SIXTEEN
Running off the stage after a concert has always been the hardest part. As I waved goodbye to the audience and stepped out from behind my drums, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Here they are, crying because it's over, and I couldn't wait to get away.
Destiny was waiting backstage, along with Elizabeth. I greeted her with a hug and kiss, then I gave Elizabeth a hug as well.
"Great show," Elizabeth said. I noticed her eyes focusing on something over my head. I half-turned to look. Tay stood behind me, staring at Elizabeth.
Destiny winked at me, and I figured out what she was up to. We introduced Tay and Elizabeth. They got to talk a few minutes before we heard a knock on the door.
A group of fans with backstage passes barged into the room. Destiny and Elizabeth quietly moved away from us and faded into the background as various girls screamed, giggled or sobbed. The noise was overwhelming, and I missed my earplugs.
After ten minutes or so, the girls calmed down. They were finally able to talk to us like normal people, and I was no longer cringing at the noise. Then the obvious question came, just as I had expected.
"Where's Destiny?" The girl who had asked was a tiny redhead. "We want to meet her."
I scanned the room until my eyes met Destiny's. I beckoned her over. As she approached, I told them, "This is Destiny, my fiancee."
Destiny gave a sugar-coated smile that didn't quite hide her anxiety. The room was silent. Everyone's attention focused on Destiny. My breath caught in my throat.
The red-haired girl looked her over. Then she smiled nastily. "You're a bitch," she spat. I grabbed Destiny's shoulders and felt every muscle in her body tense as she prepared to attack the girl.
I kept my hands on her shoulders as I spoke to the girl. "How can you even pretend to think that? You don't know anything about her. Destiny is a sweet, caring person and I love her with all my heart. You may not like that, but you don't have any right to hate her. She hasn't ever hurt you. And if you were a real fan, you would be nice to her. You would be happy for me because I'm happy."
The girl followed as I led Destiny to a chair. "You lied to us." I prayed that she would give it up. "You said you didn't have a girlfriend, that you weren't ready to commit. I waited for you. You are supposed to be with me. I am your destiny.
"No." I shook my head, laughing to myself. "No, this is my Destiny."
SEVENTEEN
Pregnant women should not fly. That was one thing I knew for sure. They just shouldn't.
Destiny spent every flight in the plane's bathroom, puking her guts up. At seven months along, she was the size of a cow.
The plane we were currently on landed to her -and my- great relief. We waited for the other passengers to exit before a security guard arrived to escort us out. We went in small groups, Mom first with Zoe and Mackie. Ike and Avie followed close behind with Tay and Jess on their tails. Destiny and I were the last. The crowd closed in on us. Mom visibly tensed. I was finally realizing that she, more than any of us, would never be the same after Dad's death.
We reached the limo without incident. Once we were all in, I relaxed and surveyed my crumbling family. Mom's eyes were hollow and tired. Zoe's cheeks had lost their rosy glow; she hadn't slept through the night in weeks. Mackie's whining has gotten out of control, and Avie snapped at everyone. Jess looked so old. I knew that she was taking care of Mom while Destiny raised the kids. It wasn't right. She wasn't even a teen yet; she should be worried about boy bands and lip gloss, not being a mother figure. Ike was just exhausted. And Tay, as always, was losing weight.
I reminded myself that we only had three more shows before we could go home.
We arrived at our hotel and legged it to our rooms, anxious to shower and relax before our sound check. I was in and out of the shower in under ten. I pulled on some comfy jeans, an orange tee and my yellow Docs before heading to the room Destiny, Jess and Avie shared.
Jess let me in and immediately returned to the TV. She shushed me as James Vanderbeek appeared on the screen. "Varsity Blues is on again?" I asked. She nodded, basically ignroing me. I couldn't understand her interest in a movie she's seen a hundred times.
Destiny sat on the balcony, a determined look on her face.
"What are you up to, baby?" I asked, startling her out of her dream world.
"Fighting the urge to throw up," she replied. Her voice was hardly discernible from the city noise. "You don't match, by the way. I want to go home."
I sat beside her and pulled her close. "I match! I want to go home too, love."
She pushed me away, smiling grimly. "I need to make sure Mom is ready for the show." She glanced back before opening the door. "I love you so much, Zac."
"I love you too, Destiny."
She didn't come back. A few minutes passed, and then an hour. Before I knew it, it was time to leave for our show. "Mom," I called, walking into her room.
Destiny stood in the doorway, tears rolling down her cheeks.
EIGHTEEN
I tried to push her out of the way, but she pushed back. "Zac, go away. You don't want to see this."
"Move, damn it," I screamed. I was scared because she was, and my fear echoed in my voice.
Destiny calmly pushed me into Jess's open arms. "Go get Ike. Call an ambulance. Keep the kids in your room. Get all our stuff packed, except what's in here."
Against my will, I realized that she knew exactly what to do. Jess and I ran to the room that Ike, Tay and I shared. Zoe, Avie and Mackie are coloring at the table.
I urged Jess to tell us what happened. She sighed and gave in. "I think she's dead," she whispered hoarsely. "She was laying on the floor, not moving. There was all this blood..." She trailed off.
Ike took charge. "Tay, call an ambulance right now. Zac, you go to the girls' room and pack the girls' stuff, all of it, and bring it here. Tay will get our stuff together and then come to help you. Jess, watch the kids." He was out the door before we could protest. I hurried to the girls' room and started packing everything I find.
Tay joined me soon after. "Jess is packing our stuff while she watches the kids. EMTs are on the way," he informed me as he jumped in and started grabbing stuff. I knew he was upset when he grabbed one of Destiny's thongs and threw it in the suitcase without a flinch.
Sirens filled the air.
Destiny appeared in the doorway. "Ike is riding in the ambulance. We're meeting him at the hospital in an hour. We have to get things packed up and talk to the officers before we leave."
The hour passed slowly, as time always does when you're worried. We emptied the rooms, got things moved. The kids are fed and cleaned up. Someone remembered that we need to call our manager, Chris. He spoke with the venue owners and got us out of the concert.
Seeing my mother in the hospital bed was scary, but reassuring. It reminded me of my father's last day. It was a nightmare, happening all over again. As I bowed my head over her sleeping body, I thought about goodbyes and treasuring every minute with your family. Time passed without my realizing it.
A doctor came in and explained about her suicide attempt. We discussed the reason for it, found some good counseling agencies in Tulsa, and how to help her.
When it kicked it, I nearly cried with joy. I hadn't lost my mother. I couldn't bear it if I had. All the chaos made me understand that I had unresolved conflicts with my father's death, issues that I needed to work out.
When Mom awakened, she didn't have to say a word. Ike, Tay and I said it for her. "We're going home."
She smiled and tried to speak. The morphine maked her voice scratchy. "That's my boys."
I didn't stop smiling that night.
