The Boy Band Factory
***This is humor. Please do not read if you do not have a sense of humor about “boy bands” and the “Teen Queens of Pop”. So, uh... the guys of *N Sync shouldn’t read this. Not even Chris could handle it. J/K, it’s not that bad.***
Stage 1: Application
Stage 2: Make-over
Stage 3: Personality
Stage 4: History
Stage 5: Acting
Stage 6: Dancing
Stage 7: Singing
Stage 8: Assigning
Stage 9: Name
Stage 1: Application
The first stage that you must go through in The Boy Band Factory (which is the only way to be in a boy band) is the application. You must fill out the following application and return it to the factory. Underline your answers.
1. Gender: M F (If you answered M go on to
question 3)
2. Do you look like a male, sound like a guy, and
act like a guy? Y N (If you answered N try
the Teen Queens of Pop Factory located across
the street form the Boy Band Factory)
3. Will you need vocal instruction? Y N
4. Will you need dance instruction? Y N
5. Age: 14 - 18 19 - 24 25+ (If you didn’t
answer 25+ skip to question 7)
6. Do you look under 25? Y N (If you answered
no, you might want to consider a new career)
7. Are you willing to loose your hearing and life
in exchange for money, fame, and all the girls
your heart desires? Y N (If you answered N
you should seek immediate professional
assistance)
8. Do females find you attractive? Y N (If you
answered N, don’t expect a positive reply)
Sample Applications:
Accepted:
1. Gender: M F (If you answered M go
on to question 3)
2. Do you look like a male, sound like a guy, and
act like a guy? Y N (If you answered N try
the Teen Queens of Pop Factory located across the
street form the Boy Band Factory)
3. Will you need vocal instruction? Y N
4. Will you need dance instruction? Y N
5. Age: 14 - 18 19 - 24 25+ (If you
didn’t answer 25+ skip to question 7)
6. Do you look under 25? Y N (If you
answered no, you might want to consider a new
career)
7. Are you willing to loose your hearing and life
in exchange for money, fame, and all the girls
your heart desires? Y N (If you
answered N you should seek immediate
professional assistance)
8. Do females find you attractive? Y N
(If you answered N, don’t expect a positive
reply)
1. Gender: M F (If you answered M
go on to question 3)
2. Do you look like a male, sound like a guy, and
act like a guy? Y N (If you answered
N try the Teen Queens of Pop Factory located
across the street form the Boy Band Factory)
3. Will you need vocal instruction? Y N
4. Will you need dance instruction? Y N
5. Age: 14 - 18 19 - 24 25+ (If you
didn’t answer 25+ skip to question 7)
6. Do you look under 25? Y N (If you answered
no, you might want to consider a new career)
7. Are you willing to loose your hearing and life
in exchange for money, fame, and all the girls
your heart desires? Y N (If you
answered N you should seek immediate
professional assistance)
8. Do females find you attractive? Y N
Not Accepted:
1. Gender: M F (If you answered M
go on to question 3)
2. Do you look like a male, sound like a guy, and
act like a guy? Y N (If you answered N try
the Teen Queens of Pop Factory located across the
street form the Boy Band Factory)
3. Will you need vocal instruction? Y N
4. Will you need dance instruction? Y N
5. Age: 14 - 18 19 - 24 25+ (If you
didn’t answer 25+ skip to question 7)
6. Do you look under 25? Y N (If you answered
no, you might want to consider a new career)
7. Are you willing to loose your hearing and life
in exchange for money, fame, and all the girls
your heart desires? Y N (If you
answered N you should seek immediate
professional assistance)
8. Do females find you attractive? Y N
1. Gender: M F (If you answered M
go on to question 3)
2. Do you look like a male, sound like a guy, and
act like a guy? Y N (If you answered N try
the Teen Queens of Pop Factory located across the
street form the Boy Band Factory)
3. Will you need vocal instruction? Y N
4. Will you need dance instruction? Y N
5. Age: 14 - 18 19 - 24 25+ (If you
didn’t answer 25+ skip to question 7)
6. Do you look under 25? Y N (If you answered
no, you might want to consider a new career)
7. Are you willing to loose your hearing and life
in exchange for money, fame, and all the girls
your heart desires? Y N (If you
answered N you should seek immediate
professional assistance)
8. Do females find you attractive? Y N
*Hint for filling out the applications: You better be attractive and know how to dance.
Stage 2: Make-over
In this business we need to have pretty boys. If you’re not pretty, you’re not a boy band. In this stage you will be pricked and prodded, dressed and redressed, have make-up applied and reapplied. In other words, you’ll be treated like a doll. Get used to it. We will be finding the perfect style for you. This will help us in Stage 3, when we try to decide your personality.
Stage 3: Personality
You will go through a series of rooms where we will have our personality advisors critique your new-found style. They will give you a stereotype for it. You will then take on that personality. It will be your life in front of the camera. You will then move on to find the favorites and little details about you. This will be found by drawing from a box. Then, you will go back to the personality advisors and find if your details match your personality type. You will redraw those details. (ex. If you are a bad boy your favorite color cannot be purple or pink.)
Stage 4: History
Now, it is time for you to find your historical background. Our history providers will take in your style, body, face, hair, personality, and details to find a background that will help to make you who you are. (ex. You are the bad boy. You’re mother left when you were little and your father beat you.)
Stage 5: Acting
You will now learn to act. You will be taught how to lie through your teeth, saying that you are single and have never lost your virginity while you are really married, and sleeping with ten different fans each night. You will learn to act out the part of your personality and everything that has come thus far in the factory.
Stage 6: Dancing
This is the stage where we will see how well you can dance. All applications that said they would need dance instruction were thrown out, so if you are still here you either lied on the application (which is a good start in the land of boy bands) or you can dance. Now we will team you up with a choreographer and they will teach you choreography. (Wow! I bet you didn’t know that that’s what a choreographer does, did you?) You will be judged so that we can put you in a band that fits your talent.
Stage 7: Singing
Everyone knows that boy bands can’t really sing. It’s there looks that bring in the fans. After you’ve got them with the looks, you bring in the music with subliminal messages that brainwash the fans into liking the music. But if we can get a little talent in there we are better off. So, we will use this stage to see what talent we do, or um… don’t have. Whichever the case may be, it will stay that way. I am not going to hire anyone to give vocal instruction. If you can’t sing, oh well. You’re in a boy band, not a group that will be known for singing.
Stage 8: Assigning
In this stage all accepted applicants will be tossed in a room. Each personality type will be grouped together. Each person will get a number. There will be five of each number. No two people in the same personality group will have the same number.
Stage 9: Name
In this stage, the group you have been assigned to will come up with a name. If you haven’t decided on one in the time given to you, one from the list of pre-selected boy band names will be given to you.
After the name is chosen you are done. Congratulations you are now in a boy band! The rest is easy. Lies, fakeness, and one-night stands. This is the life you’ve chosen, have fun with it.
Coming soon- The Teen Queens of Pop Factory
***Please note people this is only humor. No hate-mail please. I don’t believe anything I wrote. I happen to like some of the “boy bands”.***
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