Yup, it’s the ‘Hanson Concert Hazard List.’ As ridiculous as you may think it is, it’s very vital if you’re gonna brave a Hanson Concert in the near future. It’s not exactly a safe Saturday trip to the zoo… here’s a list of hazards that you should be aware of:
1.) Bring Earplugs. I know I know, you’re all groaning cuz you don’t wanna stuff a 1 ounce object into yer pocket, cuz it’ll make your pockets look bulky, and “ughhh, it’s sooooo heavy to carrryyyy!!!” But believe me, when you find your ears ringing at 150 decibles towards the end of the concert, you’ll thank me for having told you to bring yer dear plugs along. (Especially during ‘MMMBop’…. Dear me, that song never fails to bring up the house every single time). 2.) The “ReD gRrL” … (Hahaha, Kristi, I decided that this would be good to put up heehee). Yes, the red girl, nicknamed affectionately by me and Kristi. Kristi had a near death encounter with her a little while back, and let’s say that this girl is NOT the most pleasant person. While Kristi was waitin’ in line, some big girl in a red SUIT, mind you, rammed into poor Kristi and cut right in. It was just like bumpin’ into the big red Kool Aid guy… ‘cept this one wasn’t friendly. (Kristi, if I’m telling the story wrong, come back and fix it fer me later then =P). While Kristi tried to *politely* ask for her place back, the red girl wouldn’t give it up, saying something like finders keepers or whatever. Anyway, later on, it turned out that the dorky red girl was being a real moron, so Kristi stood up n yelled tha nasty at her. She deserved it!!! Now, the moral of this story, dear readers, is to KEEP YER PLACE AND NOT GIVE IT UP FOR THE WORLD! Especially if the girl in the big red suit tries to get in front of you!! trust me... YOU CAN NOT SEE AROUND HER!!!! =) There are lotsa people there desperate for a seat just ONE row closer to the stage than theirs, and they will do ANYTHING to get one. Meaning that that seat might be yours, so please be careful, and don’t let anyone snag yer seat! If they do, don’t worry about the string of four lettered words that might have a tendency to come outta yer mouth…. Psst, they deserve it for having snagged your place from the beginning!! 3.) Beware of your wallets. Yes, I know, you’re thinking, “Who would wanna steal money from a bunch of teens at a Hanson Concert?” The truth is that lotsa people bring tonsa money, sometimes in the hundreds of dollars, to buy Hanson merchandise (which can get kinda pricey). Later, they find out that their wallets, which they had so safely placed in their back pocket, are now gone, having been stolen from sleazy jerks! IF not stolen, then misplaced or dropped somewhere during all the chaos. Please, please, please, don’t bring a lot of money. Or hide them in little places. I’m serious, put a 20 in yer front pocket, another 20 in your back pocket, maybe a 20 up your sleeve. Whatever, you get the idea… 4.) Binoculars. Yes, especially if you have lawn seats, you most certainly do not wanna tell your grand kiddies about the wonderful Hanson Concert you experienced while having to watch 2 centimeter tall guys sing. (Okay okay, maybe Ike would appear to be 3 cm, but Zac would appear to be a good 2 cm flat). Most likely the Venues and Arenas where the concerts are taking place will be renting out Binoculars, so you don’t have to worry that too much. So ifya have crappy seats and wanna be able to enjoy the show... bring 'em. 5.) Sunny Weather. If you’re gonna be one of those people who wait from 8 am till 5 pm for the concert in an Open Aired Venue, you should stock up on sunblock. Or, if you’ve been deprived of time lately, bring along some suntan lotion, here’s your chance to get that mega cool tan you’ve been waiting to get all summer! Besides, it’ll be just like the beach, you’ll have the music, the water (that Ike, Zac, and Tay pour onto you with their super soakers), and the AWESOME view!!! ;) Need we say more? 6.) Rainy Weather. Ahh, yes, if you’re living up north and get rain practically every day of the year, bring along some raingear. If you don’t wanna bring along a raincoat (who wants to be wrapped in squishy plastic?), then bring an umbrella instead…. Hey, you can always use it against the ReD gRrL (sorry, it’s an inside joke, it’s jes really funny heehee)…. For self defense of course… Trust me. hair does not look that great after standing in the rain. =D 7.) Extra Money. Yes I know I just told you guys to be wary of your money up above, but bring along some extra money in case you accidentally get seperated from your friends. The concerts are big noisy places and it’s real easy to lose someone, so bring along some extra money for phone calls, taxi rides back home, whatever. 8.) Pushing. Yes, believe it or not, despite the fact that we live in the modern day world, some people still use violence as a way to get what they want. (Ahem, BIG RED KOOL AID GIRL!!!) People will push you, trample you, elbow you, run you down, kick you, etc etc etc…. BE PREPARED! Also, ifya just gotta pair of new shoes... i advise you don't wear them unless you want them to be trampled. No, I’m not telling you to do 50 pushups a day along with 25 trips up and down the stairs as to get yer abs n biceps goin’. But just be cautious of the many hands and elbows that are gonna be rammed into your face almost the whole duration of the concert. Hey, bring along a bulletproof marshmallow suit if ya think it’ll help… at least you won’t get hurt! You’ll just… uh, bounce…no damage done!! Ahhh, I’m getting corny again. 9.) By the way, this is part of number seven, up above. If someone does push and trample you…. PUSH AND TRAMPLE THEM BACK, ‘CEPT 7 TIMES HARDER!!! ;) And then get outta the way real fast! Oh! and a lot of times it's the overprotective RUDE parents who give ya a hard time! Sickening huh! BUT, if YOU happen to be the one who pushes and tramples them first, don’t be surprised if you get a big push back, cuz then in that case, YOU deserved it….. 10.) Strangers. I know, I know, I sound like some paranoid mommy, but seriously, there are some pretty freaky people there that hang out with the sleazy pickpocketing jerks. But don’t get me wrong, don’t be afraid to talk and get to know some other cool people from around yer area that are ova there to see Hanson in Concert. One thing’s for sure, you guys already got one thing in common… Hanson. =) 11.) Pissing off the Security Guards. Yes, not just adults but people of every age can only withstand so much tolerance…. So don’t annoy and pester the security guards about wanting to see or meet Hanson backstage. (Don’t worry, I do feel for ya guys… security guards can be so apathetic towards fans If they get really ticked off, they can do the drastic: either kick you outta the concert no questions asked whatsoever, or embarrass you… ahh, what if Hanson are watching? 12.) Big bulky signs the size of Russia. Yes, if you’ve read any of our other sections on our page, you will see how much we absolutely DESPISE those big signs that people stuff in front of yer face just as you were about to get the cOoLeSt shot of Zac on his drums. Yes, I know it can get annoying. If someone does this depriving you of your awesome view of Tay, then *politely* ask him/her to per-leeze put their sign down, at least until the end of that particular number!(Note: this usually does not work. The girls usually swear that Isaac was just reading their sign and they have to leave it up longer incase he really likes it and decides to invite her backstage...lol) For example: “Ahem, could you please put your sign down, at least till the end of this song?” If they absolutely refuse to do so, do NoT yell at them and tear up their sign…. Yet! No, no, give them another chance and ask them ONCE more with a little more tension on yer tongue, somethin’ a little like this: “aHEM! Could you PLEASE put yer UGLY, sorry sign outta my FACE?!?! It’s denying my view of Hanson! Unfortunately all I can see is your big fat &!%#$!!!” At this point, you can put in whatever word you feel obligated to. If they STILL don’t get the message, then yes, now you may grab their sign and stomp on it and do whatever you want with it…. Harsh? I think not, they were the ones who refused to yield to yer rational imploration…. Sorry, their loss. Signs suck. Period. 13.) Lighters. Oh dear, I seriously wonder whether or not, in all the history of rock star concerts, has there ever been a case where a poor innocent soul stood victim to someone else’s lighter? I hope not. Make sure you’re not either!! Despite the ‘uncoolness’ that some people think of a glow stick, it’s still way better than a lighter!! Lemme give you a few evident reasons as to why I think so: --- Concerts are crowded. There are lotsa people with perhaps loose clothing or long hair. We most certainly do not wanna end up having someone’s hair catch on fire. No no, that would be very bad. --- There are little kids there… kids even as young as 4 or 5. If they’re gonna be running around whilst you’re standing there hollering along to ‘MMMBop’ with your lighter two feet above your head and some little kid rams into you from the back…. Well, just use some common sense on this matter. Basically, as much as you wanna impersonate ‘Lady Liberty’ with her little flaring torch, please do that at home and not at a Hanson concert where people can be seriously injured. If you’re not a lighter person, but more of a glow stick person, then please be wary of the many a lighter that could pop up at any given time. Oh yeah, and can use it to whack anyone who tries to push or trample you! (And yes, even in the middle of “I Will Come To You” when yer bawling your eyes out…. Your flood of tears still won’t be able to put off the flames.) Also.... if one of those oh-so-cool signs were to catch on fire.... it could be bad. Although....at least the sign would be gone...
