3 Weeks Later
The white tile floor was cold against my bare feet. My plaid boxers hung low on my hips and my blond hair was arranged in a messy crown around my sleepy head. I yawned and in silence shuffled across the kitchen to open the back door.
I did a quick stretch to loosen my arms and opened the door. Outside there was my pool, connecting to the jacuzzi. To the left of the pool was the outside bathhouse and to the right was a trampoleen and basketball court. But all was quiet and unused for the moment.
I looked down at my feet to see the Sunday paper. I yawned yet again and reached down to get it. I walked out past the pool and all the backyard gear around to the side and opened the fence.
I hurried to the black mailbox on the post at the end of the driveway and opened it. In hopes of not being seen. I grabbed the thick stack of letters from inside the mailbox and tucked the newspaper under my arm. I glanced behind me once and ducked back behind the fence.
I felt like a fugitive hiding from the police. It was that I had become so tired and used to the fame that I in fact dreaded fans. I sighed and glanced down at my letters.
... and that was exactly who all my letters came from, FANS!
I rolled my eyes and headed back inside my house. I slapped the letters down on the kitchen table on my way into the house and headed into the living room with the paper. I would get to replying later. Much Later...
Sliding onto the couch in the living room I took the rubber band off the paper and opened it.
The front page read:
The GRAMMY'S 2003 Rosie hosts with humor
Christina's voice rises room temperature
Jennifer shocks yet again with daring outfits
... and *NSYNC steals the show.
I groaned and looked into the doorway of the next room with the big trophy case. Award after Award sat in that case. Along with 6 Grammies, two from 2002, and four from the previous day. It seemed I was always haunted by my status.
Then I glanced up at the wall ahead of me. Staring deeply at the brown eyed blond who stared down at me with the sweetest smile. Her hands rested so inocently under her chin and a smile like an angel's.Yeah...
well how could an angel break my heart?
I threw the paper across the room. Watching as it slapped against the framed picture of the blond and the picture fell to the floor in defeat.
Sauntering back into the kitchen I spotted the letters still on the table and past them giving them a hateful glance. I tore open the refrigerator in frustratration.
Why did it all make me so angry?
The refrigerator contained a squeeze bottle of ketchup, three eggs, and a carton of milk.
what great choices
I reached for the carton of milk and took a swing of it.
Thick, sour, and old. I gagged and spit out the milk.
"What the hell?" I cried. I glanced at the date.
1/03/03
"Yeah and today's the 23rd of February." I mumbled and threw the milk. The thick milk spilled out of the carton and splattered across the refrigerator and floor.
I glared at the letters on the table and threw myself down in one of the chairs at the table. I grabbed the first letter and ripped it open in a rage.
"Why don't I have food in my house, why am I so miserable, why am I so angry? All because of you." I grumbled opening the letter.
"Because of you, I sit here wondering where to turn next. Because of you I feel like a caged rat with no where to turn. Because of you I have no challenges in life. Because of you I no longer have my life."
I sighed trying to calm down and began reading the letter.
Dear Lance,
Hi wazzup? I saw you at your concert in Philly. It rocked. I know everyone says that Justin is the best in the group but when I saw you perform I realized that you were the best. I love you Lance!
Next letter...
Hey baby Lance I love you so much! I am in your fan club, I have over 4,000 pics of you alone on my walls, and I am from Mississippi too! *NSYNC is the best! Love you!
Next...
Hey Lance,
I've been to six of your concerts. And every time I see you it seems you get better and better. I love you especially because of your sexy voice, Oh baby. HEHE! I love you! W/B!
I sighed and rubbed my face irritated. Was there not a fan who appreciated the music anymore? It was all about the love of us, our looks and moves. Never how the music touched them in a special way. Not like it used to be.
I reached for the next letter and ripped it open.
"Dear Lance. I love you so much! I think *N SYNC is the best! Your show was the best! I love you! Write back!" I mocked what I figured the letter would say.
I laughed to myself and read.
I stare out into the deep night sky
So clear yet so empty
The stars in the sky seem brighter tonight
Maybe its because I know you can see them too
I know you can see them the way I do
The special way they seem to be smiling down at you
You want to touch them but are afraid to fall
And then falling is all you think about
How soon it will be
And if you will know
That its your time to fall
But what if when you reach to the sky
That wings would open up around you
And deep into the starry night sky
You would fly.
I stared down at the piece of paper in awe of what I had just read. Where had that come from? And why?
Suddenly my mind was off of the annoying fans, the devastating heartbreak, and my career haunting me. Now it was focused on something much deeper.
Who would send such a thing to me?
I sighed and shook my head out of my thoughts. Looking around me, at the spilled milk, the broken glass in the living room, and me in my boxers with torn up fan mail in front of me I realized I had become what I always despised. Someone so sick of their fame and good fortune that they became hateful. When they should be more thankful than ever.
I looked down at the letter in front of me one last time. I needed to get out, get away from the hell I was creating for myself.
I needed to fly.