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( November 1995 )
She took a deep breathe, closed her eyes, and prayed with every ounce of bravery and strength she could find at this moment, to make it threw this. She could hear the screams and the applause directed towards the dark stage she was sitting on. At that moment she realized that her dreams had come true; she had finally made it .
The opening of her song rang out threw the huge arena, and the screams were deafening. The spotlight found her in the darkness as she opened her mouth to sing. When her voice echoed threw the crowd the noise died down and she opened her eyes to see what it felt like to have thousands of people share your inner most fears, desires, and secrets with you.
She looked out into the audience that was now swaying back and forth to her music and smiled brightly to the people who had made her dreams a reality. With her eyes she silently thanked them as she continued to sing.
She was still sitting on the stool that was in the center of the stage. The spotlight shining only on her. Her voice was powerful and strong, but it had something to it that no one else possessed. It was filled with raw emotion, with feeling, and with love.
She casually nodded her head and the previous sound of just her voice and the piano exploded into a full band and orchestra, as the chorus sounded. Her body stood up off the stool and looked over her shoulder as his voice rang out with hers. She turned back to the audience and continued to sing as he walked up and placed his hand into hers.
They turned towards each other and sang the last part of the song together, never taking their eyes away from one another. As his voice sang the last words she stopped and looked at him. She had finally found what she wanted..... what she needed more than anything. The look in her eyes could have shattered a thousand mirrors, and all she could do was stare at him as he held the last word, love, and looked deeper into her heart than she every thought possible.
The piano played the last note and the arena went black. Never in her life had she felt more appreciated, and accepted, and complete than she did at that moment. She smiled at the man standing in front of her, even though he couldn’t see threw the darkness, and knew right then and there, that what she thought would never come into her life again, somehow managed to creep in and change everything she had ever known.
“What the......?” , Memphis said as she sat up in her bed and looked around to see where she was. She calmed down a bit when she saw that she was in her own room and that it was only a dream. “Oh, it was only a dream!” she spoke to herself, somewhat disappointed.
Her eyes scanned the contents of her room until she could find the clock on the wall, it read 6:30 AM. She slowly pulled the covers from around her, got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. As she rounded the hallway, her thoughts returned to her dream and she wished so badly that it was a reality. Memphis could still feel her heart pounding when she remembered the screams, the music, and....the guy.
At that moment she hit her head on something hard. “ My God....... I think I can see stars.” Her older sister peeked around the door that had just injured her baby sister and felt a wave of guilt. “ Are your okay sweetie? Did I hurt you?” her sister asked in a voice too much like her mothers, and that alone made her feel ten times worse.
“ I’m fine Avery, I was lost in my thoughts.” Memphis muttered. Avery looked up from where she was kneeling in front of Memphis and gave her a guilty look. “Really I’m fine A....... look, it didn’t even leave a mark or anything.” Her sister got up from her knees and smiled at her sister, that girl could always make you feel better no matter what you did. For God’s sake she could make someone who had just intentionally burned a house down, feel like it wasn’t there fault.
“Well I’m running late for work...so if your are positive that your are okay.......” , Avery let the sentence hang. Memphis exhaled loudly and Avery got the message. She chuckled under her breath and turned to go down the stairs.
Memphis opened the closet back up as she rubbed the spot where the door had slammed into her minutes ago.” What I ever do to you?” she asked the door like it would respond. She reached up and grabbed two towels, closed the door and walked towards the bathroom.
Five minutes later Memphis was in the shower with the water as hot as she could stand it. She poured some conditioner into her hand and rubbed it into her hair and started to hum a song she had heard on the radio. Without even realizing it, the musician inside of her made her sing out, and before she could stop herself she was belting the song out and enjoying what she loved the most. A gift that had been passed down, and received with open arms.
A knock on the door made Memphis gasp and she nearly slipped on the tub floor before regaining her balance. “Hold on a minute Avery.......” she managed to get out while she was rinsing the remaining conditioner from her hair, “ I’m coming out now.” With that she turned the water off, wiped her face and looked out from the shower curtain. “ You can come in now Avery.” Avery opened the door and was hit with a wave of heat and moisture. “ Memphis are you nuts...what the hell did you have the water up to?” She waved her hands in front of her and tried to get some of the steam away from her. “Oh your know what?....... I don’t even wanna know!” Memphis giggled at her older sister and tried to act as coyly as she could without laughing at the expression that was now on her face. Her sister always hated to be hot, that girl was warm blooded beyond belief.
When Avery could finally see her sister she spoke to her. “ Well I came up to tell you that I’m working’ late tonight and that I won’t be home for dinner.” Memphis wrapped the towel around herself and stepped out of the shower. “ Oh...okay A, that's fine. I’ll see you later tonight or in the morning....minus the door!” Memphis said while smiling sweetly. She laughed lightly and walked towards her little sister, the most important person in her life, and gave her a hug. “ You know I love ya bunches!” Avery said. “ Right back at ‘cha!” Memphis responded as she let go and turned towards the mirror.
Before Avery walked out of the bathroom, she turned to look at her sister. She was staring into the mirror, and Avery’s heart went out to her. Over the last year she had lost a lot. Everything that was happy and innocent about Memphis and who she was disappeared, and looking at her now she saw the wisdom and sadness in her eyes. Avery sighed to herself and vowed right then and there that she would do everything in her power to make that girl happy. With that she closed the door and headed to work.
Memphis glanced at the clock and saw that she still had about 45 minutes before she had to leave for school. She wanted so much just to sit and ponder about the dream she had, but she knew that if she looked into it, then it would only make her more worried and upset because it wasn’t real. But the overall fact was..... that more than anything she wanted it to be real.
Memphis looked at herself in the mirror as she was brushing her teeth. For the first time she saw herself for what she had become over the past months. She was never ugly, in fact she had a natural beauty about her that most people were not fortunate enough to receive. She stood at average height and her body was toned, but curved in all the right places to show that she was female. Her skin was tan and had a yellow complexion to it, although not as glowy and bright as it was before, it still was beautiful and most people would kill for it. Her once shoulder length, curly hair now reached midway down her back and hung in spirals. The golden highlights, that drew attention away from her chestnut brown hair, played around her face and only accented her unusual eyes, which in all respects earned her the nickname that her mother had given her years before....Marigold.
Memphis ran and screamed in delight as she hid behind the tree. She cautiously peeked out from behind and was astonished to see her mother on the opposite side of the park looking for her.
“ Memphis....MEMPHIS! Wow! You are really good at this game. Where did you go?” her mother yelled out pretending to be stumped. Memphis ducked back behind the tree and giggled that her own mother couldn’t find her. She heard her mother call out her name again and ran from in back of the tree.
“I’m right here momma. I was behind that tree and you couldn’t find me!” Memphis yelled with so much excitement penetrating out of her 5 year-old voice. Her mother acted shocked and put her hands on her head, which only heightened the little girls enjoyment. She pulled on her mothers hand and led her to the spot where she had been hiding for the past couple of minutes.” Right here momma....this is where I was” , she said knowingly while pointing a finger to the place her little body had hidden.
Her mother reached down and grabbed her hand lovingly into her own, and Memphis smiled up into her eyes that radiated for her daughter in front of her. “ Would you like to go watch the sunset sweetheart?” her mother questioned. Memphis eyes widened and nodded her head while she smiled. They walked hand in hand to the top of the hill, and sat down together with Memphis sitting on her mother’s lap.
Memphis looked towards the sky as the sun slowly lowered into the horizons. There was a light breeze that made the curly tendrils at the base of the little girls neck dance together. Every color that could be imagined was painted across the sky. Memphis gently reached up and twirled a piece of her mother’s hair between her petite fingers. Her mother looked down towards this beautiful creature she called her own, and pulled her closer to her body and started to lightly hum a melody.
Memphis turned and look into her mother’s eyes. “ What’s wrong momma?” the child asked as she noticed her mother staring at her. “ Nothin’ sweetheart....nothin’ at all! I just can’t get enough of your marigold eyes!” her mother smiled warmly as the little girl giggled and said, “ I know momma....I know!” But then the child turned serious, as much as one can at that age and looked questioningly to the women that she wanted to be just like. “What’s a marigold?” Memphis asked. Her mother looked down on her and said, “A marigold is a flower that is so beautiful and golden that you can’t help but stare at its brightness. Do you see the sun out there?” her mother pointed and Memphis turned and cocked her head towards the horizon. “That's the color of a marigold...... that's the color of your eyes and whenever I look into them I see it there just smilin’ back at me. That’s what you are, my little marigold!”
She wiped the tears that had unconsciously formed in her eyes from the mere thought of that memory. It was her first memory and held a special place inside her because it seemed so long ago, but then again it seemed like it happened just yesterday. She could still feel the breeze and her childish laughter that filled the park that spring evening.
Memphis turned away from the mirror and slid her back down the wall, until she was hunched in a ball on the floor. She couldn’t bear to look at herself and all she wanted was to hear her mother call her Marigold one time.” Why? .......... Why... God?” she stuttered as hot tears poured from her eyes. ”She was my life.....she..she was everything to me and you couldn’t see that.” The sorrow and the hurt was beginning to turn into anger and she could feel her heart speed up.
She tried to take deep calming breathes and stand up, but it was too much for her at that moment. Her knees couldn’t hold her trembling body and she fell to the floor in a heap. She pulled her head down and wrapped her arms around herself, and gently rocked back and forth while quietly humming a song her mom used to sing to her. It was times like this that she wished she had someone to confide in, someone she could trust and know would be there for her.
Of course she had her sister, but deep inside her heart she knew that she couldn’t add more pressure to the burden already at hand. Avery already had enough to worry about. Every since the moment she had received the news that her mother was killed in a head on collision, her outgoing, exuberant personality and demeanor wilted away in front of her eyes. She shut herself up and only allowed herself to feel and show pain.
In many aspects over the past year she had somewhat managed to regain some sort of normalcy back. Granted it wasn’t much, but at least she had learned how to live again. Before, all she did was basically take up space. She still went to school and still went to work, but it wasn’t living then....it was just motion. For awhile she stopped eating, stopped talking and even stopped writing and singing her music.
It hurt her too much, the music that is. It was the same passion she shared with her mother, and countless times she could remember hearing her mothers soft, melodious voice ring out through the house. She would stand in the doorway and watch her mother sing while she made breakfast or sit behind the piano, playing along with the lyrics.
Only recently had she pulled out her guitar from the closet and opened up her journal to read the words she had written. It was such an emotional moment when she strummed the guitar for the first time after her mother’s death. When she opened her mouth to sing, the pure passion of it came out, and she realized that more then anything this is what her mother would have wanted of her. This was not only her dream, but her mother’s dream for her. And after she realized that, she put everything that she had left in her body towards her music.
Memphis looked up from where she was sitting on the cold tile floor and wiped her eyes once she had calmed down. She slowly worked her way off the ground and glanced back into the mirror. “Oh great.......” , she muttered as she saw how her eyes were red and puffy from her crying episode. She grabbed a tissue off the sink and try to wipe away the redness, only causing to make it worse. Memphis exhaled dramatically and gave up. She took one more look at herself before turning around and heading out of the bathroom.
Memphis threw her books into her locker and slammed the door shut. Since her crying game this morning, her day seemed to go downhill from there. School had been such a bore to her lately, but today it was horrendous. All day the only thing she wanted to do was go home and write. It was the only thing that calmed her down and right now it was exactly what she needed.
“Memphis....hey girl what’s shakin’?” Memphis looked over her shoulder as she was pulling out her notebook from her locker and smiled at her best friend. She found what she was searching for and slammed the door with extra force that made her friend jump. “ Damn girlie....... have a rough day much?” asked Kaily hesitantly. Memphis exhaled loudly, “ You don’t even wanna know...... I mean is it just me, or does this place make you crawl even more each day?” Memphis glanced towards Kaily as they walked down the halls to music class. Before Kaily had a chance to respond, Memphis continued to ramble.
“I feel trapped Kaily.....I feel like I’m never gonna get out of this place.”
Chapter 2
* Fiction Starz Stories *
