Introduction:

      One late evening, my wife and I were listening to DZAS, a Christian radio station.  We found it interesting to listen to Hotline, a Christian counseling time, because we can identify some of our struggles with the struggles of those who phone in.  That evening I remember a very disappointed husband poured out his frustration to the counselor.  His problem was his wife and kids left him.  They went to the province to her parents.  The counselor then asked him what could have been the reason of that decision. The man said that he didn’t know any problem in their relationship.  He said that he goes to work everyday and he comes home hearing no complain at all from his wife.  He gives his salary to her faithfully and he makes sure that he meets all needs.  The man said that when he went to his wife’s province to see her and the kids, that’s where he heard all the heartaches and troubles that her wife was keeping to herself.  The problem was she didn’t learn to be tough.  Consequently, the relationship died.  I just realize that sometimes nagging is sometimes healthy to the relationship because by nagging, you hear the complains of your spouse.  We must instead be very careful when our spouse is not saying anything against us.  The consequences may not be that good in the end.  Last week, we were challenged to be tenderhearted.  Today, we will be admonished to learn to be tough. We have misconception as Christians that it is unnatural, frightening, and even ungodly to be tough.  We say that we are only told to be kind and compassionate as Christ is kind and compassionate to us.  Everything we remember at the cross is the love of God.  We forget the other nature of God which is holiness.  His holiness demands that sin must be punished.  That is why Christ suffered and died for our sin.  Christ satisfied the wrath of God towards sin which is the natural reaction of God’s holiness.  By Christ’s death on the cross, God demonstrated his justice, so as to be “just and the one who justifies the man who has faith in Jesus.” (Romans 3:26).  We say, then, that God wants us to be tender but He desires His people to be tough, also.  Looking back at the cross, I think, we have a perfect illustration of both tender love and tough love.
 What is at stake when Christians do not learn to be tough?  Why should we practice tough love?

  I.  Truth-telling is important to God.  (4:8-10)

      God is truth.  We know that God does not lie. Even half-truth is against His nature.  Perfect truth is what God requires.  And so it wrong to say to say to your spouse that nothing is wrong when really something is wrong.  Of course, there is always the right way, the right words, and the right manner to say the things we feel and think.  But we must speak up the truth in the nicest manner with the nicest words to accompany it.  God is honored when we tell the truth.  Let’s never forget that the silent killer of any relationship is silence.  How many relationships are now breaking and even destroyed because we decided to withhold the truth that we know; because we refuse to deal with the problem.  Keeping yourself silent when you are supposed to be tough is a bad choice.  Why? Because the peace that you are hoping to experience will never remain to be peace.  It will get harder and harder to keep.  Then you will feel disappointed. As disappointments continue, you will then feel the anger.  When anger within your inner self is not solved, it will result to bitterness.  Unfortunately, the last stage is hatred.  This is when relationship is dead and sometimes irreversible.  Do we realize what suffers when we are not practicing tough love?  Relationship is dying before we know that is when everything looks very peaceful yet on the surface.
 We have an example from the Scripture of  one who is so bold enough to tell the truth even when it hurts.  The Apostle Paul is giving us a hint that it is never wrong to practice and demonstrate tough love.  Galatians 4:8-10 gives us a background about Paul’s irritation.  In verse 9, Paul was asking a straightforward question.  “Why do you want to become their slaves again.  In Galatians 4:16, it says, “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?   The Apostle Paul told them his real feeling.  If he did not, his relationship with them could have not last. He did teach the Ephesians what He had practiced with the Galatians.  In Ephesians 4:25, he said, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Believing that God is truth, we will not lie but rather we’ll choose to tell the truth. We will then trust God for the results because we know we honor Him by telling the truth.

II.  Other person’s well-being is important to God. (4:11, 17-18)

      The Apostle Paul was a very thoughtful spiritual father; he knew how to balance truth-telling with love.  In verse 11, it says, “I am worried about you!. . .”  A little while ago, he was spanking.  This time he’s embracing them.  This is why sometimes we are not being understood by our children.  We spank them.  We ground them.  Then, we embrace them.  Truth is important to us.  But truth has its rightful intention.  One of its rightful intention is  other person’s well-being. We live in a sin-infected world.  We can hardly last a day without seeing someone going through different troubles and difficulties.  They are people who are precious to God yet they are like “sheep wandering around and going to the direction they should not go.”  We see people entangled with sin.  We have loved ones who are addicted to vices.  We know of  someone who destroys his life and yet we remain silent because we do not understand tough love.  The sad thing is they are people we love.  We are hesitated to do some actions because we say it’s their life.  “Let each one run his own life,” we say.  If we simply chew our nails whenever someone is living in sin , we don’t understand tough love.  Tough love is action for the well-being of the beloved, of someone we care about.  We need people, friends, church leaders and members who will be willing to take the risk of leaving the comfort level of their relationships for the sake of truth and the well-being of the people they love and care for.  Tough people are often evaded.  But the pain of being snobbed or evaded is immaterial to the results that it will bring once we succeeded.
 We can never underestimate Paul’s motive when he was rebuking the Galatians because they were abandoning their liberty in Christ--they were turning from grace to Law.  Once again they were adopting the Old Testament system of religion with its special observations of “days,  month, seasons, and years.” Paul was saying that there was nothing wrong with celebrating special days as long as it is not used as a yardstick to tell whether a person is going to heaven or not. Those were the spanking.  But listen once again to the rightful intention of those rebuke.  Let’s read verses 17-19.  Verse 19 says, “My dear children! Once again, just like a mother in childbirth, I feel the same kind of pain for you until Christ’s nature is formed in you.”  Tough love has one rightful intention.  It is never to destroy anyone’s integrity.  It is for his own well-being.

III. Peacemaking or relationship is important to God

 Whether we are conscious or not, some of our relationships have already died and even buried down.  We see people’s  faces and what they wear.  We even smell the perfume they use BUT the relationship has been dead for quite a while.  How did we know?  Conversations are very shallow.  We are very careful and thoughtful of what we’re going to talk about.  Conversation is purely business level.  The reason is relationship is dead.  Little, brief, formal smile is what it all takes to this kind of relationship.  When they accomplish such an insurmountable little, brief, and formal smile, they are convinced they communicated.  They are wrong because relationship is dead.  What does it take to kill a relationship?  Never ever say what you truly and honestly feel and think in the most positive way and approach you know.  If you ever plan to say your true and honest feeling, wait until you hate the person.  Surely, you’ll soon have a dead relationship. The Apostle Paul hit the bottom in Galatians 4:20, Paul was saying, “How I wish I were with you now, so that I could take a different attitude toward you.  I am so worried about you.”  (TEV).  NIV used the word “tone”.  The Apostle Paul was communicating a sincere statement of sincere commitment to the relationship.  Paul seems to be saying, “Hey, I’m saying all these things to you not to hurt you or to destroy our relationship or even to kill it. Peacemaking is important to God and it is to me.”   Paul ‘s goal was a genuine,  true,  and honest relationship and that could not be done without him telling the truth and being concern for their welfare.  If you’re going to confront your spouse, tell him or her first that your marriage is the most important human relationship in the whole world and you want it to be better.  Right after you have assured your spouse about that, then make a careful nonaccusatory explanation of the issue as you see it.”

Conclusion:

      Tough love!  It is important because truth telling is important to God.  The well-being of others is important to God.  Peacemaking is important to God.  Quotation:
 Peace at any price is a form of deception from the pit of hell.  When you know you need to tell the truth, the evil one whispers in your ear, “Don’t  do it.  He won’t listen.  She won’t take it.  It will blow up in your face.  It will cause too much hurt.  It will only make things worse.  It’s not worth it.”  If you believe those lies, there is a high probability that you will kill your relationship sooner or later.
 Do you believe that the well-being of others is important to God, that you are your brother’s keeper?  Do you believe that relationship or peacemaking  is important to God? Then I urge you to tell the truth.  If you did, you’re a practicing tough lover.
 
 
back to sermons index