I had been in Tennessee for a day. I had no choice but to go back and live with my mother and I hated her being right about things. But my mother wasn't exactly welcoming me back with open arms.
"How do you plan on paying for room and board Nicole?" she asked me the first morning back at home. I was speechless. "What are you talking about Mom? Why should I have to pay?" I replied taking a seat at the oak table in the kitchen. "Because I said so. Did you really think I'd let you free load here? Oh no. No, no, no, you can get a job and start paying for things like an adult. After all you wanted to live carelessly with him for so long," she said with menacing pursed lips.
"That's so unfair Mom! I just got home and already you attack me about repaying you for sleeping here…and his name's JUSTIN!" I said leaving the kitchen angry. I loved my mother but the minute she opened her mouth I just wanted to kill her. She made me so angry.
Instead of doing what she wanted me to do I decided to leave. I couldn't live with her if she was going to be unfair like this. I packed my duffel bag, zipped it up and left a half-hour later. I only had 30 dollars to my name and I had to go somewhere. But somewhere was nowhere. And nowhere looked so drear and bleak. So I drowned my sorrows in my only friend-alcohol. The most pathetic attempt at regaining happiness was with the bottle of beer I held in my left hand. The other was for the thumb I stuck out to hitchhike a ride back to Florida.
I had been trying to hitchhike it to Florida for about 7 hours with little luck. I had made it as far as Atlanta, Georgia. Now it was dark and I was hungry. The road was pitch black and all that was in site was a small gas station long since closed. I shivered with my mind on the odds of making it to Florida; they seemed very slim. I walked to the station and sat down. The concrete was warm with the heat from the day, and it was the only thing that kept me feeling anything that held warmth.
I clutched my duffel bag close to my chest, closed my eyes and dreamed of seeing Richie with me. He had never really left my heart in the past months since his death. I missed him with the worst longing. He was my first love and I had realized at that moment that I had never let go of him completely. He would've wanted me to remember him but also to let him go, to go off and love another.
I felt that I couldn't ever again but I already had taken his advice subconsciously. I was in love with Justin. I had tried so hard to deny and fight it because I felt that I didn't deserve to ever love again. Yet I had fallen in love, and now I was making my way to see him, hoping I'd make it. But I didn't think I'd make it. How would I even approach him? What if he isn't even in Florida when I finally reach it? I didn't really have too much more time to think about this because my heavy eyelids had won the war and I fell asleep…
I woke up with a start. "Hey girl get yer butt outta my gas station!," an old man with a cane said. He kept poking me with his cane and I didn't like it. "Cut that out!" I replied. I quickly got up and excused myself. I was walking away when the old man began to yell back to me. I ignored his cries, he was probably going to lecture me about how today's youth was going to hell. I made it not fifty feet before I looked over my shoulder to the man. He was waving me to come back to him.
"Yeah?" I said when I reached him. "You want a ride to where-ever yer goin'? I mean you look like you could use it," he propositioned. "No thanks," I said almost like a reflex. Then I thought for a minute; I could take this guy if he tried anything. "Sure, how long will you take me though?" I said. "How far you goin'?" he replied.
I looked up at the house as the rusty old pickup drove away. It was Justin's mother's house. Would Justin be there? I made my way to the doorstep and knocked. Lynn opened the door and of course let me in. We talked for about a 20 minutes and that was all I needed to get myself to find out where Justin was. "Oh, he's on tour you know. Be home in 'bout two months," she said with her hint of southern accent. Two months?! I thought to myself. I frowned. "Well you can stay here if you want honey. Or you can meet him when he comes to Atlanta, I'll let you borrow the money," she offered. I jumped up and hugged her. I'd finally be able to see Justin again!