1. "Who him? Oh, he agreed to pose as my subject for my photography class. He's getting paid by the hour."

2. "He's my racquetball instructor. Or would be if he could close his hands."

3. "It's for voodoo purposes. Ask anymore questions and you'll be next."

4. Scream "BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE!" and drop to your knees holding your head and moaning...

5. "I have to...it would be an insult to the Cheetah Beast. And I luff him and WANT him to pounce on me."

6. "He's a tiny CIA agent posing as a doll. We saw what you did!"

7. "Oh, this thing? Yeah, I'm on probation for manslaughter. The doll acts as my tracking device."

8. "Social interaction with HUMANS is a violation of my parole. He's my only friend."

9. "What, this? Don't you KNOW? It's the latest trend. EVERYBODY'S got one."

10. *turn to doll and speak in a loud agitated whisper* "Oh God, they saw you! Should I kill them now or should we just lay low for awhile. WHAT DO I DO?!?"

11. "This was a going-away gift from my psychiatrist when I was released from the institution."

12. "Pssh, don't hate. You KNOW you want this!"

13. *talk to doll in panicked whisper* "I think they're on to us. The dropoff will take place ahead of schedule."

14. *Look nervously at person, then at doll, then back at person* Whisper: "If you're after the micro chip, then you can answer this riddle: If I ran sideways with hairy nipples and red eyes, what would I be?"

15. "He's my financial advisor...I didn't do too well during the holiday season, so he's helping me recover."

16. "I have no comment in this matter. If you wish to further your knowledge in this situation, I suggest you direct all inquiries to my attorney." *hold up action figure*

17. "So I play with action figures? I'd rather be young at heart than grow old and irritable." (Okay...that wasnt' funny...but I use that excuse ALL the time, and it usually gets my point accross.)

18. "The doctors couldn't seperate us without killing him because we share the veins in our asses."

19. "I do what the little voices in my head tell me to do."

20. "The monkeys made me do it."

21. "Because it's less embarassing than carrying around my blanket."

22. "This little doll? *points at Buddy* LOL, okay buster. This is my body guard. He knows kung fu and he can KICK YOUR ASS!" *does karate chop*

23. "He's a tangible version of the voices in my head and he's angry right now, so speak wisely."

24. *points to Ghetto* "Better think twice about what you say to me or my bodyguard'll bust a cap in yo ass Detroit WHAT? style!"

25. "Are you questioning the existence of the king?"

26. "This is my god...you will bow down one day as well."

27. "This guy? Oh he's my god. See I'm part of this new religion called Nsyncothism in which there are 5 gods and 2 sub-gods. You are assigned a particular god and you must carry something of his likeness around with you, otherwise you are violating the laws of this highly complex religion." (Okay now that was just fucked up.)

28. "He's the Buddha for a new generation. Here, rub his belly and make a wish."

29. "Huh? Oh, you mean him? He's my boyfriend."

30. "He's good looking, low maintenance, always hard, and never talks back. Any questions?"

31. "He's a model of my ideal man, with whom I'm destined to be with. Until fate brings us together, he drives away the competition."

32. "I worship him. He's the only man that ever understood me."

33. "He's my ex boyfriend. I never wanted to break up so...he had to go." *sweet smile*

34. *Laugh a demonic laugh* "Oh you THINK this is a doll now. But wait. Just you wait." Walk off, shaking your finger at the person and laughing evilly and repeating "Just you wait."

35. "My aunt died and he's a clause in her will. I have to take care of him or I won't inherit the family fortune."

36. "My best friend died of malaria and was reincarnated. Wanna meet him?"

37. "This is Buddy. I take him everywhere with me because he was a sign from God."

38. "Doll? What doll? *looks down at Littlefoot* OH MY GOD! (insert catch phrase about shrinking here... I have a mind block right now)."

39. "If I dont carry him around to watch him, he'll come after you in your sleep."

40. "I have to take him everywhere because the last time I let him out of my sight, he prank called 911."

41. Cliche answer #1: "Why...WHY NOT?"

42. "Doll? What doll? Does Elvis talk to you?"

43. "The evil, demonic Wade J. Robson turned him into an action figure, and only my kiss can bring him back to life."

44. "I HAVE to carry him around, there ARE leash laws ya know."

45. "Harry Potter accidentally cast a spell on my boyfriend. My man's stuck like this until he learns how to reverse the spell."

46. "He told me that if I didn't take him everywhere with me, he'd kill my dog."

47. "He looks good on me."

48. "He's cheaper than a puppy, and he won't piss on the floor..."

49. "I had wished on a star, but instead of a real man, I got this doll."

50. *looks around* "What doll? I don't see anything..." Then walk away muttering things like "psycho" and "talking about dolls."

51. "He's my personal assistant, and he's reminding me to look into that restraining order."

52. "It's a signature American Express dildo with a face. I don't leave home without it."

53. *talks to doll in low voice* "Good morning Johnny! *listens* JC can't sleep? Joey won't eat? I'll contact the other angels. We're on it!"

54. "My Aunt Sara told me that for every hour that I carry it around, the makers of Ritalin would donate $1.00 to the 'legally challenged.'"

55. *whispers to doll* "I dunno what the problem is. THEY'RE the ones carrying around a single rabbit's FOOT."

56. "It's a radar detector for assholes and it's signalling red alert. Back away slowly or it'll detonate."

57. "He's my fairy Godfather and I have unlimited wishes. I'd be careful if I were you."

58. "It's not what it looks like. It's actually a storage case for tampons. Pretty cool huh?"

59. "This is Santa's way of keeping track of who's been naughty and nice. You'll be put on the bad list if you don't stop being nosy."

60. "It's an idiot invitation and it's working like a charm."

61. "Because he's more fun than a Fantasy Phone...you can't put Barbie clothes on a Fantasy Phone!"

62. "Doll? How many times do I gotta tell ya, he's an action figure! Action figure!"

63. "It's a designer inhaler for asthma attacks."

64. "Doll? Uh no, *roll eyes and make disgusted face* it's one of the new designer cell phones, like duh."

65. Cliche answer #2: "Because I feel like it."

66. "Furry desert aliens flew the coop and pureed the chickens."

67. *hugs action figure protectively* "Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not polite to stare?"

68. "I apologize if you find it offensive...wanna spank me?"

69. "This is an exchange student. He's missed a lot of the semester so I'm helping him 'catch up'. He's sensitive about his height."

70. "I'm exchanging him because I caught him humping my cat."

71. *cover doll's ears and talk in a low whisper* "Be careful what you say around him. He applied at [name of clothing store] but the employers said he didn't have the credentials to be a mannequin."

72. "Me gusta bailar in el baño con los pollos de locos." (Translation: I like to dance in the bathroom with the crazy chickens. a.k.a. no one will bother you again.)

73. "Santa couldn't decide whether I was good or bad last year, so instead of something from my wishlist or a lump of coal...he left me this doll."

74. "It's a test subject for scientific research. Kinda like a Pavlov's dogs theory, only with teenagers."

75. "It's for a project in Child Development. Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for his feeding."

76. "He's part of a scietific experiment on whether people know when to mind their own fucking business."

77. "He's my friend! So what if he's breathing impaired?!? I don't make fun of you for being fashion (hair/cute/date/breast/penis) impaired!"

78. "I carry him around because people were scared of my tire iron."

79. "It's like a stress ball. When I get pissed, I give him a good squeeze...or toss, or kicking, or tires over the head, or whatever I feel he needs at that moment."

80. Cliche answer #3: "Just BECAUSE..."

81. "I have to bring him to the store with me to find a new girlfirend. He's all up in arms because his Date Night Barbie was a half an inch taller than him."

82. "Him? I opened up a box of *NSYNC fruit snacks and got him instead of a lousy fake backstage pass."

83. "What this thing?" *waves Joey around* "Oh I just carry him around to see how many nosy people have enough free time to but into my life and ask me about him. Any other questions?"

84. "Its either watch him every minute, or he controls the world."

85. *Cry on command* "Why you makey fun of my kwissmuth pwesent?"

86. "Oh yeah? I saw you fondling that [Brintey/Christina/Mandy/Brandy/DestinysChild/SpiceGirls] doll."

87. The obvious excuse my smart-ass father always gives: "To make you ask questions."

88. "Carry who around?" *turns to Buddy* "Do YOU have any idea what they're talking about?"

89. *turns to Joey* "I THOUGHT WE FIXED YOUR BARBIE PROBLEM!!!"

90. "Shhh! How am I supposed to catch [so-and-so] on candid camera when you won't stop asking me questions?" (Okay...that was just retarded.)

91. "It's a part of my 2 Step program and I don't appreciate you making fun of my disease."

92. "Cuz it bothers people with sticks up their asses. Case in point..."

93. "We're shopping for his wardrobe. We're staging a concert for the leprechauns who led us to our substantial fortune. Duh."

94. *looks at the doll, then back at the person* "You lookin' at me?"

95. "I am not ashamed. It's just about respect!"

96. "`Scuse me...coming through...I'm with the band..."

97. *turn to the doll* "Ok, what a lame excuse for an autograph. They're all actin like they don't know who you are. Pshhh."

98. "What? *act as if it's nothing unusual* This is endorsed by Mommy Crunkness..."

99. *sing... very loudly* "MY BUDDY...MY BUDDY! Wherever I go, he's gonna go!"

100. "I'm taking him back to the store. He's got two left feet!" (LMMFAO LIV!)

101. "THEY started it!" *points to article about *NSYNC and the IGBM video*...

"See...?"

"BOOYA!" *sticks out tongue*