September 1996
Meegan Hanson looked in the mirror. Yes, it was official. She hated her life. She was a ditzy blond prep who would have been a cheerleader had she gone to public school. But that could change. After all, she was spending the next five months in L.A.
Her brothers Ike, Tay, and Zac were recording their first CD. Their parents, Walker and Diana, had pushed the guys into music in the same way that she was pushed into acting. She shuddered, imagining the screams that would come when she screwed up her latest audition.
"I'm not going," she told her mirror image. "I'll go out and get a makeover. Maybe then they'll leave me be."
For a thirteen-year-old, Meegan was very mature. So when she asked her mother if she could go shopping, Diana consented immediately. "Just be careful and don't talk to strangers. And Meegan? Your audition is at six o'clock. Be home by four. You need this part."
Meegan took off walking through the streets of L.A. None of the stores she saw appealed to her. Most of them contained clothes exactly like the ones in her closet. The exact image she was trying to leave behind. As she turned a corner, a sign in a store window caught her eye.
"DO YOU HATE BEING PREPPY? WISH YOU WERE FREAKIER? MORE PUNK? WELL, IF SO, WE CAN HELP. COME IN AND LET US SAVE YOU."
"Bingo," she muttered to herself. She pushed on the door and entered. This was exactly what she needed. Punk clothes and hair dye filled the store. The guy behind the counter had a nose ring and purple hair.
He looked at her with interest. "You really do need saving, eh? Well, come on, little one. Have no fear! Your new fashion consultant is here. What's your name?" His smile was kind, and she trusted him despite his odd look.
"Meegan Hanson," she told him quietly.
"Well, Meegan. Let's get to work." And it truly was the first day of the rest of her life, in every sense of the phrase.
"Taylor, get over it." Taylor looked over his shoulder at his father. Without answering, he rewound the tape and hit Play again. "She's not coming back, you know. She gave up on us, not the other way around."
"No, she didn't give up on us," he said in an icy tone. "She gave up on you and Mom. And right now I wish I'd gone with her like she asked me to."
It had the air of an old and much repeated argument. Walker silently walked away and Taylor turned back to the TV. Sometimes he wondered why she had sent this tape to him. To remind him? To worry him? To tease him? He supposed that he would never know.
From the screen, Megan smiled at him. "Hi, Tay. I know you guys are real worried right now. I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay. Time will ease the memories. Soon, you won't remember me at all." A sad smile showed on her face. "Tay, Ike, Zac, I want to tell you something important. It wasn't your fault I left. I love you guys with all my heart and I never wanted to hurt you. But it was killing me inside. You knew it as well as I did. Take good care and I love you all. Peace, Love, and Bulletproof Marshmellows. This is Meegan, signing off."
Finally, he turned off the VCR and walked out onto the balcony of their top floor hotel room. "The 42nd floor," he thought. "If I jump, no one can save me." But he couldn't do it. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't abandon his brothers like Meegan had. Not that he blamed her. Meegan hadn't been emotionally stable since their grandmother's death. He was stronger than Meegan had been. God, how he missed his sister. Three years had lessened the pain, but he still looked for her in every face he saw at their concerts, on the street, in the store. And in the clubs.
Every night after Mom and Dad went to bed, Ike and Taylor stuck out of the hotel room and went to underground clubs where they could party and forget, for one moment, that they were 'Hanson'. They could just be Ike and Taylor. Zac came with them now. He was almost fourteen, older than Taylor had been when the outings began.
Of course, those outings, the first ones, had a purpose. To look for Meegan. Everyone had long since given up any hopes of seeing her again. It's impossible to find people who don't want to be found.
It was nearing midnight when the guys left the hotel that night. Luckily, the underground club wasn't far from where they were staying. Silently they made their way through the city, toward a grocery store. If you didn't know about it, you would never realize that the biggest party in Seattle was going on under your feet.
Ike knocked three times on the door. A pair of eyes peered out from behind, then the door opened to let them in. They weaved their way through the crowd, getting as close as possible to the stage. The band had not yet made an appearance.
"I'm gonna go hang out by the halfpipe," Zac told his brothers, pointing to the mini halfpipe set against the wall. It wasn't nearly big enough to skate on, but skaters of all kinds had set up camp on it. Zac left his bros and sat down with the other skaters. He blended in perfectly with them.
Ike and Taylor stuck together as they always did. They kept an eye on Zac while waiting for the band. Rumor had it that they were pretty good, though Ike and Taylor hadn't seen them yet. Zac sat with his new friends, talking and laughing.
"So, what's up with the band that's playing tonight?" Zac asked Krissy, the cute skater chick who had taken the spot next to him.
"The band? Oh, they're hella cool." The people around them nodded with agreement. "They're called 'Bomb Squad'. The lead singer Meegan is my best friend. She's the coolest. Lives for two things. One is her music and the other is her blades."
A chill ran down Zac's back. "What did you say her name was again? Megan?"
"No, not Megan. Meegan. With two 'e's," Krissy corrected him. He was even more freaked out now. How many Meegan's could there be? He had only known one in his entire lifetime.
"What does she look like?" His face was pale and his eyes looked strange. Somewhere between miserable and psycho. His hands were shaking as he repeated his question. "What does she look like?!?"
Krissy was worried. Sure, she had only known him for about ten minutes, but he seemed like a really nice guy. What was up with him? "Oh, I don't know. She's a little taller than me. So skinny that she almost looks anorexic. But she eats tons," she laughed. "And she still has curves. How she manages that...Anyway, she always reminds me of that guy in that one band. What's it? Hanson, I think. Yeah. She reminds me of the middle one, Taylor. 'Cept her hair is pretty short and it's dark red with these bleach blond streaks. Why?"
"Shit," was all he said. "Thanks, Krissy. I gotta tell my brothers that she's here." He moved away before she could even tell him goodbye. "Ike, Taylor," he called the second he saw them. They came closer to him until they were all three standing together. "She's here. Oh, God, I think she's here."
Ike looked confused. "Who's here? Why do you look so weird? Who? Have you been doing drugs again, Zac?"
Taylor interuppted. "Meegan. He means Meegan is here. Did you see her or what? Please, we have to talk to her." Ike's confusion was cleared up.
"No," Zac said. "I was talking to a girl over there. Krissy. I asked her about the band. She was telling me how cool 'Bomb Squad' was. That's the band. Then she mentioned the lead singer and how she lives for her music and blading or something like that. And she said the singer's name was Meegan. With two 'e's."
"Well," Ike replied sensibly, "that doesn't necessarily mean that it's our Meegan. There could be another one, you know."
"I know. That's why I asked what she looked like. Krissy said she looks like the middle guy from Hanson except her hair is short and red with blonde streaks. It's her, guys. It has to be her. How many other Meegans are there that are as skinny as Taylor and look like him too?"
Suddenly Krissy walked up. "Hey Zac? You said you were a drummer, right?" He nodded. "Oh, awesome. Are you good?"
"The best," he answered. "I can sing too. Why?"
"'Coz we need you over here. Can I steal you away from your brothers for a minute?" She looked at Tay and Ike, who looked at each other.
Finally, Tay spoke. "Go on, Zac. We can't do anything until we know it's her, and even then we'll have to get close enough to talk her. We'll find you later."
Krissy and Zac walked off, weaving through the crowd. Krissy headed for a door just off to the left of the stage. A big guy, a bouncer, stood in front of the door, but he moved aside to let Krissy and Zac past. They walked down a hall and Krissy knocked on a door.
"Meegan? I found your replacement drummer. He says he's good," she called. Zac realized what was happening. He wanted to run away, fast and far, but it was up to him to talk to her. Tay and Ike might not get the chance.
"Cool," a voice came from the other side of the door. It was definitely her. The door opened. "Hi, I'm Meegan. Thanks so...ZAC?"
"Hey, Meegan," he said, his voice trembling. "You look different than the last time I saw you."
"Oh my God! Zac? Is it seriously you? For real?" They stood there looking at each other for a moment. Neither one was sure who moved first, but they were locked in a tight hug, tears pouring from their eyes.
"I take it you two know each other?" Krissy asked. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Meegan had sworn that she would never get involved with a guy again after she had lost her baby because of her boyfriend. Yet here she was, hugging this guy.
They pulled apart and Meegan turned to Krissy. "Krissy, allow me to introduce you to my little brother, Zac Hanson. Zac, this is my best friend Krissy Berg." Krissy just stood there, staring at her best friend and the legendary Zac Hanson. Meegan's brother, she corrected herself.
Meegan began talking to Zac again. "Where's Ike? Where's my Tay? I heard there's another Hanson now. What's her name, Zoe or something? Is Mackie getting bigger? Are Jess and Avie still best friends? God, I missed you guys. Why did I ever leave to begin with?"
Zac smiled down at his one and only big sister. "Ike and Tay are outside, waiting for you to come onstage. They know it's you. They want to talk to you, but they don't know how. We have a new little sister, Zoe. Mackie is six now, and he's the cutest little thing. Looks just like me, of course. Jess and Avie don't get along anymore. Jess is growing up and she wants to hang out with us while Avie plays Barbies. And I never knew why you left."
A strange feeling came over Krissy. After a moment, she realized that it was jealousy. It was to be expected, of course. Ever since Meegan had appeared here, Krissy had been her best and closest friend. It made sense that Meegan had a whole other life, one that Krissy hadn't known or cared about, but that didn't make it easier.
Meegan and Zac could have talked forever, but they had a concert to do. Zac got his music and they walked onto the stage. He settled behind the drumset, ignoring the feeling of Tay and Ike's eyes on him.
Meegan picked up her guitar and moved to the mic. "Good evening, Seattle!" The crowd roared back at her. "We are 'Bomb Squad', your entertainment for tonight. I am Meegan Hanson, lead singer and lead guitarist. On the keyboard, we have Brittney Marshall. Over there on the bass is Kurt Williams. And on drums, sitting in for Ricky York, is the famous Zac Hanson. Also know as my little brother. I wanna give a special shoutout to my other brothers in the crowd, Tay and Ike. Now, let's rock this place!"
They did about fifteen songs, mostly written by Meegan or Kurt. They also covered the Ramones' 'I Wanna Be Sedated', and a few other songs. Even with the unfamiliar music, Zac played better than he had in his life. Just being with her again, seeing his sister in front of him and hearing her voice, had brought him back to happier days. Before they had to pretend she had never existed.
(Flashback)
"But Mom, I don't understand why we have to lie about Meegan," ten-year-old Zac whined to his mother. "Why can't we talk about her? Do we really have to pretend that she doesn't exist?"
"Shh, Zac," his mother comforted him. "I know you don't want to. Mommy doesn't either. I feel so bad about forcing her into acting and forcing you boys into music. But the big record company guys said that we can't talk about her. They want us to look like a perfect family and perfect families don't have children that run away to become punk rockers."
"I miss Meegan, Mom." His tears were falling faster now. "Why did she have to leave us?"
"I don't know, sweetie, I don't know."
"I do," Tay said from the doorway. "It's all your fault." He glared at Diana. "If you would have just left her alone, she would have been fine. You knew she wasn't strong enough to handle you pushing her around. You and Dad did it."
The words rang true in Diana's mind. Yes, she knew and regretted all that she had done. Walker felt the same way. If only they could bring their baby back.
(End Flashback)
Meegan and Zac walked back to the dressing room in perfect bliss to find Tay and Ike waiting for them. "Ike! Tay! Oh my God!" Meegan threw herself into their arms and Zac followed to create a big crying screaming group hug.
After a couple of minutes, Ike pulled away. "I hate to break this up, but it's almost 2:30. We have a show to do tomorrow night. Meegan, will you come home with us? Or at least stay at the hotel with us tonight?"
"Do you think that's a good idea?" she asked quietly. "Mom and Dad probably hate me and never want to see me again. That's why they didn't let you say anything about me, right? And the little ones won't remember me, and I've never even seen Zoe and you guys will get in trouble for being out here and..." Her voice trailed off.
Taylor gave Ike and Zac a look. They walked outside the dressing room and could soon be heard talking to Krissy. "Meegan, give me another hug," he commanded. How they had missed each other for so long. "You're coming back with us. To the hotel tonight, on tour, to Tulsa. Mom and Dad are so sorry. Even I realize that, as much as I pretend I don't know. Jessi loves to look at pictures of you with me, and Avie still asks when you're coming back. Mackie made up a poem about how much he misses you. And you need to meet your new sister. It wasn't Mom and Dad that wouldn't let us talk about you, either. It was the record company. You know, the whole 'perfect family' thing."
"Tay," she cried into his shoulder, "I don't know if I can go back. I'll be leaving my best friend Krissy, my home, my band. You know that the money we get for gigs is the money we live off? All four of us. 'Course, we all have other jobs, but they don't pay much. Plus, with school and all that, we don't have time to work as much as we need to. Me, Britt, Kurt and Ricky have an apartment, and we all help pay the rent and bills and stuff. What are they gonna do without me?"
"We'll find a way to help them, Meeg. All I know is I'm never letting you go again. Last time you walked away from me, you disappeared from my life for three years. I just found you and I'm not about to give you up so easily."
"I'll come," she whispered finally. "I'll get a job or two in Tulsa and send them the money every week. I'll visit them every time we come back to Seattle. I'll help them somehow. But I missed you guys so much and I can't live without my family anymore."
"I"m so happy to have you back." Tay kissed his sister's cheek. "I am more than happy to give your friends anything they need, so long as you come back with us."
"I'm coming back with you," she repeated. "I'm coming back." Her eyes clouded over and filled with tears. "You almost got to be an uncle, Tay," she started to cry. "But he killed my baby! Bastard."
"I'll kill him," Tay furiously muttered. "Where's he at? I'll kill him."
"He's out there," she answered. "He comes every night that we play. To torture me, to haunt me." She led Tay out of the dressing room. Tay quickly whispered the situation to Ike and Zac.
The bastard, Mikey, was quickly surrounded by three very angry, very tall, very buff Hansons. Tay was so mad that he had turned white and was shaking with rage. Ike didn't say a word. It was Zac that spoke first.
"You fucking bitch-ass," he yelled. "We are gonna fucking kill you for hurting our sister and killing our nephew. Start talking to God now. You'll be seeing him in person in about five minutes."
"Yo," Mikey's voice was trembling with fear, "the bitch deserved it." Suddenly realizing that that wasn't the best thing to say to three guys who already want to kill you, he stuttered, "I mean, Meegan kind of deserved it for cheating on me. If it was my baby I would never have hit her, but she was fucking around, being a slut."
Ike smiled very calmly. "Thank you very much for clarifying that situation." He turned to Meegan. "Don't be a slut." Then he looked back at Mikey. "Do you have life insurance?"
"Huh? Yeah, of course. Why?"
"You'll be needing it very soon." All three Hanson brothers moved toward him slowly, but Meegan was the one who punched him. The crack of bones echoed through the room as her fist connected with his nose.
"If you ever fucking touch me again," she screamed at him, "I will beat the living fuck out of you, stupid mother-fucking bitch-ass bastard!" Then she grabbed Taylor's arm and walked out of the club, crying. "And Ike, I'm not a slut. It was his baby. But thank you for the big brotherly advice."
"Anytime, Meeg," he answered.
Walker and Diana Hanson were singing to Zoe, trying to put her back to sleep, when Zac ran into their room.
"Guess what!" he called excitedly. "No, no, let me tell you. Okay, sorry, but we snuck out to go to this club, and I know we're going to get in trouble for that and we're sorry, but I was talking to this girl and she was telling me about the band that was playing and they needed a drummer so she took me back to meet the chick that sings lead and plays lead guitar and I went back there and the girl turned out to be...MEEGAN!" he screamed.
"Hi Mom. Hi Dad," the girl behind him said softly. Diana and Walker looked at her in amazement, taking in the sight of the angel who stood before them. She was tall and skinny, but with soft curves that plainly showed she was female. She had the same blue eyes as Tay, and short dark red hair, with feathery blond bangs and a few blond streaks through it.
"Meegan?" Diana whispered. "My baby?" Then she jumped up and ran to her darling daughter and held her tight. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."
"I know, Momma, I know." Tears ran down her face as she held her mom. "I'm sorry I ever left," she sobbed.
Walker wrapped his arms around both of them. "It's all over now," he murmured comfortingly. "It's over, Meegan is back, and we can go back to the life we should have had all along."
"Thanks, Daddy," she whispered, burying her head in his chest. "I love you."
"We love you too, little angel," Diana whispered back.
Several Months Later
"I'm going out," Meegan called to her father. "I'll be back by eleven or so."
"Where are you going? And with who?" he called back.
"Joshua and I are going out to dinner. Then we're either going to the movies or heading over to that new dance club."
"Alright, be really careful."
"I will." She walked over to the basement stairs. "I'm leaving, guys," she yelled down to her brothers. They were in the basement, working hard on a new song. "I'll be home later. Stay outta trouble."
11:13 P.M.
"I wonder where Meegan is," Tay said as he, Ike, and Zac headed up from the basement. Walker was sitting at the table, filling out tax forms.
"Hey, boys." He looked up. "How's the new song coming?"
"Great," Ike told him. "Where's Meeg? Didn't she say that he'd be home around eleven?" The phone rang. "I'll get it." He reached for the phone on wall beside him. "Hello?"
"Ike? It's Joshua. I need to talk to your parents. It's really important." Joshua's hysterical tone scared Ike.
"Dad, it's for you. I think it's important." There was this feeling in his gut that his little sister wouldn't be coming home anytime soon.
"Hello? Yes, this is Walker Hanson...yes...oh my God...I can't...we'll be right there...thank you," he mumbled, hanging up. Tears spilled out of his eyes and he looked up at his sons. "It's Meegan." He took a deep breath. "She...she was dead. A drunk driver hit her side of the car."
"What?" Tay exclaimed, bursting into tears. Ike felt dizzy and lightheaded. Thinking it was one thing, actually hearing it was quite another. Zac's reaction was the most surprising of all. He ran out the backdoor, past the treehouse, into the woods, and kept going until he got to their spot.
Their spot...his and Meegan's, where they had always gone when one of them was feeling sad and depressed, or just felt like being alone together. They had come to this spot when Meegan's boyfriend had dumped her for her best friend, when Zac had found drugs in his best friend's backpack, when they had gotten drunk together for the first time, through everything the last few months had brought.
Now she was gone. His big sister, his confidante, his best friend, the most special person in his life, was gone. For good. Not like last time, when he knew he would find her again someday. This time, it was for real.
A sound filled the air, a voice singing. It weaved it's way through the trees and into his ears, penetrating his thoughts. "Baby, you don't have to be lonely. 'Coz I am here with you. And I promise that I'm not leaving until you want me to. We've been through so much together, and even though we're now apart, you know we'll last for forever, in our hearts. Sha na na na, baby. Sha na na na. We've got all the time in the world. Sha na na na, baby. Sha na na na. Don't forget, I will always be here for you. Sha na na na, baby..." The voice faded off into the distance as Zac leaned against the tree, a peaceful feeling overcoming him.
"Thanks, sis," he whispered before heading through the darkness, back to the home where he had to be strong and take care of his family.
Meegan watched from the heavens, cradling her little baby in her arms. "Your welcome, little bro," she whispered, knowing that he had heard her.
Ten Years Later
Zac held his brand new niece in his arms. Looking over at Tay and Ike, he smiled. "My little Meeg," he cooed, "if you grow up to be half as beautiful, kind, and wonderful as your aunt Meegan, you will truly be blessing the world with your presence."
The baby in his arms softly closed her eyes. Ike took hold of one of hands and examined it. "She's got Meegan's hands," he told his brothers. "Those are the hands of a future kick-ass guitar player. Just like lil' sis."
