We had shared something special together, but our problem of why we fought in the first place wasn't resolved. I wanted to avoid the fight because I knew it might ruin what we were gaining if I let it. I wasn't even mad at Justin anymore but when I was, it was out of pure stupidity. I had wanted something I couldn't have, and now I was ashamed of my selfishness. I knew I wanted to avoid the fight, but Justin didn't. He wanted to talk to me about it all once we got time alone. This was about two and a half weeks later.
"Yeah? What is it that you want to talk to me about?" I said knowing what was coming. "I wanted to talk to you about our fight before you left. Did you really think that what we did was a mistake?" he uttered almost at a whisper. "Well at that time yes, but no-well Justin I have to tell you. I was just mad at you because I was mad at myself," I replied. Justin asked me why.
"I wanted to be with you Justin. And I knew that that was impossible because you're my best friend. I just thought it wouldn't work," I answered him beginning to cry. My months of pent up emotions had come out in tears. My months of longing, hoping, wishing, hurting. Justin then took me in his arms and hugged me close. "Nicole, I felt the same way. That I could never have you, but now we're together and that's all that's important. To tell you the truth the night in the hotel had never happened and I tried to tell you that," he replied looking into my teary eyes.
"What are you talking about?" I said curiously. "We did get drunk, but before I let our fooling around go too far, I stopped ourselves. But we had done some things and that's why you were naked when you woke up," he explained. I couldn't believe it! "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I demanded. "There was never a right time for it. But think of it this way, our first time was wonderful-not tainted with alcohol," Justin tried to say. How could he make this situation better? To know my weeks of anguish over me saying something was a mistake had been a lie?
All I could do was nod. My anger shot through my heart like a piercing, hot flame. I couldn't form any reply but my nodding. A shiver ran up my spine and then I excused myself to the bathroom. My head hurt and I felt so sick. Then it happened-I threw up in the toilet from my nervousness. I shivered some more times and let out a groan. Why was I feeling this horrible? I left the bathroom and told Justin I was going to take a nap. As my head hit the pillow I fell into my dreams of what the horrible feelings in my stomach could be...