by Jade Griffin

5-12-98 to 5-29-98

Another one whistled past, climbing higher and higher until it finally exploded into bright, bright color rivaling the stars of the new night. Blue and purple this time, stretching out like a chrysanthemum. It was so beautiful. She’d never seen anything like it… Wary at first, she’d soared high to investigate but soon settled, drawn in by the strange beauty. She could not keep away.

Humans were setting off the little harmless rockets. And from all the applause and pleased sounds she’d heard from her spot atop the house, along with the foods and decorations below, Jade Griffin quickly decided that this was all for some kind of celebration or party. Celebrating summer maybe? No. They kept waving little flags around. The flag of the United States of America. Another human holiday perhaps? What could this one be for?

The dark green gargoyle almost voiced her disappointment. They’d stopped exploding the things. And they were returning to the house. Jade Griffin pressed herself even farther against the moss-covered shingles of the roof, her very visible white wings pinned as close to her body as she could get them. Though it was a two-story farmhouse, she knew she could still be seen, and wasn’t going to take any more chances. When they’d all gone inside, she left.

She’d spotted the colorful explosions from her home when she’d awakened and gone outside to patrol. Now, she could see more plumes of brightness lighting the night! Over to the left, far out, and there, to the right! Excited at the prospect of getting to watch more, the dark green gargoyle veered toward the closest exploding color.

Do they celebrate all night? she wondered, watching yet another group of humans setting off the explosions. She was almost in the city now, perched on the roof of a watchtower next to a football field.

Loud bangs from below startled her but she saw only an adult human and some kids. Jumping off to glide down to the ground, the gargoyle crept up to look around the end of the solid fencing. She was pretty close. The group stood about thirty feet away. And the man lit the end of a string of things, told all to stand back, and the things were tossed down to blow up! When he had no more strings, he pulled out another little something from a pocket, set it on the cement, and watched (as all were watching) as it whirled and bloomed into pretty rosettes of light. The children’s delighted laughter made her smile, too. How beautiful! Next, the man gave each child a little stick. He lit one and the tip burst into bright white continuous sparks! The other children came closer with their sticks and touched the lit one. Theirs, too, sputtered and sparkled brightly with the light. It looked like magic but Jade Griffin suspected it was a chemical trick. That was the only magic all humans used.

The dark green gargoyle sighed, smiling as she watched the children dance about with their sparkle-sticks. She never had anything like those but the children’s play reminded her of some of the games she and her rookery siblings played. Like the time Red found the old armory in the inner caves and they’d spent hours going through it, imagining stories around each item…

Jade Griffin paused, beginning to feel her child side stirring. It wasn’t too unusual for her to feel it ‘moving about in the back of the brain but what was unusual was that it had released itself only two nights ago. It shouldn’t be active at all so soon. But there it was, very aware now, and interested in the goings-on she saw.

The children started running around, chasing each other and waving their sparkle-sticks in the air, smiling and laughing. All at once, the child side rose up, pushing to the front and startling/surprising the adult side. She tried to hold it back but it was very set on coming out.

No! Not now! Not on the ground and in the city! The adult Jade Griffin fought to keep it down. There were humans everywhere! She couldn’t let it out!

Her fighting did no good. The child side pushed through her and took control; the body glowing a dull purple briefly as it reverted to the six-year-old size.

Adult side pushed to the back of the brain, the child side eased around the end of the solid fence to watch what had caught her attention. There were kids here! Human children but still kids. She wished she could play with them. She got real lonely at times. Anybody to play with, or be with, would be welcome. Maybe… maybe, just this once, she could go and talk to them, and then she could play with them and those little sticks of light. Something screamed at her from deep within not to do it! She sighed. She wasn’t going to. It was just an imagining.

But when she looked at the children again, they’d stopped dancing about. Sparkle-sticks forgotten in-hand, two of the children were staring at her. A third took notice as one pointed and also stared, wide-eyed, at the little gargoyle.

She was seen!

"Dad!" one of the children called to the closest adult but the six-year-old Jade Griffin had already bolted off on all fours, away from the fence and the humans. She ran into a patch of tall grass which led to a ditch. Where was she? Why didn’t she ever know where she was anymore? Where was home? The little gargoyle looked down both directions of the ditch. Which way? Did it matter?

Voices could be heard coming closer. No time! She picked one direction and ran by all fours along the muddy ditch. If there was a pipe, she went through that. If there was water, she splashed through it. If there was a strange sound, she’d pause and hide until it went away. She did not notice, until one of the pipes was too small to go through, that she’d come closer to the city. She looked up from in the ditch to find another place to hide and saw a car drive by. Ducking quickly until it passed, she eased up cautiously to look about.

She was in a city, with humans! She looked back from whence she came, saw that the ditch curved about. She should backtrack… And from there? Where was the direction of home?

Loud bangs and pops filled the air! It was behind her! She leaped out of the ditch and, when she saw no one about on the road, paused a second to place how far away the bangs were, her heart pounding. Too close. Was it coming closer? She backed away from the ditch. An oncoming vehicle settled her decision. She ran, away from the ditch, and onto a new road.

She didn’t like this. She didn’t like this at all. There were a lot of lights around here, and she could hear voices. The next tree she saw she climbed. It was a big one and led close to a roof. She would be safer here. The child jumped to the roof, trying not to make a lot of noise.

Travelling along the roofs was much better, she decided as she hopped to another. But she couldn’t figure out what the lights were in the sky that kept exploding and disappearing. They scared her. Why was the night doing that? What was going on? What—she stopped dead in her tracks. A movement two roofs down had caught her eye. She saw that it was four humans. How-… How did they get on the roof?! Below the house she stood upon, a car pulled up and parked. More humans got out and entered the house beneath her feet.

What was going on?? Humans slept at night. Why were they all awake?! She turned quickly back to those on the other roof. They didn’t see her. She had to leave, had to find somewhere safe until she could find out how to get home. The little gargoyle took the chance and jumped from the roof to the yard below. She’d seen that beyond this home’s fence was open grass. Little wings slowing her decent, she landed relatively smoothly and ran for the wood fence. A big leap brought her nearly to its top and another push with her feet got her over.

"Hey, what’s that?"

She heard it behind her, and immediately went to all fours to bolt off into open short grass.

The six year old side of Jade Griffin had to stop. She’d run forever through the grass and past sidewalks and couldn’t run anymore. In a little dark corner, she paused to catch her breath and found herself facing a big street with many tall buildings. It was so bright here. The humans had lights up and shining down. And there were all those loud pops here and there! How did she get here? How did she get so far from home? And how could she find home? She was getting scared. What had Reneyl told her about getting lost? Stars… stars told you where you are. She looked up into the night, couldn’t see many stars in the light on the street. She had to move again? Suppressing a whimper, the little gargoyle’s eyes flicked warily about for any humans before taking a leap to begin a long climb up the side of the tall building at her back.

Five stories later, the stars very clear above, the little Jade Griffin looked but did not gain any knowledge from the location of the pinpoints of light. Where… where was the G star? And the moon was in a funny place. And the Triangle. It was straight above! … Wherever she was now… it was very far from the clan mountain.

She ducked quickly, breath held, when more loud bangs were heard below. And then, far off, an eerie wail started up. A machine’s voice? … Maybe… It was approaching quickly! She peered over the edge and saw a big white and red car coming fast up the street, a red light turning on its top. It was making the noise, and coming closer.

Humans had already seen her. Were the ones in the big car sounding an alarm against her? When the vehicle pulled to a free space on the other side of the street and the humans rushed out, that was enough for her. She ran to the farthest edge of the roof and took a huge leap off.

It didn’t take her as far as she’d hoped—to the side of the building next door. She realized too late that her leap left her short. Instinct had her wings trying to correct but one got fouled in her too big clothes. If she hadn’t turned her body around to catch the side of the building with a hand and both feet, she would’ve smacked a lot harder but her one-handed grip wasn’t good enough. She fell, again, a full two stories. The impact left her breathless and flat on her back. When the little dark green gargoyle could breathe again, the gasp was exhaled as a sob. Tears in her eyes, she turned over and got up, looking about. But there was no one there—to chase her, or comfort her.

Where’s Reneyl? Isn’t anybody looking for me? Could they even find me here, wherever I am? the child thought, crying. They have to be looking for me. But how’ll they know where to look? No. I hafta believe they’ll find me. Reneyl’s the best tracker in the clan. He’ll find me. He and Tali and Malvern and White-beak and the others won’t stop looking ‘till they find me. I just hafta find a place to hide.

The child Jade Griffin looked around once more, trying again to find a safe place. She could hear humans talking loudly on the street and the noise from the red and white car started again. She ran and ducked around a darker side of the building. There wasn’t anything threatening here; and the noise was going away. Was this a safe place? Maybe. She sat down anyway. Her legs were beginning to shake and she was exhausted, scared, and hungry, too. The ground was wet beneath her but she didn’t care. She pulled her knees up, wrapped her arms around them, and laid her head upon her arms.

She was falling asleep when footsteps startled her awake. She stood quickly, listening. It was shoes; human shoes from around the corner. One pair. She was ready to jump the chain-link fence at the end of the alley but the feet stopped, a door was opened, then closed, then silence. The little gargoyle walked to the corner and peeked around. All still.

There were so many humans around. Maybe they never slept! And they were everywhere! She mustn’t be seen, but where could she go where they weren’t and still be outside in case Reneyl or Tali or one of the other adults passed by looking for her? A tree? A tall one. But… There weren’t any here. Maybe farther down the street. She checked again to make sure no one was immediately about before running amongst the shadows.

Each block she passed dropped her hope, rose her fear. There were no tall trees in this place. She looked to the sky for the hundredth time but saw no hint of a gargoyle. Would they ever find her here? She was so lost… The rising wind rustled the leaves of a nearby tree, almost mocking her. They were all little trees!

Barking in the distance whipped her head around. A woman yelled and the barking got closer. A dog! A big dog, coming right for her! The child ran. It didn’t matter where, she just ran. Across a street, through a puddle, over a fence. The dog continued to chase her, its leash trailing behind.

Down the block of buildings where she ran, a door opened. The six-year-old Jade Griffin saw it and made for the door all-speed, the large dog on her heels. She pushed hard to open it further as she came through and slammed it shut, the dog left scratching and barking outside. But she wasn’t alone. When she pushed the door open, there’d been someone on the other side. She turned, to see what she must now face, but she already knew.

The human she’d pushed up against the wall with the door just stood there, staring at her in surprise and puzzlement through his glasses.

The little dark green gargoyle couldn’t help but cry. Somebody saw her now and there was gonna be trouble and there were none of the adults to save her and this place smelled like food and… and… What was she gonna do now??

The human, who wasn’t much taller than her, straightened and took a step toward her. "Jade Griffin?"

"How…" She swallowed her sobs to speak but couldn’t stop the tears. "How do you know my name?"

He looked puzzled still. "You don’t know who I am?"

She shook her head, having never seen him before, or any human this small who wasn’t a kid.

He stepped closer. "I’m called the Chocolate Man. I’m a friend."

Chocolate… That’s what this building smelled like. And he smelled like chocolate, too. A lot! Still, he was a human. And… and she didn’t know him… but… Something inside wanted her to trust him, and said yes, he was a friend. She looked at the little man again. "Y-you are?"

He smiled and nodded, then looked her over a bit. "And you look like you could use one. Come with me. I’ll get you cleaned up and dry and you can tell me what happened." He held out a hand.

Slowly, she took it, and he led her up the stairs several flights, giving her time to calm and wipe the tears away.

They went down a short hall and he opened a door. Inside was a little apartment. He left her in the sitting-room a moment while he turned on the bath and went to another room. When he came back, he handed her some clothes.

"These may not fit but they should do until yours are dry." He led her to the bath, turned the water off, and closed the door on his way out.

While the child warmed in the water and washed off her still-muddy hands and feet, the Chocolate Man busied himself in the kitchen as he tried to figure out what exactly had happened to her.

The little gargoyle emerged from the room clean, mostly dry, and clothed in the slightly-big nightclothes. Her tail and wings were uncomfortable inside the clothes but she knew her manners and didn’t say anything. And when she sat at a table where he asked, the little man placed a bowl of soup in front of her and sat across.

"Now, what happened? Isn’t it, um, risky for you to be running around town?" That’s what it had looked like, anyway.

The child picked up the spoon and dipped it in. "I’m lost. I don’t know which direction home is, and nobody’s come to find me, and there are so many humans out…"

"I see." But he didn’t. Instead of asking right away, he let her eat. When the child Jade Griffin had gobbled up most of the soup, he asked, "Can you tell me everything that happened to you tonight?"

She nodded, swallowing a mouthful. "When I first went outside, there were some human kids playing…" And so she told him everything, all the running and chasing and mud and falling, the climbing and noise and fright and dog, the search for a tall tree and hoping that somebody from her clan would see her. And then of running into him. "But I know they must be looking for me. I’ve been gone all night."

The Chocolate Man nodded, his wheels turning. Nothing in her story explained, even hinted, as to why Jade Griffin was currently a child. It was as if the Jade Griffin he knew didn’t exist. Yet. It was all very strange. "I promise to help you find home tomorrow. Okay?" he offered, taking the empty bowl.

"Okay." She turned in the chair, watching him as he washed the bowl in the sink. "Thank you."

The little man smiled big. "You are most welcome. Unfortunately, it’s late and –"

He stopped as the child’s eyes grew round and she hopped off the chair, running to the window. She flipped back the curtains to look out. Dawn was breaking. "The sun is coming! I almost forgot!"

"Yes? Oh…" He realized what she meant. Jade Griffin had mentioned this once.

"Um… Do you know? What happens at sunrise, I mean?" she asked, moving away from the window.

"I believe so. Where would you like to… stay?"

The child glanced about the room. "There?" She pointed to a corner out of the way.

"Be my guest."

She moved to the spot and waited a moment before raising her arms to the air.

"Jade Griffin?" he started, puzzling over something.

"Huh?"

"How did you get to the first place where the children were?"

She stared at him blankly. Her expression melted into a frown of puzzlement. "What do you mean?"

He didn’t get the chance. Before his eyes, the little gargoyle froze as she was; hands raised, head turned, a puzzled look on her face. She turned to stone, just like that. And his clothes remained cloth.

The Chocolate Man came closer for a better view of this marvel but after a yawn, headed for his room and some sleep of his own.

When Jade Griffin awoke with the child’s version of her usual dusk greeting, it was the adult, not the child, in control. It had gone to sleep just like her when the sun rose. But it stayed asleep, like she was expecting it to. Her body, though, …

She was still in the child body. Turning her hands over to look at them confirmed that, plus being so low to the ground. Strange. Now, where were her normal clothes? She didn’t know if being in this form would make the child come out early, again. And she didn’t care to chance it.

When looking about for a sign of her clothes, she spotted the Chocolate Man watching her from his seat at the table.

Jade Griffin stared back. She’d been hoping he wasn’t here. Her child side was a great weakness and not something she wanted others to know about. But it was too late now. And she grudgingly admitted that she did have trouble trusting others with knowledge of herself. So…

"Uh… I guess I have a lot of explaining to do."

"Jade Griffin? The one I know?" he asked, smiling hopefully.

"Yeah. Um… Where’s my clothes?"

"The bathroom." He answered, pointing, but she was already headed in that direction.

The child-bodied Jade Griffin dressed in the bathroom, mentally preparing herself for what was to be a very awkward talk. At least my clothes are dry. she thought to herself. Caked in mud up to her arms and legs, her too-big adult’s clothes soaked, bruised, tired, and hungry, she must have looked the pitiful sight. No sign of the previous night lingered, of course. Still, she reviewed her appearance in the small mirror. Well, guess it’s time. She stepped out of the bathroom and stood before the Chocolate Man in the living room.

"I need to change back now." was all she said before willing her child body away to be replaced by the adult one. After a brief moment where she was surrounded by a dull purply glow, it was done.

The little man stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed from behind his spectacles.

"Sorry about that." the now-adult Jade Griffin said, handing him the ripped garments he’d let the child borrow. Upon awakening, her wings had made tatters of the top, reflexively spreading. "And I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t know it could get out so easily."

"’It’?" He set the torn pajamas aside and looked to be taking everything remarkably well, for a human.

"Yeah. My child side. That’s what I call it anyway." She sighed, taking a seat. "It started about a year and a half ago, when I took a trip to Scotland…"

And so, she explained as simply and undetailed as she could about her child side. The Chocolate Man seemed to think that this was a very neat thing she could do.

"But it isn’t." she countered. "I can’t control it, and it could’ve gotten me in a lot of trouble last night."

"Maybe you should try talking to her. She is you, after all."

Jade Griffin sighed. "It isn’t that easy. It doesn’t usually pay attention to me, and she isn’t me. She’s like… what I was, and I’m what she could be. But it’s more than that. She’s sort of like a ghost, stuck in one mental circle. She exists on a totally different mental plane. She didn’t know you because she doesn’t know you. She just doesn’t know what I know, which is why she got confused about your last question. I don’t know if she dreams when she’s asleep inside my head but she does consider this to be part of home." She pointed to her head.

"How extraordinary! I must say, this is the most unusual two evenings I’ve had in a long time. And whether you believe it or not, this child side is a real gift. You have something no one else in the world has ever experienced. You created a brand new person with just a touch who is always with you and who is like you. It’s like having a younger sister whom you share your thoughts with."

"I don’t know what having a little sister is like." she stated evenly.

"Yes, you do. You’ve been living with it for over a year. Just give it a little time. Such a change is bound to have adjustment periods. And I’m sure you will find an agreement between you. She is another person, Jade Griffin; as you said. And she is also you for the most part."

"I know. It’s just hard to think about it that way. Having two real people living in one brain isn’t far from most schizophrenics."

He chuckled. "Point taken."

"Given the chance, I’d… I’d get rid of it." she stated quietly.

He stared at her in surprise. "You really would?"

She nodded slowly.

"But then you’d really be alone." he pointed out.

Jade Griffin remained silent.

. . . . . . . . . . .

END