"Uh huh. No, it's ok, really..." I heard myself telling my girlfriend over the cell phone I held to my ear. But it wasn't ok. I wanted to get up and throw things, scream, tell her what she said was lies. She was breaking up with me. How could she?
I grasped the phone for dear life, then instead of waiting for her to say goodbye I hung up. Just like that. I wouldn't be able to hear her say goodbye, especially when I knew it was all a lie that she just broke up with me. It had to be...I just wasn't sure about anything.
I took the call while we were driving to a cd promotion in Atlanta. I detached the phone from my ear, then sighed deeply. Sighed again, this time with a tear falling from my eye. I wiped it away quickly before anyone noticed. Then I layed my head against the back of the leather seat.
Lance attempted to make a conversation with me, but I complained of a headache and he backed off. He nodded as if somehow knowing I had to be left alone. I closed my eyes and vowed to myself there never to let this happen again. Love was something I longed for. Would it be so wrong to maybe find someone? I needed her....my miracle.
Still upset about my breakup, I decided not to tell anyone about it. It'd just open myself back up to the wound. I was never letting that happen again. I'd just play it cool, that's all.
We were getting on a plane to go to New York City for the MTV Music Awards. I ended up sitting in the middle of Justin and Britney. They had insisted anyway. It was so they could keep the pressure off of them dating. As if that would work anyway. First of all, we were flying first class and the only people who were on the early morning flight with us was some 80-something couple a good looking woman in a red business suit. Secondly, isn't it weird how they had the same flight?
"So Joey you ready for another 20 long hours of dance rehearsals?" Justin said trying to make eye contact to prove he cared what I said. But while I was answering, his blue eyes averted away from me, and to Britney's low cut bellyshirt. I groaned, unbuckled my seat belt and moved to another seat. The last thing I needed was to watch that. It hurt enough that I no longer had what they had. What everyone had but me.
The plane was about to take off as I wrestled with the idea of where to sit for the next 3 hours. But just as I made my choice to sit in a window seat so I could stare out into the darkness of the early morning, the flight attendant beat me to it. "Please, sit here sir. We are about to take off," she hissed. She was short, probably mid 30's with chestnut brown hair, a fake smile slapped across her face.
What she had done was sat me right next to the attractive woman in the red business suit. She was sleeping, a strand of hair falling over her face. I buckled my seatbelt and prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. The plane took off and the flight's movie began. It was a love story. As if I had to hear about that.
"Oh Billy, you know I love you," the movie's lead woman said. She didn't look honest, and was trying so hard to make it look like she loved this man. What Kelly had done to me. After her two years of pretending to love me...she left me.
The short attendant came around and offered me a drink, which I gladly took. Then she asked the same question again, and I was confused. Turns out she was talking to the woman in business suit, not me. I felt foolish and tried to get into the movie. But I felt my face flush with red and my stomach grow queasy. Crap, this is just what I need. I hated looking stupid in front of girls.
The attendant whisked her tray away and then there was silence. JC, Chris, and Lance all had fallen asleep. While Justin and Britney sucked face in the dark corner of their seats. I guess the woman in the suit noticed me looking disgustedly at them, and remarked "Wish they'd go get a room?"
I turned my head to come face to face with the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Her hair was a deep brown and was tied neatly up in a bun. Her business suit hugged her curves and then there were her legs. They were a soft, creamy tan with stilleto heels embracing her feet. And her eyes. They were brown too and small framed glasses fit over her face. It made her look smart. It made her look beautiful.
"Hi, I'm Joey Fatone. Nice to meet you," I said putting out my hand for a shake. She took my hand and replied "I'm Jennifer. Jennifer Rodrigez," with a smile forming across her face.