I was exhausted. Way beyond tired. I tore my clothes off and did not even bother to change. Just climbed under the hotel bed covers and slapped the light off. The red numbers on my clock illuminated the room, reading 3:43 am. My heavy eyelids agreed with the time and I rolled onto my side. The world around my was dead silent. The kind of silent where you hear that weird ringing in your ears. And it disturbed me. I thought about everything and anything to satisfy my need for slumber. But only one thing came.
She had been strange out there on that balcony. Her eyes cloudy and far away and she held a mysterious essence. Her tone was dull and harsh. SHe had a stare that no one I had ever incountered had. A questioning yet in the same welcoming stare. And her lips, they looked like they had been about to tremble and send her blue eyes to tears.
Lynn she said her name was
I did not even know why I was still thinking about her, she had been so cold to me. I knew I had irritated her and I knew she had wanted me to leave but just did not have the nerve to tell me to.
Why, I did not know but I bothered to make stupid conversation. And I soon realized I was talking to prolong my time with her. It was as if I could not leave her, I needed to stay there. And it was so strange.
Something happened up there on that balcony, something big.
I stretched and rolled over. My eyes were shut with only a few hours of sleep. I glanced up at my wall clock, noon.
Mumbling under my breath I threw the covers back over my head.
no life
Another day I would spend in my tedious routine. A job that paid a measly six bucks an hour for twelve hours. To come home to an apartment that was small, lonely, and without heat.
should have gone to college
But I had wanted to. I would have done anything to go to college. To become a writer.
But that was impossible, only stupid jocks got into colleges, or slutty private school girlies with their parents money stuffed up their asses in the form of plastic.
And I was not either of those. I had done nothing for myself. I was nothing.
useless
All my friends had made lives for themselves. Gone to college, found a man who could support them. Lived in a house or a bigger apartment. But I was not them. And I sat lonely at age 20 with no plans for the rest of my life.
you should have done it
I thought back to the previous night, and Lance. I had gone to the show for a pick me upper coutesy of my friends. But my the end of the night, I had found myself alone with my thoughts.
Why didn't you?
Then rights in the middle of them I had been interrupted by Lance. He had interrupted my plans for nothing. His prescence suddenly reasurring me.
"Where are all your friends that you're here with at?" he had asked.
He had been conserned about me for some strange reason. Yet again, I was never really alarmed by it. Just suprised, and secretly thankful. And from that point on, Lance became my company for the rest of the night.
We talked about basically anything and everything. And I found myself with the question of why he cared so much to spend the night with me.
I shook my thoughts off and climbed out of bed. My pajamas were wrinkled as usual from the tossing and turning during my restless sleep.
Work would start at 3 pm. I would work a tiring 6 hours at the god damn bar then come back home to do the usual, cry. I sighed and laid back down on my back thinking abou the previous night.
"It's beautiful out here isn't it?" Lance had whispered.
For the first time in a long time I had looked up at the stars and saw more than just the heavens calling me. I saw the beauty in the life of the night sky. I had never seen that before. Probably because no one had ever shown me before.
It had made me rethink everything, and even after Lance had left, I found myself shuffling back home with a sudden change of plans. And I had suddenly had an excited feeling of goodness come over me.
I smiled remembering and looked up at the clock, I still had plenty of time. My life was not over yet.
I picked up the reciever of my phone and dialed my friend Nikhole's number.
It rang once... Twice...
"Hello?"
"Hi Nikki, this is Lynn..." I said with life suddenly filling my voice.
"Hey Lynn wassup?"
"Nothing, but remember that number you had for that college scholarship program..."