The Longest Day

"God, Nick, you look terrible." Brian said as he passed Nick in the hotel hallway. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Um, yeah, fine." Nick mumbled as he kept his head down while he walked.

"Are you sure, you have some pretty dark circles under your eyes. Are you getting enough sleep?" Brian quizzed Nick.


Nick was starting to feel defensive.

"I said I was fine, can you leave it at that?"

Brian threw his hands up in the air. "Man, it was only a question, don't go postal over it, okay? Geesh!"

Nick threw himself across his bed once safely inside his hotel room. As he lay staring up at the white tiled ceiling, he couldn't help but start to let his mind wander. Nick recalled how much simpler life had been for him ten years ago. He could go anywhere, do anything without being pestered by people or mobbed in a store. Nick desperately wanted to go out. He desired it more than anything in the world. He was tired of being cooped up in a hotel room day after day, night after night.

Nick sat up in the bed and leaned over, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. He could hear the screams in his head of the girls that were running after him only hours ago. Nick wanted it to stop, he wanted just be a normal 19 year old and do normal 19 year old things. He was tired of being trapped. He was upset about his breakup with Jenna last week. "I just can't share you with anyone and if I can't have you all to myself, I don't want you at all, this is just too crazy." Those words still stung his heart as he heard them go through his mind.

Nick tried to shake the thoughts from his head. "Think about something else, Nick, be positive."

A knock at the door brought Nick back out of his deep thoughts. Looking through the peep hole in the door, he wasn't suprised to see Brian standing in the hallway. Reluctantly, Nick opened the door to let him in.

"Alright Nick, spill it, something's buggin you and I want to know what it is!" Brian said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Nick refused to share the dark secret he was hiding. "Um, just a little tired, worn out from being on the road for so long, Brian, trust me, I'm okay."

Brian eyed Nick suspiciously. "I guess if you say you're just tired, I suppose I have to take that answer as truthful. Are you ready to go to the auditorium for rehearsal?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Nick said as he bent over to tie his shoes.

Brian was concerned at how quiet and withdrawn Nick had become. During the ride over to the audiotrium, Nick sat quietly looking out the window. There weren't any emotions on his face, it looked like a blank wall.

At the rehearsal, AJ commented to Brian that Nick appeared to be "out of it." Kevin yelled at Nick several times to keep in sync with the rest of the group. Howie even became annoyed when Nick would miss a cue for him to start singing a portion of a song.

"What is up with him?" AJ whispered to Brian. "He's been acting weird ever since Toronto, it's got to be bad if I noticed it!"

Brian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, he says he's just tired. I've asked him a couple of times and I keep getting the same answer from him. I guess when you look at Nick, he does look pretty tired, dark circles under his eyes and stuff. Let's just hope he snaps out of this quick, I'm getting worried."

Nick was again quiet after the rehearsal, he took his seat in the van and never uttered a word. He slouched down in his seat and looked out the window at the scenery. He looked past the fans that were standing outside the auditorium waiting for autographs.

"Gosh, doesn't Nick look sad?" A young fan said as she saw Nick get into the van.

Without so much as a goodbye, Nick slid the card to his room into the slot and walked in. He barely heard Brian call out after him, reminding him that he needed to be ready in two hours for the concert.

Sitting down slowly, Nick lay back across his bed. He finally let his emotions take over him and he started to cry hard. Nick took a pillow and laid it over his face to muffle the sounds of his cries.

Exhausted, he tossed the pillow aside after he finished his crying jag. His eyes fell onto the prescription bottle of pain killers that had been prescribed to him last week for pain after he had fallen and hurt his shoulder. Leaning over, Nick picked up the vial and looked at it. There were still over 20 pills in the bottle. He shook the vial as he thought about how awful he felt.

Nick decided that the only way to get the peace he desired, was to stop living. He had grown weary of the crowds that watched his every move. He lost his one love because of the crowds, the obsessive fans, living life on the road and never being home.

Nick emptied the contents of the vial into his hand. He shoved the pills into his mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of water. He laid back on the bed and closed his eyes, waiting for the eternal sleep to wash over him.