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Well, this is the first issue of Bedtime Stories. Welcome. Well, to those who were expecting something to do with beds and erotic stories, you're SOL. If you don't know what SOL means, you're probably not old enough to be reading that stuff anyway. If you're wondering who I am, you obviously skipped my bio and I can't say I blame you. I wrote it in about ten minutes while watching WWF on TV. So now that you know it's not a porno internet site that Wiggie had so graciously made available, you're probably wondering what it is about and why it's not funny yet. Well, it's not funny yet because I'm not a very funny person, so I'm at least up to par with Wiggie. :) This column is pretty much going to be my personal thoughts about things in general. I tend to be quite observant and I like to have an opinion on almost everything and I more often say something about it. The best part about this column is that I don't know any HTML and I'm too damned lazy to learn, so I'm going to hand this off to Wiggie or the Gentleman and THEY can format it. Ah well, at least I'm not the sucker.
SO, my first thoughts ever for this column. I'm afraid I'm going to have to rant about something close to my heart. Some people may not have a clue as to what I'm talking about, but hopefully they will catch the just of what I'm saying. Alright, I'm a full time student at Dalhousie. I'm taking engineering., in particular, chemical engineering. So, I go into my second year (I'm now third year) of study only to take some courses, like ELECTRICAL circuits. I'm particularly ticked with this one. Why, you ask? Well, because my job has absolutely nothing to do with circuits! I'm going to learn a bunch of useless (to myself) information about doodads in my computer and TV and VCR. I wonder why the heck I have to learn about this. They tell me, "What if you're using equipment and it isn't working right? Wouldn't you like to know how to fix it." My response, "One, that's why we have electrical engineers or electricians. I deal with chemicals, thank you very much. Two, the knowledge I learn in that class is so basic that I'd more likely break it more than fix it. Three, that's why machines come with manuals." Then other people try to say to me, "Well, it allows you to communicate with other types of engineers like electrical engineers." My response to this silly suggestion, "My knowledge is so basic when it comes to circuits I won't be able to communicate with them. Oh, I know what a resistor is and a capacitor is, big freaking deal! That's nothing to what they've learned. Besides, they haven't learned squat about chemicals or chemical engineering that they can communicate with me." It's all a bunch of BS if you ask me. I guess they just want us paying more money for those useless classes.
My second thought has to deal with university life as well. More of you will probably be more familiar with this. One of the things that ticks me off a lot at school is when I'm leaving class. As most people know, classes are getting filled up quite a bit and available classrooms are next to nil. So with this, we have people waiting to get into a class once one class finished up. This is where things start to annoy me. I noticed this when I was leaving my chemistry class one (well, multiple) time(s). The people who were waiting outside start to come in once the people inside start to stand up to leave. This leaves us with an influx of people, while many people are trying to get out of the class. My first thought of this was, "What the ****?" I mean, c'mon kids, your class is RIGHT there when my class is halfway across campus, why in the hell do you have to get inside in such a damned hurry. It's not like you're going to be late. The least you can do is let the people out first, for Christ's sake. I'm sorry, I get a little worked up about this one because it's so annoying and it just doesn't make sense. For people attending an institute of higher learning, they're pretty damned stupid.
Alright, my third and final thought is about commercials. Not commercials in general, but commercials about bodily functions. Toilet paper isn't too bad, but I'm referring to tampon commercials and hemorrhoid commercials and such. They're just really annoying and no one talks about them in real life. If you've got a problem, go see your stikin' doctor. They're there for a reason, you know. I know want to hear about it. If I had my choice, I'd be as ignorant about menstruation, vaginal dryness, yeast infections and hemorrhoids as possible. I don't want to know about them, so don't tell me. I don't even want to be aware of there existence. If for whatever reason I have to find out about them (ie: girlfriend/wife with groin problems or I get hemorrhoids from a bad diet), I'll go see a doctor. I won't go out and tell someone, "Hey, buddy, I've got this serious problem with my butt...it's really itchy and sore, any suggestions?" It just doesn't happen, and if it does, whoever asks that from me is gonna get kicked swiftly in the teeth.
Well, there you go, the first Bedtime Story. Surprisingly enough, when I finish this off, I'm going to bed. (ooh, how strangely erotic!) I don't know when I'll write my next column. If things go well, I'll have one for you every week, but I don't offer you any guarantees. I hope you've enjoyed this rant column and I hope you'll come back to read the next one. It would be nice to know that someone loves me. Stupid [said person, you know who you are] trying to bring me down!! Ummm...sorry about that, anyway, give me some feedback and any ideas if you have any. Chairs.
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