My perfect yet empty life

Hi there all you Scott fans and groupies.  My alias is Vega and I have the
privilege of having my own journal posted on Scott's site.  I'll give you a
little introduction of myself soon, but I just wanted to say that I am not
usually the type of person to share my inner thoughts with a large number
of people, especially people that I don't know (that would be YOU).  But
after reading Scott's journal entries, I was inspired to write my own.  I
figured that if I could get so much from someone else's thoughts and views
on life, then maybe other people would be interested in mine.

Just to give you a little more of an idea of who I am, I am male, 24, and I
have been a friend of Scott's since early high school (that would be about
8 or 9 years ago).  We were never close friends, but friends nevertheless.
I initially knew him as a "friend of a friend", but as I got to know him
better I realized that he was a cool person and was very interesting to
hang out with and talk to (and of course drink with!).  After we graduated
from high school in 1992, I immediately left the hole-in-the-ground called
Grande Prairie and went to the University of Alberta in Edmonton.  I didn't
hear from him for a few years while we went our separate ways, then near
the end of my five years at the U of A I saw him again a few times when he
moved back to Edmonton.  Now that I am living in Calgary, I talk to him
mostly via the Internet, and I think just by chatting and communicating
this way we have become better friends than we have ever been before.  Cool
stuff!

To keep this journal on a topic, I have chosen to write about my "perfect
yet empty life".  What do I mean by that?  Well, in the year since I've
graduated from university I have moved to Calgary, got a great job, paid
off my debts, found a cool downtown apartment, got a good car, etc.  For a
somewhat materialistic person such as myself, being financially secure is,
at least in part, an important factor in determining my happiness with my
life.  It's just human nature -  who do you think is happier - a bum on the
street begging for cigarettes or a working person inside their warm
apartment watching Hockey Night in Canada?

If I was a total materialist, this might be enough to make me happy.  That
would be very sad though and I pity any such person.  The fact is that I
still have a large emptiness inside me.  The reason?  I don't have a
girlfriend and in fact I haven't had a girlfriend for at least 5 or 6 years
(yikes that sounds like a long time).  Some people might say that this
feeling of emptiness and longing for companionship is simply biological - a
claim supported by the fact that I am 24 and in my sexual "prime" (actually
I think males peak at 18, but 24 is close enough).  But I think the reason
is deeper than that.  I think that on an emotional and spiritual level, we
all need a soul mate to share our lives with.  Someone to talk to and be
with and share experiences with.  I know that my want (need?) for a
girlfriend transcends purely sexual desires, since a simple smile from a
girl can make me instantly attracted to her.  Is a smile sexual?  Not
necessarily - I think what I am attracted to is the indication of a
friendly personality - a person who would be enjoyable to spend time with.
If my attraction to women were purely sexual, I would look for nothing but
perky extremities.  Instead, I find myself evaluating people not on how
they look (although physical beauty and self-respect are factors) but on
how they act.  I am looking more for personality traits than for bodily
dimensions.  At this point in my life, I have definitely grown out of the
teenage mentality of picking up girls to have fun, and beginning to focus
more on long-term relationship potential.

As you can imagine, I have spent much time thinking to myself and wondering
why I don't have a girlfriend.  I put most of the blame on myself and my
personality - I have never been the type of guy who hangs out at bars and
picks up "chicks", nor will I ever be such a person.  I'm just not the
"bar" kind of person.  It may be an unfair generalization, but in my
opinion most people who regularly hang out at bars and nightclubs are quite
shallow people and not the types that I like to associate with.  I'm not
saying that I never go out to the bar - it's a great way to have some fun
with friends.  I'm talking about the "regulars" whose entire life revolves
around prepping up every night and spending another $50 on booze so they
can have another hangover the next day and get laid by some stranger.

So bars are out of the question.  Well, where else do I go?  Where is a
good place to meet girls?  I did a survey in my head about how people I
know found their current girlfriend (or wife).  It seems that most people I
know met their significant other by meeting them through a friend or
meeting them at work.  So it seems that no couple that I personally know of
ever met "cold turkey" by walking up to a stranger and asking them out for
a date.  This is very interesting, because whenever someone offers me
advice on what I should do to get a date, it tends to be something like "if
you see someone you like just walk up to them and ask them out for a coffee
or something".  This seems very forward to me, and it sounds a lot easier
than it actually is.  I would much rather strike up a conversation with
someone I had been introduced to, either at a party or any other informal
gathering.  I am comfortable being friendly with people with whom I already
know a little background about.  For instance - is the person single?  This
may seem like a silly question, but unless you're in my shoes (single guy
looking for eligible single women) it is not as easy to answer as you might
think.  There's the old "checking the wedding finger" trick but I have
found from experience that it is not always accurate.  My favorite method
is to either know ahead of time from a mutual acquaintance, or find out
while talking to the person.  As for meeting people at work - I work in an
engineering department made up of about 95% males.  The other 5% are
married women.  Besides, dating in an office environment isn't always the
best idea.

Perhaps fate has something to do with it as well.  One of my co-workers
told me a story about how he was offered a better job within the same
company he worked for.  For some reason, he had a bad feeling about
accepting the new job offer, and declined.  A woman took the job, and that
woman turned out to be his future wife.  If he had made that single
decision differently, his entire life would have changed.  I wonder if
someday I will make a fateful decision that will bring me together with my
soul mate?

It's foolish of me to think that if I just sit on my ass, fate will deliver
Miss Perfect to my doorstep.  I really do want to get actively involved in
meeting people, but there are only so many parties and social events that I
have access to.  Maybe one of these days I'll get the balls to just walk up
to someone and ask them out for a date.  Until then, I guess I'll just have
to enjoy being single.

Just to finish up this journal entry, I want to make it clear that it is
not the end of the world for me just because I do not have a girlfriend
right now.  I can handle it.  The purpose of writing and posting this on
Scott's web page is to get an audience for my thoughts.  Maybe other people
who are in my situation will now feel that they are not alone.  Hopefully
some of you can relate to what I have said.  Perhaps some of you have
advice.  If you would like to contact me, you can send email to
ursaminor98@yahoo.com.  I welcome any feedback, comments, or arguments you
have with my views on life and dating (or lack of it).

I hope to write more journals in the future.  Talk to you later,
Vega