Did you ever have a day where you felt like you were a fire hydrant and all your friends are dogs?
That would be me today, just call me Nick Carter, fire hydrant.
"Jay......can't we just go back to the hotel now?" I winced at the sound of my voice. I was whining but dammit, I felt like whining being dragged out into this God forsaken heat when I could have been sleeping in air conditioned comfort.
"Quit yer whining Carter we've only been gone an hour!"
"Try an hour and forty-five minutes," I announced after I glanced at my watch.
"Big whoop, like you had anything better to do," AJ countered.
"Sleep!" I muttered as I trudged a few paces behind.
"Sleep is over-rated Carter."
"You're only saying that because you can't sleep," I protested. "Besides, you've been known to take an 18 hour nap!"
"Pfsh...," AJ sputtered, "that was back when I was a baby.....like 17.."
"I'm not a baby!" I stuck my tongue out for emphasis, ignorning my bodyguard, D'wayne's chuckling.
"Whatever but I'm just telling you that when you're mature and an adult like I am you'll find out that there is more to this world than Ninendo games and sleeping in."
I rolled my eyes in digust. 'Where does he get off on acting like he's mister mature? Kevin would take him down in a heartbeat,' I thought darkly.
When AJ suddenly stopped in front of a store window, I ran into his back. "How much longer are we staying out?" I pouted, wincing when I felt a cramp race across my midsection. "I need to go to the bathroom," I mumbled. I watched as AJ continued into the store he had just paused in front of, obviously not hearing me. As another sharp cramp made its presence known I knew I was in trouble finding a bathroom. We weren't in America where public restrooms were as common as speaking Spanish in Spain.
D'wayne clamped a hand on my shoulder. "Something wrong?"
"I need to go back to the hotel," I said quietly, adding, "that or find a bathroom."
D'wayne dragged his hand across his face. "That isn't gonna be too easy."
AJ turned around. "What's the problem Kaos?"
"I need to go back to the hotel."
AJ shook his head. "No can do, I told you that you had to go shopping with me or I narc on you about the bus."
"I-I don't care," I stammered. Why did I always stammer when I got nervous? Taking a deep breath, I cleared my throat. "I just have to go back and I'm taking D'wayne with me so I'll be fine."
D'wayne leaned in toward AJ. "He needs to use the bathroom."
I knew I was in for problems when AJ hooked a finger on the edge of his sunglasses to peer over them at me. "Really?"
"Don't," I warned.
My worst nightmare came true. As if in slow motion, I watched AJ approach the sales woman behind the counter. "Excuse me, my friend needs to use the toilet."
Remember when your mother would do horrible things to embarrass you in a public place like feel the room space in your crotch when you try on a pair of pants for school? AJ could do worse things to me and with the growing crowd this was not the time for him to cause a commotion.
I knew that what I had to do in the bathroom wouldn't be very good so I quickly waved him off. "It's okay, I'll just head back to the hotel."
The woman stepped away from the counter. "You can use ours," she offered in broken English.
"No....it's okay."
AJ had a cheesy grin plastered on his face. "Just go in there wouldja Nick?"
"Go on Nick," D'wayne encouraged.
Okay, now this was going to heap humilliation ontop of embarrassment! The cramps that were starting to come quicker suggested I better take up on the offer or I was sure to shit my pants!
"We'll be out here, unless you need someone to come in and hold it for you," AJ teased.
I walked down the dark hall like a comdemned man on death row. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least it was far enough in the back of the store where no one would walk by and smell or even worse - hear my bathroom chore!
"Right in there," the woman said as she gestured toward a small room. "Sorry about the door, we have been remolding but you be okay."
'Could things get any worse?' I thought to myself as I nodded a thanks to the older woman. Just as I sat down and started to find relief did the answer come.
One square of toilet paper hanging on the spool next to the toilet! It looked like a worm dangling on a hook as it seemed to wave at me!
"Shit....shit.....shit!"
I looked around the dark room hoping to see another roll of toilet paper but I wasn't so lucky. I did discover that there were at least paper towels by the sink so at least I had some luck. My only problem would be I would have to get up to retrieve the paper towels and hopefully not be seen since a door to the bathroom was nonexistent.
Finally after what seemed like forever and one sore butthole later did I slowly make my way back into the main area of the store.
"There you are! I thought you fell in," AJ laughed.
'Great, just announce it to the world,' I thought darkly. "Lets just go back to the hotel now, okay?"
"Did you shit your pants?"
"Why do you have to be so blunt?"
"I'm just curious why you're so anxious to get back to the hotel is all."
I threw my hands up in the air. AJ McLean was next to impossible sometimes!
"Just cause I've had enough togetherness with you for the day. C'mon D'wayne, let's go."