Dear Friends,
After your loyalty in reading my books, and the many words we have shared, my years of letters to the fan club, reporting on my work, my life, and my family. . . .and my more recent outreach to you through the Web, I felt I had to write to you. The unthinkable has happened. The call every parent dreads, the moment so terrible you cannot imagine it until it happens to you. Five days ago, I lost my much-loved nineteen-year-old son Nicholas. And I cannot begin to tell you the extent of the grief.
He was a remarkable and talented boy, who touched countless lives, with a ready smile, a sense of mischief that endeared him to all, an unusual compassion and wisdom for a boy his age. We loved him dearly, and I cannot imagine what life will be like without him.
He was born with an enormous IQ, and a host of talents and gifts. But along with the gifts came a burden we did not expect. He suffered from manic-depression for most of his life, and in spite of it, managed to achieve a great deal. He was a talented musician, and had begun to taste the delights of considerable success. He was the lead singer, lyricist, and manager of a rock group that had begun to enjoy some real acclaim recently. He had made several tapes and CD's, some videos, and had travelled extensively on tour.
But the burden of his illness was one with which he wrestled constantly, and for those of you who know of it, it is a fearsome disease. Despite the passionate love of his family, psychiatric assistance, stays in assorted hospitals from time to time, constant supervision, and endless support, his life ended in apparent suicide five days ago, leaving his father, myself, and his eight siblings drowning in grief.
What is most important to me now is that his bright light continues to shine in our hearts, that the many people he touched remember the wonderful young man he was, and that his music live on. I reach out to other people who have suffered a similar loss, with compassion and sympathy. His was a battle he was not destined to win, but he fought a good fight, and fought courageously.
For those of you who have suffered the same fate, and known loss such as this, my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine a greater grief than to lose a child, or anyone you love in fact. The mysteries of life are not easy to understand at times. The blessings hidden in the grief are nearly impossible to see, but I pray that they are there, and that in time we will make our peace with this.
In the meantime, I share my sorrow with you. . . I touch your hands. . . .I welcome your prayers and warm thoughts, and send you mine. God bless you, and my son, and all of us. It is a lesson in strength and peace, which I would happily have done without. But this is our destiny, and I pray that in time, in the spirit of our great love for him, that hope will come again. May your lives be blessed, and the memory of his.
With warmest thoughts,
Danielle Steel