"MediaBreak, with Casey Wong and Jess Perkins. Coming up next"

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This is MediaBreak. Give us three minutes and we'll give you the world.

"Good morning. Casey Wong here with Jess Perkins. This morning's top story, the Amazon Nuclear Facility has blown its stack, irradiating the worlds largest natural rainforest. Environmentalists call it a disaster." Jess Perkins came in, her white teeth bore while she talked, "Don't they always. Have you seen this man?" A picture of a man in prison uniform appeared. Perkins continued, "John Paganalli, escapee convict from Dutchess County Correctional Facility. He is considered extremely armed and dangerous. Police provide this piece of information: before ripping off people at the stores he works for he asks if 'they've ever seen one of these before' and takes out a fake IRS audit " Perkins continued.

"In the world of science, Professor John Pagnanella has discovered a way to provide life on other planets. Professor," Pagnanella appeared on the screen.

"You see Miss Perkins, the logical cortex of the nitro oxidents provide oxygenation. Which causes oxygenation on many of the celestial bodies, causing retro-fitting of the atomic microns." He disappeared from the screen. Perkins perked up and said, "Whatever."

The camera panned over to Casey. "We'll be right back after this."

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Need help? Call Antonelli, Hawes, and Kowalsky defenders of the innocent (laughtrack). Find us in the Yellow Pages.

* * * * *

"The space station Mir has been shut down when an inspector from Russia and the crew were caught in null gravity. They expierienced a brief but harmless period of weightlessness. Casey." The camera panned over to where Casey was, only to find him picking his nose.

"Ahem," Perkins said.

No Response.

"Casey." Jess Yelled, but it was a soft yell.

Casey looked at the camera embarrased, he began to read off the teleprompter, "Oh. Casey: The orbiting LASER platform accidentally destroyed one-sixth of Santa Barbara during test simulations. It killed 75 people, including four former presidents who had retired in the area. Casey turns to Jess. Jess smiles. Jess: We'll be right back."

Jess looked crossly at Wong, who instantly shrunk in his chair. "We'll be right back." she said smiling.

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Is it time for that big operation? Well, here at The Family Heart Center we can make sure you are in good hands.

Yamaha, Honda, Kanemitsu. You pick the heart! Also available, the Suzuki 1400 sports series. And Remember, we care. (CALL 1-800-WEC-ARE1)

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"I thought I could save the company a few bucks by using some other company. It took me four days to download specs from Cleveland! I lost the account." BANG!

"DADDY!"

US Robotics: 56k modem: "The Right Choice."

* * * * *

"On the international front, Yuri Karmazov the third, has declared he will launch military LASERS on America. Uh-oh," Wong began to chuckle, "Someone's been nipping the vodka again." Wong broke out into laughter. His face then went back into its serious position.

"The police strike of this city has grown worse. Talking to MediaBreak, via Satellite, Seargent William Bullock."

A man in a police uniform appeared in a small picture image above Wong's head.

"We want better doughnuts." The man declared.

"Why?"

"Because the ones they give us, they all taste like...."

MEDIABREAK, WE ARE EXPIERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES..... PLEASE STAND BY.

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Due to the content of MediaBreak, this station is now pleased to bring you Crazy Marty's Movie Reviews. A supplement to MediaBreak

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"Casey Wong here. Watch your Afternoon MediaBreak at 12:05 today."

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You can win with Josh Wynn, prosecuting attorney. Call YOU-WYNN. Win your case, today.

* * * * *

How to Boil a Politician with Josh Boyle. It's the new hard-edged news and cooking show. Tonight at seven.

* * * * *

Jess Perkins was applying red lipstick and putting on the caps that made her teeth look white when the producer "accidentally" pressed the on air button. Wong was yelling at the boy who gave him his coffee complaining that there was no cream in the coffee when the producer pointed to a sign that said on air. "Casey Wong here with afternoon MediaBreak. This afternoons top headlines, Jess Perkins teeth are actually caps. Er, wait, no that was on my April Fool's day list of headlines." Jess walked up to Casey and punched him, Wong fell to the floor. "April Fool." Perkins said.

Wong held himself up as the director yelled "CUT!"

* * * * *

"Casey Wong here. This afternoons top headline Jess Perkins launched a tooth cap artilary that, oh no." Wong felt a fist and he slumped to the ground. Looking exasperated the director called cut.

* * * * *

"Casey Wong here. This afternoons top headline Yuri Karmazov, the third launched Jess Perkins to tooth cap city where she...." Wong felt something like two sandbags. Perkins spoke, "Keep it up and you'll need dentures."

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"Casey Wong here. This afternoons top headline, Yuri Karmazov, the third launched military LASERS and twelve missiles with the warhead hidden in tooth caps." Perkins got up and was ready to clobber Wong when he said, "That's what this headline sheet says." Perkins picked up the sheet and read it she then sat down in her seat looking embarassed.

Wong continued, "Live from Yuri Crater, Candy Lux. Do you hear us Candy?"

Candy Lux appeared on the screen. "It's awful down here. People injured, some dead. There are some rumors that the attack is continuing, so we are going to leave this area as soon as...." Static and snowy picture dominated the screen. The camera turned to Wong who was twiddling with his pencil.

"We will miss Candy," he said. "She did a lot of work here, and she was a great reporter. Let's see a picture of Candy at her finest." A picture of a woman in a body cast and a hospital bed appeared as Wong shook his head, "That's not her finest! Show another picture!" The next photo to appear was Candy screaming at Yuri Crater. "Forget it okay?" Wong said "Just forget it." A photo appeared of Candy next to a mummy that actually came alive and Wong chuckled, "Now, That's our Candy. A million and one laughs."

Perkins began talking, "In sports news today the Microchip Manufacturers of Excellence, or MMX have... wait a minute.... Thats technology news!"

The camera panned across Perkins, and then the whole world saw Jess Perkins, the nice and beautiful newscaster punch and knock out the man in charge of the teleprompter. The camera then panned over to Wong who was whistling a song, he then took over for Perkins, "In sports news today Jess Perkins TKO's MediaBreak teleprompter man. Let's see an instant replay of that, Bill."

The man in the control room pressed a button and we saw Perkins punch the man, in slow motion Wong could see three teeth fall to the ground, then he shuddered. As Perkins came back the theme from "Rocky" started playing. "I'm alright." Perkins said.

"That concludes our afternoon MediaBreak. Don't miss us tonight at 6:12. Next, Jess Perkins Boxing Class." Perkins punched Wong who fell to the floor, again.

* * * * *

"Good evening, Casey Wong here. Tonights top headlines, Perkins and TKO teleprompter. But first, a small flood of water reached Arkansas today. The water that flooded Arkansas was being formulated as Whitewater. Back with more, after this."

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The crook jimmied open the car door, sat down and heard a hiss. Five Hundred volts ran through the crook. The salesman opened the door and the crook fell out, "Magnavolt. The final word in auto security. No pesky alarms, no need to trouble the police," He turned the key and the car started, "and it won't even run down your battery." A logo appeared on the screen that read: Magnavolt, Lethal Response.

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Perkins came on the screen, "Barometers are falling sharply today as..." There was a whistling noise then a thud. Casey Wong fell to the floor. Perkins rushed down to her co-host, "What was that?" she asked. Wong held the item up, "I...I think it's a barometer." Perkins stood up with her co-host.

"I'm getting out of here." she announced.

"Me too, this show has gone too far." Wong said.

"Put some other show on, quick" the director said. A lickspittle replied and now the small screen in the director's booth read.

CHANNEL 136: WE ARE NOW PLEASED TO BRING YOU "WAGONS EAST" WITH GLENN FORD

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"YAWN. Casey Wong here with your Midnight YawnBreak. Top Yawnlines, anchors go to sleep. Night." The director was mad so he ran out on the studio, and sang and danced an Irish jig.

"Well folks, don't forget to watch the MediaBreak News Challenge game show with Casey and Jess. It's on at 3 AM, right after some boring and stupid infomercial that sells a product that's revolutionary in some way and when you buy the product you realize that you're a sucker. Bye folks, keep those ratings up. Remember, we don't care about you, or the news. We just care about the ratings."