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Section of ‘G: "Harvel"

Autobiography of ‘G inspired by dimensionally similar Zitkala Sä

by Jade Griffin

3-15-00 to 3-19-00

I remember the moment I was told, at a relative age of five, that I was one of the Clan’s children selected as tithe for the Coalition. Pride grabbed me, as this was how gargoyles repaid all that Coalition had done for them in the past. This was what had been taught to me. I had no fear of leaving, though I did regret that I would rarely see my Clan again. As a chosen child, I would be sent to a barracks and trained there in all the ways Coalition supported. And so I endeavored to know more closely who else was chosen among my sibling-playmates, so that I would have something to go with me when the time came to go.

This could not be revealed to me. When I asked the nearest elder the reason for such, she informed me of a prime rule in Coalition.

"You can’t know such things." the old one explained calmly. I had asked her because the less-aged gargoyles of the Clan did not always like to hear my questions.

"Why, May-liss?" I tugged at the old one’s sleeve. It did not seem a bad request, though I have learned through my years that my curious nature is not good to me in the Coalition.

She chuckled maternally at my pesterings as I tagged along beside her while she collected small crops in a basket. "I will answer you, only to save you future hurt. Coalition forbids closeness and friendships, little one. It is good to know one’s allies and enemies but loyalty to Coalition is destroyed by friendship and is forbidden. You will be taught this in great amounts."

No friendship or closeness? As I had only a bare understanding of what each was, it became my new goal to define them better in my little head before my new Coalition life began. It was never in my plan to seem unruly or less than obedient. I set out immediately, pondering each word beneath the great Tree our Clan cultured. It was nearly a gargoyle-and-one-half-of tall and produced many baskets of nuts. At the time of my thinking, the earliest ripe were just fallen to the ground and we children were free to collect the fresh treats. As I sat beneath the Tree, several of my sibling-playmates bounded over and tackled me into joining a game before we searched the dusty ground for those first nuts.

Munching happily at the inner meat, shells cracked open with teeth and collected for use later, I suddenly recalled my previous mindset. I swallowed the treat hard as at once I came upon the realization that those around me may be considered ‘friend’. I interacted quite a bit with certain of my brothers and sisters; even sought particular individuals to talk to. Was this the forbidden closeness? Fear of a positive answer assailed me, for I and all knew what Coalition did with disobedients. My hasty withdrawal into the Clan’s domicile was later queried upon by my siblings but I could not answer.

There were twelve of us; four children from a different clan and eight including myself; all gathered to go North to Coalition Complex P. Before beginning the journey, my Clan’s leader came to us eight and spoke solemnly of our duty to Clan and Coalition. We would honor them by doing our very best, honor being very important to a gargoyle clan, and to Coalition. His speech could have been counted on one’s fingers but his strength of words impressed in us to do exactly as he said. Our journey began shortly after when provisions had been dealt to the escorts leading us North.

Of the three escorts, two were humans. All three were males and wore the dress of Coalition soldiers. With my Clan watching, we twelve gargoyle children were led out into the dry open-ness beyond civilized habitation.

I had many times wondered if the much-feared Outsiders who threatened Coalition ways would swoop down to grab me and my rookery-mates. Often I would have my head tilted back and eyes skyward as we walked the half-night journey, careful also not to break out of our single line. I walked second-to-back, with a blue-skinned brother behind me and one of the human soldiers behind him. It was a comfort to be close to this soldier man, as he had a face that did not lock in harshness or disapproval at seeing us. He altogether bore a kind of interest and I saw him several times looking at and over each of us. On our half-way stop, he passed out food and drink and, stopping at me, asked why my head was always pointed at the sky.

"I am watching for the Outsiders." I answered, hushed for fear someone else might hear the word and become alarmed.

The human squatted down beside me and frowned. He said, "There are no Outsiders here. They live much farther away, passed those distant mountains. Their lands are dry and dead, beyond where the grass turns brown and disappears. That is one reason why they provoke attacks on us. They want to steal our food. So eat it all and quickly and you’ll have nothing to fear."

His words impressed frugality upon me and I never forgot them. But it was four more years before I learned that eating fast didn’t keep the Outsiders away.

It was only two hours ‘til dawn when we reached the Coalition Complex which I knew was known as ‘Pee’. The Complex was vast and enclosed by towering walls. We passed through tall, thick gates, all the while looking here and there. I had never been to a Coalition complex, and only infrequently to the human clan closest to mine. Everything was very large and there were many humans and gargoyles all around the open dirt where we walked. They, too, wore Coalition soldier clothes.

Our little group was led into a building. Just inside we stopped and the leading escort talked some strange words to a human soldier inside before we could proceed. I would learn years later that such was common and that I would also need to remember and speak confirmation codes. From there, we were allowed to go through a door. The lead escort stopped and waved us in. We proceeded with little hesitation.

I could hear before seeing that there were other children in this large, well-lit room. Some gargoyles, some human, all the same relative age. Though the room was large, we were asked by a tall, gray-skinned, female gargoyle to come closer and listen well. The large group of children did as she said and I felt the closeness of others pressing on me. I wrapped my hair-tufted tail around one leg to be safe and kept my wings close. I took a quick look about and saw three human children around me. They looked with interest at us young gargoyles in the group, as if rarely they had seen one. I also looked about, for human children were not often seen by us either.

The female soldier called for our attention once more after counting us. She told us that Coalition had many rules and that we must all follow them or Coalition could not exist and we would be over-run with Outsiders. This sufficiently scared us to listen very well. She said that the rules would be taught to us beginning tomorrow and that we would be memorizing the number assignments we’d been given when we were born or hatched. This would be how each of us could be told apart on paper, as we also had a record which began before any of us breathed our first air. The first and main rule she told us that night. Obey any Coalition person above your rank. Our rank being last, that meant everyone, but she told us also that for our first year only those of Senior rank, teaching rank, or Sir rank were allowed to give us commands and any other people attempting to do so were to be pointed out to any of the three previous ranks.

We were given a little tour of another building at Coalition Complex P. This one contained stacks of beds and was for the human children’s sleeping quarters. They remained there to be bedded by two humans and we gargoyles were led to another, smaller room. We did not need beds to sleep and therefore not much room. There were twenty-two of us young gargoyles in the group, I counted as we waited for sunrise and gargoyle sleep. The gray Coalition female stayed with us, to my surprise, and struck a very threatening pose right before the sun caught us all in stone.

In the fourth year of my teaching at Coalition Complex P, I was considered to be the age of seven, as were the other gargoyles in my group. At this age we were given names. The human children with us in my first year were transferred to another group because humans grew faster than gargoyles and keeping them in a group with the same gargoyles would hold back their teachings. This was done every year after that first. Humans, also, were born with names – two of them – so they were not included as my gargoyle group met in a small room.

There inside was a human I had become wary of. He was my troop leader and in charge of this group of gargoyles and humans I was currently included with, but I did not please him. I had hesitated at one of his commands, and in a teaching session I did not pick up the detonating device as he had asked. I was berated for my lack of trust but not punished further because of my young age. There were several such instances against me in my file so far.

It was true that I did not trust him. He watched me more than the others of my troop and his scrutiny unnerved me. At this important naming, I attempted to maintain my eyes forward and posture up and attentive just as the others of my troop were doing, but I could feel his eyes like a dark shadow.

He spoke a short introduction on good behavior from most of his troop. There were some, he said, which had progressed exceptionally well and as a reward would be named first.

He called a number all of us knew well. It belonged to a dark blue male in our troop. The young gargoyle went to the very front so that the troop leader could present this exceptional student his own name.

Being given a name raised our rank just a little higher so that we were near equals to the human students our age. I knew against any wish that I would never have been first. Troop leader had never referred to me as ‘exceptional’, and he would never have called a female first. I do not think he considered male and female to be equal, of strength or importance.

After the nineteenth of our group of twenty-two had received her name, a fright grabbed me. I would get a name, wouldn’t I? The twentieth child was called forward and it was not me. Did he think so bad of me? If I did not get a name, I could never raise my rank… The twenty-first child was called for her name.

Silence chilled the room and every other eyes felt cold and laughing on me. They had known that I was no favorite but to suffer the humiliation of not being called for a name, they knew I was less than each of them.

I turned my eyes to the troop leader and pleaded with silent expression. His condescending gaze never wavered from my face but then he sighed in resolution.

"Oh-seven-three-five-seven-pee." was the number he called and it was mine! I hurried forward.

"It took me a very long time to find you a name, girl." he said, accusing me. "But I believe I’ve found one that fits. Your name has been recorded as insert ‘G’s real name here."

I thanked him as the others had and claimed my place within their group once more, though farther back. I had been called last and my name was long and difficult. It reflected my troop leader’s view of me. But at least I had been given a name. Otherwise would have been much worse.