This page is about how to please you and your guy without having sex. If your in any way offended by this material please click the back button on your browser or click here to return to the main page.

GIVING GOOD HEAD

I regard oral sex as the highest form of expression of love that can be exchanged between two people. There is nothing that you can do which more clearly shows your love for him than the worship you can provide to his cock!

Basic Penis

LOOK at his cock. I do not mean a glance, take his cock in your hand and look at it like you are worshipping his cock. When you first start to touch him, his cock will become hard and be in a state where you can really examine it. The first thing you will notice is if he is circumcised or not. Next take a close look at the shaft of the penis itself. There is a bulbous part of the organ near the outer end, slightly larger in diameter than the shaft, usually called the head. This is the glans penis. The outside perimeter of the glans penis is the corona, which joins the head to the shaft. This is the most sensitive spot on the penis. It is toward this ridge that you will direct most of your attention when you are giving head. Follow this ridge around to the underside of the penis. I like to call it the underbelly and I am very fond of the underbelly! You will notice where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is easily the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and it is possible to bring your partner to climax simply by gently tapping the tip of your tongue directly on it. Spend time caressing the glans and those areas immediately surrounding it. Beneath the glans is the shaft of the penis. The shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans penis itself. It always amazes me to note the number of confirmed cocksuckers who believe that sucking up and down on the shaft will get the guy off. That's not it folks! If it works it is because the back of your throat is playing tricks on his glans penis. Your throat is giving head to his head! Now lets go back to the shaft of the matter. The opening in the tip of the glans penis is the meatus. Here is where the cum spurts. I could have said semen is ejaculated but I did not want to sound too professional. Beneath the shaft are the testicles (balls, jewels, call them what you like, but let's not ignore their significance). The testicles are extremely sensitive to pain and are not usually considered subject to erotic stimulation to any particular degree. Not true! You can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the balls! Such as sucking them in your mouth – one or two at a time. So look at his penis. Study it. Learn his areas of special sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over his cock.

Pleasure Areas

Skill is required to suck your man's cock and provide him with the highest degree of pleasure possible. While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his balls in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you suck along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them. Unless he is made of stone, your partner will provide you with vivid clues as to which areas are most pleasurable. As you discover these areas of enhanced pleasure concentrate on them. For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring (or corona) of the head and the foreskin are attached. Or were attached prior to his circumcision. By continued licking and tapping along this area with your tongue you are going to bring forth a geyser. If you are not skilled and you want to please him in a hurry I suggest that you get him off in this manner in order to become familiar at first hand with the nature and delight of his climax.

Climax

As he is getting ready for climax you will note changes in his penis. These signs will be the same every time he climaxes so you can prepare for his cum properly. The head of the cock may swell somewhat larger then it is during normal erection. He may thrust his hips forward hurtling out his cock with his cum. Usually, just prior to the cum, a clear drop or two of fluid will appear at the tiny, lovely lips at the tip of the cock. When you see this or feel the opening at the meateus through his condom you know that the moment of truth is at hand. Launch the torpedoes, full cum ahead!

Techniques

The best position is by kneeling between his legs and approaching his cock from the bottom rather than from the side or the top. Try the various positions I describe later and see what works best for you and your partner.

Mouth Circle

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion. Watch your teeth on this one. A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner. When the technique is performed correctly it means many hours of unadulterated pleasure.

Lollipop

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front of him lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is better to do this technique several times in a row - like licking a lollipop

Cocksucking (These techniques are the basis of cocksucking.)

Slide his cock into your mouth but not deeply by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft at the point just behind the corona. Encase the shaft of his penis with your hand. Now you have several options. Try twisting your head from side to side making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge. While doing this gently move your hand up and down the shaft. When he climaxes he may want to push your head further down the shaft of his penis. He wants to envelop you with his cock. As you are learning his climax you will miss the fine points if you deep throat at this time. Instead gently suck around the corona as he climaxes so that you can intensify his pleasure and increase the force of his orgasm. As you gain more experience you will be able to tell exactly when his climax is approaching and you will be ready for that initial spurt. Refine this basic technique and heighten his orgasm by placing your thumb at the very base of the penis in such a way as to block the tube through which the cum spurts. The semen cannot escape even though he is spasming and going through the reflex action of ejaculating semen. If at the same time you suck vigorously on the head of his cock you can delay his cum for several long moments. When you finally allow the cum to spurt it will last much longer and be just as intense as a result. Even though you delay the cum for only a few short moments you will be surprised by the intensity of his cum.

His Balls

Here are two objects that can enhance your partner's feelings more than any other. Begin by gently licking his balls with your tongue and caress his cock with your hand while you are bathing his balls with your tongue. Thoroughly wet them with your tongue prior to taking them into your mouth. By giving the balls a complete tongue bath prior to taking them into your mouth, you will have pressed these hairs down along the surface of the sac and will not inadvertently cause pain by pulling on them. Try stroking his perineum, the area between his balls and anus. Some men like to have their prostate massaged during oral sex as well. This is accomplished by placing your finger up his ass.

Quickie Blow Job

Place your lips around the head of your partner's cock and twirl your lips wetly and gently around the coronal ridge at the back of the head of his penis. This does not require any great cocksucking skill and it works simply because this is the area that is most sensitive on his cock. It is not necessary to be a skillful cocksucker. All that is necessary is for you to find the most sensitive area around the coronal area. By sucking on this area of his cock continuously you will produce a quick powerful cum. It is not necessary to bob your head up and down on his cock to get him off.

Sixty Nine

69 is not always the perfect way to provide your partner oral satisfaction. Inadvertently, one of you will "let up" your end in order to experience the subtle pleasures the other partner is giving you. Actually I believe that sixty-nine is the ultimate pleasure. Done correctly and unselfishly when both of you are completely in tune with each others’ innermost desires, the sixty nine is the ultimate.

Deep Throat

One of the first things you encountered when you first started to suck cock was a gag reflex. Most men seem to want to force their cocks down your throat as far as they can get it. Particularly at the moment when they cum! The biggest obstacle to taking all of his cock down your throat is the fact that there is a bend of almost ninety degrees behind your tongue leading down into your throat. So the first thing to do is get the cock past that angle. Get past the angle of the dangle! In order to practice this, get in a position where you can turn your head in such a way that your mouth and throat lie almost in a straight line. The best position to accomplish this is to lie on a bed so that your head is near the edge with your body sprawled across the bed so that your head is tipped sharply back. This position will put your mouth and throat nearly in a line and will allow your partner to approach you in such a way that insertion of his cock can be made so deeply that his pubic hair presses against your lips. The natural tendency of the body is to gag when a deeply thrusting cock is being forced down your throat. You can overcome this tendency by completely relaxing your throat at moment the insertion is made. It is equally important that you maintain this relaxation during the entire deep throating. Let him put his cock down your throat and hold it still while you find the most comfortable way to proceed. Because of your tongue, do it!

How to give and receive erotic massage.

It discusses how to help your partner relax, and discusses how to help your partner experience extended or multiple orgasms as part of your massage. A common arrangement is for one partner to receive a massage first, and then to give a massage, but of course how you choose to arrange this is up to you and your partner.

It's best to perform erotic massage while your partner is lying on a massage table of some kind. After preparing the space, you can start with a sensual and relaxing general massage before shifting the focus to your partner's sex centers. The idea is to bring your partner to the highest possible arousal level, and keep your partner there for as long as he or she wishes. For men, this is best done through communication which allows stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation becomes inevitable; stimulation continues in a few moments, after the urgency fades. For women, this is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended period of time.

This style of erotic massage works equally as well for same-sex as for opposite-sex partners. Additionally, as having someone pleasure you with their hands doesn't tend to bring up the same set of cultural fears and judgments that oral sex or intercourse sometimes do, this style sometimes works well even between people who are just friends, and even when your partner isn't of a gender you are normally attracted to. Finally, please be aware that you don't need a partner to experience sexual pleasure; masturbation works just fine.

Set and Setting

Taking the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for erotic massage shows that you care about your partner and value sexual pleasure. Start by turning off the phones. You may wish to put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where one would be comfortable lying down naked. Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy reach. If your massage table is adjustable, adjust it so when you stand next to the table with your arms at your sides and fists closed, your knuckles just brush the top of the table. Cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet over this blanket; let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape over the sides of the table so that they may be brought up to cover the receiving partner (keeping him or her warm) after the massage is finished. Pieces of (possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking out any unwanted light for your partner. It's a good idea to have extra pillows, bath towels, sheets, and blankets on hand.

Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first massage with your partner you might want to ask if he or she would like any of these things. To assist in your partner's comfort you may wish to clip your fingernails before performing your massage. And finally, it's a good idea for both of you to use the bathroom before beginning.

Lubrication

One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing. One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections. For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or grapeseed) from the supermarket. Lubricatants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to keep them handy.

It's very convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for lubes and oils, and one of those massage oil "belts" that massage supply shops sell. Since many of these belts have two pockets, you could use one for lube and the other for massage oil. Be sure lubes and oils are warm before putting them on someone; if you wish you can run hot tap water over your flip-top bottles for a few minutes before using them, and it's also a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them (so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm the lubricants if necessary). One final word of advice: please be sure any water-based lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9 is unlikely to help but is very likely to irritate.

Good Communication

During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure. Requests to go to the bathroom, for touch to be harder or lighter, to take a break or stop, for the heat to be turned up, etc., are all signs that levels of communication and trust are high. They are also signs that the receiving partner is paying attention to his or her feelings, which is a key to experiencing greater and greater pleasure.

Some people find that sex and/or pleasure can bring up difficult emotional issues for them. If this is a possibility, then it's best if there are good levels of trust and communication between both partners. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it's usually best to just be there for that person and reassure them that it's OK to cry (possibly while holding them) rather than trying to rationally discuss what is going on or engage in problem-solving. Asking them what they need rather than assuming too much is also good policy.

I hope it goes without saying that you both should be in agreement that your relationship includes the possibility of sexual intimacy before going ahead with an erotic massage. Situations where the giving partner tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time, but the receiving partner was expecting or wanting only relaxation massage or doesn't feel your friendship should include sex, can be uncomfortable and embarassing at the least. It's worth it to somehow bring this topic up beforehand with a new partner, even if you have to blush a little when telling him or her what you think it would be fun to do with them.

Relaxing Your Partner's Body

Start by connecting with your partner. There may be specific ways you and your partner prefer to do this. If not, try kind words, soft gazing into each other's eyes, synchronized breathing, and/or caressing each others' faces or hands.

When both of you are ready, have your partner lie face down, naked, on the massage table. Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage on the back, legs, and feet. Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones. When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.

After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs. It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals, teasing them. This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.

Especially if this is your first time with this parter, it's a good idea to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals, and ask your partner's permission to go further. "May I?" is a nice way of putting it (and by the way, it's perfectly OK for the receiving partner to respond, "In a few minutes..."). The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations. One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage (culminating in the type of erotic massage described in the next section).

Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers (Male)

Introduction

The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down, stop, or change what you are doing before ejaculation becomes inevitable; doing so allows pleasuring to continue. The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before ejaculation become unavoidable. Verbal cues, raising a hand, or pulling away slightly all work well. This repeated "peaking" process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating, and can be practiced during solo masturbation. Although delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish the massage with one. Ejaculation does provide a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or to do a good job massaging their partners; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first.

In general, it's helpful to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires), complements, attention, eye contact, and conscious breathing. Humming, as if one were experiencing a light form of pleasure, also encourages his arousal. Letting your partner know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively involved and actively enjoying his pleasure can be a powerful aphrodisiac for him.

As an aside, it should be noted that a nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the penis is soft.

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals. Unless they indicate otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and consistent stroking will feel best. I'm going to present a few favorite strokes below, but you can make up your own, refer to Appendix A, or examine the resources in this guide's "Learning More" section to learn dozens of additional strokes. One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes, and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.

"Healing Stroke" - With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis all the way to the tip. (Body Electric School handout)

"Anvil Stroke" - Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating an alternating motion. (internet Alt.Sex FAQ)

"Climbing the Mountain" - Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes), and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing, then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches inevitability. (SM 101, 2nd Ed.)

Cocooning

It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring should continue all the way through ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop. At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment together.

Using the "Extra Hand"

Some male genital massage strokes require only one hand. Here are some suggestions for things you can do with the "extra hand":

Massage the legs or chest.
Tease the nipples or other erogenous zones (note: "connections" can be made between erotic arousal and almost any
part of the body, by linking stimulation of the genitals with stimulation of this area).
Rub the perineum, possibly with an oiled fist or several fingers. For some men, this may stimulate the prostate gland.
Wrap an index finger and thumb around the penis between the balls and the body. Contract slightly to form a living cock
ring. Alternatively, this can be done between the balls and the shaft, rather than between the balls and the body.
Gently tug on the hairs covering the testicles.
Cup or tickle the testicles.

Selected and Paraphrased from a Body Electric for Men Handout

COCKUPRESSURE
With one hand pull the shaft's skin toward the base and wrap the fingers of this hand around the base to act as a living cock ring. Using the other hand, rhythmically pick various points along the shaft of the penis and squeeze opposite sides of the penile shaft at these points, releasing pressure either immediately or after only a brief period of time.

FIRE
Rub the penis between both palms, as if rubbing two sticks together to create fire. Be sure to use plenty of oil.

HAIRY PALM SUNDAY
Hold the penis in one hand with the head sticking up. Using the well-oiled palm of your other hand, slowly and sensitively massage the head of the penis. Reverse directions every once in a while.

HEALING STROKE
With the penis resting on the belly, the hand closest to the feet cups the balls. The heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of the penis.

TWIST AND SHOUT
Pull the skin of the penis tow.