HOW MANY MALE CHAUVINISTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
None. Let the bitch do the dishes in the dark.
None. Let the bitch do it after she's done the dishes.
WHAT IS LOVE?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
WHY ARE CYCLONES AND TORNADOES USUALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN
Because they don't come very often but when they do come, they make a
hell of a noise and when they go, they take half your house with them.
or
Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house.
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR WIFE & YOUR JOB?
After 5 years your job still sucks.
WHY DID GOD CREATE LESBIANS?
So feminists couldn't breed.
WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST WOMEN?
How can you trust something that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
WHY DO WOMEN RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
Because they don't have balls.
WHY DO WOMEN WEAR MAKE UP & PERFUME?
Because they're ugly and they smell.
WHY DO MEN FART MORE THAN WOMEN?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
WHY DID CAVEMEN DRAG THEIR WOMEN AROUND BY THE HAIR?
If they dragged them around by their feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
WHAT 'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR BONUS AND YOUR DICK?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
WHY IS A WOMAN LIKE A LAXATIVE?
They both irritate the shit out of you.
WHAT'S WORSE THAN A MALE CHAUVINIST PIG?
A bitch who won't do as she's told.
WHY ARE WIVES LIKE CONDOMS?
They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on
the end of your dick.
WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A WOMAN IS PARALYSED FROM THE WAIST DOWN?
Marriage.
WHY IS A BLOW JOB LIKE LOBSTER THERMIDOR?
They're both very nice, but you don't get either at home.
WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLE FOR?
It's Braille for "Suck Here".
WHY DO MEN DIE BEFORE THEIR WIVES?
They want to.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WOMAN WITH PMS & A ROTTWEILER?
Lipstick.
HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO FIX A VACUUM CLEANER?
Why the hell should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing.
WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE SCREEN DOORS?
Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.
WHAT IS A WIFE?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
HOW ARE WOMEN LIKE PARKING SPACES?
The best ones are taken & the rest are handicapped.
WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TITS?
So men will talk to them
WHY DO WOMEN CLOSE THEIR EYES DURING SEX?
They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
WHAT'S SIX INCHES LONG, TWO INCHES WIDE & DRIVES WOMEN WILD?
A twenty dollar note
WHY DO WOMEN HAVE PERIODS?
Because they deserve them.
WHY DID THE WOMAN CROSS THE ROAD?
Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?