These are all poems that I wrote about suffering depression.
Wake Up Call
Another day dawns,
Just like yesterday.
I squint my eyes into the light
Then roll over,
My face to the wall.
Why did they build my bedroom
To face east,
So each day dawning
Wakes me from my stupor?
My eyes burn
As I study my wrist.
If I had a knife,
A sharp knife,
I'd embed the tip
At the line
Where palm and wrist meet.
The blood would well up
As the purple and blue
Arteries and veins
Severed.
The knife would slide
To my elbow,
The blood spilling
Red-
Erupting rhythmically
To the excited tempo of my heart,
Slowly fading
As time for me
Ceased.
More blood would flow,
Smoothly spreading
From my arm,
Seeping onto my white bedspread
Until the puddle
Stained my mattress.
If only I had the energy
To find a knife.
****
The Tar Pit
I'm sinking, I'm sinking,
Hell is reaching out to me.
I'm clawing. I'm struggling.
I'm screaming.
Nobody sees me.
I'm sinking.
Hell is calling out to me.
Voices swirl,
I hear my name,
I'm caught in a tar pit.
I'm sinking.
Nobody sees. Faces mock me, Swimming.
I close my eyes;
I hear the devil's roar.
I'm sinking. I'm sinking.
Why do they think
This is just a game?
I'm sinking.
I'm sinking fast.
My time has come.
Hell beckons, Hell's calling.
I can see flames.
I can feel the fire.
My ankles are caught,
There's no escape,
The tar laps at my knees.
I'm sinking.
He's dragging me away.
I'm clawing. I'm struggling.
I'm screaming.
Nobody hears me.
I'm sinking.
I'm sinking.
****
Temptation
Don't buy a revolver
When we marry,
Or one fine day
You'll find me
On a slab of concrete
(Or stainless steel)
In the frozen morgue
Of some anonymous hospital
With a tag
Tied to my toe
And only half a skull.
But you can buy a shotgun.
I promise I'll never
Pull the trigger
With any of my toes.
****
Desolation
She's back where she started,
Back where she's been;
Staring out her window,
Searching for friends.
****
Foggy Daze
A sweet, calm smile rests on my face,
But if you stare into my eyes,
Storm clouds billow and churn,
Tears glaze like rainy day skies.
I haven't seen the sun
Since I don't know when,
A misty gray shroud
Blocks and clouds my vision.
My life's been taken over
By a sadistic grandfather clock.
Time haunts and taunts me,
There's no way to keep up.
But if you ask me how I've been,
Invariably I'll look up and grin;
For what more is there to say
Besides, "Oh, I'm OK."
****
Blue
It should be getting better
Instead, it just gets worse
Soon I will be riding
In the back of a hearse
****
Paxil is a Pink Pill
Depression is not new
To me: the demons settle comfortably
Into my cloudy mind
And brain, gently draping
My shoulders with the burden
Of their chains. They veil
My eyes and dam my ears
And lock my tongue
So I won't complain. They work
From within: rending
Silver linings, freezing
My love, stealing
My smile, hiding
My hope. They sow
Desperation and desolation.
Then, with my inner light,
They cast their shadows
Onto the ground before
Me, until I withdraw
Into dimness and despair
To escape.
They play hide-and-seek
With my thoughts, peek-a-boo
With my soul, and patty-cake
With my heart until
The only way to exorcise
Them is to cut them out
Of my body, butchering
Myself.
But Paxil is a pink
Pill, a good pill, and it
Neutralizes
The hellish light of the demons
Until they flee,
And then I'm left
With only
Me.
Celebration of Love
A Need for Love
World of Love
Poems of Love and Hope
Mission Statement
