After spending a great deal of time consulting other people, such as Sydney, Jennie, Sara, and mainly Kyle, about the situation, you decided that what you really needed to do was talk to Nick about it.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and you were sitting in your room watching a movie. Kyle had come in and sat down next to you on your bed and started watching with you. After a while, your mind had begun to wander and you weren’t really paying attention to the movie. Your eyes were focused on the screen, but you were not absorbing anything. As you were thinking about the whole Nick situation, a tear began sliding down your cheek, but you didn’t even notice it—most likely because you had become so used to the feeling of crying in the past week.

“Oh Molly, not again…” The sound of Kyle’s voice suddenly brought you back to reality. Quickly, you reached up and wiped the tear from your face, but it didn’t do any good….a trail of more came streaming from your eyes, and you buried your head in your hands.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” you said through sobs and sniffs.

“No, don’t apologize. You can’t help how you feel. I just hate seeing you like this,” Kyle said as he began to rub his hand up and down your back in an effort to comfort you. You grabbed a tissue and began wiping your eyes.

“I just don’t know what to do, ya know? I mean it is not healthy for me to be feeling like this all the time. And I don’t want to feel like this all the time. It’s the worst feeling I think I’ve ever experienced in my life,” you said as you tilted your head back and rested it on your pillow.

“Molls, I don’t know how many more times I can say this to you….the best thing you can do right now is talk to him. You have to let him know how you’re feeling,” Kyle said as he laid down next to you.

“I know, I know…” you said as you turned on your side so that you and Kyle were now facing each other. A few minutes of silence passed, during which you were still crying. Suddenly, Kyle’s voice broke the silence.

“Ya know what?” he said.

“What?” you asked, sniffling softly.

“I just….I mean, he knows that you are upset right? Maybe not just how much this is bugging you, but he knows you’re hurting?”

“Well yeah…I mean I am always telling him how much I miss him and how hard it is for him to not be here all the time, and how much it sucks to not be able to see him every day,” you said.

“Well then….I just don’t understand how he can continue hurting you like this. How can he act like its ok for you to be feeling this horrible? I mean, I know he’s not doing it intentionally, but either way, he’s really hurting you. And I don’t know, if I were him, there’s no way in hell I could live with knowing that I’m hurting someone that much…especially if it was you…” he said as he reached over and wiped a tear from your cheek. You sniffled a bit.

“Awwww Kyle…” you said quietly. He smiled, and that caused you to smile in return.

“There….that’s what I like to see…that pretty smile of yours,” he said.

The 2 of you laid there for a few minutes, just sort of staring at each other and smiling, while Kyle was rubbing your head, trying to console you. It was a comfortable silence…not awkward at all. You looked into his eyes and saw such a great person, and knew then and there that had you not been dating Nick, you totally would have fallen for Kyle by now.

“Molly…” Kyle’s voice again broke the silence. You ‘snapped out of it’ and looked at him, showing that he had your attention. “I’m going to kiss you now….and I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t help this feeling that I have inside right now…so I’m gonna do it, and if you don’t want it to happen, you’re gonna have to do something to stop me.”

Immediately, you felt as though you had been hit with a ton of bricks. A huge pit formed in your stomach, and you didn’t know what to do. Of course you couldn’t let him kiss you…it just wasn’t right.

He started leaning closer to you. ‘Stop him,’ you thought to yourself, ‘Push him away! Get off this bed! Do something!’ Still, your body did nothing. You continued laying there, looking right into his eyes. He got closer. You could feel his breath on your neck. ‘Molly, what the hell are you doing???’ your conscience screamed at you from inside your head. His lips were now only millimeters away from yours, and still you had not moved a muscle. ‘I’m going to let him kiss me…’ you thought to yourself.

Your internal senses had given up the fight against your actions. You had done nothing to prevent what was about to happen. His lips finally met yours, and at first, you didn’t move. You didn’t kiss him back.

He pulled away from you, and looked you in your eyes, giving you a chance to back away from him if you wanted, but you did not. You wanted to kiss him again. He smiled at you, and you smiled in return, sort of giving him a high sign that it was ok to continue. He brought his hand to your face, slowly lifted your chin, and leaned in and kissed you softly and gently on the lips. This time, you kissed him back. You wrapped your arms around his neck and started kissing him more intensely. This continued on for a few minutes, and then suddenly, something struck you inside. Quickly, you pushed Kyle away and sat straight up.

“What the hell am I doing?!?!?” you exclaimed. He sat up too, but didn’t say anything. “Kyle….what the hell did I just do??”

“Look, Molly, I’m sorry….I guess I shouldn’t have done that. I just couldn’t help what I was feeling,” he managed to stutter out. “No, no….I should not have let that happen! You gave me a chance to prevent it and I didn’t….why? Why didn’t I stop you? What is my problem??? What was I thinking???”

By this time you had stood up and were pacing about your room furiously. He continued sitting on your bed, sort of looking down at the floor, while you had this argument with your conscience. You just stood there staring at the wall for a few minutes. You didn’t know what to think or how to feel. You had no idea why you had done that at all.

What were you supposed to make of this? What did this all mean? You asked yourself tons of questions….but the most important one of these was ‘Why in the world was there not one part of me that was willing to stop him from kissing me?!?’