Releasing her child side before it burst out on its own was something Jade Griffin had managed to accomplish for the past six months. It was about time, too! She'd been living with it for over three years. Yup. She knew it pretty well now.

It's been a week and five days since last time. Better let her out tonight.

Jade Griffin was surrounded briefly by a dull purply glow as she relinquished her mind and body to the child side and child size.

Her younger self was not in her usual mood, however. The child Jade Griffin sighed and started for the playroom. Playing with the toys today wasn't much fun because she kept wondering, again, where everyone else was. Tali, Junan, Malaai, Quid, White-Beak; even Mosaht was gone. Why was there never anyone around when she wanted to play, or do _anything_? It made her sad. Where _was_ everybody?

Well, no one, except for...'her'. the child side thought as she got her own right-size clothes out of a drawer and dressed. 'She' was the other one. 'She' didn't count. Not really. 'She' was like herself, 'cept a grown-up. Even so, it was better than being _completely_ alone. 'She' never went anywhere. 'She' was always near. The older Jade Griffin, listening to the child side thinking to itself, smiled from within.

With a sigh, the child side left the playroom and headed for the main one. She went to the food shelves and pulled the two bread bins closer so she could pull out a slice of honeybread and drybread. Food in mouth, the child pushed the bins back and went to the drinks, pulled off a strawberry soda and popped the tab easily as she sat in a bunch on the floor.

Drybread wasn't all that good. It's just like its name sounds-- dry. Wish Tali was here. _She_ always made great meals. Not like here. You couldn't really cook here, and the child side didn't know how anyway. Maybe Tali would be here tomorrow, or maybe Reneyl or Malaii. Even bossy Quid would be welcome. Maybe...Maybe they'd come tomorrow night. The child munched on her snack in silence.

The moment was broken quite swiftly. As the child contemplated what games she would play with any rookery siblings that might show up tomorrow, an awful feeling covered everything like a weird scary fog. The child paused in everything when this creeped in but was not prepared for the freezing shock of images, memories, and knowledge that fell and seeped into its recollection like a melting ice cream. This attacked the helpless child and, though the adult side was aware and unaffected by her memories being dumped onto and into the younger conscious, she was just as shocked and helpless.

It did not last more than two seconds. Still, all thoughts were froze in the aftermath of such a download. Soda dropped and all on the floor, bread smashed to crumbs in the other fist, the child was unaware that it stood. The adult Jade Griffin at the back of the mind could only watch on, and wait. Most of what the child side had just absorbed was of a particular event three years ago, when Reneyl had told her of her original clan, and that she was a foundling. And now the child side knew this...

"R-Reneyl?" was the child's pitiful call to no one. Tears rose in her eyes as she glanced up at the large painting of the Canada Mountain Clan, and the one of Tali and Reneyl. Her clan, her family, but not.."Reneyl..."

The child did not fight the tears, nor the urge to go to an 'alone' place. She ran to the entrance, jumped right into the lake below. The chill of the water did not calm her mind as she swam to shore, so her running, and search, continued.

The adult side tried to grab at the child side to hold and steady it. She remembered very well how _she'd_ felt that day. And here it was again. But it wasn't just her this time. The new pain and bitterness and complete aloneness was not actually hers. It was now also the child's.

The child side was not easy to grab or hold on to when it _didn't_ have all these strong emotions flooding about. Now, she found it impossible, and she feared. What would the child side do now that it knew? She tried again for a hold on the mind.

The child responded this time. It stopped the child body from its running and 'pushed' her back. "No, no! Everybody's gone." it cried, falling into misery greatly, talking mostly to itself. "There's nobody here. They're never coming here."

It sat in a slump on a grassy patch amid rocks and sand and bitterbrush and openness. And it surprised her by picking up on her thoughts.

"You're sorry I hafta go through this? _You're_ the one that went away. Now I'll _never_ see 'em again!"

Jade Griffin did the mental equivalent of a double take. It heard me?? It did! But it never hardly ever paid attention to her at the back of the mind. The poor little thing was hurting so bad; its misery her own. But she couldn't do anything about it, and the longer the child sat with this, the fresher her own emotions on the subject became. Yes. She'd left. They'd _lied_ to her; about clan, about the truth. And she knew the deep, deep loneliness the child was just beginning to feel. But she couldn't go back.

"You can." the child said around a sob. It sounded only partially convinced. "Just go back."

No. I _can't_. Not yet. They hurt me, but I hurt them even worse by leaving. I don't know if they've forgiven me yet. I haven't forgiven them, or myself.

Why did it have to remember what she tried every night not to think about? the adult side cried from within, making the child side feel even worse. Though it controlled the body, they both sat in silent misery, alone but together.