My heart was breaking when I heard an international political analyst described
the Philippines as a country of unreconciled people. He, then, described
the lives of many political figures who remain unreconciled to their political
rivals. Their conflict in political agenda became very personal and
resorted into killing that is, killing even the innocent family member
of their rivals.
Sad to say, the case of unreconciled people does not only exist in the
political arena but also in the church. It seems to be that the minds
of the Christians have been programmed to believe that there's nothing
alarming when they are in conflict with one another because of the age-old
excuse personality differences. We seem to forget that the old nature
has been nailed on the cross when we were crucified with Christ.
(Read Galatians 2:20.)
Our goal in to be apple to apply the principles
of Ephesians 4:1,2,15 (to be read). Our objective is to study
the aer ofd peacemeaking by means of care-fronting.
I. What is Care-Fronting?
A. Balancing love and power.
There
are two different words that we put together here: one is a good
or positive word--caring and the other word could be a bad
or negative word--confronting! It is confusing if not impossible
for many people to keep these words together. According
to many opinions, we cannot help but to keep these words distinct
and separate. And so they say, "There is a time for caring but there
is a time for confronting." How does this philosophy
work? Well, when a person is angry, he confronts and when
everything agrees to his personal taste, he cares. the general picture
of keeping caring and confronting distinct is you can't
or shouldn't care when you're angry and you shouldn't confront when everything
agrees to your taste. This is a very life-threatening, security-shaking,
soul endangering philosophy.
Care fronting is a good idea as
well as God's idea. It balances love and power. When our higher
concern is relationship, all we'll do is caring and never confronting.
But when our higher concern is goals or accomplishments, all
we'll do is confronting and never caring. The only solution is to
keep concern for relationship balance with concern for goals.
When we do this, we can have something to stand for (goals)
as well as someone to stand with (relationship) without sacrificing one
for the other.
B. Restoring a sinning brother or sister
With all
our heart, we believe that the Holy Spirit is indwelling in our lives in
order to strengthen our inner being that we may do what pleases
God. This is called sanctification. Unlike justification
which happens one time, sanctification is a process. Along that process
of being Christlike, we found ourselves drifting and missing
the mark once again. When this happens, we need to be restored.
Words like
excommunication, church discipline, and phrase "treat him as a Gentile"
have brought so much pain and wild reactions because these
words carry the idea of abandoning and totally disregarding one sould.
But please understand that this is not the goal of carefronting.
Its goal is to help our brothers be restored to loving relationship
tot he Lord.
II. Why is Care-fronting important and difficult?
A. Why is it important?
There are least four (4) reasons why the church as a body should actively pursue carefronting.
1. Carefronting authenticates
our high view of the Scriptures as the inspired Word of God. One
problem with many churches today especially in their teaching is their
being too much careful with the topics that will transpire
in the pulpit. In my opinion, it is an act of irresponsibility when
a preacher/teacher does not present the whole counsel
of God. II Timothy 3:16 speaks the manner
by which the Scripture is profitable: teaching, correcting, rebuking,
and equipping.
2. Carefronting validates
our confession that Jesus Christ is Lord. Luke 6:46 is rebuking our
self-centeredness. Our Lord Jesus Christ asks, "Why do you call me
Lord and obey not my commandments." When we realize
that we need to be carefronted, we don't resist because we
want to submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
3. Carefronting demonstrates our genuine concern for the growth and spiritual maturity of all Christian believers.
4. Carefronting strengthens our desire to win more people to the kingdom of God and bring glory to His Name. Look at what had happened when Ananias and Sapphira were rebuked of their insincerity. In Acts 5:14, it says the church grew in number.
B. Why is it difficult?
1. Christians feel that they
will lose people they like or they may cause others to stumble if they
carefront the fallenness of many believers.
•Honestly, aren't we losing also when sin is not dealt?
2. Christians don't
want to be self-righteous. "Who am I that I should judge or carefront
my brother or sister when I myself am a sinner, too.
•Matthew 7, the command not to judge, is not prohibiting us unqualifiedly
to go to our erring brother. What it forbids
is to go to your erring brother with an attitude of he's-a-
sinner-I'm perfect, you know! Most of the time, this hesitation to
carefront does not come from genuine humility but
from a refusal to deal with one's own sin.
3. Christians feel that
it is un-Filipino to confront! We are told to pass the tradition
on to the younger generation, values we have learned
from our forefathers like nakakahiya (shameful), utang
na loob (lack of gratitude), pakikisama (smooth interpersonal relationship,
bahala Na (let God deal with the problem). Considering
these values, many Filipino Christians don't carefront.
•Are we saying that culture
is above the Scripture and so let's protect the culture even if it
would mean compromising the eternal truth of God?
4. Christians are not
confident that they understood what the Scriptures teach about carefronting.
I think this is a legitimate concern.
•However, after we have been
trhough this series, this alibi or excuse would have no
weight at all!
III. How does Carefronting work?
A. Five options
1. My Way (1/9 means very little concern for relationship but high concern for goals; giving `almost no affirmation but giving 9 on the scale of 10 to assertiveness. The underlying philosophy is "I win you lose because I'm right you're wrong." One uses all power and little or no love. God is above relationships.
2. No Way (1/1 means a person has a very little concern on both relationships and goals--kind of irresponsible). People under this level believe conflicts are hopeless and people cannot be changed. Conflicts are being avoided at all costs.
3. Your Way (9/1 means a person has a very high concern on relationship but little concern for goals). People here say, "I'll yield to be nice since I need your friendship." They act like a doormat. Looks frustrated but smiling, generous on the outside, more tense and muscle tightness on the inside.
4. Halfway (5/5 means "I have
only half the truth and I need your half truth." This is also
popularly called compromise.
Things here are decided on the basis of thoughtful and careful
consensus.
5. Our Way (9/9 means "I want relationship and I also want honest integrity." People in this group are working through differences by giving clear messages of "I care" and "I want." People in this category are using simple and straight to the point carefronting words like, "I care about our relationship and so I want to hear your side. . ."
B. Starting point.
Your starting point could be a bit flexible but not the long term goal. When one comes on all "I win, you lose, " it may be appropriate to respond with "I'll give in for good relationship" until the immediate storm is past. But make sure that you move to carefronting which is God's will.
Conclusion:
This is surely not a popular topic but if we really want to obey the whole counsel of God, we will give a deep thought and practice carefronting. The church is suffering too much because we fail to carefront! Aren't we going to do something?
