Young Offenders "First Offence"

MALLRAT
Well the Greenwood Mall’s the place to be if you wanna make yourself happy
Just shop shop shop and waste the day away
Yeah, go and spend your hard-earned cash on mass-produced consumer trash
Don’t worry about it, baby, it’s okay
I don’t wanna be a mallrat ‘cause I know that there’s no turning back
Back to work and back to school, yeah they take us all for fools
And you know they have a reason why
We go and spend our hard earned cash on mass-produced consumer trash
Don’t worry about it, baby, it’s alright
I don’t wanna be a mallrat ‘cause I know that there’s no turning back

GO AWAY GIRL
You follow me all over town
Wherever I go, you’re around
Well you know, I’m getting tired of your face
Yeah, your sight fills me with distaste and your personality wears me down
You call me on the telephone
My roommate tells you I’m not home
Well you know, that’s what I told him to do
I just don’t wanna hear you
Talking about how much we should go out
And I just want to say
Go away, go away girl
You say you think I’m really hot
And I’m the only one you want
But you know, I don’t understand your logic
I’m old enough to be your father
So just cut your losses and buzz off
And I just want to say, go away, go away girl

EVERYONE SAYS I LOVE YOU
The story's going around that you and me got something on the side
Baby, that's what I hear all the time
But I can't help but wonder what it was that made those rumors fly
'Cause I don't wanna be your guy
Everyone says that I love you but baby, I'm really in love with your mom
When I go to your house and we hang out, it's her I wanna see
Doing dishes, smiling cheerfully
She's the June Cleaver to my Danny Partridge and I guess that's why
I don't wanna be your life
Everyone says that I love you but baby, I'm really in love with your mom
It doesn't matter that she's twice as old as me
'Cause you've always seemed more like a sister to me
Maybe your dad wouldn't mind trying it with three
Everyone says that I love you but baby, I'm really in love with your mom

LET’S BURN DOWN THE LAUNDROMAT
I never needed anyone like I need you tonight
Never felt the same way as here under the streetlights
Let’s burn down the laundromat where Orny sowed his seed
We’ll torch it with the Bic lighter that you picked up at Needs
Is there anything that I can say to make it more okay
That I’m in love with you tonight?
You’ve been around a couple years, you’ll be around a couple more
The first time that I saw you girl, my tongue just hit the floor
We know each other better now, but nothing’s really changed
The fact that I think you’re the one still remains the same
Is there anything that I can say to make it more okay
That I’m in love with you tonight?
You never wanted anything, never asked for me to bring
Something to the table I could not provide
Is there anything that I can say to make it more okay
That I’m in love with you tonight?

GET OUTTA MY TROUGH (YOU CAPITALIST PIG)
Stuck inside a hellish system, victimized by capitalism
The business class is keeping us enslaved
We don’t deserve our reputation as a free and caring nation
Some get shafted, others got it made
Get outta my trough
Economy just keeps expanding but the rich are still demanding
More tax breaks and free rides every day
Can’t you see our streets are filling with more scenes of rape and killing?
Let’s hope it’s not too late to change our ways
Get outta my trough
I don’t wanna be a slave working for minimum wage
With the law to drag me down
I want my feet back on the ground
I don’t even really care if I’m not a millionaire
I just want my rightful share
Well you’re such a sloth, and you’re such a pig
Our taxes subsidizing corporations
Not providing us with what we need to live
We’ve got nothing left to give
The oligarchy’s taken it away
Get outta my trough

EVERYTHING ELSE CAN WAIT
Everything else can wait
'Cause I feel like you're totally cool and that's totally great
Are you really gonna let me in your life?
I wouldn't think that you could tell a lie
Am I really gonna take you out tonight?
Or will no one be home when I drop by?
Everything else can wait
'Cause I feel like you're totally cool and that's totally great
Well you know that I go to school all day
And work long after daylight fades away
But you know that I'd stay up all night
If it means that I could get you in my life
Everything else can wait
'Cause I feel like you're totally cool and that's totally great
Well baby I'd walk around the world for you
Except the ocean's too deep and I'd drown for you
Well baby I'd paint my toenails brown for you
Everything else can wait
'Cause I feel like you're totally cool and that's totally great

THE WAY YOU FEEL
We’re going downtown in the rain
And everything feels kind of strained
'Cause I don’t know what I’m doing
And I’m feeling like a jerk ‘cause nothing seems to work
But I intend on proving
That I feel the way you feel, and I know our love is real
And I wouldn’t have it any other way
Well I’m stupid in a sense
Yeah I’m really kind of dense
‘Cause I don’t know what I’m saying
And you must think I’m a jerk
When nothing seems to work
But we’ll make it through, I’m praying
‘Cause I feel the way you feel, and I know our love is real
And I wouldn’t have it any other way
Well baby you know that I think that you’re the best
And our love will last
And baby you know that I think that you’re the bomb
That’s why I wrote this song
‘Cause I feel the way you feel, and I know our love is real
And I wouldn’t have it any other way

I WENT COO COO OVER YOU
First time I walked into the show
I saw you and it seemed as though
My whole life had begun anew
You wore a Parasites T-shirt
And girl I almost went berserk
When I heard you yell "Vandals rule!"
The first time we met
I said the Dead Milkmen weren't dead yet
And did you want a reunion too?
I saw you stare so hard at me that I forgot to look at you
It's true, yeah I went coo coo over you
Coo Coo Head played for half an hour
And in a great display of power
They played Toy Boat and Plinko too
When they were done I asked you out
You asked me if I knew about
The boyfriend you'd been with since June
The first time we kissed
I figured he would be kind of pissed
If he had known that it was true
That you stared so hard at me that I forgot to look at you
It's true, yeah I went coo coo over you
Not gonna hold you in my arms
'Cause that just might just do some harm
To everything between me and you
It's true, yeah I went coo coo over you

MY FRIENDS KEEP TELLING ME YOU’RE A LESBIAN
As I look the table, won’t you tell me what I see?
I just see your pretty face just staring back at me
Together as a one plus one, together as a two
Yeah, I think that I might be falling in love with you
Ryan said at a party once, you kissed another girl
Andrew said that you were the biggest dyke in the world
Gordie said that you were just another to forget
Meredith said that you were the best that she’d seen yet
When I see you on the street it almost melts my brain
And I wish that my tongue might wrap around your tongue
Yeah I think that in college we’ll fall in love again
But all my friends keep telling me that you’re a lesbian
You’re a lesbian

I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU
You know I'm really gonna make this work
Gonna make this love come true
I don't care about the others, I just wanna be with you
Don't wanna go to school, don't wanna learn the rules
Just wanna make this dream come true
We'll go to town, go to see a show
And see the Setbacks play
And we'll be Blitzkrieg Boppin' as they rock-rock-rockaway
Don't wanna go to school, don't wanna learn the rules
Just wanna make this dream come true
I just wanna be with you

EMILY R.
Emily R. wanted me to write a song about her
‘Cause I gave Beth the thirty-sixth degree
You know I never was too sure but now I know I was wrong to doubt her
I feel some kind of bond between her and me
Emily R., I know we’d hit it off if we were introduced
Although this type of situation isn’t one to which you’re used
First impressions can be thoughts, though most often it’s true they’re not
Emily R. I know who you are
Have you ever written a love song for someone you’ve never met?
You know it’s not as hard as it might seem
‘Cause idealism does the job until reality takes over
So anyone can be your fondest dream
Emily R. I’ve spent a lot of time just thinking about you
Whoever you may be and whatever it is I have to prove
Because you know there’s an awkward stage when all our thoughts get rearranged
Emily R. I know who you are.
And you know that I can be whatever you want me to be.
Emily R. I’ve spent a lot of time just thinking about you
Whoever you may be and whatever it is I have to prove
Because you know there’s an awkward stage when all our thoughts get rearranged
Emily R. I know who you are

EVERYBODY WANTS TO STEAL MY GIRL
Well everybody says she’s sweet and she’s so beautiful
And I don’t know but it’s been stated she’s not gonna come around no more
Unless I prove that I can be
The one to make her feel happy
It’s true that she’d get over me
‘Cause everybody wants to steal my girl
Well she stands at a solid five eight with a body like Heather Locklear
She’s got eyes that could burn through steel and long blonde hair right down to there
But if I can’t make this thing work
I may as well be just some jerk
Who sits at home watching the Smurfs
‘Cause everybody wants to steal my girl
Well I don’t know but I’ve been told to hang on tight
‘Cause if I don’t she just might turn out the lights
On this relationship and I’d break down and cry
Her daddy thinks I’m pretty neat and her mom wants us married
Her sister wants me for her own and her grandma thinks I’m sweet
But that won’t matter in the end
If she just wants us to be friends
I’m down so low I’ve got the bends
‘Cause everybody wants to steal my girl

NUMBER THIRTY SIX
Saw you at the soccer game, didn’t even know your name
But I saw the number on your back, it was all I needed
You were on the attack
You liked it when you saw me stare so you flashed me your underwear
A maple leaf, no stars or stripes
It was the greatest moment of my life
I love you number thirty six
I was there with Matt and Ryan, well I thought that you were fine
And you thought the same of me, a love to last for eternity
You were playing for AWEC, you didn’t score, but what the heck
‘Cause if you play your cards right, you could score with me tonight
I love you number thirty six
Well I gave you my number, then I knelt and kissed your hand
I waved until my arm was sore as you drove off in your van
You know that when your team comes back to play another game
Well I’ll be on the sidelines probing the coach for your name
I love you number thirty six

THE YOUNG OFFENDERS
Brothers and sisters all around the globe
You know that other bands may come and go
But the Young Offenders are here to stay
When we play a basement we can pack the place
We can put a smile on a drunken face
And a couple of people think we’re almost okay
And maybe someday we’ll actually be able to play a show
Where people pay to come and see us
And in a few millennia we might put out an album
To show the world that they don’t need us
We’re the Young Offenders and you know what that means

I JUST MIGHT
I used to lie awake at night plotting to destroy your life
I thought of lots of different ways
I never thought that deep inside you adored me the whole time
So listen up to what I say
I just might listen to what you’ve been saying about sending your love my way
And I might pay attention ‘cause it’s my intention to make up for yesterday
I thought that you detested me, never thought that it could be
Just a cover-up for love
I didn’t know you felt like that and now I feel really bad
About all the nasty things I’ve done
I just might listen to what you’ve been saying about sending your love my way
And I might pay attention ‘cause it’s my intention to make up for yesterday
I’ll be there when the sun comes up every day
I’ll be there when you don’t know what’s left to say
I’ll be there when you don’t understand this world no more
I’ll be there and I’ll be yours
I just might listen to what you’ve been saying about sending your love my way
And I might pay attention ‘cause it’s my intention to make up for yesterday
And I just might

CASUAL GIRLS
Down the road there lives a troubled young man
You know that he does all he can
But he just can’t score
We took a trip to Hollis Street
Where all the hookers are dirt cheap
But we couldn’t find no whores so he said
“The only thing that matters in this world is casual girls.”
He’s gone out with a dozen girls
Some of the best in this part of the world
But still he has no luck
No matter what he does or says, it seems his plight will never end
He just can’t get f***ed so he says
“The only thing that matters in this world is casual girls.”
Well it seems all he has to do
Is find some casual girl to screw
But hey, it’s easier said than done to find someone
He says, “the only thing that matters in this world is casual girls.”

NOTHING ON TV
There’s nothing on TV when you’re pissed off at me
the late night shows are dumber than the brain cells in my head
There’s nothing I can do but sit here feeling blue
And wonder when this shit is gonna end
I’m lying on the couch and feeling some reproach
‘Cause you stole all the covers and you left me in the cold
Well Jay’s got dullsville guests and Letterman’s a mess
Let’s hope that Conan’s got a decent show
And you know I don’t have the self-control
To try going back and working things out
And you see it makes no difference to me
What tonight’s Stupid Pet Trick’s all about
There’s nothing on TV when you’re pissed off at me
Just half-assed Eighties action flicks with cheap, no-talent casts
There’s nothing I can do but change the channel to
Some cliched, tired, worn-out stand-up act
And you know, though they’re showing Ski Patrol
That’s a film I think I can do without
On Channel Three, it’s Police Academy
Which will help put me to sleep, I have no doubt
When there’s nothing on TV, it’s like an arrow right through my heart
When there’s nothing on TV, I feel it’s time I should make a new start
When there’s nothing on TV, the lights are out and I sit in the dark
When there’s nothing on TV

THIS SONG GOES OUT TO YOU
Every day, you seem so far away
It seems like some kind of depression’s got a hold on you
At three fifteen you’re so lost in your dream
You don’t even hear the bell that rings to end your school day
So if you’re feeling kind of blue, this song goes out to you.
And if you’re just not in the mood, this song goes out to you
Well if you’re there at home
Just call me on the phone
and we’ll talk and laugh until the world has gone to bed
‘Cause you’re okay, and I just wanna say
No matter what you say or do I’ll always be your friend
So if you’re feeling kind of blue, this song goes out to you
And if you’re just not in the mood, this song goes out to you
I always thought that you had a lot to give
And you know that there’s lots of reasons to live
Though sometimes happiness may seem far away
Tomorrow is another day
So if you’re feeling kind of blue, this song goes out to you
And if you’re just not in the mood, this song goes out to you.