is what you wanna do?"Alex asks.I look at him for a
few seconds,then nod.
"Yeah,I'm sure."Well,I didn't put Brian behind bars for the rest of his
life.Although,God knows that's what I wanted to do.But I just
couldn't.I had thought it over,and decided I just couldn't hurt
everyone by doing that.I know there are alot of people,mainly his
fans,that look up to him and love him.And I know it would kill them to
know what kind of a person he really is.Enough people have been hurt by
this,that I don't need to hurt anyone else.Backstreet Boys have of
course broken up,but neither the fans nor the media know the real
reason.It's better that way.Leighanne divorced my cousin,which I felt
really bad about.I know she really loved him,and I'm so sorry that
happened.I never wanted to hurt her,casue she's like the sister I never
had.
Right now Alex and I are at the airport,and I'm about to get on a plane
bound to New York.I was meeting Lauren there,and she and I were finally
gonna have an apartment together.I was accpeted to a college there,and
in spite of everything,Kevin is paying for my tuition.Even though I
told him that was neccesary,he insisted.
"Now boarding.Fligh 117 to New York."I look at Alex, "Guess this is ..."
"I guess it is."He pulls me into his arms,and hugs me."You don't have
to leave you know."
"yeah,I do."I say,pulling back."I can't go back to Kentucky,cause
there's way too many bad memories there.And I don't want to live in
Florida.I need a fresh start,and I think New York is the perfect place
for that."
He sighs, "Alright.But I want you to call me if you ever need
anything.I don't care what time it is,you call me okay?"
I smile, "You can count on it."I hug him again."Bye,Alex."
"Bye,Jenny."
"Oh,I forgot to tell you.I changed my name."I tell him.
"To what?"
"Elizabeth McDonald.I've always like my middle name better than
Jennifer,and Lauren is practically my sister,so she gave me permission
to use her last name."
"Well,I like it."Alex says."Does this mean I call you Lizzie instead of
Jenny?"
"Hell no."I say,making a face."Lizzie sounds weird.Just call me
Elizabeth."
"This is the final boarding call for flight 117 to New York."
"Well,I better go.Bye."I pick up my bags,and head up to the ticket
counter.
"Elizabethe,wait!"I turn around, "Yeah?"He walks up to me,and kisses me
softly on the mouth."I love you,Elizabeth."
I smile, "I love you too,Alex."We hug one final time,then I get onto
the airplane.
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Epilouge
Well,there you have it.That's my story.That all happened a little over
a year ago,and luckily I haven't heard a thing from Brian since
then.But I still keep in touch with the other guys,and Kevin and I have
become much clsoer.Sadly though,he and Kristen broke up.They say it
wasn't because of what happened,that they had been having problems for
quite some time.I'm not sure wether I believe that or not,but I won't
push it.Leighanne and I are still good friends,which is a relief to
me.Cause I was afraid she'd never talk to me again.But she assured me
that she wasn't mad at me.Alex and I are kind og going out,but it's
hard to do since we live so far apart.But I figure if it's meant to
be,then it'll work out.
Courtney has always told me that she believes everything happens for a
reason,and I think she's right.I was meant to go on that tour,to get
closer to Alex so he could find out about Brian and me,and help break
free.Those eleven years happened so I could get a better outlook on
life.I'm stronger now because of it.I'm going to school,and I'm gonna
be a lawyer.I wanna specialize it prosecuting sex crime violaters.I
wanna help women who have been through what I went through.BEcause I
know what they're feeling.I've decided that all happened to me so I
could survive it,and help other do the same.
You're gonna hear from Alissa next.She and Courtney keep telling me I
had it the roughset,but I'm not so sure.Courtney had to live with
loving her best friend all her life and not being able to tell him,and
almost losing her daughter.And Alissa...well.I think I'll let her tell
you that story.
Still Not Over...
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