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A Cowgirl's Guide To Life

These are from Never Ask a Man the Size of His Spread, by Gladiola Montana. If you like them, buy the book and read the rest. You'll be glad you did!

* Callin' women the weaker sex makes about as much sense as callin' men the stronger one.

* Whether a horse turns out to be a good cow horse or a poor one pretty much depends on the intelligence of the handler.

* When a cowboy gives you a key to his truck, you know you're close to winning the key to his heart.

* Anybody who thinks they know everything ain't been around long enough to know anything.

* If you don't get married you'll never have a good man. On the other hand, if you ain't married, you don't need one.

* If a horse makes a few good moves on his own, he should be rewarded so that he will develop others.

* "One of these days" is "none of these days."

* If you're havin' trouble with a mustang, change the bit.

* You can't get ahead of anybody you're tryin' to get even with.

* There's no need to buckle on chaps and spurs just to drive the milk cows in.

* If you wake up and find yourself a success, you ain't been asleep.

* When someone commences to flatterin' you, there's generally more up their sleeve than just an arm.

* You don't have to wait for someone to bring you flowers--plant your own garden.

* Women have a lot of courage; otherwise, none would ever get married.

* You can't keep trouble from visitin', but you don't have to offer it a chair.

* If you've done it, it ain't braggin'.

* You can't drown your sorrows; they know how to swim.

* If you find some happiness inside yourself, you'll start findin' it in a lot of other places too.

* If you want a little extra attention, ask your husband if you can borrow his six-shooter for the night.

* Do not shoot at the horse; shoot at the jackass ridin' it.

* When you get wind of a tail, you're following too close.

* Sheep don't associate with wolves--and for a dang good reason.

* A fool and his money are soon married.

* Don't burn down your house to kill a rat.

* A woman's intuition comes from payin' attention to what's goin' on around her.

* There are two kinds of people in this ol' world; those who beleive there are two kinds of people, and those who know better.

*You'll make better progress if you'll get out of your own way.

* A lesson every cowgirl should learn is where her business ends and someone else's starts.

* Never--under any circumstances--admit that you like to cook.

* You have to take ranch country for what it is, not what it ought to be.

* Brand what needs to be branded.

* A lot of things that don't look good in their raw form turn out to be pretty good when they're finished.

*Share your wisdom, not your prejudices.

* There are many kinds of bandits--so sit on your wallet and hold onto your heart.

* It's not what you say to a horse that gets its attention. It's how you say it.

* When you're workin' a horse or dealin' with a man, take it slow, take it easy, and don't rush 'em.

* Nobody's credit is better than his money.

* Crack your own whip. Don't let anybody else do it for you.

* If you don't expect much, you ain't gonna get much.

* It's no big deal cleaning house, cooking meals, or doing laundry. More men oughta try it.

* About half your troubles come from wanting your way; the other half come from gettin' it.

* Opportunity may knock just once, but temptation is a frequent visitor.

* It's tough to walk away from something you love, but sometimes it's the only way.

* Don't be afraid to ride a horse of a different color. Sometimes it's a nice change of pace.

* Even if it takes more than one throw to land a steer and tie him, he's still roped and tied.

* Gettin' up a lynch party is not group therapy.

* You can't know everything; neither can anybody else.

* Most everything you hear about a cowboy is true. But the most important thing is--they take care of the cows. * It's not a miracle if you find an orange under an apple tree; something ain'r right.

* To win, all you gotta do is get up one more time than you fall.

* Sometimes it's smart to ask a man's advice, but takin' it is another matter.

* Don't let anybody's opinion kill your belief in yourself.

* A lot of what a man knows, a woman knows better.

* Before you get serious with a cowboy, make sure he values you more than his truck.

* A man who wears spurs has high expectations. A woman who wears spurs has a mind of her own.

* Just because a man says it's so, don't mean it is.

* If you're fixin' to get yourself a good stallion, don't go lookin in the donkey corral.

* Avoid any food that would gag a buzzard.

* Even a fool can be right some of the time.

* It's rOdeo, not rodEo.

* A horse is considered well trained when he is convinced that he wants to do what you want him to do.

* Keep plenty of good hay in the barn and you'll find it's a fact that a smart horse never forgets the way home.

* Convincing yourself that a bad idea is a good one, is a bad idea.

* Avoid becoming emotional over a jackass.

* Horses always start, they never run out of gas, and they will not get you greasy.

* Men--You can't live with 'em and you can't shoot 'em.

* Baloney is baloney no matter how thin you slice it.

* If a man thinks that a woman who can dog steers, ride broncs, and rope the wind is too much for him, he's probably right.

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