Danielle Steel shares her son's valiant struggle with manic depressionarticlesRecently, NAMI's executive director Laurie Flynn had the opportunity to talk with internationally bestselling novelist Danielle Steel about her son Nick and the lessons she learned during his courageous battle with manic depression.
Danielle Steel is one of the most prolific authors of the 20th century, with more than 380 million copies of her books in print. A number of Ms. Steel's novels have been adapted for television. "Jewels," a four-hour mini-series, earned two Golden Globe nominations.
In addition to her writing, Ms. Steel has been the National Chairperson for the American Library Association and a spokesperson for the National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse. She recently established the Nick Traina Foundation to benefit mental health, music, child-related causes, and other charitable organizations.
Laurie: "His Bright Light" is a very personal story about a very painful subject, the mental illness and death of a child. What did you hope people would learn by sharing your story?
Danielle: I hoped first of all that people would come to know my son, and learn what an extraordinary person he was. I wrote the book to honour him, and to share with people what a remarkable person he was, in spite of his illness. I also wrote it to share with people the challenges we faced, so that they feel less alone and less isolated with their pain in similar situations. I wrote it to give people hope and strength as they follow a similar path to ours.
Laurie: What did you learn from this painful tragedy?Danielle: I'm not sure yet what I learned from the tragedy, except that one can and must survive. But from his life, I learned a great deal about courage and perseverance, and love.
Laurie: Lots of people in America might be facing signs of a mental illness in one of their children. What about Nick's behavior made you realize that it was more severe than just the normal growing pains of a child?Danielle: Nick was different. Always. His moods were more extreme. I had other children and could see early on that he reacted more severely to everything. I sensed from early on, that despite his many wonderful qualities, there was something very wrong. I knew it in my gut, as I think many parents do.
Laurie: How long did it take for Nick to be diagnosed as manic depressive and receive treatment for that condition?Danielle: Nick was not clearly diagnosed as manic depressive until he was 16, a good 12 years after we began the pursuit of the causes for his 'differences'. He received no medication until he was 15, and did not receive the most effective medications until he was 16. A long and very painful wait for all concerned!
Laurie: Prior to knowing of Nick's manic depression, what did mental illness mean to you? Did you associate stigma with mental illness?Danielle: I don't think I realized, before Nick, that one could still be functional, or seemingly functional, with a mental illness. I thought of it as something totally incapacitating, and of people who were shut away. I don't think I realized how intelligent and capable people with mental illness can still be. I'm not sure I did associate a stigma with mental illness. It just seemed like a sickness, and not necessarily a shameful one. I just thought of Nick as sick, whatever it was called, and wanted him to be cured.
Laurie: How did Nick deal with the knowledge that he had a mental illness?Danielle: For a long time, Nick himself was in denial about his illness. And eventually, he accepted it. In the last year, he told people he was manic depressive. Before that, when he felt 'normal' on medications, he believed he was cured. He had a hard time accepting at first that he would be manic depressive all his life. But he did accept it in the end.
Laurie: How did you help your children understand Nick's mental illness?Danielle: Impulse control was one of Nick's greatest problems. He did, said, acted on whatever came to mind. Medication gave him a little more lag time to make better decisions, but often not enough. He simply did not have the barriers or restraints on him that 'normal' people have. As a result, he was funny, daring, outrageous, enormously affectionate, fearless, and could also do dangerous things without thinking twice.
I explained to the children early on, even those younger than he, that the things we have in our heads that tell us 'oops, that's not a good idea, I'll get hurt, or embarrassed, or in trouble,' Nick just didn't have. So we had to keep an eye on him to make sure that he didn't do something outrageous or foolish or dangerous. Most of the time, the kids found it charming and funny, sometimes it worried or embarrassed them, but most of the time they accepted that that was just the way he was. When in the mood, he would walk down a freeway, oblivious to the traffic, taste people's food in restaurants-but with great charm and aplomb, much to their amazement--or say things that none of us would dare. As a result, he could not drive a car, and could never be left alone. We provided the safeguards and barriers that were not built into Nick.
Laurie: Are schools able to cope with the mental illness of a child?Danielle: In most cases, I don't believe they are. It is a huge challenge for all to meet, and certainly hard on the other kids to have one child acting out. We were very lucky, in Nick's high school years we finally found a wonderful school that understood the problem, accepted him as he was, and were willing to work with him in a framework he could cope with. They were remarkably flexible and creative. But for most schools, it's asking a lot to expect them to adapt to a child with mental illness.
Laurie: What sources of support sustained you through Nick's illness?Danielle: Close friends, loving family, a wonderful psychiatrist, an extraordinary counsellor who worked with Nick daily for the last five years of his life. Faith. Hope. Prayer. Humor. Love. Nick.
Laurie: If you could tell a family member who is caring for someone with mental illness one thing, what would that be?Danielle: Never give up. Get the best help you can. Keep trying, keep loving, keep giving, keep looking for the right answers, and love, love, love, love. Don't listen to the words, just listen to your heart.
Laurie: Stereotyping people with mental illness as violent and dangerous is pervasive in America. How do we change this perception?Danielle: Information. Obviously there must be some people with mental illness who are violent and/or dangerous. But I suspect that most are not. Nick certainly wasn't either of those, he was gentle, loving, smart, funny, compassionate, extremely perceptive about people, and very wise. I cannot conceive of Nick as 'dangerous,' although ultimately he was a danger to himself. But for the most part, I think the turmoils of people with mental illness are directed within and not without. It would help to have them speak up about their condition and their lives and their illness, --and those who know them best.
Laurie: What do you think the average American should know about mental illness?Danielle: I think most people should know how common it is. It amazes me to realize how many people we all know who have some member of their family who has a mental illness. If we all speak up, then everyone comes to realize that they are not alone with their problem. It diminishes or eliminates the shame. I also think people should know how serious it is when it goes untreated. And how potentially lethal it can be. It is vitally important to get good treatment, the right medication, and good support. If you let a bad cold turn into bronchitis and then pneumonia, without medication, it can kill you. If you do not treat serious diabetes, it can kill you. If mental illness goes untreated, it can kill you. People need to know that, so they get the appropriate care.
Laurie: We know that having "hope" is important to battling any disease. What hope do you see for people with mental illness?Danielle: I see a huge amount of hope. The medications today can give people whole, happy, productive lives. There are lots and lots of people with mental illness holding down good jobs, even with important careers, happy family lives, and doing great things. It is possible to lead a good and happy life if you have a mental illness. If those who are doing just that would speak up, it would give great hope to all those who are still groping their way along in the dark.
Laurie: What is Nick's legacy?Danielle: Nick's legacy is the love we had and have for him, the word we have spread of what a terrific person he was. In his lifetime, he touched countless lives, with his warmth, with his mind, with his music, with his words. Through the book, he has reached out to even more people. Through us, his memory lives on. Through his experiences, others have and will learn. Through the Nick Traina Foundation, hopefully we can bring help to others, in his name. His legacy is the love and joy he gave so many before he left.
Laurie: Thank you, Danielle.